Shoes
© 5/9/2001

What's your most embarrassing moment? Do you remember? I remember mine; 
but then again, half the world saw mine. 

My pen pal Dixie and I decided to meet in New York to spend about a 
week there. I live in California and she lives in Toronto. We worked 
for weeks to try and arrange our flights so that we would get there 
around the same time. We flew in on a Monday in June and arrived around 
one in the afternoon. After hugging each other, collecting our luggage, 
we took a cab to Times Square. We both wanted to see the MTV studios 
and hoped to get on Total Request Live for that afternoon. The cab 
driver dropped us about seven blocks from the MTV studios and we took 
off walking after having paid him. We were within three blocks of the 
building when we noticed that the crowd of people began to get bigger. 
We were a block away when Dixie noticed the signs and that most of the 
people around us were females. I looked at her. "Did you know the 
Backstreet Boys were going to be here today?" she asked me.

"No," I admitted. "How in the world did we NOT know?"

"I have no clue," she replied. Just then, a group of fans pushed up 
against us. We were separated and forced into the crowd of about four 
thousand fans. The girls were all screaming, and I knew at that point 
that the show had started. I tried screaming for Dixie, but it was no 
use. She couldn't hear me. I began to shake, feeling an overwhelming 
fear of death overtake me. I started crying as more and more people 
pushed me around. No one paid any attention to me, thinking that I was 
just an overexcited fan. I began pushing back against the group of 
people, trying to get out of the crowd. I kept pushing and shoving, all 
the while tears were streaming down my face. I felt lightheaded and 
dizzy. I knew I was going to faint soon and I needed to be somewhere 
that I wouldn't get crushed. I somehow managed to force my way to the 
front of the crowd. I was pushed right up against the metal barricades. 
Near me a cameraman stood with a camera as well as a police officer. 
Just as I reached the barricade, my knees weakened and I slumped 
against the metal. I caught myself under my arm and kept from falling 
on the hard concrete beneath me. I rested my forehead on the metal, 
expecting it to be cool, but instead it was warm. I was only lying 
there with my head on the barricade for a few moments when four big men 
came near me. One of them tapped me on the shoulder. I glanced up.

"Miss, come with me, please," he said. "What's your name?"

I stared at him with blurry, tear-filled eyes before answering "Becca." 
Two of the other men came and helped me over the barricade. They looped 
their arms under my shoulders and practically carried me to the 
entrance of the studios. None of the fans protested, they all thought I 
was being taken to the infirmary. I thought that's were I was going as 
well, but as we entered the building, the man who ad tapped me on the 
shoulder said, "Do you think you can walk?"

"Yeah, I think so," I said, tears still spilling out of my eyes. The 
four men helped me into an elevator and we rode upstairs. Getting off 
the elevator, still shaking like a leaf, I almost fell. The men hefted 
me up and led me down a hallway. I was led into what appeared to be an 
empty studio. But when I lifted my head, I saw Carson Daly standing 
there next to the Backstreet Boys. The studio had been emptied of 
people and the men and the crew were the only one's there.

The instant I saw the Backstreet Boys, the tears stopped flowing and 
the convulsions subsided. I was completely calm. Behind me I could hear 
one of the producers curse my calmness. The Boys all waved their hands 
telling me to come near them. I walked very slowly away from the 
security men just in case I fell again. 

"Her name's Becca," one of the security people said.

I made it to the six men and they surrounded me. "We thought you were 
going to faint out there," Latino Howie Dorough said. I nodded my head 
in understanding.

"Are you okay now?" tall dark Kevin Richardson asked placing his left 
hand on my shoulder. I glanced down at his wedding band before nodding 
my head again.

Nick Carter looked at me with piercing blue eyes. "Was that just an act 
to get to see us?" he asked. I shook my head. I felt my stomach start 
to turn and decided not to open my mouth.

"Come on Nick," AJ McLean said. "You saw her. She was obviously 
panicked."

"Everything will be fine now," Brian Littrell said, placing his arm 
around me.

"And we'll be right back with the top five," Carson Daly said into the 
camera.

I couldn't hold my stomach any more. I thought the cameras were off. 
Well, they had gone to the commercial sequence, but they were still 
rolling. I leaned over at the waist, clutching my stomach. Before I had 
a chance to run for a garbage can, the bathroom, anywhere but where I 
was, I lost my lunch. Everything that was in my stomach ended up on the 
floor before me. The men around me made their various yelps of surprise 
and tried to step back, but it was no use. My vile, disgusting vomit 
had ended up all over their shoes as well as mine. I started crying 
immediately. "I'm so sorry," I sobbed, as I was led over to a corner so 
a clean-up crew could get to work on my mess.

"No, it's okay," Nick said.

"No it's not," I cried, burying my face in my hands. I lifted my face 
and Howie was right there with tissue, not only dabbing at my tears, 
but also wiping the corners of my mouth.

Kevin handed me a paper cup full of water and a larger empty cup. I 
poured the water into my mouth, swished it around a bit and then spit 
the water into the other cup. Brian was the first to make a comment 
about what I had done. "I never liked these shoes anyway," he said, 
smiling at me. I glanced at him and broke into a fresh batch of tears. 
"No, seriously," he said, "I never liked them." He placed a hand on my 
shoulder. "Leigh bought them for me and I just never told her that I 
hated them. She made me wear them today," he said chuckling. I stared 
at him and slowly started to chuckle through my tears.

"You know, one of these days, you're gonna look back on this and 
laugh," AJ said as he lifted one foot and then the other glancing at 
his soiled shoes.

"So now what are we going to do?" Carson asked.

"Do the interview barefoot?" I asked sarcastically. I didn't think 
anyone would take me seriously, but I watched as each man started to 
slip out of his shoes and then slide their socks off. "I was kidding," 
I said.

"No, it's a good idea," Kevin said.

I looked over at the floor where I had literally spilled my guts out in 
front of the Backstreet Boys. The mess had been cleaned up. "Are you 
okay now?" Carson asked me.

I nodded my head as AJ asked, "What happened?"

"It was a panic attack," I said. "I've had them before, but never that 
severe." I wiped the tears on my cheeks away.

"Look at it this way," Nick commented, "at least we'd gone to 
commercial." We all walked back over and took our spots.

Carson looked at us. "Well, actually we weren't completely gone yet," 
he said. I stared at him. "We'd actually gone to a wide shot at that 
point. They cut rather quickly when they saw what was happening, 
but..."

"You mean, the world saw that?" I choked out.

"Yeah," he said softly. I groaned and sank to the floor, pounding my 
head softly on the shiny, slippery surface. I had puked on the 
Backstreet Boys' shoes and in front of millions of people. I knew I was 
never going to live it down.