These ended up being more conversations than moments. Once I started collecting them, I just couldn't stop. For complete transcripts check out http://www.gilmore-girls.net Actually, check it out anyway; you'll thank me.
S1 E1 The Pilot
LORELAI: Please, Luke. Please, please, please.
LUKE: How many cups have you had this morning?
LORELAI: None.
LUKE: Plus...
LORELAI: Five, but yours is better.
LUKE: You have a problem.
LORELAI: Yes, I do.
(Luke fills her cup.)
LUKE: Junkie.
LORELAI: Angel. You've got wings, baby.
LATER
(Luke comes up to the table dressed in a nice shirt.)
LORELAI: Wow, you look nice. Really nice.
LUKE: I had a meeting earlier at the bank. They like collars. You look nice too.
LORELAI: I had a flagellation to go to.
LUKE: So what'll you have?
LORELAI: Coffee, in a vat.
RORY: I'll have coffee also. And chili fries.
LUKE: That's quite a refined palate you got there.
(Luke shakes his head and goes to get their order.)
LORELAI: Behold the healing power of a bath. So, tell me about the guy.
From S1 E2 The Lorelais First Day at Chilton
LORELAI: [sighs] I already had the longest day of my life and, oh, look, it's only ten. How nice.
LUKE: There's no coffee.
LORELAI: That's not funny.
LUKE: I can give you herbal tea.
LORELAI: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
LUKE: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
LORELAI: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
LUKE: I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
LORELAI: Please, please, please tell me you're kidding.
LUKE: I'm kidding. [goes to retrieve the coffee pot.]
LORELAI: You're sick.
LUKE: Yup.
LORELAI: You're a sadist, you're a fiend!
[he walks back over with the coffee pot]
LORELAI: You're pretty.
LUKE: For here or to go?
LORELAI: To go, please.
LUKE: You wanna know what this stuff does to your central nervous system?
LORELAI: Ooh, do you have a chart? 'Cause I love charts.
LUKE: Forget it, kill yourself. So what happened this morning that was so awful?
LORELAI: Rory started Chilton.
LUKE: Really?
LORELAI: Yeah. [sees him looking at her strangely] What?
LUKE: That's how you dress to take Rory to Chilton?
LORELAI: No, but -
LUKE: I mean, that's a fancy school.
LORELAI: My clothes were at the cleaners, and I had the fuzzy clock and it didn't purr on time.
LUKE: It didn't purr?
LORELAI: It's fuzzy. It purrs. You know what, never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it.
LUKE: Me, too. Next time you're getting tea.
LATER
LUKE: What are you doing here?
LORELAI: See, now, that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown?
LUKE: I just mean you don't usually come in at this time.
LORELAI: Well, I have to pick up Rory from school.
[Luke pours her some coffee] Thank you.
LUKE: You're welcome.
LORELAI: No lectures?
LUKE: My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you.
LORELAI: Hm. God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me.
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: Yeah. This morning with the being late, and my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father, this father from Chilton, he, uh, drove out to the inn all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
LUKE: Really? You going?
LORELAI: No. He's got a kid in school with Rory, and the whole thing just seemed a little weird.
LUKE: Oh, good.
LORELAI: Good?
LUKE: Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
LORELAI: Okay.
LUKE: I mean, he's probably old, right?
LORELAI: Old?
LUKE: Yeah. I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
LORELAI: Well, so do I.
LUKE: Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are, uh. . .
LORELAI: Old.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Like this guy who asked me out.
LUKE: But you're not going.
LORELAI: No, I'm not going.
[Luke nods and looks down. Lorelai smiles to herself. Her cell phone rings]
LORELAI: Oh, that's me.
[Luke points to the 'No Cell Phones' sign]
LORELAI: Ugh. [answers phone] Hello? Hi Babette. What? Okay. No. No, I'll be right there. Thanks. [hangs up] Um, I have to go. [pulls out her wallet]
LUKE: Keep it. I gave you decaf.
From S1 E6 Rory’s Birthday Parties
(Cut to Luke's. Lorelai walks in with a garment bag. She looks around the diner and takes a seat at the counter.)
LUKE: She's not here yet.
LORELAI: All right. You'll have to entertain me until she arrives. OK, Burger Boy, dance.
LUKE: Will you marry me?
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Just looking for something to shut you up.
LORELAI: You better be nice to me or I'm not inviting you to Rory Gilmore's birthday celebration this Saturday night.
LUKE: You don't have to ask me, you know.
LORELAI: I know. But I would like you to come.
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: OK, I'll see.
LORELAI: 7:00. Don't be late.
LATER
(Lorelai starts out the door. Luke comes in carrying ice.)
LORELAI: Oh! Oh my God! You're a vision! Sookie, we have ice!
SOOKIE: Hallelujah.
LORELAI: How did you know?
LUKE: Well, a good rule of thumb is you can never have too much ice.
LORELAI: Oh, you're the best.
(Lorelai hugs Luke just as Emily comes out of the kitchen.)
LORELAI: That's -- Oh, hi, Mom. This is my friend Luke
LUKE: How are you doing?
EMILY: Fine, thank you.
LUKE: Well I'd better get these in the freezer before they melts.
LORELAI: Well, not very likely in here.
LATER
EMILY: And this man with the ice.
LORELAI: Luke.
EMILY: How long have you been seeing him?
LORELAI: Luke? I'm not seeing Luke. He's just a friend.
EMILY: Mm-hmm.
LORELAI: Mom, I swear. Luke keeps me in coffee, nothing else.
EMILY: He seems to like you.
LORELAI: And you're judging this by what?
EMILY: By they way he looked at you.
LORELAI: Which is how?
EMILY: Like you were about to give him a lap dance.
LORELAI: Mom, he did not look at me like that.
EMILY: You're pleased.
LORELAI: What?
EMILY: You smiled. You're pleased that the ice man looked at you like a Porterhouse steak.
LORELAI: I'm smiling because you're crazy and that's what you do to crazy people to keep them calm.
S1 E7 Kiss and Tell
(Rory and Lorelai enter Luke's cafe.)
TAYLOR: Every other store in town has fall decorations.
LUKE: Hoorah for the mob mentality.
TAYLOR: We're talking a few streamers and a paper turkey. How's it gonna hurt to have a paper turkey?
LUKE: No turkey, no squash, no pumpkins. Nothing colored orange.
TAYLOR: OK, you don't like orange. That's fine. Autumn has many varied hues to toy with.
LORELAI: Excuse me, can we get some coffee please?
RORY: And a muffin?
LORELAI: Warmed?
TAYLOR: This is the Autumn Festival. Your show is right across the street from the Horn of Plenty! You're right smack dab in the middle of everything. You have to decorate.
LUKE: I don't have to do anything but serve food.
LORELAI: And coffee!
RORY: And muffins!
LUKE: Taylor, I'm tired of having this conversation with you every year.
LORELAI: Yoo-hoo!
TAYLOR: You have lived in Stars Hollow for a long time, young man. It's time you became one of us. (Lorelai waves money to get Luke's attention.)
LORELAI: Whoo!
LUKE: Sorry, I guess my pod's defective.
RORY: Hey. My mom's not wearing any underwear.
LORELAI: Oh!
RORY: Well you aren't.
TAYLOR: You're just being selfish, Luke.
LORELAI: Still they don't notice. I can't take it anymore.
TAYLOR: We're talking about the spirit of fall.
(Lorelai gets the coffee herself and lifts the cover off the muffins.
LORELAI: What kind of muffin do you want?
RORY: Blueberry.
LUKE: You know where you can stick the spirit of fall?
(Luke hands Lorelai a utensil to pick up the muffins.)
LUKE: Here, don't use your hands.
TAYLOR: I don't think you're taking me seriously.
LUKE: What gave you that idea? (to Lorelai, who is leaving) No tip?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, here's a tip -- serve your customers.
LUKE: Here's another -- don't sit on any cold benches.
(Lorelai and Rory walk out the door.)
LATER
(Lorelai is sitting at a table watching Rory and Lane out the window.)
