"No, it's okay. I didn't mind," I replied, a little breathless. How could I mind? I was just kissed by AJ McLean! I thought to myself.

"Thanks," he said softly. "Sometimes it's the only way to get away from them."

"Hey, any time you wanna kiss me, you can."

"So how 'bout now?" he asked, leaning down and kissing me once again.

"What was that for?" I asked moments later.

"To thank you."

"Oh, if you are this grateful to someone who saved you from a buncha fans, I'd hate to see what you do for the person who saves your life."

The man laughed at me. "So you know who I am?"

"Of course. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone." I glimpsed my friend Heather and Aaron walking by looking for me. "Hey Heather!" I called.

She turned around. "There you are. Who's your friend?" she asked winking at me.

"Heather, Aaron, this is..." I paused long enough to glance at AJ, "Alex." The three of them exchanged pleasantries. "You know, you're more than welcome to hang with us," I said.

"Thanks," Alex replied and joined our group. I unconsciously linked arms with him. He glanced down at me, and I just smiled up at him.

"Do you mind?" I asked.

"Not at all."

The four of us continued to walk through the mall and eventually went back to my rented Dodge Stratus. I had been in a car accident a week prior and my car had been declared "dead," so I was renting. Heather and Aaron took the back while Alex climbed in the front. "So where we off to?" he asked.

"My dad's house," I replied. As I started the car, I said to him, "I hope you don't mind me asking a couple of questions, but what are you doing here and where is your girlfriend?"

"Well, in answer to question two, we broke up a while ago. She went back to Justin."

"Ewww," I replied. Alex's girlfriend Amanda had dated Justin of the group 'N Sync and it appears that she now wanted him back.

"I know. And in answer to the first question, I just felt like coming."

"To this hell-hole?" Heather asked. "Why? I'm leaving here on Monday."

"Eh, I just wanted some place different to go. Some place I'd never been."

"Works for me," I said.

"You can just drop me by my hotel if you want."

"No way. You're coming home with me. I wanna freak out my step-mother." Alex raised an eyebrow at me. "Hey, with your tattoos and piercings she's gonna flip."

"Okay, fine by me." We drove towards my dad's house and I turned on the radio. Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady" came on and I turned the volume up and sang along. Immediately following that song came Brian McKnight's "Back at One." Alex joined me in singing and we all laughed and joked the whole way to my dad's.

When we reached my dad's house, I climbed out of the car along with all my passengers. We headed up the walkway to the front door. Alex held open the door and let me enter. I saw my dad sitting at the kitchen table. He had long brown hair, pulled back in a ponytail and brown eyes. He was in a nice dress shirt and slacks. "Hi Dad," I called.

"Hey kid. Who are all your friends?" he asked.

"Well, you know Heather and Aaron, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, this is my new friend, Alex," I said introducing Alex to my dad. "Alex, this is my dad, Bryant."

"It's nice to meet you, sir," Alex said, shaking my dad's hand. When they shook hands, my stepmother, who was in the kitchen, noticed that tattoos on Alex's arm and gasped. I chuckled and turned towards her.

"Alex, this is my stepmother, Stacy. Stacy, this is Alex." They shook hands and then I turned him towards my mother in the living room. "And Alex this is my mother, Peggy." My mother smiled and waved at him. "You guys don't need to worry, he's not a gang member," I reassured them.

"I'm not a gang member," Alex said. "I got the first one, and I just couldn't stop after that."

"And the earrings?" Stacy asked.

"I like 'em," Alex replied.

"You're such a sweetie," I said to Alex. "Do you mind if he comes with us?" I asked my mom.

"I don't care, I'm not driving." My mom's right arm was in a cast as a last resort before surgery on her wrist, so I had to drive almost all the time on this trip.

"Is Ashley upstairs?" I asked.

"I think so," my father replied.

"Okay, Alex don't go anywhere. I'll be right back with your second biggest fan," I said, running up the stairs. "Ashley!" I called. She poked her head out her bedroom door.

"Yeah?" she asked. She was my height, had light brown hair and was wearing black flared pants and a black top.

"Who's your favorite Backstreet Boy?"

"AJ."

"Well, come down stairs, I want you to meet someone. But no screaming, okay?"

She raised an eyebrow but followed me. As we approached the first floor, I reminded her not to scream. She jumped over the last two steps to the ground, headed towards the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh my God..." she said, covering her mouth with her hands.

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "Yes Ashley, it's AJ."

She started laughing. "What are you doing in my house?" she asked.

"I met your sister at the mall today and she said I could hang with her."

"Wow. Are you coming with us to the graduation?" she asked.

"If you want me to." Alex looked around and I looked at my dad, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Robert already left, he had to be there early," my dad said.

"That's cool. We should probably head over there too," I said to my friends.

"Yeah, okay," Heather said.

Everyone climbed into their respected cars and we headed over to the arena. The graduation was okay. The only thing you could really hear was the board members reading the names. Everything else sounded like people trying to talk through water. When it was finally over, we all headed back to my dad's house and hung around talking to everyone. I introduced Alex to my grandmother. That was not a pleasant thing. I should have hid him in a closet. My brother, Robert, appeared for a while, long enough to take pictures then he went to sober grad. Right before he left, I told my mom that I was going to go back to hotel with Alex. Unfortunately for me, my stepmother overheard and said something about it to my dad that I wasn't supposed to hear.

"You're going to let her go?" she asked my dad.

"Why wouldn't I?" my dad replied.

"Well, for starters, we don't know this Alex."

"But she doesn't live here. We have no control over what she does." Leave it to my stepmother to raise a fuss. Fortunately she didn't make it a big deal and single me out in front of everyone. My mom left right after my brother did; she had Heather take her back to my Aunt Charlene's house. I left shortly after she did, taking Alex with me. He was staying at a little hotel in town. He had signed in under an alias and so far no one had recognized him, except for the little incident at the mall earlier that day. He led me upstairs and down a hallway. When he opened the door, he said to me, "I hope you weren't expecting much." Inside the room looked like your average hotel room: a queen sized bed, a table with two chairs, a television, a sink, a small little bathroom, and that was it. "So why did you wanna come back here with me?" he asked me, as he shut the door.

"Oh, I dunno. I just wanted to get away for a while."

"Ah." He clicked on the television and flipped to HBO. "South Park" the movie was just starting. "You like South Park?" he asked.

"Hell yes," I replied, jumping onto the bed.

"Cool." Alex climbed up beside me. We lay there together watching the movie. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Just because." I nodded my head and kissed him on the cheek. "And what was that for?" Alex asked me.

"Just returning the favor," I replied.

"Uh huh." He placed a finger under my chin and pulled my face over to his. He tilted his head ever so slightly and kissed me. We stayed there, kissing, for a while. He pulled my body close to his. When we broke for air, he said to me, "I hope you're not expecting anything."

"Why would I be expecting anything?"

"Most girls do. Plus, I'm a little unprepared. But it's not a problem. I can always go out..."

I put a finger to AJ's lips. "Alex, you don't have to. I wasn't expecting anything from you. Plus, I make it a rule not to sleep with anyone on the first date."

"That's a very good rule."

"And on top of that, I hardly know you."

"And I you. But we can change that."

"Are you saying that just so you can get some?"

"Nope. I'm saying it because I want to get to know you." He kissed me gently again. "You're the first person in a long time who has treated me like a real person." I smiled at him. "I want to get know you inside and out."

"But you're just getting out of a relationship and I haven't been in one in about three years."

"That's why we'll take it slow."

"But you live in Orlando."

"And you're not willing to give up your education for me. I understand. It's okay. We'll find someway to make something work. Even if we're only friends, I'll live with that."

"I will too."

He kissed me again. "So tell me about yourself." We spent the next several hours talking about our lives. Around three in the morning, I finally fell asleep. AJ and I had talked so much; we kept cutting each other off. It was almost funny. I awoke the next morning to AJ stroking my hair. "Good morning, princess," he said to me.

"So I wasn't dreaming," I said groggily.

"Dreaming what?"

"That I met you." I glanced over at the clock. It read almost ten in the morning. "Oh my God. I'd better get going," I said, practically jumping out of bed. "My mom and I have to drive home today."

"I know, I'm leaving today too. So can I get your number?" I looked around for something to write my number on and found a pad and a pen. I wrote down my phone number, address and even my email address at backstreetboys.com just in case. "So you have a BSB.com account, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, well. I have about fourteen others too. But no one really emails me at the BSB account."

"So this way you know it's me, huh?"

"Yep."

"Well, I'll most definitely email you then." He kissed my nose and pulled me into a hug. "So you better go online and check that account. You never know what might show up."

"Oh, I certainly will, especially with the possibility of actually having email." I squeezed him as tight as I could. "You know, as funny as this sounds, I'm gonna miss you," I told him.

"And I you. Hell, I'm probably gonna email you from the plane."

"Well, I won't be able to check it until at least tonight, so don't get too freaked out if you don't get a response right away."

"Thanks for warning me." I let go of him and turned to leave. I had barely gotten out of his grasp, when he grabbed my wrist and pulled back to him. "Before you go," he said, leaning down and kissing me long and hard. The kiss left me breathless. "Something to remember me by," he said, letting me go once again.

"As if I could forget that," I said, staggering to my car. AJ followed behind me and helped me into my car. He leaned down and kissed me again. "How am I supposed to miss you if I don't leave?"

"Good point," he replied and let me get in the car. As I drove away, I was uncertain if I would ever hear from AJ again.

My mom and I drove four hours to our home later that morning and that night, when I checked my email I found one from Alex. We spent the next few months emailing each other. I was on summer vacation and Alex was on a break too so we spent some weekends together, but unlike AJ, I had to work. Then one day in July, I got an email from Alex.

Hey Gurly-Gurl! I just realized something last week. Since I'm not with Amanda anymore, I don't have a date for B-Rok's wedding. So I was wondering if you would be my date? I'll get the happy couple to send you an invitation and I'll take care of all the travel arrangements, don't you worry. So get back to me, so I can get things rolling. I'll see you the weekend of September second.

I emailed him back and told him I would be honored, but that I wanted to be put in touch with Brian or Leighanne. Alex replied with a phone number where I could reach them. Shortly after I got the invitation in the mail, I called Brain.

