MAKESHiFT WiNGS, CHAPTER 4

MAKESHiFT WiNGS, CHAPTER 4           “Haley!” Liz cried. “What’s up?”
          “Not too much, you?” I asked, leaning against the doorframe. Benji threw himself into one of the kitchen chairs and laid his head down on the table.
          “Well, I kinda was doing the pre-cal homework...do you get it?” she questioned in a flippant sort of tone.
          “Yeah, read the first paragraph on page three-fifty-six.”
          “Someone’s a genius,” Joel said loudly, drinking some juice out of the carton again. I gave him the finger and laughed.
          “Wait...where are you? I thought you didn’t have a phone?” she questioned again.
          “Joel and Benji’s. I live here now.” I paused and debated on whether or not to tell my closest friend the truth. “Things at home are a little rough these days.”
          “Sorry to hear that,” she commiserated.
          “It’s alright,” I replied with a smile. “The reason I called is because I was wondering if you liked anyone.” Benji’s eyebrows lifted and he raised his head a little.
          “Well, there’s one person. I don’t know, though.” She hesitated and quickly inserted, “What about you? Who do YOU like?”
          “I’m dating Joel,” I replied coolly, examining my nails. Joel waved and blew me a kiss. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him.
          “Since when?” There was a small hint of excitement in her voice and I laughed. “Have you kissed him? How long have you been dating? What does Benji think?” She paused for a breath’s worth and then exclaimed, “Does his mom know?”
          “Since...what? About three or four days ago. Yes, he’s fine with it, and I think she does. I mean, we’ve been friends since forever and it was kind of inevitable.”
          She exhaled and I could hear the grin in her voice. “That’s so awesome.”
          “Now tell me who you like,” I stated simply, winking at Benj. He sat up straight and watched me intently, hoping for an answer.
          “If I tell you, will you promise not to tell him?” she asked shyly.
          “Of course. Liz, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
          “Well...I like Benji. A lot. And I have since...like...last year,” she said slowly. I grinned at him and gave him a thumb up. He shot out of his chair and danced around the room. He hugged Joel and Cash ran in, following his insane owner around. Joel laughed and joined him in his dancing.
          “What would you say if I told you that I could get you a date with him?”
          She screamed and I held the phone about a foot away from my ear. Benj danced into the den and started jumping on the couch. I laughed and Joel took the receiver from me. “Liz, it’s Joel. Meet the three of us at Silo’s tomorrow at four. We’ll all get some pizza and then go to a movie. Sound good? Adios!” He hung up and kissed me passionately. “You are fantastic. Benji is gonna cream his pants!”
          “If he hasn’t already,” I replied with a grin. He kissed me again and I kissed back gently, wrapping my arms around his neck. He gently walked me back into a wall and rested his hands on my waist. I massaged his shoulders and his tongue slipped into my mouth. I rubbed mine against his and then over his lips. He elicited a small moan and kissed my neck. “Mmm, Joel...” I whispered. He lifted his head and raised his eyebrows. “Does it seem like we’re...going too fast?”
          “No, not to me. Why?” he asked, playing with the bottom of my Ramones T-shirt.
          “We’ve only been together less than a week.”
          “Actually, that’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” he said slowly, looking down a little. “To me it seems like we’ve been in love forever. And maybe we have. If I’m rushing you or...or anything, please tell me. I don’t want to hurt you, especially after what your father did. That just made me so angry and...” He trailed off, clutching my shirt in rage. I brushed my hand against his cheek and he calmed down some.
          “What happened between my father and I is the past,” I whispered. “Nothing will change how I feel about you and how good you’ve been to me. Of all my boyfriends ever, you are the kindest, the sweetest, the most gentle,” I paused and smiled. “And the cutest.”
          He looked down at me, straight into my eyes. “What happened with your father was only yesterday.” I shrugged and he kissed my forehead. “Oh Haley, Haley, Haley.”
          “Oh Joely, Joely, Joely.” He cracked a grin and kissed my lips. I sighed against his mouth and he pulled me into a hug. “You’re incredible, Joel.”
          “Incredible? Nah...”
          “Yes!”
          “Behind every great man, there is a woman,” he stated plainly, rocking me back and forth. I giggled and lay my head on his shoulder. We held each other for a few silent moments before I heard him clear his throat to speak. “Haley...I lo—“
          “I wanna go run around the neighborhood,” Benji shouted, strolling in casually. Joel growled and shot him a death look. Benji arched an eyebrow at his twin. “Dude, what’s wrong?”
          “Nothing, jackass. Not a damn thing.” Joel let go of me and stomped to their room, slamming the door shut.
          “What did I do this time?” Benj asked, looking at me.
          “I have no idea...” I bit my lip and looked at the floor. I ascended the stairs and knocked softly on the first door to the right. “Joel?”
          “Go away,” came the muffled reply.
          “Joel, it’s Haley…please let me in?” I waited and shuffling came from behind the closed door. “Joel?”