LUKE: Coffee? (no answer) Aw, come on. Are you mad at me too? I mean, a man can't choose whether or not he wants a picture of a fat, stupid bird on his wall? My God, that's the reason the damn Pilgrims came here in the first place.
LORELAI: Luke, I wasn't snubbing you. I didn't hear you and now I'm concerned about you.
LUKE: Sorry, just feeling a little persecuted lately. Coffee?
LORELAI: Please.
LUKE: You OK?
LORELAI: Yes, I'm fine.
LUKE: You don't look fine.
LORELAI: Well thank you.
LUKE: I just meant you look concerned.
LORELAI: I'm preoccupied.
LUKE: You look concerned.
LORELAI: Well I'm not.
LUKE: Fine, you just look it.
LORELAI: Hey, you know some streamers would look so great in here.
LUKE: OK, I'm done.
LORELAI: Thank you.
(Luke walks away. Rory rushes in and sits down.)
LATER
(Lorelai goes to the market and sees Dean working. She hides in an aisle and watches him bag groceries. Luke comes in, spots Lorelai, and walks up behind her.)
LUKE: Hey.
LORELAI: (startled) Oh, God! What are you doing?
LUKE: What are you doing?
LORELAI: I asked you first.
LUKE: I ran out of cream.
LORELAI: Yeah me too.
LUKE: What are you starin' at?
LORELAI: Nothing. Don't look, don't look.
LUKE: What is wrong with you today?
LORELAI: Rory got kissed.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Rory had her first kiss and that guy did it.
LUKE: Ah.
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: The new kid.
LORELAI: Yep.
(Luke laughs.)
LORELAI: Oh look at him. Look how smug he is.
LUKE: He's bagging groceries. It's hard to be smug bagging groceries.
LORELAI: Oh look how he just handled those lemons.
LUKE: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: He threw them in the bag. Not tossed them or placed them but threw them like they were nothing to him.
LUKE: They're lemons.
LORELAI: They're symbolic.
LUKE: OK. We need to get you out of here.
LORELAI: No. That' Lothario over there has wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth and for that he must die!
LUKE: That's it, let's go.
LORELAI: No.
LUKE: You're not going to kill the bag boy.
LORELAI: Why not?
LUKE: It's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town.
(Luke drags Lorelai out of the store.)
LORELAI: OK, OK. I'm out. Stop pushing me.
LUKE: What are you thinking spying on that kid like that?
LORELAI: I don't know. I just wanted to see him. I
mean I've seen him already but that was before he was --
LUKE: Rory's boyfriend?
LORELAI: Shush, you.
LUKE: She's growing up.
LORELAI: I know.
LUKE: There's nothing you can do about that.
LORELAI: OK, Mr. Reality, break into somebody's else's house.
LUKE: Sorry.
LORELAI: Why didn't she tell me? LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Why didn't Rory tell me about the kiss?
LUKE: Maybe she didn't know you'd take it so well.
LORELAI: Want to hear something crazy?
LUKE: 'Cause all the talk up until now has been so normal.
LORELAI: He kind of looks like Christopher.
LUKE: The grocery kid?
LORELAI: Yeah. He looks like Christopher.
LUKE: And Christopher is Rory's dad?
LORELAI: The hair, the build, something about the eyes. He reminds me of Christopher.
LUKE: Well that's not too surprising.
LORELAI: You're going to quote Freud to me? 'Cause I'll push you in front of a moving car. This talk was going so well.
LUKE: You and Rory are a lot alike. It's not surprising you would have similar tastes in men.
LORELAI: I guess. But why? Why didn't she tell me? We tell each other everything.
LUKE: This is different
LORELAI: But we tell each other everything else. But this she keeps a secret. It's 'cause it's a guy thing.
LUKE: Probably.
LORELAI: Well that's not good. I have to make her understand that I'm OK with the guy thing. 'Cause not talking about guys and our personal lives -- that's me and my mom. That is not me and Rory.
LUKE: Are you OK with the guy thing?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: Really?
LORELAI: OK...ish.
LUKE: That's not OK.
LORELAI: Well it's OK with an -ish.
LUKE: Whatever you say.
LORELAI: She just -- she thinks I'll disapprove, right? Well I won't. I will show her that I think this is great. Once she sees that I think this is great, everything will be back to normal between us, right? Right -- OK, good.
LUK:E So you passed the need for an actual person to talk to several minutes ago.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. Before the gelato stand.
LUKE: You're an amazing woman.
LOREALI: Thank you for noticing.
S1 E8 Love and War and Snow
(The reenactors walk towards their standing area. Lorelai walks over to Luke)
LORELAI: There goes the fire chief, the police chief and the one paramedic with a valid license. I feel safe, don't you?
LUKE: Look at them, all relatively intelligent men, but there they are dressed up in costumes, standing out in a snowstorm and for what?
L: Because it's tradition.
LUKE: Tradition is a trap, it allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything that passed was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.
L: I think some traditions are nice. Birthdays. Holidays. Taking a walk in the first snow of the season.
LUKE: I didn't get the Hallmark card for that one.
L: When I was five, I had a really bad ear infection and I had been home in bed for a week and I was very sad. So I wished really hard that something wonderful would happen to me. And I woke up the next morning and it had snowed. And I was sure that some fairy godmother had done it just for me. It was my little present.
LUKE: Your parents never explained the concept of weather to you?
L: I'm making a point, Mouthy McGee. Of course, many years later, I realized that logically, the snow was not there for me personally. But, still, when it snows, something inside me says, 'hey that's your present.' I don't think it'll ever change.
(Luke watches the reenactors)
LUKE: My father used to be one of those guys.
L: Yeah?
LUKE: Yeah, even had his own musket.
L: Really.
LUKE: Never had to rent it.
L: Where is the musket now?
LUKE: He was buried with it.
L: Wow.
LUKE: Yup. He loved that musket.
L: That's nice. . . in a disturbing sort of way.
LUKE: Come on in, I'll get you some coffee.
L: No thanks. I'm gonna walk around. Enjoy my present a little.
S1 E10 Forgiveness and Stuff
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: Rory coming?
LORELAI: No.
LUKE: She on a date?
LORELAI: No.
LUKE: Good so you’ve forbid her to see the bag boy.
LORELAI: I’d really rather not talk about it right now.
LUKE: Just tell me you forbid her to see the bag boy.
LORELAI: I did not forbid her to see the bag boy.
LUKE: Are you crazy?
LORELAI: Well, he looks like he’s moving up to produce, so he’s suddenly become quite a catch.
LUKE: That kid is trouble.
LORELAI: Can I order please.
LUKE: First time I looked at him, I thought he was trouble.
LORELAI: Excuse me, I’m the one who told you I thought he was trouble and you told me you thought I was crazy.
LUKE: You are crazy and he is trouble.
LORELAI: He is not trouble! He’s 6’2...he’s beautiful and he’s completely in love with my daughter.
LUKE: Trouble.
LORELAI: Big time.
LUKE: I’ll get your burger.
LORELAI: Wait. Can I see a menu?
LUKE: You need to see a menu?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: You come here everyday.
LORELAI: I know, but I usually order the same thing, and tonight I’m in the mood for something a little different.
LUKE: Menu.
LORELAI: Piece of paper, list of food offered.
LUKE: Ok, here. [gives her a menu] It’s not in Japanese.
LORELAI: Don’t you have any kind of holiday special? Something festive?
LUKE: I just got some Grey Poupon. That’s French.
LORELAI: Tonight’s my parents big Christmas celebration. There’s good food, these amazing apple tarts, big tree. It’s the only holiday I actually enjoy going over there for and this year, I’m uninvited.
LUKE: Why the hell would anyone celebrate Christmas two weeks early?
LORELAI: Did you even hear the part about me being uninvited?
LUKE: To your parents' fake Christmas party?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: I did hear that.
LORELAI: Do you care?
LUKE: Obviously you do.
LORELAI: Yes, I do and I don’t know why.
LUKE: You liked going...
LORELAI: I did.
LUKE: Rory’s there without you...
LORELAI: She is.
LUKE: You and Rory aren’t getting along right now and you feel bad at being separated during a time you usually share together.
LORELAI: Wow.
