Here it is, 3am on Christmas Morn and I can't sleep. I'm tired, but sleep is my enemy right now, fighting me till I eventually crash and crash hard.

That friend of mine who has that website FINALLY updated her website. Hazzar! So far no new mention of me, but I did find out that she moved back to Fresno. Oh goody, more of a chance for me to run into her there when I go to visit my BACKSTREET friends! *sigh* I wonder what she would say about my relationship and that I'm bi-sexual? Probably more of a reason for her to hate me, and I really can't see why she hates me. I mean, hate is such a strong emotion. I don't hate anyone; not even that BASTARD who hurt me to the depths of my soul. *sigh* Oh well. Guess I'll never know.

Mary and I are thinking of moving in together. I know it's only technically been a month, where 75% of that has been spent apart, but it's something we're both willing to do. I mean, if she had been someone I had just met and said "Hey, let's move in together," I would have said "Hell no!" But we've been friends for two and a half years now. It makes our relationship seem like it's been going on for so much longer than it has. And she'd be a helluva lot better roomie than the one I have now. I did find out last week though that she had the hots for me from the very first day she laid eyes on me. That just makes me feel special. Me, well, I knew I liked her, I just didn't know how much, if you know what I mean.

We picked our song. Well, more like I picked our song and she didn't disagree. The song is by KRYStAL harris, hottie that I have seen in concert 4 times and have bought 3 copies of her album and convinced 2 other people to buy it (including Mary). It's "Love is a Beautiful Thing" and it's on the "Legally Blonde" soundtrack. (In the movie, it's where Elle goes into the nail salon on the east coast for the first time. It's very faint, so listen hard!) I wanted to pick something that didn't have any personal pronouns in it and was preferablly sung by a female (being we both are female). Well, this song has no personal pronouns (he, she, it) and KRYStAL sings it. And well, it fits. Love really is a beautiful thing and being in love with Mary, it's really nice. We work hard at our relationship. The emails are constant almost. She calls me (mainly because I don't have her number there) and we could talk for hours, mainly throwing out "I love yous" and "I miss yous" every ten minutes. My dad thinks it's cute (or funny) that we say to each other "When was the last time I told you I loved you?" and then the other answers with something along the lines "Not for a while."

Mary is so cute. I told her about the phrase "Olive Juice" and "Elf Issues" (if you mouth these words, it looks like you're saying "I love you"). Well, the trick is, you're SUPPOSED to mouth it, not say it, but not with us. She always says "Elf issues!" in this cute little voice that drives me nutty and I always reply back with "Olive juice!" I'm sure my co-workers think I'm nuts. Espeically when she waves a toy elf in my face and says "Elf issues!" The story behind that is that she took me to see "Lord of the Rings" (which we have had the toys and goblets and stuff for at Burger King for the past month) and we both fell for the male archer elf, Legolos. Well, I was telling my nighttime manager, Jackie, about it and suddenly she starts digging around in the box of toys trying to find the elf I was talking about. When we find it, I buy it for Mary who I call and tell that I'm on break (when I go on it) and present her with the toy in the middle of the dining room, where she proceeds to kiss me. (I'm still getting used to the thought of kissing in public.)

So now that it's 330am, and the sleep deprivation is finally starting to kick my butt, I think I'm going to go crawl into my bed because I'm cold. That's the problem. If I'm not in bed, I'm cold, but even in bed without Mary it's cold. I miss Mary! Okay, now I'm whining in my journal, definitely time to go to bed.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

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