MAKESHiFT WiNGS, CHAPTER 2           I walked into school the next morning, tentative about the new point my relationship with Joel had reached. He, along with the others, was waiting for me by the second floor janitorial closet, a secluded and unused room just under the side stairwell. People rarely ever came down those stairs and it became known as the "punk" hangout. I smiled at the guys and put my messenger bag down. I greeted everyone and took a seat beside Joel. I smiled nervously at him and he smiled shyly back at me. "I can't wait for tonight," Paul said, opening a Twinkie. He took a big bite and chewed thoughtfully.
          "It'll be a fun show," Billy said, drawing something in his sketch pad.
          "Guys..can you believe this is our senior year?" Aaron remarked, looking at the twins and I. We nodded and reflected back on the years.
          I looked at each of the guys in turn and I smiled. These were my best friends. We were only eighteen..we had to leave our childhood behind in a few short months. I tilted my head to the side and looked at Billy, the youngest of us. He was only a sophomore, but he was the most mature. And Paul, a junior. Paul was a good kid, shy and reserved, but a total goofball. And the four of us..Aaron, Benji, Joel, and I. Joel and I..I looked at him and his head was bent in thought. He looked up at me and smiled softly. "I need to talk to you," he mouthed as the warning bell rang. I nodded and stood.
          "I've got to get to my locker before class. I'll see you guys during the break." I grabbed my bag and waved goodbye to them all, slinging the strap over my opposite shoulder. Joel grabbed his books and followed me. We walked along in silence until we reached my locker. I fiddled with the lock and he leaned against the row of lockers.
          "Haley..what I said last night..." I looked up at him, the lock still in my hand. "I meant it." He looked at me, his brow furrowed in tension. I swallowed and dropped the lock.
          "Joel, I meant what I said, too. But I'm scared.."
          "Why? You've never been scared about anything before."
          "To tell you the truth, I don't want to ruin what we have. You and Benj are my best friends. I'm so scared that we'll lose everything and we won't be able to get it back." I looked at my boots and sighed. "And I'm always scared. I just don't show it because I don't want any of you to be scared at all. Every time you go onto that stage, I worry. I'm a bundle of nerves. Who knows if some psycho is in the crowd with a gun? Or if some girl is going to meet you backstage and steal your heart from being mine.." A tear rolled down my cheek and he wiped it away. He lifted my chin and I gazed into his eyes.
          "Hales, you'll always be my best friend. You're the perfect girl for me. And as for some other girl stealing me, don't worry about it. My heart belongs to you and only you." I smiled and hugged him tightly. We held each other for a few moments and when we pulled away, he asked, "Does this make it official?" I nodded and grinned. He beamed and waited for me to finish my business at my locker. When I was through, we locked hands and he walked me to my first class. I kissed his cheek.
          "Thanks. I'll see you later.." I let go of his hand reluctantly and sat at my desk. I could barely concentrate and began to doodle hearts and flowers on my notebook.

          The day ended quickly for me and I met up with the guys at our spot. A few of the other punk kids were there with us, discussing various things. Joel came in after saying goodbye to a boy named Melvin that was notorious for being the best beat boxer this side of D.C. He sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. A smile tugged at the side of Benji's mouth as he watched us. Aaron looked at his watch and stood. "Who wants a ride home?" he asked, looking at us. Benji shook his head, stood, and ran out the door to catch the bus, along with a few other kids.
          "I'll take one," Paul said, eating some M&Ms. Billy stood and announced that he was going with Paul. I waved goodbye to them and after a few minutes, the other kids filtered out.
          "I better be going home. Dad will want his underwear washed." I stood and took my bag.
          "Aw man, I missed the bus. I'll walk with you," Joel offered, taking his books under one arm.
          "Company is always welcome," I replied, going into the corridor and out a side door. We walked through the playing fields and onto the street. The journey didn't take long. "Well, I'll see you tonight." Shouting came from inside the house and I sighed, closing my eyes tightly.
          "Are you sure you don't want to come home with me? It sounds like World War Three is going on in there," Joel said, glancing at the decrepit house.
          "Yeah, Mom's probably bitching at Dad to get a job again or something." I sighed and hugged him tightly. "See you later." I walked into the house and he walked down the street to their own home. I opened the door and the smell of alcohol hung stringent in the air. I wrinkled my nose and walked into the kitchen, passing the living room.
          "Haley..is that you?" my father called, belching in the process of squinting at me. I sighed and entered the living room. He was sitting in his dirty, month-old underwear in the old armchair with the TV on a game show. There were many stains on his undershirt and he passed very loud and very smelly gas. "My..you look more beautifuller every day I see you."
          "Dad, you haven't seen me in a week, let alone spoken to me in a month.."
