Chapter 9 – Another Round
Closing
time didn’t come soon enough for Buffy. Ever since she’d left Angel’s she’d
been miserable and only wanted to go home to cry. She figured Spike was
ecstatic that he never had to see her again. So, it was a surprise when she
left the Edge to find him sitting on the bench he’d occupied only twenty-four
hours before. Gathering her pride around her like a cloak, Buffy walked right
by him without acknowledging his presence.
“Buffy,
come on now, stop,” Spike called, following her. “Let’s talk.”
“There’s
nothing to talk about,” Buffy said, lowering her head and picking up speed. I won’t let him get to me. I won’t let him
get to me.
Spike
caught up with her and walked beside her. His long legs making it impossible
for her to out run him and Buffy settled back into a comfortable pace. It
wasn’t Spike that she was afraid of, it was herself. She was afraid that she’d
give in to her desire to be around him. And let him talk her into something she
knew wasn’t good for either of them.
“You can’t
just walk away from this,” Spike said, touching her on the arm with the tips of
his fingers.
“Well, I
am.”
All she had
to do was get home and she’d be safe. She didn’t have to work tomorrow night so
she could hide out until the Darla
sailed again. And by the time they docked again Spike should be only a memory.
Yeah, right.
“This
morning was a big misunderstanding,” Spike said. “It wasn’t the first we’ve
had.” He smiled. “And if you’ll talk to me it probably won’t be the last.”
“It changed
everything, Spike,” Buffy said. “In big neon lights it showed how wrong we are
for each other.”
The
bookstore was only a block away. It wouldn’t be long and she could be alone to
nurse her broken heart in privacy. She didn’t want to try. She didn’t want to
believe. Their differences would only get clearer as time went by. It was
better to run now when it wouldn’t hurt as bad.
And if she
kept telling herself these lies maybe one day she’d believe them.
“No, it’s
not that easy, Luv,” Spike said. “I don’t know what it is but there’s something
between us.”
“There’s
nothing between us,” Buffy said whirling on him as her pain urged her to find
the words to prove that it was better for them to give up. “It’s an attraction
that has no where to go. You don’t want to be involved and I don’t want to be
your Sunnydale sex fix.”
“That’s not
what I want,” Spike said, stepping back and throwing his arms wide. “All I’ve
wanted to do is talk to you since I got here. I fucked it up last night and I
take all the blame for that. Please, can we talk?”
“No, I
don’t want to,” Buffy said, grabbing his wrist. “It’s so clear to me and it
will be to you when you accept defeat.” She shrugged her shoulders and blinked
back the tears. “When we first met you were running as fast as you could from
me because I wanted you and now that I’m trying to get away, you’re hot on my
heels. It’s a game that I don’t want to play.”
It was the
hardest thing she’d ever done and the look on his face was breaking her heart. Not
giving herself a chance to give in, she turned and ran up the stairs. He was
right behind her.
“Whatever
between us is worth exploring,” Spike begged. “And nothing either one of us
does is going to make it go away.”
“Yes, there
is,” Buffy said, opening her door and stepping inside. Spike stepped to the
door, raising his hand as if he was placing it against an invisible barrier.
“It’s really simple. I never want to see you again and I hope you’re man enough
to respect it.”
Buffy shut
the door. His face at first showed surprise; changed to hopeful and finally
revealed a pain that rivaled her own before it closed. The click of the lock
was the final straw for her. She didn’t make it to her bed as she sat on the
floor and cried. Her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking to the sounds of
her sobs. The depth of the hurt surpassed anything that Riley had done to her.
This was the death of her hope and innocence. Nothing would ever be the same
after Spike. He’d awakened a part of that she hadn’t known existed.
Somehow she
pushed the tears away and made it to her room throwing herself on her bed
without even changing. She told herself that it would be better in the morning
but knew she was lying to herself. Somehow she had to make it until the ship
was out to sea again and maybe she could get down to the business of getting
over him.
It was
almost four in the morning when she gave up and listened to her little voice
that was whispering beneath everything else. It reminded her of the decisions
she’d already made about him; the one where she said she’d risk further pain to
get closer to him and the one where she decided that she wanted to spend her
life with him. It was simple really; she didn’t want to get over Spike. She
wanted to fight for him and she’d sent him away.
And Spike
would respect that decision. No matter how much he disagreed with her. It was just the kind of man that he was.