"Hello?" a man answered the phone.

"Hi. Can I speak to Brian please?" I asked, my breath catching in my throat.

"This is he," the man replied. I sighed.

"Hi Brian, this is Rebecca. I'm AJ's date to your wedding. I have a question."

"Oh, hi. He talks about you all the time."

"He does?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. It's all good."

"Well that's good to know."

"Has he sent you any poetry?"

"No, he hasn't, why?"

"Oh, I haven't seen him this inspired since he met Amanda. So you had a question."

"Yeah, actually I did. I'm a fan, first and foremost, and well, I was wondering if I could take pictures of the wedding?" Silence followed my question. "It's okay if you tell me no, but let me make you a deal first. My friends online only know that I've met AJ and no one knows that I'm going to your wedding. The pictures are really only for me. But what I'll do is scan them into my computer and email them to you. You can then tell me what pictures I can send to people. I'll only tell people if you give me permission. I mean, this is your day, after all."

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stop for a minute. Yes, you can bring a camera and take as many pictures as you want. I'm honored to know that there is at least one fan coming. And I am even more honored to know how nice you are. Any other fan wouldn't even think to ask."

"Well, thank you. I try. I work on the phones, trying to get people to give me money, so I always have to be nice. But anyway, I just wanted to ask you that question. So I guess I'll see you in a month. Best of luck."

"Thanks," Brian said and we said good bye. I hung up the phone and immediately got online and emailed AJ.

A month later, I was in Atlanta for the wedding of Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell. I had only told a very few people that I was going, and to most of them, I only said I was going to a wedding of a friend. I flew in the night before the wedding and AJ had arranged to have me picked up at the airport because he was at the rehearsal dinner. I was lying in bed, flipping through the television channels about eleven that night. I was wearing a Backstreet Boys tee shirt and flannel boxers. I was just relaxing, when there was a knock on my door. "Who is it?" I called, walking over to the door.

"It's Alex." I grinned and opened the door. AJ entered carrying a bottle of white wine and two wineglasses.

"What's the occasion?" I asked.

"Nothing, yet." He set the glasses on the table near the door and put the wine bottle down near them. He then swept me into his arms and kissed me. "I wanted to ask you something," he said to me, kissing down my neck.

"What?"

"Would you be my girlfriend?"

"Huh?"

"Would you be my girlfriend?" he asked again.

"Yeah, sure." I responded absentmindedly.

"That doesn't sound like you're very sure," AJ said, picking me up. He carried me over to the bed and laid me down. "I'm serious now. Will you be my girl?"

"Of course I will, Hon," I told him and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Well, then this calls for a celebration," AJ said getting up off the bed. He went over to the table and popped the cork out of the wine bottle. He'd already had it open so it was pretty easy to get the cork out. He poured the wine into the two glasses and then walked back over to the bed. He handed one of the glasses to me. I took it and sat up. "I'd like to propose a toast," AJ said. "To us and our new life together."

I smiled and said softly, "To us," and we clinked glasses. I sipped the wine and then set the glass on the bedside table. Alex put his glass next to mine and leaned over and kissed me.

"I've missed you so much," he said.

"I know. I've missed you too," I told Alex as he started kissing my neck. He pushed me down on the bed and slid his hands up underneath my tee shirt. I could feel his cold hands on my back. He looked up from kissing my neck and glanced over at the wineglasses on the nightstand.

"You've hardly touched your wine."

"I know." I gently pushed AJ away from me.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"You'll see," I said. I rolled AJ over onto his back. I started to unbutton his white dress shirt and pushed it off his chest. I then reached over and grabbed my mostly full wineglass. I held the wineglass over him and straddled his hips. I traced a finger down the middle of his chest to his navel. I took a drink of the wine and then very slowly and carefully, tipped the glass over his chest. AJ arched his back slightly as the liquid touched his skin. After I had dumped a slight amount on him, I leaned down and licked it off. He moaned softly. He reached down and placed his hands on the back of my head and laced his fingers through my hair. He pulled my face up to his and kissed me, running his hands down my back. He stopped kissing me long enough to mumble something. "What'd you say, Hon?" I asked.

"I said, I'm sorry Babe. We can't do anything tonight."

"I'm not asking," I said softly, leaning over and kissing his neck.

"It sure seems like it."

"Nah. Let's just have some fun tonight, okay?"

"Whatever you say," he replied, pulling my lips back to his. He opened his mouth and I followed suit. Our tongues met and he traced his tongue over my teeth. He grabbed my shoulders and rolled over so that I was on my back. I pushed my hands up on his shoulders and very slowly removed his dress shirt. "Girl I want you so badly."

"But you can't have me."

"I know." He kissed me yet again.

"You know," I said, breaking away from his kiss. "You have to get up early tomorrow."

"I know," he said, reaching one hand underneath my shirt. "So how much of a Backstreet fan are you?" He began to pull my shirt up. He ran his hand over my stomach and then up to my breast. He pushed my shirt up, slipping it over my head. He placed his lips to mine and then started kissing down my neck and shoulders.

"I know you write poetry," I said, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "And I know you've been writing since you met me."

AJ picked up his head and looked at me. "How do you know that?"

"Brian told me."

"Oh I see how it is," he said, reaching for the wine. He took a swig from the bottle and then tipped it over my body. The liquid had barely touched my body when he licked it off of me. He traced his tongue over my stomach and up to my breasts. He encircled each one with his tongue and stopped at my nipples to suck on them like a baby. He dragged his teeth over my flesh, being very careful not to bite down too hard. I turned my head towards the clock on the nightstand; the clock read almost one in the morning.

"AJ, what time is Bri's wedding?"

"Ten, why?"

"Well, we have only nine hours till then," I said softly.

"So?" he said reaching his left hand down to the waistband of my boxer shorts.

"Ah ah," I said. "Gotta keep something to myself," I said grabbing his hand. "Plus I don't wanna turn you on too much." AJ chuckled and lifted his head to look at me.

"So what are you suggesting we do then?"

"How 'bout get some sleep?"

"You tired already?"

"Yes. I had a long flight in and tomorrow's gonna be long, I know it."

"Okay, Babe. I'll let you get some sleep." AJ got up off the bed and tucked me in.

"You leaving?" I asked in my saddest voice.

"No," he said, climbing in behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder.

"You know, normally you sing me to sleep at night."

"I do?"

"Yeah. I have 'Lay Down Beside Me' looped like six times on a tape and I listen to that until I fall asleep."

"Oh well, then I guess I need to help you fall asleep then." AJ rested his head on my shoulder and started singing softly in my ear, "If you lay down, lay down beside me, you can get on inside me and I can get on inside of you too. If you lay down, lay down beside me, you will wake up beside me forever and ever." I drifted off to sleep in AJ's arms, our skin touching, and his voice in my ear.

I opened my eyes the next morning and found a note taped to the wine bottle. "Thank you for the evening," it said. "I'll see you at the church. Get there early so I can see you. Love Alex." I peeled the note off the bottle and then headed into the bathroom. Shortly after eight-thirty I was dressed and ready to go. At nine I was at the church. It was a nice sized Baptist church on the outskirts of town. A white limousine was parked outside and I'd already seen three cars of teenagers drive by. I think they were looking to crash the wedding, but fortunately for Brian and Leighanne, the ceremony's location was very top secret and only the invited guests knew where it was. To anyone driving by, it looked like an average wedding, and there were ten other weddings going on that day in various parts of town.

I was wearing khaki pants, a light blue top and white sandals. My shoulder length hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I had my black mini-backpack purse with me. Inside was my camera with about a dozen rolls of film. I opened one of the double doors leading to the foyer of the church. Directly inside was the guestbook, so I signed my name. I was standing there maybe three minutes at the most when four very handsome men came out in black tuxedos. I recognized them instantly. The tall brunette was Kevin Richardson, Brian's cousin. The tall blonde was Nick Carter, Brian's best friend in the band. The one with the long dark hair and exotic looks was Howie Dorough, my best friend Jen's favorite Backstreet Boy. And then there was my AJ. He looked dashing in the tux and I could have fainted if I wasn't such a strong person. AJ looked me over. "What, no skirt for you?" he asked.

"I didn't have one that was appropriate," I replied. "They were either black or short."

"You could have worn a short one."

"Maybe for your wedding," I said coolly.

"Um, guys, this is my girlfriend, Rebecca," AJ said to the other ushers. I blushed at the new title. AJ's girlfriend. It still hadn't sunk in. "I take it you know who they are," AJ said to me.

I grinned and nodded. "Do you guys mind if I get a picture?"

"No, of course not," Kevin said.

"More pictures," Nick groaned, and Howie elbowed him in the side.

"Hang on a second though," Kevin said and turned around. He took three long strides to a door that lead into the church and then jogged up the aisle to another door. He poked his head in and said, "Hey cousins, grab the shades and let's go. Photo op."

"More pictures," Harry whined. "How many more do I have to take?"

"Tons. Come on let's go." Kevin led his cousins back to me in the foyer and introduced me. Harry looked like the rest of the guys in a black tux. Brian was dressed all in white right down to his shoes. I tried to contain myself. There was my angel, all in white standing before me.

"So you're the one who called me," Brian said.

"Yep," I said, as I motioned the guys to get in close so I could take their picture. The guys put Brian in the middle and surrounded him. It was cute. I took two like that and then had the guys put the sunglasses on.

"Are you really a fan?" Brian asked.

"Yep, and I'm screaming on the inside," I said, as I snapped the pic. I then asked Harry to get a picture of the guys and me.

"You know," AJ said as they all encircled me, "you're gonna have the last picture of Brian the bachelor."

"Really?"

"Yep." AJ and Brian leaned over and kissed my left cheek. Howie and Nick leaned over and kissed my right cheek, while Kevin kissed the top of my head. It all took place in an instant and Harry got it on film. We then took a regular picture of us. And then AJ convinced Harry to do one more of just him and I. Harry and Brian then headed back into the church and AJ linked his arm with mine and led me into the church. He made sure to seat me next to the aisle so I could get as many pictures as my little fingers could snap. He kissed my cheek and left me there to wait for the ceremony to start.