LUKE: Did I mention you come here every damn day?
LORELAI: I’ll have a burger.
LUKE: Coming right up.
LATER
[Slides a Santa face hamburger in front of Lorelai]
LORELAI: What did you do?
LUKE: You wanted something festive.
LORELAI: You made me a Santa burger.
LUKE: It’s not big deal.
LORELAI: He has a hat and everything.
LUKE: Yeah, I just cut a piece of wonder bread, you know, poured a little ketchup, piped on a little cream cheese.
LORELAI: No one has ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I thank you.
LUKE: You’re welcome.
[Cell phone rings. Luke point at the ‘no cell phone’ sign]
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Outside!
LORELAI: Are you kidding? It’s like the North Pole out there.
LUKE: Hey, this sign isn’t just a decoration.
LORELAI: Honey, nothing in here is a decoration.
LUKE: It’s disturbs the other customers.
LORELAI: Oh really? Maybe we should take a vote. [to customers] Who thinks we shouldn’t use cell phones in here? [all raise their hands] Well screw democracy. [goes to answer but stops ringing] Perfect, Now I have to check my voice mail.
[Taylor and carolers enter]
ALL: ‘...the new born king’.
LUKE: Whoa, what’s going on?
TAYLOR: Well we were caroling around town and we got a bit chilly and we thought maybe we could trade you a song for some hot chocolate.
LUKE: You want free hot chocolate?
TAYLOR: No no, we’ll sing for it, any tune you like.
LUKE: And then I give you free hot chocolate.
TAYLOR: Yes.
LUKE: Tell you want, you can have your hot chocolate, and pay for it, then go next door and sing for the marshmallows.
LORELAI: Oh my God!
TAYLOR: These are your neighbors Luke!
LUKE: Shut up Taylor. What’s going on? [to Lorelai]
LORELAI: My father’s in the hospital.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Yeah, he collapsed or something. I don’t know. I need a cab. I need to call a cab. Where’s the phone? I need - can anyone give me - I’m holding a phone.
LUKE: Whoa, calm down.
LORELAI: No I can’t calm down. I need a cab. What’s the numbers? God, it’s something-cabs, cabs-something-something, 1-800-cabs? Can somebody tell me the damn number of the cab guy?!
LUKE: I’ll drive you.
LORELAI: But there’s food and there’s people and there’s a burger with a face.
LUKE: Ok, everybody out! We’re closed, let’s go. Food’s on me. [to Lorelai] Put on your coat and get your stuff. [to Taylor] Taylor, have your hot chocolate then lock up. [to Lorelai] Come on, my truck’s out back.
LORELAI: Luke, I’m -
LUKE: I know, let’s go.
CUT TO INSIDE TRUCK
LORELAI: Look.
LUKE: Relax.
LORELAI: We’re being passed by senior citizens.
LUKE: I’m going as fast as I can.
LORELAI: Bye Grandma, bye.
LUKE: There’s ice on the road, those people aren’t being safe.
LORELAI: Well maybe they’re not being safe but at least they’re getting somewhere.
LUKE: You checked it five times already, I’ve listened to it twice, it’s not changing.
LORELAI: ‘Grandpa’s in the hospital, please come.’ No details, no info. Who taught her to leave a message like that?
LUKE: I’m sure she was in a hurry.
LORELAI: A person needs details. Why is he in the hospital? How bad is it? What are the circumstances involving him being in the hospital? These are simple questions.
LUKE: We’ll be there very soon and you’ll know everything.
LORELAI: What if he’s dead?
LUKE: He’s not dead.
LORELAI: How do you know?
LUKE: I know.
LORELAI: Oh, you’re psychic now? You’re suddenly getting visions while you’re driving 20 mph in the oldest truck known to man? [pause] I’m sorry, you’re killing yourself to get me there and I’m yelling at you. I don’t mean it.
LUKE: I know.
LORELAI: I feel like this is one of those moments when I should be remembering all the great times I had with my dad, you know. The time he took me shopping for a Barbie or to the circus or fishing and my mind is a complete blank.
LUKE: Well I’m sure it happened.
LORELAI: No it didn’t. We never did any of that. He went to work, he came home, he read the paper, he went to bed, I snuck out the window. Simple. He was a very by the numbers guy. I was never very good with numbers.
LUKE: I’m sure he loves you.
LORELAI: You know my dad is not a bad guy.
LUKE: I’m sure he’s not.
LORELAI: He lived his life the way he thought he was supposed to. He followed the rules taught to him by his non-fishing-non-Barbie-buying dad. He worked hard. He bought a nice house. He provided for my mom. All he asked in return was for his daughter to wear white dresses and go to cotillion and want the same life that he had. What a disappointment it must have been for him to get me.
LUKE: I can’t imagine anyone seeing you as a disappointment.
LORELAI: I bet you’d buy a Barbie for your daughter.
LUKE: Yeah, well, I’d probably give her the cash to buy it herself and meet her by the baseball cards.
LORELAI: Hmm. You’ll make a great dad.
LUKE: You make a great mom.
LORELAI: Yeah. It’s just the uh, daughter part I don’t have down yet.
LUKE: Ok, hold on. That Camaro is dust.
LATER
EMILY: I don’t know what happened. He was hot and he went to turn down the thermostat and then - [see Luke] were you on a date? LORELAI: What?
EMILY: You have an escort?
LORELAI: No, it’s Luke, Mom.
LUKE: Which is her way of saying we weren’t on a date.
LORELAI: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.
EMILY: Well how am I supposed to know you weren’t on a date. It’s Friday night and you show up here with a man.
LORELAI: With Luke, Mom.
EMILY: It’s not insane to assume a date was involved.
LORELAI: You’re right, ok, it’s entirely possible that I was out on a date.
LUKE: Just not with me.
LORELAI: I was eating at Luke’s when I got the message. He gave me a ride, end of story. Is Dr. Reynolds here?
LATER
LUKE: You’re very brave for her.
LORELAI: Yeah, well it’s my turn. God this sucks.
LUKE: Hey come on, you gotta think positive here - bright side, good thoughts. Rainbows, unicorns, clowns, little cute...furry - ok I’m out.
LORELAI: Thank God.
LATER
LORELAI: We’ll be right here [gurney passes. Luke breathes deeply, head back] Jeez are you ok?
LUKE: Yeah, I’m just not big on hospitals you know the smell, people being wheeled by with tubes sticking out of them, you know, drainage, fluids, gaping holes -
LORELAI: Ok, listen, why don’t you go home.
LUKE: You want me to go?
LORELAI: You don’t look so good.
LUKE: Thanks.
LORELAI: That’s not what I meant. You know you always look good.
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: I mean you always look healthy.
LUKE: Ok.
LORELAI: But you don’t look so healthy now. Now you look...
LUKE: Unhealthy.
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: Ok.
LORELAI: Oh what? So I said you look good. We’re not in 5th grade. ‘You look good’, big deal. Stop staring at me.
[patient passes by]
LUKE: Ah, jeez.
LORELAI: See that’s what you get for being cocky.
LATER
EMILY: So what exactly is going on between the two of you?
LUKE: Nothing. Really. We’re friends, that’s it.
EMILY: You’re idiots, the both of you.
LATER
LUKE: I heard, everything’s ok.
LORELAI: Yeah, yeah. They’re going to keep him over night but - but he’s going to be fine. [cries]
LUKE: Hey. [Luke hugs her] Ok, see here’s where the guy is supposed to give the girl his handkerchief but I don’t have one...and plus I find the practice a little revolting so...
LORELAI: No, I’m ok.
LUKE: You sure?
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: Alright. Oh hey, I got this for you.
LORELAI: Ah, where’d you get that?
LUKE: Nurse’s lounge.
LORELAI: Uh-huh.
LUKE: What? You’re not the only one who can flirt
[Lorelai laughs] The door was open.
LATER
LORELAI: Hello.
LUKE: Hey, how’s your dad?
LORELAI: Better, though he says that life is not life unless it includes a steak. How come you’re not out with everybody?
LUKE: I had some things to do.
LORELAI: Right, anyways, this is for you. [giving him a bag]
LUKE: What’s it for?