Deciding
she had to fix things, Buffy changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater before
hurrying down the hall.
“Mom,”
Buffy said, shaking her mother’s shoulder. Joyce opened her eyes, looking
disoriented until her eyes found her daughter. “I’m sorry for waking you. I’m
heading over to Angel’s.”
“It’s four
in the morning,” Joyce said, glancing at her clock and rising up on one elbow. “Does
this have something to do with Spike?”
“Yes,”
Buffy said. “I messed everything up and it can’t wait. We’ve wasted too much
time as it is.”
“Be
careful,” Joyce said with quiet resignation in her eyes. “I love you.”
“Love you
too, Mom,” Buffy answered, kissing her mother’s cheek. “I’ll either let you
know when I’m back or call.”
The night
was cool as Buffy ran to Angel’s house. Everything within her wanted to be held
in Spike’s arms again. She wanted the chances she’d thrown away with disregard
earlier. The chance to kiss him, to laugh with him, to get to know everything
there was to know about him, to fall in love and to make love. She could feel
all the excited anticipation that came with the first twinges of love.
Buffy took
a second to catch her breath before approaching the house. She made her way
around to the side. After she’d broken up with Riley she’d often show up at all
hours to talk to Angel when he was in town. Brushing aside the mulch she found
the small crowbar she’d hidden there and used it to pry the window open. She
was halfway through the window when she heard someone moan. Startled she looked toward the bed, her eyes
opening wide at the activities going on in Angel’s bed. He wasn’t alone and he
wasn’t sleeping.
Oh my God, oh my God, he’s having
sex, oh my God, I’m blinded, Buffy thought as she tried to wiggle back through the
window. Unfortunately, she tried to go too fast and instead of going backwards,
she ended up face on the floor.
“Damn it,”
Buffy muttered, rolling onto her back. Her eyes closed as she heard the sheets
rustling. “It’s me, Angel.”
“What the
hell are you doing?” Angel asked.
“I need to
talk to Spike,” Buffy said, sitting up and trying to avoid looking at the couple
on the bed clutching sheets. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t think you’d
be well…”
“This
couldn’t wait a few hours,” Cordelia asked. “Like until a decent hour.”
“Go home,
Buffy,” Angel snapped. “These antics and games are getting ridiculous.”
“Like I
said I’m sorry,” Buffy said, standing and backing toward the door. “Really I’m
sorry that I thought my best friend would understand what I’m going through.”
“Go, get
out, Buffy,” Angel said, pointing at the door. “Go talk to Spike. Just get out
of my room.”
“Thanks,
Angel,” Buffy said, grinning. “Please continue whatever you were doing before I
interrupted.”
Something
hit the closed door but Buffy ignored it as she crept down the hallway. Now
that she was almost there her stomach twisted in knots as she thought of facing
Spike. What if he’d gone to Faith when he’d come back? Crossing her fingers, she
slipped inside and stood by the door as she checked to see if he was alone or
not. Moonlight stretched across the room illuminating the room. Her heart
melted at the sight of Spike curled on his side, holding a pillow to his chest.
She decided there and then that he was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.
“Spike,”
she called barely above a whisper. A part of her was hesitant to wake him but a
part of her was indignant that he could even sleep. He didn’t move so she tried
a little louder. “Spike, are you awake?”
Spike
rolled onto his back and flung his arm across the bed. The sheet shifted lower
revealing even more of his body. Buffy licked her lips as she felt a tightening
in her lower belly. She wished she had the right to crawl into bed with him. Make
love to him with all the emotions that were coursing through her at the moment.
He stirred and raised his head to look at her.
“Buffy is
that you?” Spike asked, his hand rubbing at his eyes before he looked at her
again.
“Uh, yeah,”
Buffy said. “Are you naked under there?”
Her hand
covered her mouth as she realized she’d blurted that out loud. He only laughed
though as he sat up.
“Yeah, like
to air everything out when I’m sleeping,” Spike said. His hand rubbed his
chest, her eyes following the trail it made. “Do you want to see?”
Well, of
course she wanted to see. Why else would she be standing in his bedroom at this
time of the morning? The thought of seeing Spike naked sent an intense rush of
heat through her body that pooled between her legs. Without thinking she took a
step toward the bed.
“No, no,
that’s okay,” Buffy said, stopping and forcing temptation away. It was for the
best. “Can we talk?”