When the ceremony did start, I got a picture of Brian and his brother waiting patiently for the bride. I got one of each of the guys and AJ even looked right at me as I took his picture. I must have gotten five of Leighanne walking down the aisle. She looked beautiful, her white dress flowing around her. I managed to get both of their reactions when they saw each other. Brian even had tears in his eyes. I knew at that moment that he really loved her. I got other pictures of the ceremony; Leighanne being given away, them exchanging vows and rings and even the first kiss of the newlyweds. I cried, but then again I always cried at weddings. When the pastor pronounced them man and wife and then presented Mr. and Mrs. Brian Littrell, I sobbed. I know Brian's mother was sobbing, her little baby boy was married. And I know Leighanne's parents were crying too, at thirty-one their little girl was finally married.

The ceremony itself seemed to go on forever, when it really only took a little more than two hours. The reception wasn't until one and it too was at a private location, one of Leighanne's relative's houses. After the ceremony, the newlyweds went to their limo and all the attendants and ushers headed towards their dates. AJ picked me up and spun me around. "Hope you like to dance?" he said, leading me to a rental car.

"Of course," I said.

"Good, because you are probably going to be doing a whole lot of it." I grinned as AJ and I drove to the reception. Once there, AJ introduced me around. I was quickly becoming known as "AJ's girlfriend" but I didn't care too much. When the bride and groom got there, things started to pick up. Lunch was served and then the dancing began. Brian and Leighanne's first dance was to "Here and Now" by Luther Vandross. It was really special to them, I could tell. After a while, the parents got to dance with their children and immediately following that was the "dollar dance." It almost shocked me that Brian and Leighanne were going to go through with it, but I took my place in the line of women waiting to dance with Brian. When it was my turn, I pinned a five dollar bill to him and he looked at me funny.

"It's for saving my life," I said as he took me in his arms and danced me around the floor. While we were dancing I told him how I came to believe that he and I were destined to meet. He was shocked. He told me that he had never met a fan that had such a touching story of why they were a fan. When he let me go, he told me to keep in touch with him, because there was a special place in his heart for me. Brian had no sooner let me go, than AJ stepped in and continued to dance me around the floor. AJ and I danced for a long time. At one point, the DJ started to pick things up a bit and the floor pretty much belonged to AJ and I. That's when things started getting interesting. He pulled me in close and asked if I wanted to have fun. "Just lead the way," I told him. And lead he did. AJ, who by this time had ditched the jacket and bow tie, started spinning and dipping me, just like we'd been dance partners for years. At one point in the song, he pulled me in close and asked if I wanted to do a backflip. I told him sure and the next thing I knew I was upside down. The rest of the wedding guests had stopped dancing by this point and gathered around to see what AJ and I were up to. AJ and I danced our way through the Cherry Poppin' Daddies' "Zoot Suit Riot," and when the song ended and I was staring up at the ceiling in a very low dip, the crowd erupted into applause. AJ led me off the floor and back to my table. "Wow," I whispered into his chest.

"I know. Why didn't you tell me you knew how to dance like that?" he said.

"'Cause I don't know how to dance like that. I can just follow anyone's lead." He sat me down and whispered for me not to go anywhere, so I stayed where I was put. I had been sitting there only a few moments, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Expecting it be Kevin, the certified ballroom dance instructor of the group, I turned around slowly. The person behind me wasn't Kevin; instead it was someone out of my past.

"You look very familiar," the man said. "Do I know you?"

"I'm not sure," I replied.

"Now I know you. You're Rebecca, aren't you? Do you remember me?" I looked at him. "Let me put it another way. That could have been us," he said.

I sighed. "Look, Mike, I don't know what you're doing here, and frankly I don't care. But you hurt me in ways I never imagined possible. What I would like is for you to just go away and leave me alone."

"What? There's no possibility..."

I cut Mike off. "No, not a chance." I saw Alex across the room, so I got up and walked away from the past and over to my future. Things were just getting started for the bouquet toss. Even though I was the shortest among the women there and I had no intention of ever getting married, I joined in, just for the fun of it. To my surprise, the bouquet fell right into my hands. I was so shocked. I went over and hugged Leighanne. It was then time for the garter toss, which meant Brian had to take it off of Leighanne. He started with his hands, but AJ just had to yell out that Brian had just had his teeth cleaned and that he needed to remove the garter with his pearly whites. The crowd laughed and Leighanne even egged Brian on, so he gave in. When he had the garter in his teeth, of course I got a picture. It was too cute. He kissed his wife and then stood on the chair that she had occupied.

"Okay, single men only. Kev and Harry, you two don't count," Brian yelled.

"Like hell we don't," Kevin yelled back. "Until there's a ring on this finger, I am single."

The crowd laughed and Brian just turned around and on a count of three, launched the garter into the air. The men dove for it and somehow, AJ came up with it in his hands. "Uh, oh," Brian said. "Looks like Bone has a commitment now." The crowd laughed and I blushed bright red. AJ came over and kissed me sweetly. He whispered in my ear, "Don't worry, Brian's just a little plastered, that's all." I laughed. The party continued and finally at about six that night, I found AJ and told him I wanted to go back to my hotel. He agreed, but said that he was a little too wasted to drive. Me, being only twenty, scooped up my "boyfriend" and helped him say good bye to everyone. I gave Brian my email address and then slipped my friend Jen's email address to Howie, telling him that if he ever ended up single, to email Jen. He nodded and smiled at me. I had no clue that he was single and that he had brought his sister, Pollyanna with him as his date. I helped AJ out to his rented car and asked him for directions back to the hotel I was staying at. Fortunately for me, he wasn't so wasted that he couldn't tell me that.

When we got to the hotel, I helped AJ into my room and even helped him get undressed and into my bed. It only took a matter of minutes before we were both out cold even though it was only seven in the evening.

AJ awoke the next morning only slightly hung over. He had been drinking the night before, and he was too drunk to drive, but he wasn't so drunk that he was sick. It was early, about six-thirty. AJ and I had slept almost twelve hours. I rolled over and rested my head on AJ's shoulder. He ran his hand over the back of my head. "How you doing?" he asked me.

"I'm fine, but more importantly how are you?" I asked softly, in case AJ had a headache.

"I've been worse." He leaned over and kissed me. "Did you have fun yesterday?"

"Tons," I said sarcastically. "I always wanted to go watch my idol get married."

"Hey now, you caught the bouquet."

"Yeah, and you caught the garter, so there."

"What's wrong?" AJ asked, rolling over so he could look me in the eye.

I didn't say anything for a minute. "I'm gonna miss you," I said softly.

"And I'm gonna miss you."

"I know. But you're the first boyfriend I've had in a long time and, well, I just dunno how I'll be able to keep this up long distance. I've never had a relationship last more than a year."

"Don't worry, Babe, we'll take it slow. No need to rush."

"Thanks," I said.

I left later that day and went home so I could make it to school on Monday morning. I had seven rolls of film to develop and when I finally got the photos back, I was very pleased. I set to work scanning in the hundred and seventy pictures I had of the wedding. I then emailed them to Brian. I had to send him about forty emails to get them all to him, but he was very pleased. He said I was more than welcome to send everyone the pictures I had of me with all the guys and then any of them of Alex and I he didn't care about. He was kind of concerned about the ones of the actual ceremony, but I assured him that they were going in my scrapbook and nowhere else.

Alex and I kept in almost constant email contact. It was nice and the fact that we didn't see each other every day or every weekend strengthened our relationship. In October, when the Boys went on tour, there was an invitation for me to go with them. I had to decline because of school, but told them that when they came through California I would be more than happy to go and then on my Thanksgiving break I would love to tour with them for a week. As it turned out, the guys were coming through California near the end of October. Alex said that me and my friend Jen could go and that he would have a limo pick us up and take us to the concert. The Boys were going to be doing two shows in San Jose, one on a Friday and the other on a Saturday. I told my supervisor at work that I would need the weekend off and that I would let him know as soon as I did what was going on. Fortunately for me, I'd been working for Survey Research Center long enough that they trusted me.

The Friday of the concert came and Jen came over that morning. We were both practically jumping out of our skin. Howie had emailed her a couple of times. At first she was shocked, then she realized it must have been me. No one else knew how much she liked Howie or had access to her email to give to him. When I had shown her the pictures from the wedding, she about fainted. When the limo arrived, the driver handed me a red rose and Jen a couple of violets. We grinned at each other and jumped down the steps together. On the ride to San Jose, we listened to our Backstreet CDs and talked. It had been almost two months since I had last seen Alex. So far, things between us had been great. Alex and Howie had managed to book us rooms in the same hotel they were staying in. When we got there, we realized it was possibly a mistake. There were hundreds of screaming girls outside the hotel and when we drove up, they all thought that Jen and I were the Backstreet Boys. It was funny, but scary in the same instance.

As it turned out, the hotel was right down the street from the arena. That night, Jen and I left and got down to the arena about half an hour before the concert started. There were already tons of fans there, chanting "Backstreet Boys! Backstreet Boys!" I don't remember who the opening act was, but then again, I don't remember who the opening act was for New Kids. The Boys came out and performed their hearts out. When Howie did his solo, he asked if he could sing to Jen, who could have died. AJ looked right at me when he sang his solo and I knew he was hinting at something. After the concert, Jen and I headed backstage and gave our names to the security guy. He led us back to the Boys and when AJ saw me, he hugged me. "Oh, I missed you," he whispered in my ear.

"I know. So, now what?" I asked. I was overjoyed at the fact that I was standing there with AJ and my first Backstreet Boys concert had gone so well.

"Well, I say we get out of here. I need to go take a shower," he said. He took my hand and we headed back to the hotel. We got to his room without a major incident. Once inside, he headed directly into the bathroom.

"Do you mind if I watch?" I asked.

AJ's jaw hung open. "Uh, Hon, we...we can't..."

I didn't let him finish. I knew what he was trying to say. "AJ, it's okay. There are other ways to be intimate." He kissed my nose and agreed to let me watch. He picked me up and set me on the counter and then proceeded to strip off his clothes. As each article of clothing came off his hot and sticky body, he threw it at me. I caught each piece and tossed it on the floor. When he got down to his boxers he stopped and turned on the water.

He turned back to me and asked, "How are you gonna watch if I'm behind the door?"

