Session Notes
December 3, 2002
Riley seems very reserved in certain aspects of his life and extremely open in others. Establishing rapport with him was rather effortless -- he seems eager to trust someone, anyone, and for some reason he has chosen me. He hides his fears well. I predict that he will not so easily open up to me about whatever trauma he has experienced. There is a deep sadness in his eyes that never goes away. Speaking of friends and family only intensifies this sadness. For some reason, he speaks of past events as if he was a mere observer rather than a participant. This separation of himself and the events is peculiar, perhaps a defense mechanism to spare himself painful feelings.
Next session, we will work on transference and begin to further explore his psyche. Some Gestalt techniques may prove to be helpful in the future if I can help him open up about the source of his problems.
She took one last look at the picture in the folder before closing it and setting it aside. Leaning back in her chair, she yawned and stared at the ceiling. The day was not even half over and she was already wanting to leave. Kristeen opened the door and walked in holding several folders.
“You look tired.”
“I am. Who do I have this afternoon?”
“Ms. Beatty, Mr. Rodgers, and you have a dentist appointment at 4.”
“I completely forgot. I knew there was a reason you worked here. You keep my life on schedule.” They both laughed.
“I’m going to lunch. Want me to bring you back something?”
“No, I’m going to review my files for the afternoon sessions. Take your time, I know Ms. Beatty won’t be here until 1.”
With that, Kristeen closed the door behind her. Leila yawned once again as she walked over to the couch with some folders. Within a few minutes, she had dozed off, papers scattered around her.
* * * * *
For the next two weeks, Justin went to therapy regularly -- every Tuesday and Friday. He was making progress, but very slowly. Leila continued to push him, but not overly. She knew if she pushed too hard, he wouldn’t continue to come to her. It would all take time, something that they both seemed to have plenty of.
When he walked into her office that Tuesday morning, something was different. Normally he was anxious to begin talking. He liked to talk and she liked to listen. But on this particular day, he sauntered in reluctantly. His eyes were red, the circles under them as dark as the first day she had seen him. Something had happened, but she had no idea what.
“Riley, how are you today?” When he didn’t respond, she leaned forward trying to catch his eyesight that was fixated on the floor. “Riley?”
“My name isn't really Riley. I lied. To you and to myself.”
“What’s your real name then?”
“Ju. . Justin,” he stuttered.
“Who’s Riley then?”
“The person I wish I was. I don’t want to be Justin. Justin hurts. Riley doesn’t.”
“Riley and Justin are one in the same though. A name doesn’t change who you are.”
“I know, but I wanted it to. I wanted to change so badly.”
“You are. By talking about it now, you’re beginning to heal. You’re accepting who you are. Everything is okay.”
“I’m not crazy though. I’m not.”
“I know, Justin.” Her voice reassured him. “Tell me what happened to make you tell me the truth.”
He was so tired. He was in so much emotional pain. Her words sounded almost like a whisper to him. He closed his eyes to concentrate but the thoughts in his head were so jumbled.
“I thought if I could get away from myself and become Riley that the pain would stop. And it became somewhat subdued for a while. But it’s back. It’s back as if it were brand new. I can’t get away from it. I want you to make it stop.”
“You know I’ll help you any way I can, Justin. But I need you to open up. Tell me what happened since I saw you last.”
“The nightmares. They won’t stop. I can see it in my mind. I can feel the pain. It doesn’t stop.” Tears freely flowed from his eyes as a look of terror stayed fixated on his face.
“What happens in the nightmares? Tell me what you see when you go to sleep at night.”
~~Flashback~~
As he opened his eyes, all he could see was a blinding white light. He couldn’t turn his head or move his arms and legs. Everything was numb. He began to shake uncontrollably and scream as loud as he could. Not much sound came out because his voice was hoarse and his energy was drained. Seconds later he felt someone grab his hand. His eyes were still trying to adjust to the bright lights around him. The person holding his hand could see this and quickly dimmed the overhead light. When she walked back over to Justin he stared at her and his body went completely still.
“Mom?”
Her eyes filled with tears as she said, “Yes, baby. I’m here.”
“Where--wha--.”
She noticed the obvious confusion in his voice. “You’re in the hospital, Justin. You’re going to be okay now. Everything is going to be okay.”
