Letter of the week #1

Hallo,

My ding dong is too big, and the girls won't let me perform certain acts on them. There is no real question here. I think I'm just a lucky bastard. That is all.

Mr Ding "Biggie" Dong, Sydney, Australia

Dong-

My cats would love to get a hold a you! So would I as a matter of fact, but I'm too drunk right now to remember anything, don't take advantage of a drunk ole woman! Unless you want to! Wink, wink...oh wait...I'm supposed ot wink with my eyes, not say wink wink...cats!

I was riding my bike down the street when I got mooned by some kids, can this scar me for life?

Scarred for Life in Antigua-

If the ass attacked you then there probly would be sum scarring, but if it was a drive by mooning then I bet you will be ok. Like I always say, "Everytime I fall down, I break my hip!"

Old, crazy Alcoholic,

The other night I was with my husband and I caught him looking at another woman while we were out to dinner. Should I be concerned?

Concerned in California

Concerned,

Yes. If I were you I would castrate him so he don't go straying on ya! A man with no testicles is a loyal man, indeed! Back in 1918 Castration was all the rage! Everyone was doin it just like the Charleston. Cats! Cats!!!! Why's the room spinnin...uh-oh.