          “It’s open.” I opened the door and stepped inside the room. I closed the door behind me and walked over to his bed where he was currently laying on his stomach. He glanced up at me and looked away. I sat beside him and rubbed his back. “I hate Benjamin Levi.” I widened my eyes, knowing all too well that they never used full names unless they were incredibly pissed off.
          “Why, though?”
          “I was trying to tell you something that I’ve been wanting to say for eighteen years and he just HAD to ruin it. There’ll never be another moment like that.”
          I nodded, understanding him completely. What else was I to say or do? “I’d ask you to tell me now, but I know it won’t be the same for either of us.” I kissed his head apologetically and he sighed.
          “I’m sorry, Hale…I really am.”
          “No, don’t be. It’s not your fault Benji’s clueless a lot of the time,” I replied, laying beside him. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. I rested my head on my arms and we sat in silence again.
          “Ya know…”
          “I know…?”
          “You’re my best friend, Haley, and probably the coolest girlfriend ever. Thanks for just…being here. It means a lot to me,” he said, leaning his head against mine.
          “Anytime, Joel,” I replied with a smile. “That’s what I’m here for, after all.” He rolled over onto his side and leaned his head on his fist, staring at me. I flashed my smile up at him and he returned the gesture with a hint of affection. We admired each other for several minutes before another knock came at the door.
          “Joel?” Benji asked from behind the door. “Are you okay, man?”
          “Fine,” he answered, rolling his eyes.
          “Can I come in?”
          “I’m naked.” I stifled a giggle and Joel grinned at me.
          “Uh…you and Haley aren’t having sex, are you…? ‘Cause that’s just nasty…”
          “Joel, who is it? I need you inside me,” I called, shoving my face into a pillow afterwards to keep from laughing.
          “It’s just Benj,” he said lowly. He cleared his throat and took his shirt and shoes off. He messed up his hair and I ducked under the covers, removing my own shirt and sliding out of my bra straps. He went to the door and opened it, glaring. “Again you ruin another moment.”
          “I’m so sorry, bro,” Benji stammered, glancing back and forth between Joel and I. “I guess we can talk later…?”
          “Good idea, bonehead.” Joel slammed the door in his face and came back to the bed. He lay down beside me and covered his hand with his mouth. We heard footsteps go down the stairs and once they reached the bottom, we burst out laughing. “Did you see his face?! It was priceless!”
          “I know!” I responded. “He didn’t know what to do with himself.”
          “Maybe he’ll go run into traffic or something.”
          “Think he’ll bring it up at dinner?”
          “Nah, Mom won’t really care. When we turned thirteen, she went out and bought about fifty packs of condoms. She thinks we’re going around, having sex all the time because we took them and made water balloons.”
          “…So THAT’S what you hit me with in the eighth grade!” He nodded and I smacked his arm. “I can’t believe you!”
          “We’re boys, Hales!” He laughed and got under the covers with me. “Now it feels like we’re married or something.” He put an arm around my shoulders and I cuddled up to him.
          “I wonder what it’s like to be married,” I wondered aloud.
          “Sure as Hell hope it’s not like our parents,” he mumbled, rubbing my arm. I agreed softly and his fingers tangled themselves in my ponytail. I lay my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat and his breathing. The silence lasted quite a while and before we knew it, it grew dark outside. “What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.
          “Nothing important,” I replied, shrugging. “You?”
          “About how I can tell you what I want to. What I was trying to say before.”
          “When will you tell me?” I asked, looking up at him. He shrugged and clenched his jaw, deep in thought. I reached up and traced his lips with my fingertip. “Soon?”
          “Soon,” came the answer. A soft knock came at the door and Joel sat up. I moved away and he put his shirt on, going to answer the door. He opened it and murmured voices carried on an inaudible conversation. He shut it and came back to the bed. “Dinner’s ready, if you want it. Benji and Sarah made macaroni and cheese.” I nodded and put my shirt on, sitting up in the process. “Haley?”
          “Yes?”
          “I love you.” I stared at him, blinking only once. We had said the words before. We had said them a few days ago. Why was now different than before? Why did I freeze? I swallowed the lump that had gathered in my throat and whispered the words back. He watched me staring at him, his eyebrow quirked in a questioning manner. “Something wrong?”
          I hesitated and bit my lip, shaking my head no. “No. It’s just...hearing those words now, all of a sudden. Just knowing that you really feel that way. It’s…it’s almost more than I can bear.”
          “If you want me to not say that, I won’t.”
          “No…no.” I smiled at him and sighed a bit. “It’s reassuring to know someone, at least, does.”
          “Who wouldn’t?” he asked, standing and holding out a hand to help me up. I took his hand and he pulled me up, leading me to the door.
          “You’d be surprised,” I replied with a small smile. The comment must have irked him because he paused a moment and shook his head. We went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table with Sarah and Benj. “Smells good. Give my compliments to the chef.”
          “That would be the wee one,” Benji grumbled, sliding a warm plate over to me. “She can cook better than I can spell.”