          "Why don't you come here, huh?" I arched a brow and put my bag down. I walked towards him, stopping about a foot from the armchair. "No no, closer. Sit on my lap. I haven't held you like that in a long time, eh?" He let out a loud and obviously drunken laugh. I grimaced and sat on his knee, his overly large stomach thankfully blocking his lap.
          "To be honest, you never really held me at all..and you never really cared about me either until you realized I was eating a meager portion of what you yourself needed to be obese and grotesque. And it looks like you did a good job of that." He grabbed my arms and turned my body towards him. His breath came hot on my neck and it smelled like a cheap whiskey that had been in the cabinet for at least ten years.
          "You respect your old man, missy," he slurred out in a threatening manner. "I hold this household together and you better pay me back for what I've done for you and that tramp mother of yours."
          "What YOU'VE done?! In case you didn't notice, Mom is out working right now so YOU have food in your stomach and electricity for that TV of yours. You're a lazy bastard who can't even BOTHER to get off his fat ass and consider a job!" I moved to get up and he clutched my arms even tighter. He forced a kiss onto my lips and I felt his grimy tongue try to pry my own lips apart. He let go of one of my arms to grope my breast. I pushed him away and slapped his fat cheek. I ran into my room and locked the door, sobbing. I reached under my bed and grabbed an old suitcase. I took all my clothes from my dresser and put them in the suitcase. I put the cover on my typewriter and latched it shut. I shoved my Walkman into my suitcase and removed my folder from the floorboards. I put the folder in my suitcase and waited on the floor beside my bed until Benji and Joel came to get me. It seemed like an eternity and then the window opened. Benji poked his spiked head in.
          "Hales?" he whispered, looking around the room. I stood and wiped my eyes, sniffling a little. "Uh oh..what happened?" I sobbed and he climbed into my room, holding me to him. "What happened?"
          "He..he.." I sobbed and buried my head in his chest. He stroked my hair and rocked me back and forth gently. After a few minutes, Joel came into the room through the window.
          "Whoa..what the fuck is goin o--" He paused and began to rub my back. "Haley..what's wrong?" I turned to him and sniffled, pointing at the door.
          "I came home..and..he..he.." I started to cry again.
          "Shhh, baby," Joel whispered, "you came home and he...your father?"
          I nodded and swallowed. "He told me to go to him..and he made me sit on his lap..and he..he.." I sighed and whimpered a little. "He kissed me." Joel emitted a low growl and Benji gasped. "He was drunk..I know he was."
          "Well, that's it. You're not living here anymore. You can live in the basement. It won't be that hard to clean it up. Pack up your stuff," Joel demanded. I pointed to the bed and he blinked, staring at my belongings. "Okay..well..let's get your stuff to the car. Where's your backpack?"
          "In the living room..with him."
          "I'll go get it," Benji said. "I can do ultra quiet spy mode." He unlocked the door and dashed out into the hall. Within a few moments, he returned with my bag. "Ta da!" I smiled and hugged him. "Let's blow this Popsicle stand." We went out the window and I shut it after me. We crept across my lawn with my things and packed them safely in the car. We got into the vehicle and met up with Aaron at Paul's house. Aaron had the equipment packed in the back of his truck and Paul and Billy got in the car with us.
          "Hey guys," I said sullenly as they got in. They both greeted me and began to chatter excitedly with the twins. I stared out the window as Joel drove us to the club in D.C. The trip took a little less than an hour and all the while, all I could think of was the disgusting kiss and how dirty I felt. We pulled into the back parking lot and helped Aaron take the equipment inside. We set it up in the back and they did a sound check. I stood by the bar and sipped some water as they played "Little Things." I sang along softly between sips and bobbed my head a little. They finished up and Joel hopped off the stage and came to me. "Sounded good," I said, holding my water bottle out to him.
          "Thanks," he replied, sipping my water. "You feeling better?" I nodded and he planted a kiss on my forehead. "Good. It'd kill me if you didn't feel better. You know that, right?" I nodded again and hugged his torso. He hugged me back, rubbing my back. "Let's go find the guys," he said, pulling away. I took his hand and we ventured backstage. A guard stopped me and scowled.
          "Pass?" he asked, crossing his arms across his chest.
          "It's cool, she's with me. She's my roadie," Joel said, tossing the empty water bottle into a nearby trashcan. The guard looked me up and down once and I narrowed my eyes at him. He let us go by and we found the other guys in a small room similar to our janitorial closet. I flopped onto a small plaid couch and watched the guys get ready for the show. Paul ran a handful of gel through his blonde hair and wiped his hand on a nearby towel. He opened a bag of Doritos and began to eat them while Aaron drummed on a drum pad with a pair of black sticks. Benji stared at himself, smirking and blowing little kisses in the mirror. Joel combed his hair in a 1950s style and shoved the comb into the back pocket of his jeans. "Anyone nervous?" Joel asked, sitting on my legs. The guys cheered and Benji jumped on us. "Ow! God Benj, didja eat a horse for lunch today?" Joel yelped, ducking to avoid one of Benji's sneakers. Billy climbed on top of Benji and Paul sat on top of him. Aaron got a running start and landed on top of us all.