“No,” Spike
said. “We can’t talk. And if you have no interest in my hot, tight, little body
you can leave now.”
Spike
rolled onto his side pulling the sheet over him and leaving nothing to see
except a few tufts of platinum hair peeking out. Rolling her eyes, Buffy
grabbed the sheet and pulled it off of him. For a couple of seconds she had a
lovely view of his legs, ass and back. A hard ass she noted with approval. Spike
sat up, shock filling his eyes as his hands covered his manhood and he brought
his knees up.
Maybe
giggling wasn’t the best response but it was the only reaction that Buffy
seemed to be able to emit. Jumping on him was out of the question and she
wasn’t going to run anymore so giggling was her choice for dealing with the
situation. It only got worse as he decided to call her bluff. He stood, pausing
for a moment so she could take a good look at the front of him before he
advanced on her. She backed up until she hit the door and he followed, planting
a hand on one side of her head.
“Is this
where I look at you and feel faint?” Buffy said, putting the back of her hand
against her forehead. “And say, ‘oh my, it’s huge. How is that ever going to fit in my little virginal body? It will surely tear
me in two.”
“Might be
nice for the ego if you did,” Spike said, curling a lock of her hair around his
finger. Her giggling started again and he must have given up because he laughed
with her. He rested his face on the curve of her shoulder. “What are you doing
here?”
The pain in
his voice silenced her. Buffy rested her face against his and wrapped one hand
around his neck. Her fingers played with the curls on the nape of his neck. For
the first time she saw his vulnerability and the fear that he’d been willing to
face for her. The woman who’d hurt him had to have been a fool. She kissed his
shoulder and he shivered from the contact.
“I had to
tell you that I lied,” Buffy whispered. “It was the part where I said I never
wanted to see you again.”
Spike
pulled back to study her face with eyes that were hopeful yet fearful. “So,
what do we do now?”
“I don’t
know,” Buffy said, leaning her forehead against his. “I’m just not ready to
walk away yet.”
“Bu you
don’t date sailors,” Spike whispered.
“And your
life, your lover and lady is the sea.”
“We should
probably run,” Spike said, his fingers stroking her hip. “It would be the smart
thing to do.”
“Never said
I was smart,” Buffy said. She couldn’t help herself as she let her fingers
drift across his chest. “Do you want to run?”
Spike
sighed. His hand curved around to the small of her back. “Not at the moment.”
“That’s
enough for me,” Buffy said, stepping closer to him. “There’s a carnival in
town. Would you like to go later?”
“Yeah, I
would,” Spike whispered, rubbing his nose against hers. “It should be a nice
friendly thing to do together.”
“Spike?”
She leaned
against him.
“Yeah?”
His hand
cupped her bottom.
“Are we
still not kissing?”
She closed
her eyes and rose up on her tiptoes.
“Oh, we’re
going to kiss and soon if I have my way,” Spike said, pulling her against him.
“But not tonight because I couldn’t stop if we started.”
“That’s for
damn sure,” Buffy whispered, her nails raking along his back. “I guess I should
go then. Around ten?”
“Ten sounds fine,” Spike said, taking her
hands and walking backwards to the bed. “Or whatever time we wake up. Stay with
me, Buffy. No sex. I just want to be with you as much as possible.”
It was what
she wanted too. Now that they’d yielded to the attraction between them it was
too much to bear to be apart anymore than they had to. Spike slipped under the
sheet and Buffy after shimmying out of her jeans lay down on top of it. The
comforter was drawn over them both. She turned on her side to face him.
“What are
you going to do with my underwear?” Buffy asked. She was grateful for the
darkness that hid her blush. It was a stupid question but she didn’t understand
why he’d want it.
“Hang it in
my locker on the ship,” Spike said, chuckling. “Something to remind me of you.”
“Oh,” Buffy
said. “Why not a picture?”
“Didn’t
know if I could get one,” Spike said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Besides
panties are so much more personal.” He tapped her nose. “And no, I don’t have a
collection. Yours are the only one.”
It gave her
a thrill that she was the only woman that he cared enough to steal their underwear.
Okay, it was a bit of a sick thrill but a definite ego boost all the same. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. This
whole escapade had turned out a lot better than she thought it would. And when
he held his arm out, she didn’t hesitate to snuggle against him. It was the
only place she wanted to be.
to be continued…