          “Which isn’t hard,” Joel joked, laughing a little. He looked across the table at me and offered an encouraging smile. I returned it and his brow relaxed itself slowly. “Who wants to say grace?”
          “Me! Me!” Sarah cried, waving her little hand in the air.
          “Go for it,” Benj said, folding his hands in his lap and lowering his head. Joel and Sarah both followed suit. I blinked and sat quietly, waiting. “Dear Heavenly Savior, thank you for the food we are about to eat. Thank you for Mommy and Benji and Joel and Josh and Haley. We are alive today because of your divine grace. Thank you for life, health, happiness, and friends. You remain in our hearts forever. Amen,” said the child. I smiled at her and her brothers murmured the final word. They all began to eat and I lifted my fork gingerly, eating small bites.
          “What’sa matter? Not hungry?” Benj asked between mouthfuls. He gave me a knowing look.
          “I’m trying to be lady-like and not stuff my face like you heathens,” I replied sassily. Joel laughed hard, nearly choking. Sarah blinked at us.
          “What’s a he-thin?” she asked, looking at me.
          “A heathen is a nasty creature,” I answered with a smile. “Don’t worry about big words, though. You’ll learn them all soon enough.” The rest of dinner went by smoothly with light conversation. We each had a cookie for dessert and the twins sent their sister off to bed. I helped clear the table and wash the dishes. Joel kissed my cheek and announced he was going to start his homework. He bounded up the stairs and Benji and I continued to do the dishes. “Excited for tomorrow?” I questioned, glancing sideways at him. “You haven’t stopped smiling since then, you know.”
          “Yeah…I know,” he stated simply with a shrug. I chuckled and we finished with the dishes. I checked my watch and looked out the window onto the dimly lit street. “Got somewhere to go?” he asked, chuckling a little.
          “Yeah. The basement. I have to get my shit together to send to the Gazette,” I replied with a slight sigh.
          “Oh yeah…I forgot you wrote for them, heh. We never get the paper.” I yanked open the basement door, conveniently located beside the refrigerator, and descended the steps to my new room.
          “I finished my novel, by the way,” I called out behind myself, hopping off the last step onto the cement floor. A bench, a small card table, an old wooden desk, and an even older swivel chair had been placed in the area since my departure that morning. Mrs. Combs left a note on the surface and I slid into my new chair, reading:

Haley,
I know you enjoy writing and all that. Here’s my old desk. My mother gave it to me for the twins to use, but of course they haven’t touched it. Make us proud and write all your best sellers here. Then I can say I housed an author! Welcome to the family.

Love, Mom

          I smiled at the note and Benji came bounding down the stairs, filling the hollow space with quite a din. He sat on the cot gingerly, remembering last night’s catastrophe, and put his hands on his knees. “Your mother is such a nice lady.” I grinned back at him as I dropped off the chair to the floor and opened my suitcase. I removed my writing supplies, a dictionary, several pencils, a thesaurus, a few pens, and a stack of notebooks, and put them into various drawers. I took out my purple folder and looked at it pensively. I handed it to him and sat back onto my heels. “Twenty-five chapters,” I remarked, looking up at him.
          “Only?” he asked with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at him and shut the suitcase.
          “Do me a favor and go grab my typewriter, hon.” I jerked my head towards the stairs. “I think I left it somewhere near the kitchen or something.” He stood with a groan and carried the folder upstairs with him. I moved back to the desk and took out a pencil and my current notebook. I turned to a blank page and tapped my chin with the eraser. “What to write, what to write,” I murmured in thought. I grinned suddenly, a metaphorical light bulb going off over my head, and began to write furiously.

          I trudged into the lobby of the Waldorf-Naptown Gazette, located on Main Street. The receptionist smiled up at me. “Hi there, Haley!” the elderly woman said. “The boss is in a meeting. I could phone him down to speak with you, if you’d like.”
          “No thanks, Emma,” I replied, leaning against the counter. “Just here to turn in this week’s column.” I waved the manila folder in the air a bit and she nodded. “Can I just leave it on his desk?” I asked with a sigh.
          “If you’d like to.” She pursed her lips and eyed me warily. “Is something the matter, child?”
          I chuckled a bit. “What isn’t the matter?” I smiled weakly at her and she let out a sympathetic “aw.” I put the folder down on the countertop and took my bag off my shoulder. “Honestly, it’s just school. Graduation is soon and I don’t think I’m prepared to be valedictorian.”
          “Congratulations!” She exclaimed, giving me a high five. I smiled at her and blushed. “But don’t worry about it too much. You’re an excellent writer and you’ve worked very hard to make it there. If it makes any bit of difference, all of us will be there cheering you on.”
          “Oh Emma,” I exhaled, grinning at her. “Thank you.”