LORELAI: Just thank you, Christmas, whatever.
LUKE: Christmas isn’t for two weeks.
LORELAI: Do we really have to do this again? [he opens the present. It’s a baseball hat] I just thought, you know, God forbid something happens to that one, you might need a spare. Here [put it on forwards] Does that look wrong. [puts in on backwards] There! Oh hey turn out the lights [going to the window]
LUKE: For what? It’s not the real procession, it’s just the rehearsal.
LORELAI: So, it’s pretty.
LUKE: And why do they need to rehearse it? It’s the same thing every year.
LORELAI: Come on Luke, please. [he turns out the lights and joins her by the window] It’s hard to imagine living somewhere else isn’t it?
LUKE: Thanks for the hat.
LORELAI: You’re welcome. Looks good on you.
LUKE: Good how?
LORELAI: Just watch the procession.
S1 E11 Paris is Burning
LORELAI: Rory and I have a skating date.
RORY: I'm Nancy Kerrigan.
LORELAI: And I'm Tonya Harding. I'm gonna do the whole shoe lace coming untie - nervous break - let me start again act and everything.
LUKE: (laughing) When was the last time you put those things on?
LORELAI: Oh, you are constantly trying to ruin my fun.
LUKE: Do they even fit anymore?
LORELAI: Yes they fit.
LUKE: They look rusted.
LORELAI: Well...can I just have some coffee please?
LUKE: (sighs) Hand them over.
LORELAI: Why?
LUKE: I'm gonna clean them and tighten the blades.
LORELAI: Really!?!
LUKE: Yes.
LORELAI: Can you make them really shiny?
LUKE: The skates please.
LORELAI: Maybe add a couple of pompoms.
LUKE: Just hand them over.
LORELAI: Thank you!
SOOKIE: You get really good service here.
LORELAI: Yeah I do.
S1 E12
LUKE: Who’s the other guy?
LORELAI: That’s Jackson’s cousin. He’s my date!
LUKE: Lucky girl!
LORELAI: Yes, I think so. He is, believe it or not, even less thrilled with the match up than I am.
LUKE: You’re kidding, why?
LORELAI: I’m too tall.
LUKE: [laughs] Get out.
LORELAI: I’m serious.
LUKE: Doesn’t he understand how great that is? You can get all the stuff from the top shelf.
LORELAI: Exactly. That is exactly what I bring to a relationship. Explain that to him will you. [takes a sip of coffee] Mmm. Luke, that is an exceptionally good batch of coffee.
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: Hello!
LUKE: I added a little nutmeg.
LORELAI: Really?
LUKE: Yes.
LORELAI: That’s very Richard Simmons of you.
LUKE: Well what can I say. Chicks dig a man with a feminine side.
LATER
LORELAI: Bye Loon! [looks over at the two] Finally.
LUKE: I guess you’ll only need three menus now.
LORELAI: Hey, why don’t you make up three fabulous cheeseburgers and send two over there. I’ll have mine here.
LUKE: First I gotta watch a man walk out on you, then I have to watch you eat alone. Nope. Too pathetic.
LORELAI: I’m not eating alone. You’re here.
LUKE: I’m working.
LORELAI: Yeah but after three cheeseburgers you’re done, unless you’re expecting Elijah to stop by.
LUKE: Ok. Fine. [pulls out a deck of cards] 5-card draw.
LORELAI: Oh! You’re on.
[Luke deals as Lorelai watches intently]
LORELAI: Mm-hm. Mm-hm [looks at her cards] Uh...huh. Give me four. [looks at them again] Aah, no four more.
LUKE: You can’t have four more, those are the four I dealt you.
LORELAI: Well these don’t help me and I have vowed to discard anything negative in my life - first Rune and now these four cards.
LUKE: Whatever you say [giving her another 4]
LORELAI: Ooh, much better, thank you.
LUKE: Rune knew when to run away.
LORELAI: Ha.
[Sookie and Jackson are giggling]
LORELAI: God that’s nice.
LUKE: Yep.
LORELAI: The whole ‘first date, beginning of the relationship’ glow - everything is new and exciting.
LUKE: Every joke is hilarious.
LORELAI: Every little touch is incredible [touching Luke’s arm]
LUKE: Mm-hm.
LORELAI: God that’s a good feeling.
LUKE: It is at that.
LORELAI: I miss that.
LUKE: You’ll have it again.
LORELAI: Mmm...I guess.
[Mrs Kim sees Lorelai through the window]
LUKE: You know, maybe sometime we could...
[Door slams]
MRS. KIM: Where are the girls?
LORELAI: What?
MRS. KIM: Lane said she’s with you and Rory.
LORELAI: W - slow down.
LATER
LUKE: Hey.
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: I haven’t seen you since the other night. Everything turn out ok?
LORELAI: Oh yeah, fine. The dating world of 16 year olds - very exciting stuff.
LUKE: I bet. [pause] Oh, uh coffee?
LORELAI: Do you have to ask?
[Luke pours]
LORELAI: You know, I had a good time the other night - with the cards.
LUKE: Oh yeah, yeah - me too.
LORELAI: Good.
LUKE: Yeah, if fact you rushed out of here before I had a chance to -
LORELAI: A chance to?
LUKE: Kick your ass in poker.
LORELAI: [laughs] You wish.
LUKE: Burger?
LORELAI: Two and fries.
LUKE: Maybe we could do it again sometime.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, well, I-I would like that.
S1 E13
CUT TO LUKE’S WITH A RUMMAGE SALE SIGN IN THE WINDOW
LUKE: If you want coffee, you’ll have to wait.
RORY: Hey Luke, someone put a sign for the rummage sale up in your window over there.
LUKE: You can have decaf right now if you’re in a hurry.
RORY: You should call the cops about this. I mean we all know how you feel about public displays of town affection.
LUKE: Your mom asked me to put it there ok?
RORY: And you said yes?
LUKE: She’s not real good with ‘no’.
RORY: No she’s not.
LUKE: For every second you laugh at me, that’s one second longer you’re waiting for coffee.
RORY: Sorry, no laughing. [he leaves]
LATER
LUKE: What the hell do you think you’re wearing?
LORELAI: A hat.
LUKE: Take that off.
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Now that is not yours, take it off.
LORELAI: But I’ll have hat hair.
LUKE: I’m talking about the sweatshirt.
LORELAI: Luke calm down.
LUKE: That is not yours.
LORELAI: No, I found it in the bags of stuff for the sale.
LUKE: Oh so you just find something and then you take it is that it?
LORELAI: No, I paid for it.
LUKE: Oh so that makes it alright.
LORELAI: It makes it legal. What is the matter with you?
LUKE: Nothing. Nothing is the matter.
LORELAI: Luke...
LUKE: Pour your own coffee. [puts coffee pot down on the counter and leaves]
LATER
LORELAI: [coming up to Luke] Hey.
LUKE: Oh, hey.
LORELAI: Find anything good?
LUKE: Oh yeah, I got some refrigerator magnets shaped like sushi for a nickel, so basically I scored.
LORELAI: Oh good.
LUKE: Hey, look, about that thing that happened the other day -
LORELAI: Oh forget it.
LUKE: I was a jerk, I didn’t mean it.
LORELAI: I know - really
LUKE: Yeah well, I am sorry.
LORELAI: I wanted to give this back to you [offering Rachel’s sweatshirt]
LUKE: Oh no, you bought it.
LORELAI: I know but it’s yours and I didn’t know.
LUKE: You didn’t know?
LORELAI: About the former owner.
LUKE: Oh.
LORELAI: If I had, I wouldn’t have flaunted it in front of you like that.
LUKE: Hey, it’s not a big deal, I was having a bad day, that’s it. Now I got magnetic sushi and all is right with the world.
LORELAI: Ok good. So here. It obviously means something to you.
LUKE: But you have to let things go eventually right?
LORELAI: Yeah, but sometimes you need a little something to remind you. I mean you wouldn’t want to forget everything would you?
LUKE: No there was some stuff that I definitely would not want to forget.