          "Uh..guys...I have to pee.." Benji said, making us all laugh. Aaron fell sideways over the couch and Paul fell on top of him. Billy hopped off of Benji and Benji rolled onto the floor. "I'll be back!" He ran out of the room and down the hall. Joel got up and I sat up. He sat down beside me and I cuddled up to him.
          "Excited for tonight?" I asked him, resting my head on his shoulder.
          "Yeah, of course. Are you gonna be right up front tonight?" I nodded and he smiled. "Cool."
          "Get a room," Billy griped, throwing a Dorito at us. I laughed and Paul came over to us and picked the Dorito up, eating it.
          "Don't waste food!" Paul growled out, glaring at Billy.
          Benji came back in and sat on my other side, cracking his knuckles. I arched a brow at him and he smiled. Suddenly, a man with a headset came in. "Good Charlotte? You've got fifteen minutes. We're opening the doors now." He left and I stood.
          "That's my cue to go get a spot. I'll see you guys out there. Good luck!" I kissed Joel and went down the hallway the way Joel and I came in. I passed the guard and smiled at him. He glared down at me and I rolled my eyes. I siddled in beside a couple and stood in front of centerstage. I saw movement offstage and I smiled, tucking my hair behind my ears.
          "This first band should be good," a girl behind me said.
          "How do you know?" her friend asked.
          "I heard them last weekend on the Berenstein College radio. I guess one of the guys' brothers is a DJ there and they give him new stuff." I smirked, laughing to myself. None of the guys had older siblings at Berenstein. The DJs loved the show and got a hold of their demo. "The song was pretty cool."
          "Aren't they really cute, too?" the friend asked.
          "I dunno, we'll find out." A punkish looking, college-aged guy came out and the crowd cheered.
          "How's everyone doing tonight?" The crowd cheered and I clapped. "Are you ready for El Sol's Punk Rock Night?" The crowd cheered again. "You don't sound too excited..." The crowd cheered again, this time with more vigor. I cheered with them, glancing offstage to see the guys. "That's more like it. Our first band tonight comes to you straight from Waldorf, Maryland..Good Charlotte!" The guy jogged offstage and the guys ran on. I cheered loudly and the girls behind me squealed.
          "They ARE cute!"
          "Oh my gosh, the lead singer..he's soooo hot!"
          "Are you guys ready to rock?" Joel said into the microphone, smiling at the crowd. The crowd cheered and I grinned. He winked at me and they started to play "Can't Go On." The crowd began to jump and a mosh pit formed to my left. Joel took the mic off the stand and began to jump, too.

How can it be easy to forget you
When I think about you all the time
I never know how I miss you
When I never had you
You were never mine
I move on, but I can't go on without you
Said I try, don't know why
What to do without you
Can't move on, can't move on
It'd be cool if we never met
If we never locked eyes
Then I'd feel so happy
Not knowing you're so fine
I move on, but I can't go on without you
Said I try, don't know why
What to do without you
Can't move on, can't move on
I get so nervous when I'm around you
There's nothing I can say
I wish you'd get out of my head
I think about you everyday
I move on, but I can't go on without you
Said I try, don't know why
What to do without you
Can't move on, can't move on without..
..ROCK!

          Joel jumped around and Benji came to the center, wailing out a guitar riff. I cheered and gave him a thumb up. He smiled at me and went back to stage left. They finished the song and I clapped, cheering loudly.
          "How're y'all doin' tonight?" Benji asked into his mic. The crowd cheered and I smiled up at Joel. He took a sip from a water bottle and threw it into the crowd. They played "Superman Can't Walk" next and I smiled at the scene around me. A couple of kids were moshing, a few more were crowd surfing, but the entire crowd was feeling the show. These were my people. These were the people I belonged with. No matter who I'm with or where I am, I'll always be a punk. I'll always belong at a punk rock show. My soul filled with an indescribable feeling, lifting my dampened spirits. Within another half hour, the guys finished up their set and the crowd became restless for the next band. I made my way out of the crowd and into the backstage area. The guard waved at me this time and I breezed by him with no compassion whatsoever. I entered the dressing room and the guys had opened several bottles of soda, shaking them up and spraying them around, a tradition that began at one of the twins' parties. Several of the other bands were in there, too. Someone tossed me an unopened bottle and I clutched it to me, trying to find one of the Good Charlotte guys. I passed Billy and a girl, who seemed to be in the middle of a heavy kissing session. I chuckled and skirted around a few people who were moshing in the cramped area. I finally found Joel standing on a couch, looking around. "HAAAAAAAAAALEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY!" I heard Benji screech and I whipped around, spotting him coming towards me with a portable stereo in his clutches. "Great show or what?!" I nodded and gave him a thumb up for the second time that evening. "I need to talk to you later." I nodded again and gave him a smile. He moved off to spread the music around and I pushed towards Joel.
