CREON: Apollo was like, "Dude, find that out and we'll be out of debt and shit."

TEIRESIAS: Oedipus, it was you, jackass.

OEDIPUS: Nah-uh. Go away, asshole. Wait...Creon, you and the blind guy wanna kill me!

CREON: You're fucked up.

JOCASTA: Just get this shepherd dude...

SHEPHERD: Yeah, Oedipus killed Laius.

JOCASTA: FUCK! Oedipus is my son!

Jocasta hangs herself with her robes.

OEDIPUS: Aw shit, she's my moms, dude!

Oedipus stabs his eyes out with Jocasta's dress pins.

CREON: Awwwww, yeah! Who's king of Thebes NOW!

OEDIPUS: Gah, I'm blind! Creon, send me away, homes.

CREON: Aight. Get the fuck outta my city!

THE END.