LORELAI: Well here, so you don’t forget. LUKE: Thanks, can I pay you for it? LORELAI: In coffee, absolutely. LUKE: Alright. I’m not pining you know - LORELAI: I know LUKE: Just remembering.
LORELAI: Got it.
LUKE: Remembering is not pining.
LORELAI: You’re absolutely right.
LUKE: It’s just like a memento, like restaurant matches.
LORELAI: I can see the resemblance.
LUKE: Ok, well good.
LORELAI: Bye Luke.
LUKE: Bye.
S1 E14 That Damn Donna Reed
(Luke comes to take their order.)
LORELAI: Hi, can you take a little constructive criticism?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: OK. This place could use a makeover.
LUKE: Hmm.
LORELAI: Yeah. It just needs a sprucing up. Like a coat of paint.
LUKE: I don't spruce.
LATER
LUKE: Does anyone want anything?
LORELAI: Uh, yes, I do. I want to know why you won't paint this place.
LUKE: Painting's a pain. I'd have to close the place for a day -- which I can't afford -- or paint it in the middle of the night -- which I don't want to do because I hate painting.
LORELAI: OK, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint.
LUKE: You do?
LORELAI: Yes, I do.
LUKE: You love it?
LORELAI: I want to marry it.
LUKE: You have strange passions.
RORY: She likes washing dishes too. She's mult-faceted abnormal.
LORELAI: Ah, come on. We'll drink a couple beers, we'll sing painting songs.
LUKE: Painting songs.
LORELAI: Yeah, painting songs. Like, uh, you know, the song that goes, um...(singing) "Grab your brush and grab your rollers/All you kids and all you...bowlers/We're going paintin' today!" Say yes or there's another verse.
LUKE: Well I guess maybe...if I had help.
TAYLOR: Really? Oh my God! That's wonderful! Hurrah!
LUKE: Taylor, it's not for you. It's for me.
TAYLOR: I can't wait to tell the rest of the committee. They're not going to believe this.
LUKE: I hate that he's pleased.
LORELAI: Ah, you'll drop a gum wrapper on the street in front of his store later.
LUKE: Yeah, good idea.
LATER
(Cut to Luke's.)
LORELAI: Now, this is another way to go. Sort of a French bistro kind of look.
LUKE: This isn't a French bistro
LORELAI: Really? Huh. It's amazing the things you learn when you bother to listen.
LUKE: Which you usually don't.
LORELAI: Yes, but then I don't have a lot of useless information intruding in my brain.
LUKE: Thank God.
LORELAI: Now, if you wanted to do more warm, golden Tuscan countryside --
LUKE: Then I'd go to Italy. (to customer) Here, I'll wrap this up.
LORELAI: We could also go with a pastely English country garden theme. Oh, maybe we could add a little stenciling on the ceiling.
LUKE: No stencling!
LORELAI: Excuse me -- do you even know what stenciling is?
LUKE: Does Martha Stewart do it?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: (firmly) No stenciling.
LATER
LORELAI: You ready to talk paint?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Good. I've got all the choices set up and while any one of them would work, I think this combo is currently my favorite.
LUKE: Huh.
LORELAI: See? Imagine. This will be for the walls and this will be for the trim -- the, like, edging around the doors and the windows.
LUKE: I know what the trim is.
LORELAI: OK. The colors are actually quite similar to what you have here now, but they're just a little richer, a little warmer. What do you think?
LUKE: Well.
LORELAI: Wait, wait, wait.
(Lorelai goes to dim the lights.)
LORELAI: A little ambiance.
LUKE: This is a diner. We don't do ambiance.
LORELAI: All right. One argument at a time. So what do you think?
LUKE: Honestly?
LORELAI: Yep.
LUKE: I have no idea. You like it?
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: OK.
LORELAI: Good. (Andrew bursts in with a camera and starts taking pictures.)
LUKE: What are you doing?
ANDREW: Oh -- um, the town council wanted to do a before and after poster.
LUKE: Out!
ANDREW: Bye.
(Luke flips the sign to "Closed" and locks the door.)
LUKE: That's it. We're closed for the night.
LORELAI: You know, listen -- since you have to take everything off the walls to decide what stuff you're going to keep and what stuff you're to get rid of.
LUKE: Everything stays.
LORELAI: OK, there's a plastic dancing pork chop that says --
LUKE: Everything stays.
LORELAI: "I lost my head over a good chop. You should too."
LUKE: Everything stays.
LORELAI: Ok. Everything stays.
LUKE: You know, this place hasn't been painted since my dad was alive.
LORELAI: No, I didn't know that.
LUKE: He painted it before he opened it and once more when the roof caved in one winter. I think that's probably it.
LORELAI: The paint lasted a long time. He got his money's worth.
LUKE: Yep. He really loved this place, you know. This store was his life. Mine too, I guess. I spent every minute I wasn't in school here. I spent a lot of minutes I was supposed to be in school in here too.
LORELAI: How come you opened a diner? Why didn't you keep it a hardware store?
LUKE: I don't know. I didn't love the hardware business the way my dad did, and, you know, I knew how to cook, so I just thought a diner would be more...fun.
LORELAI: (laughing) That's a hard word for you to say.
LUKE: (laughs) Yeah. I just always wanted to work here. Just where Dad did.
LORELAI: God that's nice. To be so -- I don't know -- connected to your dad. That's -- I would have loved that.
LUKE: Well you've got that with Rory.
LORELAI: Yeah...I guess so.
LUKE: You know, I still think there's a spot on the wall somewhere where my dad took an order one day when he ran out of paper.
LORELAI: Really? Where?
LUKE: I don't know. Behind the counter maybe.
(Lorelai goes behind the counter.)
LUKE: Next to the door. On the right side.
(Lorelai sits on the floor. Luke joins her.)
LORELAI: Oh. Huh. Here it is: "Three hammers, Phillips-head screwdrivers --"
LUKE: "and three boxes of nails in assorted sizes."
LORELAI: Oh.
LUKE: I've seen it from time to time. (They laugh.)
LUKE: Yeah, well, I guess it is time for a little spruce.
LORELAI: Yeah, it is. But let's not spruce this particular spot.
LUKE: That sounds good.
LORELAI: OK.
(They look at each other then hear voices outside. Luke starts to get up.)
LUKE: Oh, jeez --
LORELAI: No, no, don't get up.
LUKE: But if I don't get up --
LORELAI: They'll go away. They'll go away, trust me. Shh.
(Taylor rattles the doorknow and knocks on the window.)
TAYLOR: What are they doing? They should be in there. Just imagine it all in pastels. The whole thing.
(When they can't see anything, the crowd leaves.)
LUKE: Thank you.
LORELAI: You're welcome: (whispers) I should go.
LUKE: OK.
LORELAI: Ah, so. It's going to be great.
LUKE: Oh, I'm sure it is.
LORELAI: See ya.
LUKE: See ya.
(Lorelai leaves.)
LATER
(Cut to Lorelai getting home. She looks in the chick's cage -- it's empty.)
LORELAI: (yelling) Stella!
(Lorelai starts looking all over the house for Stella.)
LORELAI: Oh, no. No, no. OK. Stella, do something. Show yourself. Molt or chirp or something. Oh this is so not funny. Not funny, not funny. Oh this is so unbelivable. All day long, just chirps like a maniac at the top of her lungs. Now, nothing. Silence. Marcel Marceau chicken. OK, that's OK. I can fix this. We can fix this.
(Lorelai goes to the phone.)
LORELAI: I'm going to make this better. I'm going to fix --
LORELAI: Hello?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Luke? Stella got out and I don't know -- do I put seed on the floor? Do I make cheeping sounds? Or do I pull a Lucy Ricardo and walk like a chicken so she thinks I'm her mother?
LUKE: Who the hell is this?
LORELAI: What do you mean who is this? It's Lorelai. Who else would call you looking for her baby chick?
LUKE: You're right. I'm the idiot. Go on.
LORELAI: Could you come over here, please, and help me?
LUKE: Uh, yeah, OK. I'll be right over.
LORELAI: OK, hurry!
(Luke knocks.)
LORELAI: Thank God. Get in here.
