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12-06-98

Trembling inside,
Afraid to do anything.
Feeling everyone looking at me,
Are they really staring?
There’s someone else in me,
She isn’t very nice.
She says I’m a lousy piece of shit.
I try to ignore,
But sometimes I can’t.
Afraid to speak,
Or even wear clothes.
Will it show through?
The fat and bones?
I still think I’m fat.
But I’m scared.
Scared of what?
I don’t know.
I eat,
I don’t gain; sometimes I’ll loose.
What is this?
Is this normal?
I have thought about ending,
But I don’t really want to.
I just want this hell to end, will it ever?
No one really knows,
How much I’m hurting [inside].
I can’t quite understand,
Why all this had to happen.
Did I do something wrong?
Please God, tell me.
Please God.
Give me strength to go on.
I know it won’t be easy,
But I’ll try my best.