She smiled inwardly at the words. But the moment of contentment was fleeting. Her head began to throb as the last lingering touches of sleep dissipated. Other voices were heard in the room, she couldn’t quite make them out. When she saw them all, a panic overtook her causing her to try and push herself to a sitting position. The pain in her sides caused her to whimper and her face contorted painfully.
“It’s okay, everything is okay.” Another soft voice, but it didn’t put her at ease.
“Am I in Heaven?”
One of the young men laughed, “Hardly. Do angels look this scruffy and tired?”
Her eyes turned to the young man on her right, a single tear streaming down her cheek. “But you’re here. I can’t believe it.”
“Of course I’m here, babygirl. I’ll always be here for you.”
She turned her gaze to the man sitting on the other side of her bed. “And you, I never thought I’d see you again,” she sobbed.
“We’re all here. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay now.”
“I’m being punished. I lost you both and now I’m being punished.” Her hands covered her face, the tears producing a continual stream down her cheeks.
An older, deeper voice began asking questions as he walked towards the bed. Abbey didn’t hear anything of what he said, and only looked up when he touched her on the shoulder. He had grayish hair and glasses, a comforting look on his face. Everyone else had left the room except for a young woman dressed in all white that stood near the older man.
“Ms. James, I’m Dr. Machado. Do you know where you are?”
“Dr. Machado?” Her puzzled eyes probed his. “Am I dead?”
“No. You’re in the hospital. Do you know why you’re here?”
She concentrated for a moment, trying to remember what had happened. “Yes,” the revelation was evident on her face. “I took too many pills. Somebody found me. Joey, he brought me here.”
“Pills? There weren’t any drugs found in your system. What pills?”
“Vicatin. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to stop missing them. To stop missing him. It hurt so bad,” her eyes were droopy, her voice sounded tired, sad.
The doctor looked over at the nurse before scribbling something down on the chart. “Do you know what day it is? Or even the month and year?”
“It’s August,” she started to smile. “2002.”
“Ms. James, you were hit by a car a couple nights ago and there was some trauma to your brain. It resulted in some swelling that has just now begun to go down. You didn’t overdose on pills. Today is April 28th, 2002.”
Her eyes widened, her mouth hanging slightly open. “What’d you say?”
“You’ve been in a coma for two days because of the brain swelling. You came very close to death.”
“No,” she stared up at him. “Is this a joke?”
The doctor looked into her pleading eyes and he knew she was serious. “You need your rest, Ms. James. And I’ll send someone up to talk to you.”
Her eyes stared off into space, not acknowledging anything else the doctor said. How can this be? How do you go back in time?
No one came in the room for quite some time. Abbey wasn’t sure if this made her happy or sad. She wanted to see all their familiar faces, talk to them and tell them how much she loved them. But this wasn’t right, something was terribly wrong. And seeing them would only cause more unanswerable questions to be raised.
When the middle-aged women walked into the room, Abbey greeted her with a nervous smile.
“Ms. James? I’m Dr. White. I’m the hospital’s psychiatrist. I’ve spoken with your doctor and he suggested I come speak with you about how you’re feeling.”
“I feel tired and confused.”
“That’s understandable. Tell me about what’s confusing you.”
“This whole situation. I’ve been here before. Not with you of course, but this day. Something happened.”
“What happened before? You say you’ve been here before. You think this day has happened already?”
“I thought it did. I was hit by a car and when I woke up, I didn’t remember everything from the year before. And my friends, they helped me. But then, things got all messed up and I did remember. It was too late, though. I hurt them both and then they died and I was all alone.”
“And that’s when you thought you overdosed?”
“Yah. So when I woke up this morning and saw. . . them.” Her face saddened. “I was confused. I thought I was in Heaven or something. Am I crazy?”
“It sounds like you had a vivid dream. You were in a coma for two days, but that whole time the brain keeps functioning. Time can seem endless.”
“It seemed so real. It felt so real.”
“The mind is a very powerful thing.”
“But things in my dream were true when I woke up. Like, how did I know I was hit by a car? And that I had swelling in my brain? I even knew the doctor’s name.”
“While you were unconscious, you might have still heard things being said in the room. Perhaps the doctor was talking to your friends about what happened. Your subconscious picked up on that and incorporated it into the dream. Things like this happen a lot.”
“So you’re not going to admit me to the psych ward?”
The doctor smiled. “No, I think you just need some time. Would you like to see your friends?”
Abbey’s eyes lit up thinking about them. “Yah.”
The door closed behind her, reopening only moments later to reveal the grinning young man. He looked scraggly, unshaven, but she didn’t care. She grabbed his hand, pulling him down until their lips met softly.
“You had us so worried, babygirl. I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.”
