Letter of the week #1

Dear Lush,

I have a problem. The other day i came home and found my wife in bed with our dog. Does this mean that the wedding is over? and does this make me inadequate?

"Richard" in Beaver Creak, M.I.

"Richard"-

Why's yer name in quotes? You know thas how we alll use ta spell our names back in 1912! In quotes! But to get to your quesion. Yes, yes you are inadequate and I bet you got lil tiny baby balls. Bu thas OK, come to moma bear over here an I'll make it all better! Cats! Cats! Catssssssssss!

I try to lay pipe, and when I get the chance I fart and my ¨partner¨ runs away. What is wrong with me? Also, is it unnatural to try and smell your own butt?

Earl

Earl-

You might wanna try a dutch oven. I learned back in WWII to hide unner covers if a bomb was going to hit. But usually I dropped another kind of bomb while under the covers and basked in their glory. Thas a dutch oven. My beer says that my cats like sunshine. Gimme a beer.

Old Lady Alcoholic,

My boyfriend likes to drink and I don't, I think drinking is for the birds. How can I get him to stop drinking?

Sad Saddie in Seattle

Sad Saddie-

You don't like beer? WHORE!!! DEVIL WOMAN!!!!! You the devil come to get me! I know this to be true! I told you drinkin good not bad! You Devil woman!!!! You go to hell an burn! Cats! Cats! Moew! Jezebelle!