"Good point," I said, quickly disrobing and stepping into the shower. AJ was quick to follow me. I stood with my back to the wall and watched as AJ stood beneath the water, letting it cascade over his rippling muscles. He tilted his head back and let the water run over his hair and into his face. I watched as he grabbed the little bar of soap and worked up a rich lather. He ran the suds over his body and then to my surprise, he grabbed me and started his hands over my body. He turned me around so I was under the water. He grabbed the bar of soap a second time and worked up another rich lather. He then started rubbing his soapy hands over my body. Starting at my shoulders and massaging down my chest. He rubbed circles over my breasts and then continued down my stomach. He moved his hands around and grabbed my rear, pulling me close to him. He leaned down and kissed me, the water falling on my hair and somehow between our bodies, rinsing the suds off of me. AJ reached behind me and turned off the water. He then grabbed a towel and wrapped it around both our bodies. He led me out of the shower and then backed me up and pushed me onto the bed. He opened his mouth and I followed suit. Our tongues fought for control, where his was tracing over my teeth and mine was just fighting with his. He moved his lips over to my ear and then down my neck. He ran his hands down my body, tossing the towel aside.

"Girl, I want you so badly," he said. Outside our little world, I heard some scuffing and thumping on the walls.

"What's that?" I asked.

"The guys," AJ said, not looking up from kissing on my stomach. "Don't go anywhere," he told me. He got up and wrapped the towel around his waist. I climbed up on the bed and rolled over onto my side. For some strange reason I was now tired. I heard AJ head next door and then say out loud to himself, "Why the hell am I going to Brian? He's working on the little B-Roks. He wouldn't have any."

I think he then turned around and about ran head long into Nick, because I heard Nick say, "What's the matter Bone?"

"I'm a little empty handed at the moment, and my girlfriend is, well..." I never heard what was said after that because I dozed off. A little while later, I felt AJ crawl into bed next me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my ear. "I'm sorry," he said into my ear. I shook my head and went back to sleep.

I awoke to someone kissing on my shoulder. I rolled over on to my back and opened my eyes. I was met with the most pleasant sight I could think of, AJ's beautiful brown eyes. This week, his hair was red, but he had told me that by Thanksgiving, it would be blonde. "Morning," he said softly.

"Morning," I replied.

"I'm sorry about last night," he said, leaning down and kissing my neck.

"It's okay, really," I told him.

"You sure? I mean, I didn't want to be leading you on."

"I'm the one who's leading you on," I said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because of things like this," I said, reaching down and massaging his inner thigh.

"Um hum."

"And this." I kissed his lips and then down to his neck and over to his shoulder.

"Yeah, but what about when I do this?" He took his hand and placed it over my breast, squeezing slightly. "And this?" He took his other hand and grabbed the hand that was on his inner thigh and pulled it over my head. He then grabbed my other hand and placed the two above my head, holding my wrists down with his hand. His hand that was massaging my breast moved down my body. He kissed my lips as his hand moved in between my thighs. He rubbed my thighs, moving upwards until his fingers touched the tender skin between my legs. I gasped and he covered my lips with his, slipping his tongue in my mouth. He ran his fingertips over that tender skin yet again; dipping slightly into the wetness that was quickly starting to form.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. "Bone, are you awake?" Brian asked.

"Shit," AJ said, pulling away from me, and rolling over onto his back. "Why does stuff like this always happen to me?" I scooted over beside him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Because, it just does," I whispered to him. I leaned over and kissed him sweetly and then got up off the bed. I found the white towel lying on a chair and wrapped it around my body. I glanced over at AJ, who pulled the sheets around him. I opened the door and found Brian standing there, about ready to knock again.

Brian was a little shocked, to say the least. "Whoa, I'm sorry, Rebecca. I didn't know..."

"No, it's okay, Brian. Um," I looked back at AJ and then back at Brian, "could you give me five minutes? I need to talk to you."

Brian blinked. "Sure. I'll be right outside." Brian backed up and leaned against the wall as I shut the door. I went into the bathroom and got my clothes and got dressed.

"Aw, why'd you have to go and do that for?" AJ asked.

"Don't worry," I said, as I walked towards my naked boyfriend. "There'll be other times." I kissed him on the cheek and walked towards the door.

"If you keep walking like that, I may just have to rip your clothes off," AJ growled at me.

With my hand on the doorknob, I turned around and just grinned at him. I opened the door and saw Brian sitting on the floor across the hall. When he saw me, he stood up. As I closed the door, he approached me, saying, "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah. Is there some place we can go?"

"Sure, come on." He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me down the hall. We passed several people, some of which I recognized as dancers from the previous night. We got to the end of the hall and Brian held open the door to a suite. Once inside, he shut the door and said, "It's okay, no one's gonna bother us. So what did you wanna talk about?"

I sat down on one of the sofas in the room. "How well do you know Alex?" I asked.

"Pretty well, why?"

"Well..." I sighed. "I don't really know how to put this. He's been acting kinda strange. Well, I'm not sure if I can call it strange because he's been acting this way since I first met him. Every time we're alone, he...he...he starts apologizing."

"Apologizing over what?" Brian asked, sitting down beside me.

I chuckled. "Well, he apologizes because he's unprepared."

"Unprepared?" Brian looked at me. When I looked back, he understood what I was telling him. "AJ's never unprepared," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I know for a fact he has a box on him. I gave it to him when the tour started." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey, I figured he'd need them. And I sure don't."

I laughed at him. "So if he is prepared, why does he keep saying that he isn't?"

Brian clasped his hands in front of him and wrung them slowly. "Well, there could be several reasons actually. I think the most probable reason is because he cares about you. By saying he's unprepared, he's letting you set the pace."

"But I feel like I'm leading him on."

"He would have let you know by now if you were. He talks about you constantly. He says you treat him like a normal person and that's something we all want. You know, you're the first person since Amanda left him who has not cared about him being a celebrity. Most fans throw themselves at us and well, not to say anything bad about AJ, but he's usually the first to give in, especially after Amanda."

"When did Amanda leave him?"

"Right after the first week sales of 'N Sync's album. She heard the song, 'It Makes Me Ill' and thought that it was directed at her, at least that's what the paper's say."

"How awful," I said sympathetically. "So, um, has AJ been safe with all of these girls?" I asked awkwardly.

"Always. One thing about AJ is he will never have sex without a condom."

"Never?"

"Never. Why are you asking me all this?"

"I dunno. You're the first one who showed up and I had to know if this was normal."

"Well, this is definitely normal for AJ. He just goes about things differently than most people. I think it's so he doesn't contradict his stage presence. I mean, if you are one person on stage and another person off stage, it gets a little confusing. On stage, AJ is very sexual and off stage, well, he's not like that. I think he's still trying to figure out where to go with you. Give it some time." Brian patted my knee.

"Thanks Brian. I, uh, I should probably get back. I don't want him to worry." I got up to leave, and Brian followed suit. I walked out the door and down the hallway to the room AJ occupied. I opened the door. No one was in the room. I heard the shower running so I stripped out of my clothes once more and headed into the bathroom. I opened the shower door and found AJ with the water running on his back. His left hand was against the wall, his head was down, and his right hand gripped his erect penis. I watched him for a moment and then climbed in behind him. I pressed my body against his and ran my right hand down his arm, resting it over his own hand. I took my other hand and gripped his hip, pulling him towards me. He started massaging his erection and a little while later, I heard AJ moan. He tilted his head back, his breathing ragged. I leaned around AJ and watched as he slowly picked up the pace. I pressed my body more firmly against his and a few seconds later his fluid splattered the tile in the shower. He let out a loud moan and then turned around to face me.

"Girl, please don't do that again," he whispered in my ear, wrapping his arms around me.

"Do what?"

"Come in on me without me knowing."

"Why not?" I asked innocently, as we stood there beneath the water that was getting cooler the longer we stood there.

"Because I don't wanna do anything to hurt you," he replied reaching out of the shower and grabbing a towel.

"AJ," I said, turning off the water. "The very first day I met you, you kissed me. You could never do anything to hurt me."

"Never say never, Baby. Here's a tip, don't do that again, okay?"

I stood there in the shower with the water turned off and watched him dry off before I answered, "Okay." He walked out into the main room and I heard him fish through his suitcase for something to wear. I dried off and put my clothes back on, content to leave and head to my own room.

"How'd you like to come on stage with me tonight?" AJ asked, as he pulled a shirt on over his head.

"Huh?" I asked, heading towards the door.

"During my solo, you on stage with me, what do you say?"

"Uh, sure," I replied, grinning.

"The only thing is that you would have to act like a screaming fan."

"Oh, you mean like this." I tensed my body and screamed, "Oh my God he touched me!"

"Exactly," AJ replied wrapping his arms around me.

"That's easy," I said. "I do that every time you touch me."

"You do?"

"In my mind. I've learned to internalize those thoughts. Remember, I am a fan."

"I know. You're just so much different than any other fan I've met." I smiled at this. "So, will you do it?"

"If you pick me, yeah," I said softly. AJ leaned down and planted a tender kiss on my lips. "You know, I should go back to my room. Make sure Jen hasn't sent out the search dogs."

"Well, I've got things I need to do today too, so I'll see you tonight at the concert?"

"I'll be there." I slid out the door and walked down the hall. My mind was reeling. What had AJ meant when he said not to come in on him? I was perplexed. What would happen if I did sneak up on him again like that? I don't know if I really wanted to find out. With AJ it could be anything.

That night during the concert, when AJ got up to do his solo, he looked right at me. Halfway through, he took the mike off the stand and headed towards the crowd. He took my hand and asked me up on stage. The bodyguards helped me up and as soon as I was up standing next to AJ I screamed. I acted like an over-excited fan. I almost cried when AJ pulled my hips towards his. After a little bit of dancing, he hugged me and kissed my cheek. I then got helped off stage. I was in heaven. After the concert, I met AJ backstage and he told me that he had to leave shortly, so he didn't really have much time to play around. Jen and I were booked up until the next morning, so we hung out with the guys for a while and then headed back to our hotel rooms.