          “Anytime, dear. Now scoot on up. I’ll call up to him.” She shooed me off in her grandmotherly way and I carried my belongings into one of two steel elevators. I rode up to the fifth floor and exited into a nouveau riche hallway. The building itself was art deco, straight from the 1920s when the gazette was started. Ever since editor-in-chief Bill Reilly came to town from the New York Times, he had transformed the local newspaper into the best newspaper in the Maryland-D.C. area. I walked down the oriental carpeted hallway, the walls littered with photos of Bill and various celebrities, to his receptionist’s desk. She was busy filing her nails and I cleared my throat. She glanced up at me and put down the file, smiling her faux smile. The smile accentuated her mousy brown hair and glittering green eyes. She looked not a day over twenty-five. I assumed her to be older, as she had several tiring wrinkles around her mouth and eyes.
          “May I help you?” she asked in her smooth voice.
          “Yes, I’m Haley Matthews. I’m here to speak with Mr. Reilly.”
          “One moment, please.” She dialed a number and spoke into her headset. After a few quick seconds, she hung up and turned back to me. “He’s waiting for you.” She took off the headset and walked to the large oak door, opening it for me.
          “Thank you,” I replied in a small voice, entering his office. He was sitting at his rather humungous desk in a very expensive looking leather chair. The receptionist shut the door after me and I paced myself walking over to him. I sat in one of the small, uncomfortable conference chairs across from him and took off my bag. “I’ve got this week’s column, Mr. Reilly.” I handed him the manila envelope and he took it. He opened it and read for a moment or two. He smiled at the paper and then up at me.
          “This is very moving. Are you sure you want to print this?” he asked, shutting the folder and placing it on his desk. I nodded once and he nodded at me. “Especially since it’s around graduation, I’m sure our readers will appreciate what you’ve said about family and togetherness. I’m sure you’ve already spoken to the people discussed and made sure everything is able to be printed.” I nodded again and he smiled in a sophisticated manner. “Very good, very good. Haley, I’ve been meaning to ask you…do you plan on attending college?”
          “Thought, yes. Planned, no. My family isn’t able to afford a college tuition.” I squirmed in the chair, feeling slightly out of place in my two-day-old jeans and worn Pixies shirt. I stared down at the fading graphic and noticed a tiny hole near my belly button.
          “The Gazette appreciates your work. You’re a talented writer and a vital part of our staff. We’d like to give you a full scholarship to any college of your choosing. It’s a bit late to apply, but until you decide and whatnot, we’re willing to give you a full time position here.” I gaped at him, my mind and heart racing.
          “Mr. …Mr. Reilly! I can’t believe this! I-I’m speechless for once!” He laughed and nodded. I shook my head in disbelief. “Do I have time to think about this? I’m, er, currently in the middle of several other projects.”
          “Of course! Please let us know by the end of the month.” I nodded and stood, extending my hand. He stood, as well, shaking my hand in his own with a mass amount of vigor. “If you need any help with your projects, please let me know.”
          “Yes, sir, I will.” I smiled and paused. “If you could get a list of publishing companies and possible agents…oh, and I’m changing my address. I’m afraid I don’t live at the one you have in your records anymore.”
          “Yes, Shirley will handle it.” He pressed a button on his phone and the intercom sprang to life.
          “Yes, Mr. Reilly?” the receptionist asked.
          “Shirley, please create a list of the top ten best publishing companies and publishing agents on the East Coast,” he said with an omnipotent air.
          “Is that all?”
          “No. Please take down Miss Matthews’s new address as she’s leaving.”
          “Yes, sir.”
          “That is all.” He switched off the intercom and came around his desk, leading me to the door. “You’ve made us proud, Haley.” I smiled and he opened the door for me. Shirley, as promised, took down my new address. I walked back to the elevator with a small bounce in my step.

          “JOEL!” I screamed as I ran through the front door to the Combs’ house. “BENJI! MRS. COMBS! SARAH! JOSH!” I skidded into the kitchen, finding only Josh. “Josh! Where’s everyone else?!”
          “Uh…” He glanced at the ceiling in thought. “Sarah’s at the park with her friends…uhhh…Mom’s upstairs and the twins haven’t been home since this morning. Why?” He munched on a cookie, staring at me.
          “I need to talk with everyone. It’s urgent.” He arched a brow and nodded, leaving the room to go find his mother.

          “I’m sorry I called you all here on such short notice, but I really need to talk to you,” I said to the family of five. They all looked at me with the same big, brown, adorable eyes. I smiled and took a deep breath, gripping the arms of the worn recliner. “There are actually a few bits of news I want to tell you first. One, I’m valedictorian.” Mrs. Combs beamed with pride and the twins glanced at each other, grinning. “Two, I turned in my article for the Gazette today and I want you to know that you’re the subjects of this week’s column.” I paused to let the words sink in. “I wrote about how since it’s nearing graduation time, people should be appreciative of family and togetherness. You’ve been through so much in recent times and you’re still a family. You’re still together and holding on. That’s so incredible to me. Mrs. Combs…” I gestured at her. “You work two jobs just to keep this house and put food on the table. Josh, you work all day to help out. Joel and Benj, you two keep the family in check while still making your music. And Sarah…” I smiled at her. She slid off her mother’s lap and came to mine, sitting with me. “You bring sunshine in when the clouds roll over.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I swallowed. “You are the most amazing family. Thank you so, so much for taking me in and being supportive of everything I do. You really are my family. I wouldn’t have you any other way.” Sarah threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. A tear rolled down my cheek and I hugged back. Soon, four other pairs of arms were enveloping us and the tears began to fall freely.