LUKE: This place is a disaster. What's going on?
LORELAI: OK, the last sighting was here, by the InStyle magazine. But then she burrowed through the Glamour and jumped over the Cosmo and knocked over a brand new bottle of nail polish so all I can tell you is if there was any doubt that this chick was a girl, well, there isn't anymore.
(Stella cheeps.)
LORELAI: OK, there she is!
LUKE: Jeez -- what was that?
LORELAI: Stella! Stella!
LUKE: You really do have a chick loose in here.
LORELAI: Yeah, I told you I had a chick loose in here. There she goes by the kitchen!
(They run after Stella.)
LORELAI: Don't step on her!
LUKE: She cut right in front of me.
LORELAI: OK, well she's being graded so let's not squash her.
LUKE: Well then tell her to watch where she's going.
LATER
LORELAI: I swear, she went over there.
LUKE: We looked over there.
LORELAI: Well, she went under that chair and she didn't come out.
LUKE: We moved the chair, we searched the floor, nothing.
LORELAI: Well then she went under the chair and through a hole in the floor.
LUKE: There is no hole in the floor.
LORELAI: Well maybe there was a hole in the floor and she crawled through it and fixed it.
LUKE: So she's s super intelligent chick with great physical and deductive skills?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: Oh, this is not a chick I want to find.
LORELAI: Hey, Luke, what did you mean earlier?
LUKE: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: When you got here. You made some comment about me not really having a chick in the house.
LUKE: Hmm.
LORELAI: I mean, if I didn't have a chick here, why did you think I was calling?
LUKE: No, I thought you were calling about the chick.
LORELAI: It didn't seem like it.
LUKE: Well maybe it didn't seem like it but it was.
LORELAI: Was what?
LUKE: Was what I thought -- can we just keep looking?
LORELAI: OK. I just still think that --
LUKE: There she is.
LORELAI: Where?
LUKE: There!
(Crash)
LORELAI: Careful.
LATER
LORELAI: She's never going anywhere ever again. I'm thinking of slipping some super glue on the bottom of the cage. That would be bad, right? I mean, I know staples are bad but what's the verdict on super glue?
LUKE: Ask Stella.
(Luke is taking out the trash, including a broken lamp.)
LORELAI: Oh, you don't have to do that.
LUKE: This stuff is sharp. I want to get it out of the way.
LORELAI: Well, thanks for helping.
LUKE: No problem. I'm going to throw this stuff outside.
LATER
LUKE: So, you're sure we need this many cans?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, you need enough for two coats and touchups and little spots. No, I'm not sure.
LUKE: Well we got the paint and the brushes and the tarps and all the other stuff the paint guy said we'd need, so I guess we're ready.
LORELAI: Yes we are.
LUKE: The only thing left to do is figure out when.
LORELAI: How about Friday?
LUKE: Friday?
LORELAI: Yeah, I mean, you don't want the stuff sitting around. I don't know if paint goes bad, but judging by the smell of it when it's fresh, rotten paint would be really gross.
LUKE: Don't you have dinner with your folks on Friday?
LORELAI: Well, yeah, but I can get out early for a special occasion.
LUKE: Friday it is.
LORELAI: Good.
S1 E15
LUKE: So Rory was at the game today.
LORELAI: Oh yeah.
LUKE: Yeah she was with some guy.
LORELAI: Dean.
LUKE: No, I know that punk. Some older guy.
LORELAI: Oh, that would’ve been her dad.
LUKE: Really? So that’s uh....
LORELAI: The guy who impregnated me with Rory - yes.
LUKE: Oh, well, he did a good job.
LORELAI: Impregnating me with Rory?
LUKE: Now this has taken a very weird turn.
LORELAI: Yeah.
Later...
LUKE: What the -
LORELAI: Taa-daa!
LUKE: How’d you get in here?
LORELAI: You’re bread guy let me in.
LUKE: I’m switching bread guys.
LORELAI: What do you think?
LUKE: I think you shouldn’t break and enter.
LORELAI: So what do you think?
LUKE: Well I gotta admit - it looks pretty good.
LORELAI: Oh, I knew you’d like it.
LUKE: Thanks.
LORELAI: Anytime. It’s fun.
LUKE: So, uh, where’s the guy?
LORELAI: Oh he’s gone.
LUKE: Oh, too bad.
LORELAI: We’ll be fine. Luke?
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: Um, can I make one more suggestion?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Curtains?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Manly curtains.
LUKE: Oxymoron.
LORELAI: What did you call me?
LUKE: No curtains.
LORELAI: Aw come on. You gotta give a little. How about a tablecloth?
LUKE: No. We don’t do table cloths here.
S1 E16
(Lorelai walks into the diner and sits at the counter.)
LORELAI: I was almost crushed by a papier mache star. How's your day?
LUKE: Well, it's looking pretty good now.
LORELAI: Coffee please, no shot of cynicism.
LUKE: So, why so cheery?
LORELAI: I don't know. I'm just in a mood. I don't know why.
LUKE: But there's no particular reason for this mood?
LORELAI: No.
LUKE: Uh huh.
LORELAI: You don't believe me?
LUKE: No, I believe you. If you say there's no reason for the mood, then there's no reason for the mood. You're simply nuts.
LORELAI: Or bipolar. That's very big nowadays.
Later...
LORELAI: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it.
LUKE: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics, who in all probability did not even exist. And even if they did, probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from the local dance hall prostitute. Two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster.
LORELAI: You are full of hate and loathing, and I gotta tell you, I love it!
LUKE: Oh, it's so good to have somebody share this hate with.
LORELAI: My pleasure.
LUKE: More coffee?
LORELAI: Yeah please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says 'Hey, how's it going?'
LUKE: You're on.
Later...
LORELAI: Hey. Where the hell's the fire department when you need them?
LUKE: Hey, aren't you supposed to be in Hartford?
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: What happened?
LORELAI: Climbed out the window.
LUKE: Okay.
LORELAI: That's it. You're not curious why?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: That's what I love about you.
LUKE: Hey, how long you been here?
LORELAI: A little while.
LUKE: Did you see Harry and Taylor get into a fist fight?
LORELAI: No! Aww! How did I miss that? I'm so bummed!
LUKE: It was good.
S1 E17
LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey, cut it out! Break it up! [to Luke]You back off! Come here! What do you think you’re doing?!
LUKE: He started it!
LORELAI: By doing what?
LUKE: He was coming in.
LORELAI: Are you a lunatic! He’s 16!
LUKE: Well what was I supposed to do?!
LORELAI: Well stand in the middle of the street and have a slap fight of course! Come here! [taking him inside]
S1 E19
(Rory and Lorelai are sitting at a table in the diner. Luke brings their plates to them.)
LUKE: Okay, French toast with bacon crispy. Pancakes, two eggs over easy.
L: Oh.
LUKE: What?
L: You put the eggs on top of the pancakes.
R: Oops.
LUKE: What?
L: Yeah, well, it's like two eyes staring at me. See, I can't eat it like this.
R: Hence the oops.
LUKE: What are you talking about? You always order the same thing.
L: Yeah, but you usually put the eggs on the side so that my breakfast is not ogling me.
LUKE: It's the same food.
L: Hmm, yeah, I need the eggs put on the side.
LUKE: You want a brand new plate.
L: Yes.
LUKE: How about if I take this plate in the back, I take the eggs off the pancakes, I put the same eggs on the side and bring the plate back out. What happens then?
L: Then I can eat my breakfast.
LUKE: It's the same food just a different configuration.
L: I won't know that.
LUKE: I'm gonna take the plate in the back.
(Luke picks up the plate and walks away.)
Later...
LUKE: So what was all about?
L: Oh nothing. We're just gonna go check out this old inn Rachel found.
LUKE: Hmm.
L: What?
LUKE: Nothing. I didn't know you guys were friends.
L: Hm, well we're not really friends. I mean, I don't know her that well. But we're just hanging out. She seems really great.
LUKE: Oh yeah, she is. She's great. She's just, you know, a lot different from you.
L: 'Cause I'm not really great?
LUKE: No, you're great. Just in a different way.