Alex and I didn't see each other again until my spring break. I knew it was going to be fun. How could it not be? I was spending my spring break in Orlando, Florida with one of the hottest guys on the planet. AJ met me at the airport and it was just like one of those classic romantic movie moments. We ran to each other and hugged like we hadn't seen each other in six months. Well, it had been almost six months since we had really spent any time together. We had seen each other on AJ's birthday in January, but that was only for a few hours before he had to leave so they could hit the next concert stop. AJ draped his arm over my shoulder as we walked towards the carousel to pick up my luggage. "So how was your flight?"

"Like an airplane flight," I said sarcastically. He laughed at me as we collected my luggage and headed to his car. We drove to his house, which was a moderately sized house in a quiet neighborhood. When we got inside, he showed me where I was sleeping. It was a small guestroom with a full sized bed. I looked around and set my bags on the bed.

AJ wrapped his arms around my waist. "How 'bout we play a little game?" he whispered in my ear.

"What did you have in mind?"

"For every question you get right, an article of clothing goes."

"On me, or on you?"

"Both. You game?"

"Sure," I said.

"Okay, question one. How long have I known you?"

"It'll be a year in May," I answered.

"Correct," AJ said, slipping his hands under my shirt and slipping it off. "Next question. When was our first kiss?"

"The first day I met you, a year ago, May 26."

"You have a wonderful memory." He pulled his shirt over his head. "Take off your shoes," he told me and I did as he instructed. "Now, next question. When did you agree to go out with me?"

"That's too easy. September first, the day before Brian's wedding."

"Yep." AJ slid his hands into the waistband of my shorts and slid them off of me.

"So what's my next question?" I asked sitting down on the bed.

"Who caught the garter at Brian's wedding?"

"That's way too easy. You did." I kissed him on the lips, slipping his shorts off his muscular legs.

"Okay, one more question. How many times have we had sex?"

"None," I replied as AJ reached behind my back and undid the clasp on my bra.

"Yet," he whispered in my ear. He helped me down on the floor, gently pushing me onto my back. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, running my hands down the muscles in his back. AJ ran his hands down my shoulders to my breasts, where he massaged them rather roughly. He pushed his hands down farther until he reached my silk panties. I lifted my hips and he slid my panties off my legs, taking his time to run his hands over my thighs and calves and down to my toes. He then moved his hands back up my body. His hand moved to the inside of my thigh and up to soft flesh of my womanhood. He traced his fingers over the edge of my lips, causing my own juices to flow. He dipped a finger inside me and I gasped. "What?" he asked softly. "You like?" I nodded and he plunged deeper into me. He slowly extracted his finger almost entirely and then drove himself deep into me yet again. He started thrusting his finger into me and I began to writhe under his touch. His lips met mine and his tongue was thrust into my mouth. The pressure was building inside of me. He was touching places in me that hadn't been touched in years. I thrust my hips towards AJ's hand, wanting him deeper inside of me and he obliged not only digging deeper but also adding another finger. I moaned. "I like that," AJ said and pushed his two fingers that were inside of me slightly apart. I opened my eyes that I hadn't realized I had closed. I took a breath through clenched teeth. The phone rang. AJ didn't move; he kept thrusting his fingers into me. I heard the answering machine pick up. "Yo, this is AJ. You know the routine." The answering machine beeped and a voice came over the machine. "Alex, honey, it's your mom. I know you're home. Please pick up." There was a long pause. "Damn it mother," AJ said. AJ's mom, Denise continued, "Okay, Alex, give me a call when you get this message." There was a click. AJ withdrew his fingers from me and rolled over beside me. "I'm going to have you," AJ growled.

"Well, since I'm already naked, do you mind if I take a shower?" I asked, sitting up.

"Right through there," AJ told me pointing to a door in my room. AJ got up and headed out into the hall. Before I turned on the water, I heard AJ on the phone with his mother. I climbed in under the water and let it run over my body. I'd been standing in the shower a few moments when I heard someone enter the room. I quickly shut off the water and grabbed for a towel. There was no towel within my reach so I pushed open the shower curtain. AJ was leaning against the door, holding a towel in his hand. "Looking for something?" he asked playfully.

"Yeah," I replied grabbing the towel out of his hands. "You know, I didn't even get a chance to wash my hair."

"Here, let me do that for you." I wrapped the towel around my body and AJ reached for the shampoo and another towel. "Let's do this in the kitchen, okay?"

"Sure." I followed him into his spacious kitchen where I pulled a chair over to the edge of the sink and kneeled on it. AJ turned on the water and let it warm up a bit. I placed my head under the water, even though my hair was already wet from the shower. AJ ran his hands through my hair quickly and then started massaging my scalp with shampoo. I loved having my hair washed, especially the gentle way he was doing it. His fingers caressed every strand it seemed. He rinsed my hair very slowly, to make sure he got all the soap out. When my hair was clean, he grabbed the other towel and tossed it over my head. I wrapped my hair up on top of my head, and kissed him. "Thank you," I said softly.

I walked back down the hall to guestroom I was occupying and dug out a floral print sundress and slipped it on. I glanced out my window and saw Alex just sitting down on a lawn chair in front of a pool with pristine water. I found my way to the back patio and slipped out the sliding glass doors.

I walked along the edge of the pool, directly towards my man. He had on sunglasses and was staring out into space. He was now in just swimming trunks. He glanced up at me as my shadow fell across his body. "So, what do you think of Florida weather?" he asked me.

"It's sticky," I told him, running my hands over my shoulders and down my arms.

"You'll get used to it."

"Yeah, and that's coming from someone who's lived in Florida his entire life." I laughed at him and sat on the edge of the pool, dangling my feet in.

"You look really good in that sundress," he said, coming up behind me and running his hands down my shoulders. He leaned over and kissed my neck and then my shoulder. He sat down behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and dipping his legs into the pool too. We sat like that for a long time, not saying anything, just staring out into space. The sun started to descend behind the trees in the neighbor's yard, the water in the pool began to cool, and I was beginning to shiver. "We should probably go in and get something to eat," AJ said, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Yeah," I sighed. AJ got up and then helped me to my feet. We padded into the house, the water dripping off our legs onto the floor.

"So what do you feel like?"

"Oh, I dunno, whatever," I informed my dripping boyfriend who was digging through the cupboards in his kitchen.

"You're in luck!" he exclaimed. "We're having a special on 'whatever'!"

I snickered as he pulled out a box of corn flakes, two boneless chicken breasts, and a box of Stove Top stuffing. I watched him pull out a Ziplock bag and dump some corn flakes into the bag. He crunched the corn flakes up until they were little tiny pieces. He was making homemade Shake 'n' Bake. I climbed up on the counter and watched as he maneuvered through the kitchen. When he had the stuffing cooking, and the chicken frying, he opened a can of creamed corn, dumped it in a bowl and shoved it in the microwave. While we waited for everything to heat, he wrapped his arms around me. "So tell me," I started, "how are things with your mom?"

"Pretty well," he replied, kissing my ear.

"And you dad?"

AJ kept his lips to my ear, not saying anything. After a few moments, he choked out, "Okay, I guess, why?"

"Oh, well, he has nothing but good things to say about you."

AJ stared at me. "He...he does?" he stammered. "How...how do you know?"

"I've talked to him."

"You have?" AJ raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah. Immediately after I met you, I went online and told him I had to tell him something, but I didn't want the rest of his 'girls' to know. So he emailed me and I told him that I couldn't believe how sweet you were."

"What did he say?" AJ ran his hands up my thighs.

"He told me that he may not have had an influence in your life, but he was proud of the way you had turned out. And that was probably one of the few things he could thank your mother for." AJ slid his hands under my skirt and up to my hips. "I know you were little when your parents divorced," I quietly said, more to myself than to AJ.

"Yeah," AJ breathed, rubbing his hands in circles over my thighs. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable with the whole conversation, so I decided to let it drop.

"Smells like dinner is ready," I stated, changing the subject. AJ pulled away from me suddenly and pulled out plates from the cupboard above my head. He walked over to the kitchen table and set the plates down. He came back and pushed my legs apart so he could reach into the drawer beneath me. He plucked up a couple of forks and knives and also set those on the table. He then took care of the food. When it was all on the table he came back over and picked me up carrying me to the table like I was part of the meal. He sat down, pulling me into his lap. He piled a plate with stuffing and creamed corn and pulled the chicken over close to us. We took turns feeding each other. I knew if the rest of the Backstreet Boys were around they'd laugh at us, but I was fine being spoon-fed. It felt good to have someone who cared about me for once.

After dinner, we did the dishes together. A huge water fight ensued and more water ended up on us than the dishes. When the dishes were finally dried and put away, we curled up in the living room to watch "Sleepless in Seattle." Before the movie was over, I was asleep.

I awoke in bed about two in morning. Once I woke up, I knew it would take me forever to get back to sleep, so I laid there, trying to will myself to sleep, which wasn't working. I tossed and I turned, but it was futile. Sleep was not going to overtake me. I got up and softly padded down the hallway to AJ's room. I pushed the door open a crack. There was AJ sitting in a chair. He looked like he was asleep. It was quite late, so I couldn't blame him. I tiptoed over to him. He was sitting there, completely naked, his eyes closed, and his head leaning back on the back of the chair. He gripped his hardened erection tightly. I came around in front of him and placed my hands on top of his. I started massaging his hardness. AJ's eyes snapped open and he looked at me. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

"Helping you," I whispered.

"Don't," he hissed back.

"Why?"

"Because," he growled, grabbing my hands in his. He pushed me onto the ground. He let go of my hands and ran his hands down my body. He stopped at my navel, tracing a circle around it with his finger. A few seconds elapsed, but they felt like hours. The finger he had used to trace my navel reached down to my center and traced over my clit. His finger went a little further down, dipping into my canal slightly and then back out to the tender folds around my core. In my mind, everything seemed fine. It seemed like we were picking up right where we had left off earlier that day. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, but he pushed my arms off, taking his other hand and pinning my wrists above my head.

"AJ, what are you doing?"

"Since you wanna help so bad." He pushed his fingers again into my core, but only for a moment. I felt the head of his penis part the lips of my opening and before I had a chance to say anything, he was up to the hilt in me. I screamed. "You wanna help me, you can take me inside of you."

"AJ, no. We can't," I cried. It hurt to have him inside of me. It had been a few years since I had had sex, and I certainly wasn't expecting AJ to enter me.

"Why can't we?" he inquired angrily, shifting slightly to the left.