          "JOEL!" I yelled, waving at him. He looked at me and hopped down off the couch, shoving through the crowd towards me.
          "Let's go outside," he shouted over the din. I nodded and took his hand. He led me out of the dressing room and out the equipment door. The night air was fresh and cool and the city lights sparkled in the horizon. "Let's go for a walk," he said, putting an arm around my shoulders. We walked around the perimeter of the club and sat at a bench inside a small park. "What did you think of the show?"
          "It was rocking. Definitely rocking. The crowd loved you guys," I replied, resting my head on his shoulder.
          "Cool. Real cool. Makes me proud to be in a band, you know?" I made an affirmative noise in my throat and he ran his fingers through my ponytail. "Hales.."
          "Hm..?"
          "Remember what I said about coming to live with us?"
          "Yeah.."
          "I mean it. I mean, Mom loves you. Sarah and Josh love you. There's no reason why you can't live with us."
          "What does Benji think?" I asked skeptically.
          "Haley, Benji is our best friend. He's gonna be cool with it. We're all like one big family."
          "One big, punk family." I lifted my head and smiled smugly at him.
          "My favorite kind.." He kissed me gently, taking the elastic out of my hair. His fingers ran through my dark locks, allowing the spring breeze to blow them slightly. I placed my hands on his shoulders, gently scratching my fingernails on his wife beater. His tongue slowly snaked into my mouth, smoothly massaging my own.
          "That's enough of that," Benji said, coming to stand in front of us. Joel and I pulled away, looking in opposite directions. "You guys are crazy kids." He sat in between us, putting his arms on the back of the bench. "Joely, if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to Haley for a little bit." Joel nodded and got up, heading back to the club. I tucked my hair behind my ears and looked at Benji, the same striking features as Joel's standing out in the moonlight. He and Joel were so alike, yet so different.
          "What's on your mind, Benj?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in a quizzical manner.
          "You and Joel have been my best friends since forever, right?" I nodded, tilting my head to the side. "It's been, like, what? Three days?"
          "Two," I corrected.
          "Yeah, two..but if I keep this in much longer, it'll never be said." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're probably the best friend I've ever had. Joel doesn't count because he'll always be with me. We're brothers, we're twins..we're just like that. We've got each other's back. But the true test..is if I can last seeing you and Joel together. My two best friends, the people I trust the most. I always knew you guys were in love with each other, but I never said a word. I just..I love you a lot, Hale." He paused and took my hands. "I'm not gonna turn this into some..melodramatic, soap opera thing. I really do love you. Not like..you and Joel kind of love, but an 'I'd die for you' kind of love. That's some deep shit, man. And believe me, when I heard what your father did, I was ready to pop him one. If anything goes wrong with you and Joel, please tell me. I'm always here for you and I'm always gonna be your best friend." A tear rolled down my cheek and I hugged him tightly.
          "Oh Benji..I love you, too. I don't know what I'd do without you," I whispered in his ear.
          "Just promise me that you won't break Joel's heart. I don't care what you do to me..but don't hurt him. He's a lot more sensitive than he shows." I nodded and pulled out of the embrace. He stood up and said, "And just so you know, we keep a stash of condoms in the third drawer in the upstairs bathroom."
          "BENJI!" I yelped, slapping his arm lightly.
          "Hey, you never know." I chuckled and got up from the bench. We walked back to the club, hand in hand. Joel was waiting by the equipment door, arching a brow at us.
          "Chill, bro..we're cool," Benji said, smiling.
          "You better not be mackin' my woman," Joel growled out, putting an arm around my waist.
          "Dude, if you're gonna be a thug, get outta this band," Benji retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "And she has a name..and it's not 'Woman'."
          "No shit, dumbass," Joel remarked, rolling his eyes. I chuckled and the three of us went back inside. Aaron approached us with Paul, Billy, and Billy's new found love interest in tow.
          "Ready to go?" Aaron asked, putting his hands in his pockets. "We got the truck all loaded."
          "Damn, I'm gonna be thankful for roadies," Paul said, a six-pack of soda and a bag of Doritos under his arms.
          "Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we get famous," Joel replied, unlocking the Buick. The five of us piled in and Billy left his girl with his number and E-mail address. We pulled out of the club's back parking lot and began to drive home.
          "Turn on the radio, Benj," Paul instructed when we were on the highway. Benji turned the radio to the local rock station and Joel rolled down the car's windows. The music wafted out the windows into the perfect night air. I smiled at the sky and sighed happily. I even took one of Paul's chips when he offered them to me. Tonight was a night to remember.


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