L: In a not really great way?
LUKE: That's not what I meant. The two of you are just completely different people. Both great, but I'm just a little surprised that, you know, you're different types of greatness are, you know, melding and you're comfortably great together.
L: Is this bothering you?
LUKE: This conversation, yes.
L: No. Um, the idea of Rachel and I hanging out together. Is there some reason that's weird for you or something?
LUKE: Why would it be?
L: No reason I can think of.
LUKE: Okay, well then it's not weird.
L: Good, well I was just checking.
LUKE: Okay, well then, you checked.
L: Okay. So are you gonna be pouring that coffee anytime or. . .
LUKE: Oh.
L: I'm glad it's not weird though because . . (Luke overflows her coffee cup.) . . . that would be bad.
LUKE: Oh, I'll get a rag.
Later...
(Luke is behind the counter. Lorelai comes down the back steps and walks behind the counter.)
LUKE: Hey.
L: Hey.
LUKE: Want some coffee?
L: Oh, yeah coffee would be great.
(Luke fills up a carryout cup and hands it to her.)
L: Thanks.
LUKE: Watch the lid there.
L: Yeah. Wow, it really looks, um, different from back here, ya know? All this is yours, as far as the eye can see.
LUKE: Yes, it's quite an empire I've built for myself. I'm thinking of conquering the flower shop next door and expanding the freezer.
L: Hey, I didn't mean to kick you out of your own apartment.
LUKE: Oh, you didn't.
L: Well you left pretty fast.
LUKE: Yeah, you guys looks like you were talking girl talk.
L: Girl talk.
LUKE: Yeah.
L: What's girl talk?
LUKE: You know, pantyhose, nail polish.
L: Curtains.
LUKE: Yes. That stuff.
L: You didn't like me being up there?
LUKE: No big deal.
(Luke walks away. Lorelai follows him.)
CUT TO STORAGE ROOM
(Luke is in the storage room unloading boxes. Lorelai walks in.)
L: So, this is the fascinating storage area where fascinating acts of storage take place.
LUKE: Yup, this is it.
L: Some good looking pickles.
LUKE: What are you doing?
L: I'm admiring your pickles.
LUKE: You shouldn't be in here.
L: Why not?
LUKE: 'Cause my insurance covers only me.
L: That's not true. You're kidding right?
LUKE: Its not safe, something might fall.
L: You don't like me hanging out with Rachel do you?
LUKE: Oh, come on.
L: Am I right?
LUKE: You can hang out with anybody you want.
L: Not my question.
LUKE: Well that's my answer.
L: Well, we're eight.
LUKE: Just a friendly piece of advice. Don't get too attached to her.
L: Rachel?
LUKE: Yeah. She's got an interesting habit of getting bored and then leaving, usually without saying goodbye.
L: People break habits.
LUKE: Not often.
L: So you're just convinced that that's what she's gonna do?
LUKE: I'll bet you that's exactly what she does.
L: Well, let's say that is what she does. Don't you think there's the teensiest possibility that if Rachel leaves Stars Hollow this time its because she thinks you don't want her to stay?
LUKE: Are you guys talking about me?
L: No . . . Yes.
LUKE: Okay, I don't mind if you hang out with her, but you will not talk about me.
L: Why? It's fun. We wear plaid, take turns not shaving.
LUKE: There will be no Luke talk period.
LUKE: No.
L: Are you sure?
LUKE: Look, if you're gonna tell me at least help me unload.
L: Can I use the fun cutter thingy?
LUKE: Not if you call it the fun cutter thingy.
L: Please.
LUKE: Cut the box, not your hand.
L: Good tip, you should teach. (cuts open the box) Ha! Fun!
LUKE: Talk.
L: Well, I don't know exactly what's going on in Rachel's head because I'm not a Vulcan, but from the way she talks about you and the way she smiles when your name comes up, I'm pretty sure that she's serious about staying in Stars Hollow this time.
LUKE: Yeah, let me guess. Rachel told you she wanted to put down roots, that she's serious this time, that she's tired of the road, and realizes what's lacking in her nomadic existence.
L: She didn't use the phrase nomadic existence, but basically yes, that's what she said.
LUKE: I've heard the speech. I know the speech by heart.
L: Well, I think she means it this time.
LUKE: You don't know her like I do.
L: I don't. But she seems sincere.
LUKE: How do you know?
L: Her nose didn't grow.
LUKE: Why are you taking her side?
L: I'm not taking her side.
LUKE: Well it sounds like you're taking her side.
L: Well, wash out your ears, I'm not taking her side.
LUKE: I mean you're practically pushing her on me.
L: I just want you to be happy.
LUKE: And you know what makes me happy?
L: No, I just know that you've been carrying a torch for her for a really long time.
LUKE: I have not been carrying a torch for her.
L: Well, you wanted this to happen.
LUKE: How do you know what I wanted to happen?
L: Didn't you?
LUKE: Yeah, I guess.
L: Okay. So here it is, right in front of you. Just take it. Take the plunge. She could be ready. Just jump in and believe her. Unless, you know, there's some other reason you don't want to.
LUKE: Like what?
L: Like I. . . .I don't know.
LUKE: There's no other reason.
L: Okay, well, fine. Then there's no other reason.
LUKE: I'll think about it.
L: Okay. Well, thanks for letting me borrow your thingy.
LUKE: You're welcome.
L: I'll see you later Luke.
S1 E20
(Luke comes to the table while Lorelai and Rory are staring out the window.)
LUKE: What are you looking for?
L: My new husband.
R: She's already passed up two perfectly good prospects.
L: But I'm feeling pretty good about number three.
LUKE: Do I want to know what you're doing?
R: Hey, Luke came to the table, does that make him number three?
LUKE: No.
L: You don't even know what we're doing.
LUKE: The safest answer in anything involving the two of you is no.
L: We're playing one, two, three, he's yours.
LUKE: I didn't ask.
R: You can take the first guy that walks by, or if you decide to pass, assuming there's somebody better out there, you can take the next guy that walks by, or if you don't take him, you're automatically stuck with the third guy.
L: Got it?
LUKE: I'm not playing.
L: Well of course not. Its still my turn.
R: Okay, guy number 3 is crossing the street right now.
(All three of them stare out the window.)
LUKE: Why am I looking?
L: Because it's like a train wreck.
(They see Kirk walking towards the diner.)
L: Aww, no!
R: Daddy!
L: Not Kirk!
R: Maybe he'll buy me a pony.
L: I wanna go back to the old guy.
(Kirk walks in the diner. Luke walks over to him.)
LUKE: Congratulations man.
Later...
L: Well Luke, timing is a beautiful thing.
LUKE: It is?
L: It is. So I'm at the mall, and I've already found Rachel's gifts, and I've had two sugar cinnamon pretzels and I'm buzzed on the sugar and jazzed about the purchases and I decide to take a victory lap through Bloomingdale's, and it just so happens that there was an amazing sale in the men's department. I mean gorgeous stuff. Look at this. (pulls a sweater out of a bag) Huh! Forty percent off! I got three different colors!
LUKE: For who?
L: For you.
LUKE: For me?
L: Yeah. (walks over to another bag and pulls out a pair of pants) And then of course, beautiful pants. So soft, I don't know what this fabric is but I think I wanna have its baby.
LUKE: Okay, hold on a minute here.
L: (walks over to another bag and pulls out a belt.) Also, I got this fabulous belt to go with the sweater and the pants. Simple. Black. But look at the buckle.
LUKE: I don't need a belt.
L: Great buckle! Sixty percent off, can you believe it?
LUKE: No I cant. Look. .
L: (walks over to another bag and pulls out some shirts) Oh and I also picked up a couple of shirty shirts in case you didn't have a nice one to go with your suit.
LUKE: What suit?
L: This one! (grabs a garment bag, holds it up, and unzips it)
LUKE: Did no one at that mall notice that you were going through some sort of psychotic episode?
L: This suit. 175 percent off.
LUKE: You were not supposed to be shopping for me.
L: Well I thought you might like a little something new to wear when you take Rachel out tonight.
LUKE: Well thank you but take it back.
L: Aw, just try them on.