"Because...because..." My mind fumbled for the right words. "You don't have a condom."

AJ started thrusting himself into me. I squealed in pain instead of ecstasy. I was expecting sex with AJ to be a beautiful thing, not an act of violence. "So. You wouldn't be helping if you didn't want this," he said leaning down to kiss me. I turned my head away from him. I tried to struggle away from him, but the harder I struggled, the tighter he gripped my wrists and harder he thrust into me. I started crying, unable to contain my tears. When he saw my tears, AJ appeared to soften. "Aw, don't cry, Baby."

"But your hurting me," I sobbed.

"Don't you like it rough?" he asked. He kept thrusting into me, keeping up the pace he had started when I began to struggle. I shook my head in answer to his question, tears flying onto the carpet beneath us. "You. Wanted. This," he groaned, accenting each word with a strong thrust forward into my body. "You know you did." He tensed every muscle in his body as his hot juices flowed into me.

"No I didn't," I cried, as he extracted himself from me.

"Then why were you in here?" he growled at me.

I inched away from him, scooting towards the door. "Because I couldn't sleep," I told him as I turned around and ran to the guestroom. I threw myself on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. I tossed the covers over me and cried into my pillow. I couldn't believe AJ had just done that. Brian had told me he would never...I need to get out of here, I thought to myself. But Brian's in Atlanta, who is here in Orlando? It then dawned on me that Howie still lived in the Orlando area and so did AJ's dad, Bob. I went to pick up the phone on the nightstand, when I heard AJ enter the room.

"Is something wrong, Babe?" he asked me, genuinely concerned.

Is something wrong? I screamed to myself. Doesn't he know?! "No, everything's fine," I said halfheartedly. "I'm just not feeling well."

"Anything I can do?" he asked from the doorway.

"Nah, I'll be okay." Just go away, I thought. When AJ left, I reached over and picked up the phone, dialing Jen's number, figuring that she would still be up. I got her on the phone and begged her to give me Howie's number, which she did, but not before asking if anything was wrong. Once again, I denied that anything had happened, and that I just wanted to have Howie's number because I wanted to get in touch with him. Jen was a little skeptical, but didn't ask any more questions. I hung up from Jen and dialed Howie's number.

"Hello?" he answered groggily after the fifth ring.

"Howie?" I whispered. I didn't want AJ to know what I was doing.

"Yeah, who is this?"

"It's Rebecca. Could you come and get me from AJ's house?"

"Yeah, sure, why? What happened?"

"I'll tell you when you get here, okay? I'll be waiting outside."

"Okay. I'll be there in a bit," he told me.

"Thanks Howie." I hung up the phone and looked around the room. I didn't want to hint at AJ that anything was wrong, but I didn't want him to worry either. I decided I'd leave him a note, telling him I'd meet up with him the next day at Howie's and that I just wanted some time to myself. I then threw on the sundress I'd had on earlier and slipped out the front door quietly, so not to disturb AJ. I was standing outside of AJ's for a very short amount of time, when Howie pulled up in his Jeep. I jumped in and we drove back to his house in silence.

We got to Howie's house and I carefully climbed out of the Jeep and followed him inside. "Thanks again, Howie," I said softly upon entering his humble house.

"Anytime," he said. "Do you wanna talk?"

"Not really," I told him. "I'd actually like to get some sleep." Howie nodded and led me into a guestroom, turning down the covers on the bed. My head had barely touched the soft goose down pillow, and I was asleep.

The next morning, I tiptoed out into the kitchen, thinking Howie was still asleep. I found him sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper. "Good morning," he said to me. "Can I get you anything? Some tea maybe?"

"Yes, please," I replied sitting down at the small kitchen table. Howie put some water in a teakettle and set it on the stove. While the water was heating up, he joined me.

"So what happened?" he asked softly.

"Um, would AJ ever have sex without a condom?" I inquired, after a long period of silence. Brian had already told me the answer, but after what had just happened, I had to hear it again.

The teakettle whistled and Howie got up to pour the water into two mugs and place tea bags in the cups. "No. How far have you guys gone?" Howie asked, sitting back down at the table.

Even though I hardly knew the guys, I felt completely comfortable with them. "We haven't had sex, if that's what you mean."

"Have you ever been in control of the situation?"

"Once, briefly. Why?"

"Well," Howie ran his hand through his long hair, trying to smooth it out. "AJ's got a little control problem."

"What do you mean by little?"

"It all started when we were younger. You know we had the same agent for a while, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, AJ's mom used to control everything he did. The way he dressed, what auditions he'd go on, everything. And then, when we formed Backstreet, well, that just perpetuated everything with Lou. I mean, AJ was forced into a mold. We all were. And so AJ couldn't control anything about his life for the longest time. Even now that we've broken away from Lou and all, his mom is still trying to run his life."

"And so what does this have to do with me?" I asked, sipping my tea.

"Well," Howie sighed. "He doesn't control his girlfriends, per se, but he does demand control in the bedroom. If he doesn't get the control, he gets...violent."

"What do you mean violent?"

"Uh, well, he kinda told us of an incident with you. The thing in the shower." Howie ducked his head, avoiding my eyes.

"He told you about that?" I was shocked. I never expected AJ to be one to "kiss and tell."

Howie sighed. "Yeah." I just stared at him. "Hey, we are guys. We do brag."

"So what exactly did he tell you?"

"He told us that he was two seconds away from throwing you against the wall and taking you right there."

I gawked at Howie. "Wh...why?"

"You took control of the situation."

"But...but...I was only trying to help."

Howie folded his hands around his mug of tea. "The only thing you helped at was turning him on more. He wasn't getting anything from you and, well, you weren't exactly helping." I looked down at my hands. Howie reached across the table for my hand and I jumped. "Did AJ do something to you?"

I started sobbing. "I didn't know what I was doing," I cried. "I thought...I thought..."

"You thought you were helping?" I nodded. "What did he do to you?" he asked again.

"He hurt me," I sobbed.

"Did he..." Howie didn't need to finish the question. I knew what he was asking. I nodded again. Howie got up and wrapped his arms around me. "Aw, Rebecca, someone should have told you."

"Well, why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We never thought it would go this far."

"And my sex life is open for discussion?!" I screamed.

It was Howie's turn to fumble for the right words. "Um, well, we, uh..."

"I can't believe you guys! You knew about this and you didn't tell me what I was getting involved in!" I stood up and was about ready to walk out of the house.

"Rebecca, wait, lemme explain some."

"Some? Some? I think you have a lot of explaining to do!" I yelled. I knew if I didn't calm down, I wouldn't understand what Howie was trying to tell me, but I also knew I couldn't forgive him, yet. I glared at Howie, and sank back down into the chair. "So explain," I spat.

"You see, AJ doesn't know what he does when he goes into rages like that. If you ask him about it, he won't remember." Howie ran his hand through his hair again. He didn't know what to say to me. "When we broke away from Lou, AJ was so control hungry, that he tried to control all of us. There would be times when Kevin would try to get him to do something that he didn't want to do and AJ would fly at Kev. When we would pull him off of him, AJ wouldn't remember what had happened. When AJ realized he couldn't control us, he tried controlling his girlfriends. He didn't want to control their lives, just what they did when they were alone. Amanda loved it. She seemed to get a kick out of being dominated. I think she made AJ believe that all women like that. And then you come along and you want an equal relationship. AJ hasn't realized that he can't control you yet. If you go back and ask him, he won't remember what happened between you two last night."

"But that still doesn't tell me why you guys didn't warn me."

"We didn't want to scare you off. AJ really cares about you and I can see that you really care about him."

"Yeah, but this was kinda important, don't 'cha think?" I rubbed my hands over my thighs. For some reason, my palms were sweating. "AJ may not remember what happened last night, but I do. And I can't exactly tell him."

"Why not?"

"Yeah, 'AJ, last night, you raped me.' That's really a breakfast conversation."

"I...raped you?" a shaky voice asked from behind me. It was AJ. I turned in my chair to face him.

"How long have you been standing there?" I inquired gently.

"I raped you?" he asked again, his voice almost cracking.

"Yeah," I informed him, looking down at my hands. Howie got up and left the room, claiming the phone was ringing. I hadn't heard a sound. I glanced back up at AJ, who had a blank stare on his face. I could almost see the gears turning in his head, trying to remember what had gone on the night before. The minutes ticked by like hours, each one tearing a little more into AJ. We didn't say a word to each other. Howie came back into the kitchen, thinking something was wrong because he didn't hear anything. AJ moved to put his hand on my shoulder and I unconsciously moved away from him. I hid myself behind Howie, thinking he would protect me.

I heard the front door open. Brian, Nick and Kevin barged in calling for Howie and AJ. I continued to hide behind Howie. "Yo, D," Nick exclaimed, slapping Howie on the shoulder. "You ready to hit the town?"

Brian was just as hyped as Nick was, stumbling into the room and falling on his back to try and get some laughs out of the three of us. I could tell that he knew there was tension in the air.

Kevin could tell something was wrong right away by the way that I cowered behind Howie. "Is something wrong?"

"You could say that, Kevin," I choked out.

"No, nothing's wrong," AJ said, again reaching for me. I hid further behind Howie, wishing for a way to sink into the floor.

"What happened, Rebecca?" Brian asked, sitting up from his spot on the floor.

"Why don't you tell them, AJ, since our sex life seems to be an open book!" I yelled.

"Tell them what?" he replied.

"About how you raped me, telling me over and over that I had wanted it that way." I found myself singing the last few words instead of screaming them. I had never sung an argument before, but then again, I had never felt so violated or so hurt.

"But I didn't..." he started.

I interrupted, saying with a slight sing-songy tone, "But you did. You did rape me." I turned to Kevin and said in my normal voice, "He was in one of his rages. He won't remember. But I do. I know what happened."

AJ lunged for me and managed to get hold of my wrist. He pulled me in close to him, holding my back against his chest. I screamed. I struggled to get away from him, but like the night before, the harder I struggled the tighter he gripped me. "I would never do anything to hurt you," he whispered in my ear.

"After last night, how can I believe you?" I shot back. Struggling wasn't getting me anywhere, so I went limp, hoping to catch him off guard. My idea worked, and his grip around me loosened. I pushed away from him, tripping over Brian in the process. I fell, landing right on top of Brian. He definitely was softer than landing on the hard tile floor. We lay there for a moment staring at each other.

