NOT GOODBYE In memory of Surendra Vick Dudley. 12/6/86-2/24/05. Written February 25, 2005.


Not Goodbye

I pass the time now,
Waiting,
Wondering,
Hoping,
Wishing.
I even wished upon a star
Tonight, for you.
There's just some sick, sad
Desparation of a reality
That feels like a horrid dream.
I can only guess that this,
This numbing struggle to
Face the day head on,
Was what you lived for
A few short days prior.
I'm dreading tomorrow's arrival.
I can't grasp this just yet.
It's all too soon.
Not only must I come to terms
With something I'm too young for,
I have to face a family
I've only heard of in whispers.
I have to cling to this shred
Of hope that this blur of moments
Is a punchline to a cruel, sick joke.
No one is laughing.
You invade my thoughts every endless second
That ticks by. Tick tock!
So many questions unanswered from you.
But I can't be angry.
You're a jerk for not saying goodbye.
Then again, that's just you,
Being illusive and simply grand.
I won't bid farewell to memories
Of better times for us both,
Nor will I wave solemnly at your soul
(It's in a better place now)
Or at plain, old you.
Cheers to you, friend,
And we will reunite soon.

12/6/86-2/24/05
Surendra Vick Dudley
never forgotten. always missed.

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