LUKE: No way.
L: You might like how you look.
LUKE: I'm fine with the clothes I have.
L: Okay, see this blazer? It was 175 thousand percent off.
LUKE: Why the sudden need to dress me?
L: I just thought you might look nice in some of these things and since they were 600 thousand percent off.
LUKE: No!
L: Come on Luke, just try something on. How about this sweater?
LUKE: No!
L: Okay, how about the pants? Pretty pants!
LUKE: I'm not trying anything on.
L: Hey, its not like the lumberjack look will ever go out; it won't. But just once wouldn't it be nice not to be dressed like an extra from "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"?
LUKE: Take it back.
L: Come on. Just the jacket. Just once, be too sexy for your shirt and do a little dance on the catwalk.
(Luke walks into the back of the diner while Lorelai chases him with the suit.)
LUKE: Get away from me you mental patient!
S1 E21
(Lorelai walks out the door onto the front porch. Luke is hammering the porch rail.)
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: Hey.
LORELAI: How are you today?
LUKE: Good, how are you?
LORELAI: Good, good. What are you doing?
LUKE: Fixing your porch rail.
LORELAI: That's right. You are. You're fixing my porch rail. . . . At six thirty in the morning!
LUKE: It was the only time I could do it.
LORELAI: Why? Why?
LUKE: It was broken. I noticed last time I was here. It could hurt somebody.
LORELAI: Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.
LUKE: You're gonna wake the neighbors.
LORELAI: UGH! Could you pound one more thing while you're out here? Your head! And a for-sale sign on the lawn because we're moving. So that's two things. The sign and your head. And in that order 'cause otherwise you'll be too dizzy to do the sign thing.
(Lorelai tries to walk back in the house, but the door is locked.)
LORELAI: Ugh. Oh shoot. RORY!
LUKE: You locked out?
LORELAI: You don't exist! RORY!
LUKE: You shouldn't have closed the door.
LORELAI: Ah! RORY!
Later...
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
(Lorelai walks in the front door. She puts the mail on the hall table, then hears a noise upstairs.)
LORELAI: Hello?
(She grabs an umbrella from the front hall. She hears footsteps around the corner. She walks towards them holding out the umbrella. She jumps into the living room.)
LORELAI: Hold it right there! Oh! Oh!
LUKE: It's only me!
LORELAI: You scared me half to death!
LUKE: Who'd you think it was?
LORELAI: Well, I don't know! I heard some thudding upstairs and Rory weighs like ten ounces, and it either had to be an escaped elephant, or some strange large man who should not be in the house. How did you get in here anyway?
LUKE: Through the back door.
LORELAI: The back door's locked.
LUKE: No, that's why I came, the back door lock was broken.
LORELAI: The back door lock was fine.
LUKE: The back door lock was cheap.
LORELAI: The back door lock came with the house. It's been a very fine back door lock.
LUKE: It's the kind of lock burglars look for.
LORELAI: Why do burglars look for that lock?
LUKE: Because it's easy to break into. I proved that.
LORELAI: You proved that by . . .?
LUKE: Breaking in through the back door.
LORELAI: Oh my God!
LUKE: It's the only way I could get in.
(Lorelai starts walking towards the kitchen. Luke follows.)
LORELAI: You have crossed over into the dark side Luke.
LUKE: It's not that big a deal.
(Lorelai walks into the kitchen and sees the broken lock)
LORELAI: UH! You broke into my house!
LUKE: I'm gonna fix it!
(Luke walks over to the door and starts fixing it. Lorelai follows him.)
LORELAI: Ugh! Step away from that lock.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Get off. Come. Sit down. (Luke and Lorelai both sit at the kitchen table) You have almost no free time with all your work at the diner, and lately every spare moment has been spent not with Rachel.
LUKE: That's not true.
LORELAI: Oh, she was looking for you today and she didn't know where you were.
LUKE: I'm not hiding from her.
LORELAI: I didn't say you were hiding from her.
LUKE: Sounded like you were implying it.
LORELAI: Well someone's sensitive about the accusation.
LUKE: I think I'm hiding from her.
LORELAI: I think you are too.
LUKE: It's just a little weird having her in my place.
LORELAI: I thought that's what you wanted.
LUKE: It was. Is. I'm just. . I've just been living alone since forever. And I just got use to putting the milk someplace in the fridge and finding it in the exact same spot. You know what I mean?
LORELAI: Oh, we don't even keep milk in the house.
LUKE: Well, then cookies.
LORELAI: Cookies almost never make it out of the car.
LUKE: You know what I mean.
LORELAI: Yeah. Well maybe you can train Rachel to use a magic marker to mark the milk exactly where you left it.
LUKE: It's not just about milk. I'm not used to someone expecting me.
LORELAI: Expecting you to. . .
LUKE: Come home, do things, be with her.
LORELAI: Aw, most people would kill to have that in their lives.
LUKE: I know, but I'm different, I'm a loner.
LORELAI: Oh no. No no. I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner.
LUKE: Some guys are just naturally loners.
LORELAI: Yes, lonely guys.
LUKE: Independent guys.
LORELAI: Sad guys.
LUKE: Maverick guys.
LORELAI: Lee Harvey Oswald.
LUKE: John Muir.
LORELAI: The unabomber.
LUKE: Henry David Thoreau
LORELAI: Every one of these sad and lonely guys.
LUKE: It just not what I thought it would be like having Rachel back. You know, it's not the fantasy I was toting around all these years.
LORELAI: Well, Luke, life is not a fantasy. Maybe you have to lower your expectation bar a little bit.
LUKE: So you're saying that life is just settling for whatever comes along?
LORELAI: Wow, you think having Rachel is settling?
LUKE: No, I didn't mean that. Rachel's great.
LORELAI: And she's crazy about you. And if her worst trait is she's a milk whore, you have it pretty good.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: And you just need to give this situation a fair chance.
LUKE: I know.
LORELAI: And that starts with ceasing work on the Winchester mystery house here.
Luke: Okay. Thanks.
LORELAI: You're welcome.
Later...
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
(Doorbell rings. Lorelai comes down the steps, trying to put her shoes on.)
LORELAI: You're annoyingly on time again! Ugh. Okay, stairs then shoes, stairs then shoes. (Opens front door) Oh hi.
LUKE: Hey. You're all dressed up.
LORELAI: Oh, I'm going out.
LUKE: Oh sorry. I forgot my toolbox so I just thought I'd come pick it up.
LORELAI: Oh yeah. It's right over here. Rory and I couldn't lift it or we would've brought it to you and then we got used to having it here, so we named it Bert and we'd say Goodnight Bert and it'd say Goodnight girls and we spend too much time home alone.
LUKE: Well, thanks for taking care of it.
LORELAI: Our pleasure.
(Luke places the toolbox on the hall table.)
LUKE: So Rachel left.
LORELAI: What!
LUKE: Last night. She left. For good.
LORELAI: Oh no, Luke I'm so sorry. What happened?
LUKE: Ah, it's hard to explain.
LORELAI: I can't believe it. I thought she was really in it for the long haul this time.
LUKE: Yeah well, she had her reasons.
LORELAI: Really? What?
(Max knocks lightly on the front door and pushes it open.)
MAX: Hello? I'd tried to be late.
LORELAI: Oh and an utter failure at one minute past.
LORELAI: Um, so uh, Max Medina this is Luke Danes. Luke owns the diner. He has the greatest coffee.
MAX: Oh right. I saw you at the town meeting
LUKE: Yeah I saw you too.
MAX: Nice to meet you.
LUKE: Uh huh.
MAX: Mm hmm. So, we should be going.
LORELAI: Oh yeah.
LUKE: Yeah, I 'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
LORELAI: Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.
LUKE: Yes we will.
MAX: Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.
LORELAI: No, I meant not tonight.
MAX: Oh, I misunderstood.
LORELAI: I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.
LUKE: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
MAX: Well sure, you've got the coffee.
LUKE: And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.
LORELAI: Tomorrow.
LUKE: Same time as always.
MAX: I'd count on a little later.
LUKE: Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.
LORELAI: Bye. (Luke leaves.)