I felt someone grab my arm. "Bitch," AJ said, pulling me to my feet. "So you wanna be with someone else huh? My friend?" AJ was in one of his rages again, I could tell by the fire in his eyes. He pushed me out of the kitchen and into the living room. I stumbled backwards, falling on the floor. He flung his body on top of mine, pinning me down. He slapped me twice, yelling, "Answer me!" I lay there crying and praying, wondering what I had done to deserve this. I closed my eyes, turning my head to the side, avoiding AJ's stare. Suddenly, his grip on my loosened. "Becca, what happened? Why are you bleeding?" he asked, running a finger over the trickle of blood that slid out of the corner of my mouth. I just stared at him and started sobbing uncontrollably. AJ got up off of me slowly and looked at his friends.

"AJ, we need to talk," Kevin said, laying a hand on AJ's shoulder. AJ reached down to help me up, but I slid away from him. Kevin led AJ out of the living room. Nick followed the two older men.

Brian and Howie got down on the floor with me. Brian put his arm around me and I cried on his shoulder, soaking his shirt. "It's okay," he said, patting my back.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I didn't want to scare you."

"What do you think I am?" I screamed. Brian looked at Howie for help.

"Rebecca, we're sorry, deeply sorry that this happened," Howie told me in a gentle a voice as he could muster. "We all believed that he had overcome this. He went on and on about you, so we believed that he would never hurt you." I continued to sob.

"How can I ever look at him again?" I sniffed.

"I don't know," Brian told me, running his hand down my back.

"I think I should go home," I whispered.

"If that's what you think is best," Howie told me and got up.

"I do," I said, accepting Howie's hand to help me up.

I didn't see AJ that day. I couldn't face him after all that had happened. The six of us went back to AJ's house. Quietly I packed my stuff and loaded it into Howie's car, hoping I wouldn't run into AJ, but my luck wasn't that good. As I was heading down the hallway with one of my bags, he walked out of his room with Kevin. "Rebecca, can we talk?"

I continued to walk down the hallway with my bag hefted over my shoulder. "I'm kinda in a hurry," I told him.

"Where you headed?" he asked me.

"Home." I said flatly and walked out the front door.

A few weeks later, I called Brian in Atlanta. I wanted to know why he had been in Orlando that day and not at home with his new bride. He told me that Leighanne had released him that day to go "play" with his friends and that the guys had actually already had it planned. It was just supposed to be a day of fun, gallivanting around town, acting like they weren't famous. But when they had shown up at Howie's and saw all the problems there, their plans had changed. After dropping me off at the airport, they all had sat down to talk to AJ. "He's in counseling," Brian told me on the phone. "He wants to get better."

"But how do I know that he's not going to hurt me again?" I asked.

"You don't," Brian answered gently. "That's something that will come in time."

I sighed. I knew Brian was right. Trusting AJ would take time. I didn't think that I'd want to be alone with him anytime soon. When I hung up with Brian, I stared out into the living room for a long time, not really noticing anything. Could AJ really be trying to change? Did he really care enough about me to go through all of that? Did I care about him enough to forgive him? He had hurt me in ways I never thought possible, especially coming from him.

Months passed. Every so often, one of the guys would email me, or Nick would call. For some reason, Nick felt like he had to talk to me every two weeks. I could almost set my watch by his phone calls. Every other week, on Tuesday, at two in the afternoon was when he'd call. He usually gave me a brief update of how AJ was doing, but mostly we just talked about stuff, everything from comic books to video games.

Every so often I would receive a card from Orlando. They were cute little cards from Alex. In each of them, I found the lyrics to "Back to Your Heart." He was trying to make me forgive him and slowly I was. It was hard. After I had ten cards, I got a phone call. I wasn't home at the time, but on my answering machine was AJ singing the chorus to "Back to Your Heart." Later that same night, the phone rang and it was AJ.

"Hi," he said timidly.

"Hi."

"How have you been?" he asked me. The conversation already felt awkward to me.

"I'm okay. How 'bout you?"

"I'm getting better."

"That's good."

"I'd like to see you again," AJ said softly.

I sat there, staring at the wall for a minute. He wanted to see me. Did I want to see him? What would happen if we were together? "I don't know, AJ," I told him truthfully.

"Not right now," he added quickly. "I'm talking like three months from now, when I finish my therapy."

I shook myself. "Huh?"

"Yeah, I'm sure Nick's told you that I'm in therapy. I've been going to anger management classes. I wanna see you when I finish, and not a minute before."

"Why then?"

"Well, I'm more afraid if I see you before then, I may slip back. I wanna be in control of myself before I see you, so I don't wanna hurt you again."

"We'll have to see, okay?" I was uncomfortable. AJ and I had never really broken up; I'd just gone home. Fortunately for us, the fans and the press didn't even know we were together.

"Okay. Can I call you again?" he asked me. I knew the conversation was almost over.

"I'd like that," I replied before I had realized what I had said. We hung up after that. AJ and I talked on the phone a few other times and he would send me letters sometimes. It felt like a long distance relationship. He would send me flowers and stuffed animals for no reason. I was happy the way things were and had totally forgotten that he wanted to see me.

Six months after my spring break in Orlando, I was cleaning my apartment for no apparent reason. I was just tired of looking at stuff all over the house. I had on the local soft rock station and was listening to "Delilah after Dark," a show where lovesick adults called in and requested songs. I usually didn't listen because it depressed me, but for some reason, I was listening that night.

"Hi, who's this on the phone with me?" Delilah asked.

"It's AJ," a man said. I stopped and looked at my radio. It couldn't be, I thought to myself.

"So who's on your mind tonight, AJ?" Delilah probed.

"My girlfriend, Rebecca. She's just the greatest girlfriend in the world." I sank to the floor. It was AJ. And he was talking about me.

"And what makes her so great?"

"Well, about six months ago, I made a few mistakes. I hurt her, and she walked out of my life. But once I told her I was getting help, she slowly started to let me back into her life. I was trying to control her and as soon as I realized it, I got help. It's been six months since I've seen her and this is the first step in admitting to her, to myself, to everyone that I had a problem. I may not be one hundred percent better, but I'm getting there."

"So what do you want to tell her?"

"That I'm getting better and that I love her. If you could play 'Back at One' by Brian McKnight for her, I'd really appreciate it. I want her to know that I'm willing to start all the way back at the beginning if I have to. I love her that much."

"Well, I think I can do that. I hope everything goes well for you and Rebecca," Delilah said.

"Thank you," I heard AJ say and then the song "Back at One" started. The song had been on for a few seconds when there was a knock at my door. I jumped. I wasn't expecting anyone. I walked over to the front window and looked out. I didn't see anyone. Then there was another knock. I slowly opened the door and found AJ standing there. The radio was still playing in the background. In his arms, AJ held a bouquet of white carnations. He was dressed in a light blue dress shirt with a silver tie, and navy blue slacks. His hair was blonde and he had no facial hair. He was wearing studs for earrings, no hat, and clear, silver-rimmed oval glasses. I couldn't help but stare at him. He didn't look like himself.

"Alex?" I gawked. I couldn't believe how good he looked. He nodded and handed me the flowers. I took them from him and went looking for a vase in my kitchen. AJ followed me inside. Once I had the flowers in water, AJ took my right hand and brought my knuckles to his lips, kissing them softly. I blushed and ducked my head.

"Do you believe me?" he asked softly. I nodded. I was still in awe of how good he looked. "I meant every word of it."

"I know," I whispered. "Where did you call from?" I led him over to the dining room table and motioned for him to sit down.

"Your front porch." I cocked my head and raised my eyebrow questioningly. "I got to your front door and was about to knock, but I didn't know what to say. I heard you listening to Delilah, so I called in. I really am going to start all over, if I have to," he told me.

I got up and walked over to him. I wrapped an arm around his neck and sat down in his lap. "You don't have to. So who dressed you?"

"What you think I don't own any normal clothes?" he asked, gingerly wrapping his arms around me. I looked at him. "Okay, Brian helped. Do you realize that it was a year ago tonight that I asked you to be my girlfriend?"

"Really?" At that moment, the date dawned on me. It was September first. I covered my face with my hands. "Oh my God! Tomorrow's Bri and Leigh's anniversary. I totally forgot! I didn't get them a card or anything!"

"Call them."

"Now?"

"Sure. Oh yeah. Kevin and Kristin got married in June and are now expecting sometime in March. Harry and Tracy got married in April. And Bri and Leigh are expecting sometime in April of next year."

"What? Why wasn't I told?"

"They forgot."

"Forgot? How do you forget something like that?"

"I don't know. Call them and ask them."

I got up off of AJ's lap and picked up my phone. I dialed Brian's phone number and put it on speakerphone as it rang. I sat back down on AJ's lap and waited for Brian to answer.

"Hello?" Brian said, a little out of breath.

"Hey Bri. Happy Anniversary."

"Thanks." Brian was panting.

"Oh, and congratulations on the baby." I placed my hand on AJ's knee. I heard Leighanne moan Brian's name in the background. "Brian, am I on speakerphone?"

"Uh huh," Brian grunted.

"Ok, I'm hanging up now. Sorry to interrupt. Call me at some point. Bye." I hung up and turned off the speakerphone. "So what do you think they were doing?" I grinned, sitting back down on AJ's lap.

"What we should be doing?" I chuckled. "I'm kidding, Rebecca. May I kiss you?"

"At least you're asking this time," I said, as I took AJ's face in my hands and kissed him tenderly. He broke away from the kiss and looked at me.

"I want you to lead," he told me.

"Okay," I whispered against his lips. "Promise me you won't hurt me."

"I won't," he said.

I kissed him again and then pulled away. "I don't think I can. Not yet."

"I understand," he told me, placing a hand under my chin. "It'll take time, and I'm willing to wait."

"So, how long are you in for?" I asked, getting up off his lap.

"As long as you'll let me," he replied. I glared at him. "A couple weeks. Do you think I could stay here?"

"I think I can manage that." I walked over to my CD player and put on "Back at One." "Do you wanna dance?"