          “Haley, you are an incredible girl,” Mrs. Combs whispered into my ear. “I meant what I said.” Everyone pulled away and I looked up at her, knowing exactly what she meant. She glanced at the wall clock and sighed. “Unfortunately for me, I can’t celebrate with all of you. I have to be at work in ten minutes.” She kissed us all and left.
          “I wasn’t done…” I said, watching the boys sit back down on the couch.
          “Go on, then,” Benji said, stretching his legs and propping his feet on the coffee table.
          “The Gazette wants to give me a scholarship. They want me to go to college to become a journalist. It’s obviously too late for me to apply anywhere, so next year, if I decide to accept, I’ve been given the option to have a full time staff position. They also said that they’d help me get my novel published.” I paused and stroked Sarah’s hair. “And I changed my records to have my Gazette mail sent here.”
          “Wow.” Benji stated. He stared at me with wide eyes. “WAHOO!” He hollered, jumping up and hurdling the coffee table to hug me. He sandwiched Sarah between us and she wiggled out, going to Joel and sitting beside him.
          “Congrats,” Josh said simply, giving me a high five on his way out the door.
          “As if today couldn’t get any better…we’ve got a date!” Benji ran out of the den and flew up the stairs to his room.
          “I’m going back to the park,” Sarah announced, leaving the room.
          I looked at Joel. He was smiling. His feet were propped on the coffee table, one crossed over the other, and his arms stretched across the back of the couch. “C’mere.” I stood and went over to him, sitting beside him. “You’re just amazing.” He leaned down and kissed me passionately. I kissed back, reaching a hand up to rest on his cheek. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I let him do this and he carefully lay me back on the plaid upholstery. We continued the kiss, our hands roaming freely over the other. One of his slipped up under my shirt and his fingers gently grazed the skin on my stomach while the other had pulled my outside leg into a bent position and was rubbing my thigh. He kissed down my neck and I ran my fingers through his dyed blue hair. He swiftly removed my shirt and tossed it on the coffee table. He kissed down over my cleavage and down my stomach. He began to unbutton my pants and I widened my eyes.
          “Joel…” I said clearly, surprising myself. He sat back and looked up at me. “Please…no.” I blushed and looked away. “I’m not ready yet.”
          “Why?” My head snapped back to look at him. His tone sounded angry and impatient, but his face was somewhat hurt and possibly offended.
          I bit my lip and I fastened my jeans again, sitting up. “We’re only eighteen, Joel. We’ve got the rest of forever together.”
          “But I love you.”
          “I love you, too…” I beckoned him to me and he lay down on the length of the couch, his head resting in my lap. “I’m just not ready for…that…yet.” I paused and looked down at him. He was toying with a loose thread on the sofa’s shoddy upholstering job. “Are you mad at me?” I asked meekly.
          “No.”
          “You seem it.”
          “I just thought you loved me, too. And I’m ready to make the commitment to you that I’ll spend the rest of my life with you.” He turned and looked up at me. “I won’t have sex until I know I’m in love and the girl I love loves me back for who I am and not for what I am. That’s saying a lot.”
          I gaped at him. “Joel, are you serious? You think I don’t love you back?” I arched a brow at him. “Because that’s completely ridiculous. You know I love you.”
          “Yeah. I know,” he sighed out. “I’m sorry.”
          “Don’t be.” I kissed his forehead. “But let’s make a promise right here, right now, okay?” He nodded and I absently twisted a lock of his hair between my fingers. “Nothing more than hands.”
          “Hands?” I made a rather vulgar motion and he widened his eyes, nodding. “Nothing more than hands. For now.”
          “For now.”
          “Seal it with a kiss?” I smiled and leaned over to kiss him. He kissed back, reaching a hand up to stroke my hair absently.
          “Oh GROSS!” We both looked up at Benj was standing in the doorway, glaring at us. “I have to go on a date in…” He checked the clock. “A half hour. Let’s GO!” Joel rolled off the couch and tossed me my shirt. I took it and stood, going to the basement to get ready.

          “Thanks for taking me out,” Liz said to Benji, smiling at him. They were lying on the grass of the park beside us. “I had a really nice time.”
          “Me too, “ he replied, taking her hand in his. He kissed the back of her hand and she giggled.
          I turned to Joel and kissed his cheek. “I hope they last,” I whispered.
          “They will,” he whispered back, putting an arm around me. I lay my head on his chest and we watched the sun sink in the sky and the stars come out, one tiny, glittering speck at a time. Tiny noises came from beside us and I grinned. Joel tapped me and whispered, “Check it out.” I turned my head to see my two friends making out. “Typical Benj.”
          “Typical Liz!” I laughed and reflected on the night.
