It was a clear night. Not like you could tell without the moon. The air ran through my car. I know it did because I remember my windows being down. They were always down. Driving down Amethyst about 60mph, sure I was going passed the speed limit but I saw no 5os around..so I continued. I was already about 10 minutes late from the first delivery that set me back. Slowed for the stop, looked to the left then the right then the left and proceeded east on Palmdale Rd. I always wondered why they would call it a road when it turned into a highway. Without a moon or street lights it was dark..but this was normal. So was traffic.

Was in third with only a couple of blinks, and don't remember if I got to fourth. Slipknot was running through my veins still from a recent concert and a new album, loud enough to hear them over the air rushing through my car. And quite literally within a blink of a second, a man's body rushed straight for the front of my car. I am unsure what my initial reaction to this was. But I remember hearing the sound of his body hit my car. When I opened my eyes the first thing I noticed was that I was looking outside straight through my windshield, which had been totally disconnected from the frame on my side. The windshield was shattered in a whole piece but I could feel slivers in my mouth scrapping my teeth. I don't remember breathing, or even thinking about myself. Slipknot was still blaring in my car evilly now more then they have ever sounded. Frightened I quickly shut it off.

The next thing I noticed was the smell and the sight of the inside of my car all at once. Within a half of a second I knew what had happened. The lights inside my car were still on. I could see blood splattered all over the dash, steering wheel and on the plastic that covered my speedometer instruments. Now crying hysterically and gasping for air. Which was tainted by a bittersweet smell. A sent I will never forget. I panicked at the thought of causing the death of a human life. What had happened? What was this person doing in the middle of the road? What had I done? And even though I didn't know for sure that this person had died. I felt it. I smelled it. I knew whoever it was, was dead. It was a horrible realization.

I tried to honk my horn; frantically beating it with both of my palms, but it didn't work. I got out of my car. Crying and screaming obscenities and begging for someone to call the police. I saw no one around except the headlights of on coming traffic. I got a glimpse of what I looked like. More splattered blood on my clothes. I looked up into the sky, my eyes shut tight like a bad dream, 'why?!' I screamed. A truck pulled up a ways behind me, I began walking towards him pleading to him to call the police. He took one look at me and told me to get back to my car. That is when I saw the shape of the body outlined by the headlights of the traffic. I shut them tight again and walked to my car still crying. I looked at my car, I could see the blood that wet my car. I wasn't about to go back in it. I stood there and screamed to the sky hoping this was all a dream. Wondering why it was happening now. Why me? 3 days before my 21st birthday, the best birthday of everyone's life.

Eventually a truckload of police arrived. Asking me questions about myself, what my name was, what today was, what year it was & if I was hurt, which at that point I was completely numb. The paramedics started pouring something over me. I was still crying hard hyperventilating. I looked down at myself noticing my shoe, a piece of pink blob was on the tip of my shoe. I figured right then and there it was this person's brain. I close my eyes again screaming in so much pain. I had killed someone. I felt faint, lighted headed and was definitely not getting enough oxygen but I cared nothing about it. They told me to calm down, I told them I couldn't 'fucking calm down. I just killed someone. They are dead!'

They sat me on a stretcher, put me into the ambulance and gave me some oxygen, they told me to slow my breathing, which I could not. The oxygen didn't seem to be coming out fast enough. I looked around. Out the window I could see the body even closer to me now, I covered my eyes and cried. They asked me more questions. If I knew the person. If I knew they wanted to commit suicide. As if I was in on killing him. Frustrated, upset and mad with fear I couldn't possibly bear to hear these questions much less answer them. 'I don't fucking know! I can't answer your fucking questions!!' I yelled at them. I could hear one of them speaking to my family, and I could feel the panic even though I was no where near the phone.

I rode from the accident to the nearest hospital where I would meet my family and a nurse who cleaned up the glass from my body and eyes. When I got there is when I finally opened my eyes, and had at least stopped crying. It was weird seeing people walking around. I felt like sucha bad person..a murderer even. A nurse came and shot me up with something, probably some tranquilizer. My family arrived shortly after. All 3 of them seemed to cry at the site of me. All scratched up and bruised. It was the first time I had seen my dad and my brother cry. I can't remember specific details while I was there. I remember being in front of a mirror and being ashamed and scared when I saw myself. I had just killed someone..and about an hour later I was released and curled up in the back seat of the car on the way home. The images that night were vivid. I could hear the sounds and taste the smells in my throat. That night I wouldn't be able to sleep 'til it was light out. I kept seeing him standing there and hearing him hit my car. I was a wreck from it all for months.

A few days later 9-11. 9-11 was also devastating and probably would have effected me more if I wasn't already coping with the accident. For the next month I was on edge, everyone wanted to talk to me, but I was in no shape mentally to do so. I celebrated my birthday that next weekend as planned before my accident at State Line, NV. I drank a little but fell asleep early from the drugs that they had me on.

At first I tried to continue my life as normal but gave up. Before my accident I wouldn't say I was on a the greatest path, driving late and partying a tad too much. I was very social. It was hard for me to accept what the accident did to me socially. All I could think about was wanting to go back to the way things were and when I realized they weren't going to be normal anytime soon, I called my irl friend Darthan (avatar name) and complained to him about being frustrated and bored. He suggested I create a character. Shortly after, Shea was born. I got hooked quickly. Learned more and more each level. Even though I was never big on chat, I would talk to anyone who was in the room with me. The social interaction and learning something new was very addictive. I would spend day and night after day and night in Avatar. I remember exploring a lot as lowmort. But by the time I was a little hero I was completely addicted, from the very first real hero run I went on. Was always recruited by Tolgath to run. From then on I was pretty much pleveled to 101+ then he Lorded, hehe. I have talked to quite a few people irl from Avatar, and of course the honorable mention Jhavarad, Shea's Mud-Husband and irl lovie. Who was there for me through it all.

It seems now a days I go there just for social purposes mostly. Helping those who request it either in tell or over chat. I will always be a resident of Avatar, respect the staff and players of Avatar. Hanging out in Avatar helped me overcome the most unluckiest thing that has happened to me. So, thanks for giving me a place to go and ironically kill things. **evil grin**

Forever The Human, Michelle ((Shea))