"Sure." AJ swept me into his arms and danced me around my living room. We danced for a long time. As the night wore on, I grew more and more tired. Alex put me to bed, and slept on the couch that night. He stayed almost the entire two weeks with me and then, once again, invited me to go on tour with the guys. I declined, saying that I had school, but come May, I would be graduating and then we could talk about me touring with them. In November, the guys came through California. Jen and Howie were practically inseparable. They looked cute together. Jen followed the Boys through the state, whereas I just went to the closest concert I could go to. For AJ's birthday, I surprised him. He didn't think that I'd do anything for him, but I did. He was turning twenty-four, so I sent him two dozen carnations. I found out the guys were in Kansas for AJ's birthday, so I flew out there to see him. I had talked Kevin into getting me front row seats for that show so I could surprise AJ, and boy was Alex shocked. He walked out to do his solo, and about fell of the stage when he saw me in a bikini standing there in the front row. He pulled me up onstage and I once again, acted like a screaming fan. It was great.

After that concert, I heard from AJ on a weekly basis. He emailed me constantly. For my birthday, I got the shock of a lifetime: Brian and Leighanne had had a baby girl. She was being named Rebekah Lynn Littrell and I was to be her Godmother. I flew out to Atlanta a few days after her birth for the Christening. Brian was still beaming. My gift to my Goddaughter was a stuffed basketball. "I know growing up in your household, she's gonna love the game," I teased him. I immediately fell in love with my namesake and Goddaughter. She was beautiful. She had Brian's bright blue eyes and Leighanne's sweet looks.

I graduated in May with my Bachelors degree. It was definitely a weekend to remember. Jen graduated from the Masters program on Friday and on Saturday, AJ and Howie dropped by to party with us. Nick was off with his girlfriend, and the two married couples were taking care of their new babies, so they couldn't come. But Jen and I weren't hurt; they sent us money for graduation. On Sunday, I dressed in my cap and gown and went to the stadium. I read through an entire book while I waited for my name to be called. As I got closer to the stage, I looked around. I was the next person in line to have my name called. That's when I noticed AJ off to the side of the stage. What's he doing there? I thought to myself. My name was called and I walked on stage and shook the hand of the president. I was on my way off stage when AJ approached me. He stopped and I stopped. "Rebecca," he said to me, "I have something I want to tell you." He handed me a velvet box and I opened it, inside was gold ring, with a heart shaped diamond. "I want to give you this promise ring to let you know that I promise never to hurt you ever again." With tears in my eyes, I looked at him and smiled. I nodded to let him know that I understood. He took the ring out of the box and placed on the ring finger of my right hand.

After the ceremony, we all went back to my house to celebrate. While we were celebrating my graduating from college, Alex suddenly turned to me and said, "I meant what I said earlier," he whispered to me, as he handed me a glass of wine.

"I know," I whispered back as I kissed his cheek. "Do you realize we've been together for a year and a half?" I asked him.

"Yeah, and the media knows nothing about it." I grinned. Just then, AJ asked for everyone's attention. "As you all know, we're here to celebrate a very important day. The day my Little One graduated from college."

"Hey, don't forget about my girl," Howie called. Everyone laughed.

AJ rolled his eyes and added, "And Jen getting her Masters. But anyway, I wanted to say that I love this Little One, and nothing is going to change that." The whole group let out a collected sigh. I blushed. "What I'm trying to say is that today I made a promise. I promised Rebecca that I would never hurt her and I intend to honor that promise. I may still have some control issues, but I'm working through them. I love her with all my heart." He kissed the top of my head.

"And I love you too," I said.

Later that night, after everyone had left, AJ and I were cleaning up together. I looked at the ring on my right hand as I put some paper cups in a bag. AJ came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "You like it?"

"Yeah." I turned my head and placed my hand on his cheek, kissing his lips tenderly. He turned me around in his arms and kissed me more passionately.

"I'm still going to let you lead," he told me, breaking away from my lips. I nodded, and continued kissing him. I reached my hands under his shirt and ran my fingers over his clean-cut chest. Just touching his chest, turned me on. I took his hand in mine and led him to my room. I shut the door and pushed him into a sitting position on my bed. I came over and slid my hands under his shirt yet again, this time, pulling it up and over his head. I tossed his shirt across the room and ran my hands across his chest again, exploring every crevice. I leaned over and kissed him passionately, parting his lips with my tongue. He wrapped his arms around me and fell back onto my bed. I moved my lips from his to his ear and then down the side of his throat. I kissed my way down his chest to his navel, tracing my tongue over his infamous "69" tattoo. I lifted my head and told him to move so that he was all the way on my bed. He did as he was told and I kneeled between his legs. I unhooked and unzipped his pants, slipping my hand into his boxers. He moaned and gripped my comforter. I looked up at him. His eyes were tiny slits. I could tell that this was difficult for him. He wanted to take control, but was forcing himself not to. I removed my hand and told him we didn't have to. "Please continue," he moaned. I moved my hand back into his boxers and gripped his fully erect penis. I could tell by his quick intake of breath that he was fighting off the urge to rip my clothes off. Once again I pulled my hand out. "Why'd you stop?"

"Stand up," I instructed. To my amazement, he followed orders. "Strip," I told him. Yet again, he followed my instructions. He stood before me, completely naked and completely turned on. Very slowly I slid off my clothes and walked over to my dresser. I opened a drawer and pulled out a latex condom. I flung it at AJ, who caught it close to his chest.

"What? You don't trust me?"

"Exactly." I watched as he set the condom down on the bed. I walked over to him and took his hand in mine. I placed his hand over my breast and then kissed him. This time it was AJ who pried my lips open with his tongue. His tongue darted in and around my mouth while his hand squeezed my breast. He moved his lips down my neck as his hand continued to massage my flesh. He pulled his lips away from me and held me almost at arms length. His fingers traced over my cheek and down to my lips. I opened my mouth and he slid his fingers inside. I closed my eyes and ran my tongue over his fingers. He pulled them out a short while later and I watched as he traced them down the center of my body. His fingers, wet with my saliva, ran over the tender folds between my legs and then dipped into my wetness. I squealed, but AJ covered my mouth with his. I let myself be carried away by the sweet ecstasy that was racing through my body. Before things got too intense, I pulled away from him. "You said I was leading," I informed him as I got down on my knees before him. I took his manhood in my hands and looked up at him. His fists clenched at his sides and again his eyes became little slits. I slowly massaged him, feeling his body tense. I brought my lips to the tip of his penis and kissed the flesh there. AJ inhaled quickly. Before he could object, I took his erection in my mouth. His hands went to my hair, as I suckled on him. At one point he started to pull on my hair. I knew that he was trying to take control, but I wasn't going to let him. I raked my teeth over his shaft, essentially telling him that I had control. He relaxed his grip on my hair and I pulled away from him. He let out a ragged breath.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked breathlessly.

"Because I want you to take me," I whispered. I stood up and he reached behind me to where the condom lay on the bed. I watched as he tore it open and turned it over, trying to discover which way was up. He used both hands to gently roll it on and when he was ready, he gently pushed me onto my bed. I reached behind me and turned off the light as he positioned himself above me.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"You won't," I assured him. He pushed my feet up until they were mere inches from my rear. I relaxed, letting gravity take my knees as far apart as they would fall. AJ kissed me, as he reached down to the lips of my vagina. He parted them gently and then, ever so slowly, inserted his penis. I closed my eyes, pain shooting through my body.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked me. I nodded and looked at him through blurry eyes. He pulled himself out of me, saying, "Maybe we shouldn't do this now." He got up off the bed and walked away from me, starting to take the condom off. I started sobbing, not knowing what to do. He turned back to me. "What's wrong Hon?"

"I'm sorry," I cried.

"Sorry for what?" AJ came over and sat down beside me.

"Sorry for leading you on like that." I rolled over onto my stomach and cried into my pillow.

AJ ran his hand down my back. "There's nothing to be sorry for," he told me softly. "Little One, look at me." I didn't move. He rolled me over and said again, "Look at me." My eyes met his. There were tears about ready to fall from his chocolate brown eyes. "Little One, I love you, with all my heart. If now's not the time, so be it. I'll wait. I'll wait forever for you. Everyone gets nervous from time to time. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I feel so bad for leading you on like that."

"You did not lead me on. It's just going to take some time, that's all. Now scoot over. I'm going to hold you all night long." I slid over and let AJ in beside me. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my nose and then my lips. "I love you, Little One," he whispered.

"I love you too," I told him. "I'm proud of you."

"Why?"

"You let me have control of the situation." He smiled and kissed my ear. He pulled me closer to him.

"It was hard."

"I know. I saw you. What stopped you?"

"The image of you crying. I couldn't let myself hurt you again. When I made you that promise earlier today, I meant it. I'm not going to hurt you. That's why I stopped."

"But you could have continued."

"No. Not if you're in pain. I told you, I'm not going to hurt you. If that means we wait, then we wait. When you're ready is when we'll make love, and not a minute before."

I was perplexed. AJ had never acted this way, or maybe he had but just hadn't been this direct. "But what if I told you I was ready right now?"

"Then we'd try. But the minute you tell me you're in pain, is the minute I stop."

"Oh, Alex, I love you." I pulled myself right up against his body, kissing his lips.

"I know. I love you too," he said, smoothing my hair. "Now get some sleep, it's been a long day."

"How in the world do you expect me to sleep when I'm being held by the AJ McLean?"

"By remembering exactly who it is you fell in love with. Did you fall in love with AJ McLean, Backstreet Boy, or AJ McLean, guy from Florida?"

"Neither," I said, snuggling up against AJ's chest.

"Neither?"

"I fell in love with AJ McLean, a dashing young man from Florida who knows how to treat a woman. A young man who won't pressure me. A young man who loves me and would stop the world for me if he could. A young man who would give up performing if I told him to."

"Hey, now I wouldn't go that far." I laughed and kissed him again. "But I am willing to wait for you. That says a lot."

"It sure does, coming from you. Are you ever going to tell the press about us?"

"What, they know I have a girlfriend, that's all they need to know. Now close those eyes and get some sleep."

"But I'm too wired to sleep," I yawned.

"Yeah, sure you are." AJ kissed my forehead and pulled me into his chest. "Just remember, I'll be here when you wake up."