          It wasn’t bad at all. Honestly it was very nice. Liz had met us at exactly four. Therein which, we were only a minute late, quite a feat for the bickering Combs twins. She looked casual, yet sophisticated in a pair of khaki cargo pants and a fitting red shirt. Her auburn hair was simply down and her makeup wasn’t corrosive like the majority of girls Benji liked. We ate our pizza, a large half cheese and half pepperoni at Liz’s request, and then went to the movies. “Good Will Hunting” was the movie of choice that night, seeing as Liz and I both had a thing for Matt Damon. It was close to eight when the movie let out and since it was a Friday, none of us wanted to go home. So naturally we headed for the park. No one was around, as graduation parties were starting up and the 20-somethings were at clubs in D.C. We walked around the expanse of land about fifty times, sometimes in our respective couples, sometimes in a group. The conversation was light and on occasion deep. We spoke of school, our approaching graduation, various classmates, and future plans. Of course, the twins would have their music. Liz was going to Boston for college, a degree in criminal justice. I was...I didn’t have any plans yet. I’ll admit I was slightly jealous that my beautiful, middle-class friend was going to go to college and have her life set in front of her. But we all want what we can’t have.
          “How about you, Hales?” Benji asked, standing over me. I blinked up at him, shaken from my recollection.           “You in for some ice cream?” he asked, arching a brow. I glanced at Joel, also standing, but a few feet away. His hands were in his pockets and he was watching the sky again.
          “Is everyone else going?” I asked, standing myself.
          “Joel doesn’t know about it yet. He just sorta...walked off when I asked Liz.”
          “Oh. Maybe he’s tired. We should get home anyway. You guys go and have fun,” I replied, smiling. I hugged both my friends goodbye and they walked off in the direction of the Baskin Robbins. I came up beside Joel slowly and silently. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he put an arm around my shoulders. “Liz and Benj went for ice cream,” I informed.
          “I know.”
          “Is something wrong?” I questioned. He shook his head and sighed a bit. “Ready to head home?”
          “Yeah. But first I wanna show you something.” He took my hand and led me to the duck pond nearly fifty yards away. The ducks were floating silently, looking surreal in the moonlight. The stars were reflected in the small tide created by the fowl. Joel sat down on a bench and pulled me down next to him. I snuggled into him and he held me, rubbing my arm. We watched the ducks for a bit. I lifted my head a little and he smiled down at me. “What are you thinking about?”
          “How nice it feels to be with someone I love without worrying when things will go wrong.” I paused and kissed his jaw. “You?”
          “I’m wondering if you’ll like what I have to show you.”
          “You mean…this serene vision before me isn’t what you had in mind?”
          “No. There’s something else.” He coaxed me up and we both stood. He took my hand and led me again to a small shack. The sign above the door read “MAINTENANCE” and he grinned. He opened the door and went inside, emerging a few minutes later with the floodlights shining bright light over the surrounding area. He went to a nearby tree and I followed. “Ta da.” He pointed to the tree. I gasped, running my fingers over the bark. An elaborate heart surrounded a circle with “Joel + Haley” etched into it. I gazed at it in awe and turned to him, tears in my eyes. “What do you think?” he asked.
          I hugged him tightly. “It’s beautiful. Simply beautiful.”
          “Such beauty only radiates from you.” I looked up at him and he kissed my forehead. “I love you.”
          “I love you, too,” I replied. He held me to him, rocking me back and forth slowly. “I love how it’s so simple, yet so sweet. When did you do it?”
          “Today after school. That’s why I didn’t offer to walk to the Gazette with you. I wanted to make sure it was done before tonight.”
          “It’s spectacular,” I whispered in response, laying my head on his chest.
          “Just like you.” The wind grew colder around us and we untangled ourselves. We headed out of the park, hand in hand, and back towards our home before Mrs. Combs would have a coronary.

The weekend flew by. The band had a show at an Annapolis club on Saturday night and it went very well. The crowd seemed to respond well and the energy was just simply amazing. Everything seemed to click and they were invited back to play the following week. Sunday was a lazy day. Joel went over to Billy’s to go job hunting, Benji had another date with Liz, and I sat around the house. Mrs. Combs came in and out, as well as Josh. Sarah spent the day at a friend’s. For lack of better things to do, I began to clean the house. There wasn’t much to clean and the family kept the house rather tidy. However there was still a lot to be done. I was finished with the downstairs and moved upstairs, tackling Josh and Sarah’s room first. There were piles and piles of dirty clothes left behind by the eldest Combs. Sarah’s dolls were strewn about carelessly. I picked up both and headed to Mrs. Combs room. She was a fairly tidy woman, but her bed was unmade. Probably forgotten in the hectic schedule. I made it and moved to the twins’ room. It was atrocious. Clothes, papers, books, and dirty dishes were everywhere. I picked my way to the window and opened it, letting some fresh spring air in. I cleaned and cleaned until I could see the floor. Everything was organized. Dirty clothes were put in a hamper to be taken to the Laundromat tomorrow; dirty dishes were taken down to the sink; books were organized on a small bookshelf; CDs were stacked by the boom box. The room, though I knew it should be completely wrecked, looked respectable now. I turned to leave and a small notebook caught my eye. “How did I miss this?” I wondered aloud, picking it up from its half-hidden cover under the bed. I opened to the first page and smirked at Joel’s messy handwriting. It was clearly a diary, beginning freshman year. I sat on the bed and I flipped through it. I shut the book again, knowing how Joel valued his privacy, but something caused me open it up again. I landed at the last entry. I swallowed a knot in my throat as I read it:

Tonight was such a kickass show. We rocked the fuck outta the place. Hales was there. She always comes to our shows. But yeah, we got invited back to play next week. Speaking of next week, it’s graduation! Haley is the valedictorian. Okay I can’t tell anyone this. Not even Benji. A few days ago I tried doing stuff with her. I love Haley and I wanted to make sure things were serious before I broke it off with Layla.

