Wrestling - Samkir Pfonektil of Ethiopia

Today is January 2, 2001 and I am so hungry! The Smartass people are sending me these tapes but I am not knowing what to do with them. They are not food! Why can't they send me food?! I am not knowing what wrestling is! It sounds like something I would be liking to eat! It sounds so good! We tried to boil the tapes but chewing them was impossible! Lord, I am so hungry. Three weeks ago in our village men came with water and rice. There wasn't enough for everyone in the village so we had to fight to get the food. We killed the people that brought the water and rice. We ate them too. I think no one is coming to bring us water and rice anymore. Oh, I am being wasted down to nothing, the tribal leader says that we must wait here and wait for food. I don't understand why we don't walk out of the desert and go to McDonald's. A Big Mac! Yes, yes a Big Mac! I have heard the tribal elders speak about them in whispers only. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle,onions on a seasame seed bun. I would kill my whole tribe for one of those! Just one!

TV the week in review - Mike McHammerme

This week in TV sucked! There was nothing on but repeats but here is the rundown for you all out there.
Sunday
Sunday sucked, it was New Years and I was drunk. All that was on was the ageless God Dick somthing. I forget his name I was so drunk. It might have been Casey Kasem but I can't be to sure. I think those two are twins seperated at birth though.
Monday
Same shit, different day is what I always say. Hey that rhymed. Damn I'm good. Anyways, Monday was all repeats except for WWF Raw is War but since we have that Ethiopian Sandwhich, or whatever his name is doing Wrestling I will leave that topic alone. I did watch Everybody Loves Raymond, I don't love him, I like the show though but I don't watch it enough to actually know if it was a repeat or not. And now we reach...
Tuesday
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday...oh how you sucked with your repeats. Nothing good was on, I don't know what else is really on though on Tuesday. I did see a good commercial though. Does anyone else laugh when Sean Connery says "You're the man now, Dogg!" in those Finding Forrester comercials?
Wednesday
Wednesday came in like a bowl game and went out in a drunken stupor. The last college bowl game of the year was on and man was I not interested! I went out to a bar and downed a few pitchers and ate a fat bitch (For those not in the know, a fat bitch is the name of a sandwhich).
Thurday
Well, Friends was new. That show never fails to not disappoint me. They have the dumb one, the wisenheimer, the geek, the space cadet, the anal retentive one, and the one whose nipples always seem to be erect. On this weeks installment, hillarity ensued over a cheesecake and a wedding. I think? Wrestling is on but good ole Samaritan, Sandwhich, whatever that Ethiopians name is covinering it still so I'll leave that one alone. There were some other shows on but they were probably repeats.
Friday
Or Craptastic Friday as I like to call it. Norm is one funny show but it is in a shitty timeslot so I don't watch it. I'm usually out Friday nights anyways so if you were home and saw something good, send me a review and I'll post it.
Saturday
Does TV even broadcast on a Saturday? Football was on which was a good thing. I really hope (Insert your favorite team playing here) kicked the living crap out of (Insert the other team playing here) because (Insert your favorite team playing here) really deserve to go to the Super Bowl. That last comment should keep me safe with everyone that reads this. Go (Insert your favorite team playing here)!

Movies - Lipsy Shabadoo

Due to the fact that there aren't too many movies out I want to see, Smartass Movie Reviews will be delayed. But go see CastAway if you haven't, what a great movie.

Music - By Louis Frink

OK, I am just wondering how much more money can The Beatles actually make? 40 year old songs, granted, 40 year old GREAT songs released countless times and yet still this album was number one on the charts for awhile? *cough* BULLSHIT! *cough* That's un-f-ing believable! I can get these songs on like 20 of their other albums! Saints alive, why do you need the money now? To buy more..more...I don't know what but man I wish I had the money these guys were making! damn! Well you know what? I can get these songs, ALL of these songs on Napster! So you ain't getting any more of MY money! God Bless Napster!
The Music - 4 farts out of 4 farts
The Marketing ploy - 5 farts out of 4 farts, the extra fart is because they are just genious at making money.

Sports - Lester Wilkins

Well this week we saw FSU loose the big bowl game. There were some basketball and hockey games on I think, I'm not sure. My wife caught me cheating on her and now she wants to take everything I have. More next week.

Beer

The Smartass beer of the week is BUDWEISER! If you ever want to really tie one on without the hardness of hard liquor are the malty aftertaste of a 40, drink a few pitchers of Budweiser and let the magic happen! Girls will like you more too. Budweiser, The King of Beers!