My Poetry Page

Racing through my veins,
This desire.
Cannot tell you how it feels,
How I need it.
More than air.
Breath in gasps,
Mind racing,
One little nick,
Just one, please.
It won't hurt
My inner demon tells me,
He loves you, he won't leave you.
I fight with it all too much.
It overcomes me.
Tells me more, more, MORE!
It likes to see red.
Likes to see my skin bled.
Fighting feels like
A constant struggle.
Sometimes I swear I can feel
The punches, the kicks.
It feels as though
They might punch a hole
Through my chest.
And why not?
It'd be better than this.

********************
Wash away the pain,
Watch the red water swirl down the drain.
Finally you can think
Finally you can feel.
Don't clean it,
Hope it gets infected.
Maybe then they'll know
Know you hurt inside.
Know the feelins you hide.
You feel so whole,
You feel so alive.
You're sick of pretending.
So sick of medication.
Sick of Wednesdays.
Sick of the fake leather couch.
Sick of the questions.
Sick of appointment cards.
Sick of the fake atmosphere.
But right now it doesn't matter.
Just the coolness of the metal in your hand.
Just the stickiness of the blood.
Just the icy water.
Whyo gives a shit what they think?!
This is your world.
You're happy here.
So what if you're all alone.

*****************
Standing there,
In that picture perfect scene,
Nothing but rocks and ocean.
Oh glorious ocean...
Someday I will drown away
All this pain inside...
Someday.
I want to jump.
Not to die.
To be

Alive
To feel the rush of the wind.
To hear it in my ears.
To taste the salty air.
To smell the water.
To be whole again.
Not what I am.

*****************
Things pass me by,
Though I am moving faster.
Not a part of it all.
In my own dimension.
My life is a disaster.
Incredibly full of demention.
Nothing makes any sense anymore.
Things are so twisted.
I am over here,
But who knows where here is located.
My ways are so wicked.
My soul has been vacated.
My heart is empty.
But my mind,
My mind is free.
So much easier like this;
No standards to uphold.
When your heart has gone cold.
Aching boyd,
*****************
Zoloft to get you high.
Ciagrette cravings,
Missing the nicotine...
Wondering how you'll get by.
Need to bleed,
Dieing to cut.
Longing for someone,
Really anyone...
But only wanting a certain one.
Have you ever felt so alone?
Yet you're surrounded.
Surrounded by souls so unlike you,
People who seems all shiny and new,
Nothing at all like you.
Missing the warmth
Of a close body.
Especially somebody.
You're phone doesn't ring,
Like it used to.
You're heart aches
Like it never used to.
*******************
Disrespect me.
Put yourself high above me.
Mess with my mind.
Make your comments.
It's what I want.
Admit you hate me.
Admit you don't like my gender.
Talk about us in the kitchen.
Just don't hit me.
It's what I need.
Please use me.
Then go ahead and lose me.
Make your jokes about head.
Tell me, force me, to give it to you.
It's what I thrive on.
*****************
Wish I knew how to
Handle it all.
Wish I wasn't me.
Wish I wasn't so psycho.
I want to hide my pain,
Hide my signs
the ones that say something is wrong
Rather than make jokes
And laugh at me.
Cos I know it's not funny...
Something
is
very
very
very
WRONG
Some people dream of bright sunny meadows.
But never me.
I live in dark dank dungeons
It's my destiny.
No, I'm not happy.
But one cannot escape their place
In this demented world.
And mine is a life
Of neverending PAIN.
******************
My tortured sould lies chained
And a.b.u.s.e.d
In a faraway corner.
Darkness rapidly encompassing
All that remains
Of my
Inner

Light.
And now I am banished
To my life of vacancy.
*******************
I can find
Beauty
Beauty in a delicate flower.
In a softly formed cat paw.
In the deepness of my love's eyes.
In the complexity of a computer chip.
In the melting taste of cheesecake.
In the stiches of my favorite shirt.
In the winding paths of the woods.
In the gently rippling pond.
In the intricacy of the veins of a leaf.
In the slippery scales of a fish.
In the smallness of an ant.
In the shininess of a photography.
In the brushstrokes of a pianting.
In the stillness of the dark.
In the peaceful rain.
But why can't I find any beauty in me?
*****************
Red on the surface
You're broadcasting your pain
But people recoil in fear
They don't want to hear
The prose of a tortured soul
Yet they call my poetry lovely
Red dripping down your arm
You're captivated by the process
By which you heal
By which scars form
So you create wounds
To tell what words cannot
****************
Angry red slashes
Decorate me
Angry red slashes
For you to see
Maybe this way
You just may know
How I really hurt
Or maybe you're blind
***************
Who would ever guess
That beneath that lovely dress
Lies so many gashes
Tiny red slashes
And beneath that delicate chest
Lies a heart that never does rest
A heart that's full of pain
And a never-ending rain
Falls from her eyes
Out escapes a heavy sigh
That speaks more than you know
She feels so low
***************
Contemplating suicide
Have no place to hide
My life is caving in
And I don't know where to begin
My wrists are bleeding
The redness is misleading
To those who don't know me
I know this isn't how it should be
I know I'm not supposed to live this way
And with every slice I pay
Pay dearly for my transgressions
I have a confession
This is more than I can bear
And I really don't care
If I continue on
Will they notice if I'm gone?
I curl up in the empty shell that is me
And let myself bleed
I swear I'm happy here
And I want no one near
I fear I might break
And they'd see how I ache
They'd see my pain
They'd feel the rain
So I contemplate suicide
As a way to hide
**************
Fighting and struggling
With a force greater than she
She cannot resist.
She must give in to the temptation,
The power greater than she.
It pulls her away from normalcy
She can't be like everyone else.
She cannot resist.
It controls her every fuction,
Always perched at the edge of her mind.
There's nothing she can do
To pull away from it.
Nothing she can do to resist,
Resist the ever-present temptation,
She's forced to live moment-to-moment.
Forced to live by the demons inside.
Forced to do as they say.
**************
I will draw you a picture
Of all my inner pain
A picture so you can see
How I hate to be me
My picture for you
Can only be in one hue
Red
And it will be just lines
Lines that scream angry red
Lines that have led
The world to all my inner pain
So they can see how I hurt
How I hurt inside
***********

BACK
see more of my poetry