My heart caught in my throat and I reread it again. Layla Anderson. Joel was dating Layla Anderson. Behind my back. My mind raced. Had he specifically chosen her? Was she just another random smart chick? My boyfriend, my best friend, was cheating on me with my rival. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed vixen was on the cheerleading team. She was also president of our class and number two in the ranks. I remember ranting about her constantly and—now it all made sense! Whenever I spoke of her, he would shrink inside himself and grow pale. I shook my head and continued to read.

I love Haley so much. Layla just…does things to me. Well, she IS sexy. And she does put out. But I wonder how hurt Haley would be if she ever knew. God, I don’t even want to know about that. I mean, if Haley won’t have sex with me, why should I even bother? I guess I have to respect her decisions. I’m still deciding if I want to break up with her. Haley, that is. She’s a bit too reserved, but she’s just the sweetest girl. She’s my best friend in the world. She’s talented and beautiful and smart and cute. I don’t know. I have to tell her soon. Our date on Friday with Benj and Liz just made me feel so good. I showed her what I carved into the tree. She loved it. And I told her I loved her. It wasn’t the first time. That was before we actually started dating. But we felt so right. Now I’m afraid of what to say. I can try to just live normally and once graduation is over, tell Layla to fuck off. I can’t do that to Haley. She’s my best friend. I can’t just let something that big go. Not yet. Not ever.

          “You just did,” I whispered, shutting the journal and clutching it to my chest. Tears dripped down my face and I heard the downstairs door slam shut. I quickly hid the book under the bed again and emerged. I wiped my eyes and went down. Mrs. Combs was home.
          “Hi there, Haley!” She beamed at me and I forced a smile back.
          “Hi, Mrs. Combs.”
          “What did you do today?” she asked, taking off her windbreaker and tossing it on a chair in the den.
          “I cleaned the house, actually,” I replied vaguely.
          “Oh! Thank you so much!”
          I bit my lip and sighed a bit. “Is it okay if I make a collect call? I have the money to pay you back.”
          “Oh, sure!” She gave me the instructions for dinner and went upstairs to change for work.
          I sat at the kitchen table and dialed my aunt’s number from memory. She wasn’t home and I got her machine. I took a wallowing breath and said, “Hey Aunt Sarah…it’s Haley. I’m at a friend’s house. If you got my most recent letter, it’ll explain. But I wanted to remind you that my graduation is next Sunday. I’m valedictorian. I miss you a lot. I wanted to talk about some things, too…if that was okay. Uhm…I’ll see you then, I guess. Bye.” I hung up just as Joel walked in. He came over and kissed my cheek. “…Hi…”
          “Hey, sweetie. How was your day?” he asked, sitting beside me.
          “I cleaned the entire house.” He faltered a bit and nodded. “It was a bitch.”
          “I can only imagine.” He chuckled. “Have fun with our room?”
          “Oh yeah. Tons.” I cast my eyes away and Mrs. Combs came down. She bid us goodbye and I stood as she left. “I’ve got to get dinner ready.”
          “Let me help,” he replied, standing with me.
          I went to the refrigerator and got out several foodstuffs. Joel leaned against the counter and I glanced at him. “Mind getting out some bowls?” He fetched what I needed and we prepared dinner together.
          “You’re awfully quiet,” he mentioned, taking off some oven mitts and turning to face me.
          “Oh?” I paused, halfway putting a plate on the table.
          “Is something wrong?” He came to me, wrapping his arms around me. I stiffened a little, wondering how many times he had held Layla with those arms. “Hales?”
          I shook my head no. “I just went by my house today. It still has me shaken.” He cooed and kissed my cheek. I offered a weak smile and he let go. I finished setting the table and we went into the den to watch some TV. We settled into the couch and watched a sitcom. Benji bounded in with his sister at the end of the half hour block of hilarity. Thankfully, dinner was ready. I served the meal and we sat down to eat again. “How was your friend’s house?” I asked Sarah, offering up some polite conversation.
          “It was okay. We played Barbies all day,” the child replied, picking at her food.
