"Lorelai, I think you've had enough."
"Shaddup, Kirk," said Lorelai. "And gimme another Heineken."
Kirk looked at her distrustfully. It wasn't as though she was going to be driving, because she'd given up her car keys four beers back, but still. This was not safety. He could be held accountable. Human blood alcohol levels were a tricky thing. And...
"Kirk. Gimme the beer. You've seen me angry. Do you want to make me angry?"
And, there was that, too. He gave her the beer.
When he came back a few minutes later, after waiting on some other customers, he saw her stumbling out the door.
"I wash my hands of it," he said to no one in particular.
***
The evening rush was in full swing when Hurricane Lorelai hit the diner, and Luke could tell immediately that something was up. Lorelai wasn't the world's most graceful person, but...
"'Scuse me," she said, careening into a patron who had the misfortune of sitting too close to the door. "Bad place to sit. Oops, I'm all caught here."
Luke watched in disbelief as Lorelai tried to untangle her purse strap from the back of the customer's chair. She finally got it. Then she pointed at the table. "Is there cheese on that burger? You really can't eat them without cheese. S'like, a law or something. Where's Luke? I'll talk to him about getting you some cheese. Ok?"
The people at the table just smiled and nodded.
"Luuuu-uuuuke!" yelled Lorelai. "What the hell is going on with serving burgers with no cheese?"
Luke and most of the rest of the diner stared at her as she approached the counter. Luke's brain was unable to make sense of what his eyes were telling him. It wasn't that Lorelai was above a little yelling to get his attention. It wasn't that she wasn't occasionally clumsy.
It was that she was barefoot and wearing a t-shirt and cutoff shorts.
Carrying a bottle of Heineken.
She sat at the counter, a prolonged affair that involved her knocking over the salt and pepper shakers, dropping her purse on the floor, getting off the stool to retrieve her purse, and then spending a few minutes evidently searching the floor for her keys.
"Oh yeah," she laughed, "Kirk has them."
Luke finally managed to form a sentence. "Lorelai, are you drunk?"
"See Luke? You could always see right through me. S'why I love you."
Luke shook his head as if to clear it. "Now I know you're drunk. Lorelai, you can't have that beer in here."
"All righty then. I can take care of that in a jif!" She proceeded to chug the remaining third of her beer. Then she held out the empty bottle to Luke. "Refill, please."
He took the bottle from her, tossed it in the bin. "You know I don't serve alcohol."
"What I know, beyond any doubt whatsoever, is that you have beer upstairs."
"Totally beside the point."
"Luke, I know you have beer upstairs."
"You said that already. It's nice to see you're one of those repetitive drunks, though."
Lorelai stood up, turned around. "Attention, diner customer type people." All eyes turned to her. "Luke will not serve me beer. I am his besht friend in the entire world, ladies and gentleman. I have bought clothing for this man. I have... done other stuff as well. Still, he will not give me a beer. C'mon people, show of hands: Should Luke give me beer? All in favor?"
No one moved.
After a moment, Babette spoke up. "Luke doesn't have a beer and wine license, Doll. You know that."
"He's got beer upstairs, Babette. But ya know what? Remember back when he was dating that Nicole chick a few months ago? If she had asked, he would given her a beer. In fact, he would have already rewritten the entire menu to include nothing but beer. Eighty kinds of beer, and everyone would be required to use cellphones at all times... oof!"
Luke had finally come around the counter and picked Lorelai up with an arm around her waist.. "Sorry about this, folks."
"Put me down, Luke, or you're gonna be sorry! Help, help, I'm being oppressed! Do you see him oppressing me?"
Luke swung her around, carried her a few feet and set her back down near the bottom of the stairs. "Up," he said.
"Are you giving me beer?"
"If you go upstairs and quit bothering the customers, I'll give you whatever you want."
"Dirty!"
"Up! Or do I need to carry you?"
"Betcha can't."
"Bet I can."
And then she put her arms around his shoulders and jumped into his arms. Luke had to move fast to get his arms squarely underneath her.
He sighed and carried her up the stairs, bride-style, ignoring the applause and catcalls from below.
***
Luke deposited Lorelai on the couch.
"Ok, Lorelai, what's the story?"
"First you must give me a beer. Like Scheherazade."
"I'm pretty sure there was no beer involved there."
"Just one beer. And then I'll get out of your way."
Luke sighed and went to the fridge and gave her her damned beer.
"Thank you, sweetie," said Lorelai.
Luke shook his head. "Seriously, what's up?"
"Rory is gone. She's gone forever," said Lorelai, picking at the label of her beer bottle.
"She's not gone forever, she's just at college." Luke sighed. "She's been gone since Sunday, you were fine all week. What happened?"
"I was pretending. I'm good at pretending."
"Oh yeah?"
"You'd be amazed."
"Well, sometimes you've gotta pretend like you're all right. It's part of being a grownup. But jesus, Lorelai, you can't pretend so hard that you have a meltdown."
Lorelai looked at Luke with an unreadable look on her face, then set down her beer and stood up and walked over to him. She put her arms up around his neck, which made Luke twitch. What the hell was she doing?
"You'd know all about pretending, wouldn't you?" she asked softly, looking him with a directness that unnerved him.
Luke reached up and grabbed her wrists, put her arms back down by her sides. "Lorelai, you're drunk."
"And you called me repetitive."
"C'mon Lorelai. You know this isn't about me. I know you miss Rory, and I'm here for you, but don't turn this into something it isn't."
Luke thought it was a pretty good speech, very convincing, but that didn't stop Lorelai from putting her arms around his neck again and standing up on tiptoe and...
Kissing him.
Uh oh.
"Lorelai --" he said, when he could get a breath.
"Shut up, Luke."
"Lorelai, you're going to regret this tomorrow."
"I make it a policy never to regret anything."
He looked at her. "Does that actually work?"
"Yeah. I should write a book or something." She grinned up at him. "You're not gonna make me leave and go home tonight to my scary empty house, are you?" She blinked at him with big puppydog eyes.
Luke thought about it. It didn't seem likely.
"If I don't make you go home, are you going to hate me tomorrow?" he asked.
"Luke, look at this way. If there was any chance that I could ever hate you, could I kiss you like this?"
She demonstrated.
"Um," Luke said after a few minutes. "Could you repeat the question?"
"That's what I thought."
"Well," said Luke desperately, "What about Alex?"
"Pfft. Alex was history months ago. What happened to the small-town info superhighway?"
"Well, that's what I heard, but since you never showed up at the diner all weepy, I couldn't be sure."
"Sure, mock my heartbreak, right after I've lost my only daughter forever."
"I see that alcohol only enhances your sense of melodrama."
"Oh, you know you love me." She said it jokingly, but Luke could see the little glint of question in her eyes.
"Even if I did, do you think I'd admit it right now, like this?"
"If I get enough beer into you, you will."
"Well, that'll have to wait," he said. "I've still got to help Caesar for a while."
"I'll be here. Don't be too long." And with that, she plopped back down on the couch.
With one last glance at her, Luke went back downstairs.
***
When Luke came back upstairs an hour later, he saw Lorelai in his bed, her back to him.
Figuring she was passed out, and that it was probably for the best, he backed out quietly, and went to get an extra blanket and make a bed on the couch.
But as he was about to lie down, he heard Lorelai say "I don't think so, mister. Get over here. But grab a couple of beers first."
So he did.
He'd never gotten the hang of telling her no.
***
END.