“I’m so sorry, Justin. I never wanted to cause you any pain.”
“Me? You’re the one lying in the hospital bed. I’m fine.”
“I know, I’m still just kind of out of it. I’m so happy to see your face though.” She ran her hands through his curls and along his cheek. “I missed you so much.”
“You look at me like you haven’t seen me in weeks.”
A tear streamed down her cheek. “It felt like much longer than that.”
He lightly wiped the tear away and kissed her forehead. “I’m here now. I’ll always be here for you. I love you, Abbey.”
“I love you, too.”
He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it softly as she stared up at him. “We’ve been waiting desperately for you to wake up. It’s been the longest two days.”
“It feels like so much has happened. Like all this time has passed, but it hasn’t. It’s gone way back to the beginning.”
Justin had a confused look on his face, “The beginning?”
Abbey smiled, gripping his hand tighter. “Nothing, I’m just rambling. Is everyone here still?”
“Yah, everyone is outside. I’ve really been leaning on them the past couple days. Especially JC. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been here.”
“Can you tell him to come in? I want to talk to him for just a minute.”
“Sure, I’ll be right out in the waiting room if you need me.”
She smiled and nodded, releasing his hand.
When JC walked into the room, Abbey saw that his tired eyes matched Justin’s, so full of worry. He sat in the chair next to the bed, taking her hand in his, and resting his head against it briefly.
“Thank God, you’re okay.”
“Of course I am. You know I’m a fighter,” she chuckled, causing more pain in her side.
His eyes looked up to meet hers. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you home.”
“It’s not your fault, trust me. I’m stubborn. That’s all there is to it.”
“Yah, but--”
“Josh, please. I was too busy daydreaming about something and then I tripped. It was an accident.”
“How do you feel?”
“I’ve been better,” she smiled. “But seeing Justin and seeing you has made everything okay.”
“What were you talking about before? Something about losing us and never seeing us again.”
“I just had a really. . . .weird dream.”
“Did it have a happy ending?"
She looked down, her face plagued with sadness. “No,” she sighed.
He put a hand on her shoulder in comfort. “But it was just a dream. Everything is okay now. Right?”
Her head nodded hesitantly. “It seemed so real. It still does. And I know it sounds crazy, but I have this same thought going over and over in my head. How do I know I’m not dreaming now?”
“Maybe you are.”
She glared over at his grinning face. “You’re not helping.”
“Hey, anything is possible,” he laughed. “What did the psychiatrist lady tell you?”
“She said I’m not crazy, I guess that’s all that matters.”
“We all came in here and talked to you, trying to get you to wake up.”
“What did you talk to me about?”
“I talked about some of the fun times we’ve had. I told you everything would be okay. Ya know, a little of everything. I don’t even know if you could hear me, but it didn’t hurt to try.”
Her hand reached over, resting on his. “I heard you.” A smile teased at the corner of her lips. JC noticed that it didn’t match the lingering dejection in her eyes.
“What did you dream about?” He always sounded so concerned.
She shook the somber look from her face. “It’s not important now. All that matters is that everyone is okay.”
“It must have been a nightmare by the look in your eyes.”
“Parts of it were. Some of it was pure Heaven.”
“Are you sad cause it turned out not to be true? Just a dream and all.”
“No, it’s just that-- Do you ever wish things were different?”
“What things?”
“Nothing,” she smiled, shaking her head. “I’m just being stupid. I think I’ll be just fine as long as I have Justin in my life, and you as a dorky friend.”
He returned the smile. “Always.”
And that was enough for her.
Justin walked back into the room, sliding gently onto the bed next to her. He took her hand in his and she rested her head against his warm chest, butterflies swarming in her stomach like the first time they touched. And she was happy.
*****
A few months later, the new album was finished, a new single dropped, and the guys were climbing the charts once again. It was opening night for the new tour, everyone was nervous, on edge, and truly ecstatic. They all stood backstage amidst the quick-change area as the countdown began.
Abbey stared up into his eyes, practically glowing with excitement. Her lips pressed against his, her eyes not closing while she kissed him. “I love you.”
Justin smiled down at her, resting his forehead against hers. “I love you, too.”
She walked over to Stephanie, prying her from Chris’s embrace as they walked away. They made their way through the crowd to the dark VIP area near the back. The entire arena went black, screams erupting all around. When the guys emerged, the screams became almost deafening. The two girls sat there, smiling, laughing, singing along. Abbey watched them run around the stage, enjoying every step, every second. Smiles remained plastered across their faces, vibing off each other as they sang. In that moment, everything was absolutely perfect in the world.
Abbey paused for a minute, wondering perhaps if things could have been different, should have been different. And she only smiled to herself.