          “Sar, eat your food,” Benji said sternly, giving her a warning glance. She pouted and proceeded to pick for a few more minutes. Giving up her drama queen act, she polished off her food and went upstairs to shower. The twins and I ate in silence. My eyes never left the table, but I could feel the twins’ telepathic energy flowing. I looked up to see their eyes locked in a heated mental discussion. Joel was scowling and Benji looked frustrated.
          I stood and put my dish in the sink. “Good night, then,” I stated curtly and went to the basement. I changed into my pajamas and lay on my cot. My mind returned to Joel and Layla. Had he kissed her as sweetly as he kissed me? Had he told her how special she was to him? Had he sung her songs? Would she ever go to see him perform and have her heart swell with pride? Would she learn all the words to every song and sing them back? Had she ever even heard his band play? Bitter tears ran down my cheeks and I squeezed my eyes shut. Another body joined me on the bed, sitting by my feet. I wiped my tears away quickly and opened my eyes to see a worried Benji. “Hi.”
          “What’s wrong, Haley?” His brow furrowed in concern and his brown eyes never moved from mine. They were filled with warmth and compassion. They were the same eyes Joel had, in more than one way. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to answer him. All that came out was a sob and more tears. I sat up and he hugged me to him, stroking my hair. “Shhhh, just let it all out.” I clung to him desperately, sobbing onto his chest. An eternity must have passed, but he didn’t seem to mind. I lifted my head and he smiled softly. “Now are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?”
          “It’s Joel.” His eyes flashed with anger briefly. “I’m afraid...I’m worried...” I paused and sighed. “I was cleaning today and I found his diary journal thing...and he admitted to seeing Layla. Behind my back...” Benji nodded. “He said you didn’t know...and you told me to come to you if there was ever anything wrong between us...” I trailed off and he bit his lip in thought.
          “Joel...is eighteen. He’s confused. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. I mean, yeah, we’ll eventually get signed. But until then, what the fuck is he gonna do?” He sighed a bit and lifted my chin with his finger. “Haley, Joel loves you more than anything. He...he doesn’t realize how special you are to him yet. Every night before we go to bed, he tells me how lucky he is to have a good family and great friends and the world’s best girlfriend. I mean, yeah, Dad left us two years ago. And yeah, Mom’s busy all the time. School is almost over and he has no future ahead of him.” Again he paused and searched my eyes. “But I know Joel. He’s my twin, we have that weird connection thing goin’ on and I doubt he’d ever let someone like Layla Anderson complete him like you do.” I nodded and lay my head against his chest. “Do you want me to talk to him about it?”
          “NO!” I shot up, my eyes scanning his face. “No. He doesn’t know I know. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t know either.”
          “I did know,” he said quietly, staring at the floor. “I saw him and her today getting ice cream when I was with Liz. They were holding hands.” He paused and sighed softly. “And they made out.”
          “Oh...my...God...” I raced up two flights of stairs to the bathroom and vomited. I kept going until there was nothing left. Benji followed and held my hair back. Once I was done, he flushed the toilet and helped me up. I washed my face with cold water and he toweled it dry.
          “Feel better?” he asked gently, rubbing my back. I shook my head no and sunk to the floor. He kneeled beside me. “Still bothering you?”
          “He...he kissed ME with his lips. He held ME with his arms. He sang to ME.” I hugged my knees to my chest and looked away. “Benj, I love him with all of my heart and soul. He’s MY boyfriend. Not hers, not anyone else’s. All these girls at the shows talk about how fine he is. I don’t let it get to me because I know he’s mine. Or I assumed he was.” Bitter tears ran down my cheeks. We sat in silence for a few moments before I said, “Would he sing to her? Would she learn all the words to every single song, whether you play it or not, and sing them back? Would she go to the shows? Would she withstand five guys and become best friends with them? Would she do everything I do?”
          “No. She’s incapable of being as good to him as you are. She’s got her friends, I’ve got mine. She’s not good enough for my brother. You are.” He dropped a kiss on my forehead and stood, leaving the bathroom and padding softly to his room. I let his words sink in. She’s not good enough, I am. She has her friends, we’ve got ours. We’re punk, she’s prep. We’re better people than she’ll ever be. I eased myself off the floor and cleaned the bathroom for a second time today. As I exited the small room, I heard muffled voices from behind the twins’ door. I put my ear to the door and listened.
          “Is she okay?”
          “Yeah. She’s just worried.”
          “I should go talk to her...”
          “NO! I mean...no. She’ll be fine.”
          “Benji, don’t be an ass. She’s my girlfriend, my best friend. I have to make sure she’s alright.”
          “Joel, you do not want to do that.”
          “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with her, then?”
          “It’s hard to explain...”
          “As if I can’t understand.” There was a long pause. “Benj?”
          “Dude, it’s about YOU.” I shrunk back from the door as shouts erupted. I went down the stairs quietly and I could hear a scuffle. I prayed that Benji would make Joel pay with a bloody nose. I crept into bed and Cash followed me. I cried myself to sleep.

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