03.05
LUKE: You go make her stop.
LORELAI: I’m not going over there.
LUKE: Why not? You’re a woman.
LORELAI: So what?
LUKE: So you have the same parts.
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: You shouldn’t be scared of it.
LORELAI: Scared of it? You know, you’re gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.
~~
03.06
LUKE: We got nothing of substance done in this meeting.
LORELAI: And the tradition stands.
~~
LORELAI: Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy?
LUKE: Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles.
LORELAI: Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?
~~
03.07
LORELAI: Have you ever had Mad Cow Disease?
LUKE: Twice last week and my coloring was wonderful.
~~
LORELAI: I need a great dance partner this year. Someone strong, non-clutzy, with lots of stamina. Ooh, how tall is that guy?
LUKE: Mrs. Coulter’s about 6’2".
~~
LORELAI: Then who do we send our kisses of gratitude to?
LUKE: The eternal question asked yet again.
~~
LORELAI: Have you seen Sookie and Jackson?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: I’ve looked everywhere for them.
LUKE: Have you tried the insane asylum where everybody in this room is supposed to be?
~~
LORELAI: Hey, my shoe broke.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: I need you to fix it.
LUKE: Do I look like a cobbler to you?
LORELAI: If I say yes, will you fix my shoe?
~~
03.09
LORELAI: Stop bringing me flowers. I knew you were gonna say that because you say the same thing. We have this same exact conversation every year.
LUKE: And every year you point that out.
LORELAI: And every year you point that out.
LUKE: And every year you point that out.
RORY: And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened.
LORELAI: Well, at least we have a tradition.
~~
03.12
LORELAI: Hey, got any good stories?
LUKE: Nope, sorry.
LORELAI: Ah, nothing? No crazy, colorful uncle? Best friend with a funny name?
LUKE: Jeff Smith?
LORELAI: Skeletons in the family closet? War wounds? Funny shaped scars?
LUKE: It really throws you off when Rory’s late, doesn’t it?
~~
LUKE: So you’re gonna fish to fulfill your destiny?
LORELAI: That’s right.
LUKE: And you’re gonna learn to fish to fulfill your destiny from a book?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: And you sanctioned this?
RORY: Yes.
LUKE: Okay, Thelma, Louise, possibly there’s another way to learn to fish.
LORELAI: The Fishing Channel.
LUKE: I fish.
~~
LORELAI: Hey! Aw, they’re so cute! Hello, hi boys. And look, they’re all "ooh" like they’re singing in a little trout choir.
LUKE: I wouldn’t get too attached.
LORELAI: Hi, Gomer.
LUKE: There you go.
LORELAI: Oh, don’t be scared Pinky.
LUKE: And now there’s Pinky.
LORELAI: Pinky Dowdy from fourth grade. See her eyes darting back and forth, all panicked? She got that way from dodge ball. It’s okay, Pinky, nobody’s gonna hurt you. Hey Pete, stop crowding Pinky. It’s okay, Pinky, just go over there behind Cheryl.
~~
03.14
LORELAI: But I need some sweaters, too.
LUKE: You’ve got the purple, you’ve got the powder blue, you’ve got three shades of red, you’ve got a ton of black, all of which will go with that coat. Plus, you’ve got a dozen scarves to mix and match with any of those tops.
LORELAI: Let me shop for some clothes.
~~
03.17
LUKE: Well, he didn't even tell me about it. I got a letter addressed to the family of Jess Mariano inviting me down to some little ceremony they're having.
LORELAI: Are you going?
LUKE: Oh, he'd hate it if I was there. You know, seeing him participating in some corporate ceremony like that, being called upstanding and responsible, it would kill him. Yeah, I'm going.
LORELAI: Good boy.
~~
SOOKIE: Got any plates that aren't cracked?
LUKE: You're the one that's cracked.
SOOKIE: Nice thing to say to a pregnant woman.
LUKE: You're pregnant?
LORELAI: Could you be any farther behind?
~~
03.18
LUKE: Your slave is here.
LORELAI: And where’s the French maid outfit I requested?
LUKE: I’ve got it on under the plaid.
~~
LUKE: What’d you just do?
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: You put the cookie down.
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: You ate the cookie, and then you took a cookie out of the box and put it where the cookie you just ate was.
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: Well, that’s nuts.
LORELAI: Rory made this for me, I don’t wanna ruin it.
LUKE: Then why’d you eat the cookie?
LORELAI: ‘Cause I wanted a Mallomar.
LUKE: But why didn’t you just eat one out of the box?
LORELAI: ‘Cause this one was right here. The box was all the way in the cupboard.
LUKE: But you had to go to the cupboard to get the box to replace the cookie you ate off the table.
LORELAI: So?
~~
LUKE: I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.
LORELAI: Sure, yeah.
RORY: Ten minutes is great.
LUKE: And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.
LORELAI: And then hopefully got your hearing checked.
~~
LUKE: And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with Tess. So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the Hummel.
LORELAI: The what?
LUKE: Exactly.
~~
03.21
LORELAI: Since when are you scared of Rory? 'Cause seriously, Luke, I think you can take her.
LUKE: I just need to tell you something. Can she hear us?
LORELAI: Through the walls? No, I put some kryptonite in her waffles. We're good.
~~
03.22
LORELAI: A cruise is a good spot to get down on one knee.
LUKE: And do my ventriloquist act?
~~
LORELAI: Don’t get married.