Lo-Carb What??
The other day on the radio I heard a commercial for Lo-Carb Water and I just couldn?t contain my horror. Lo-Carb Water? First of all, who the hell thinks this crap up and second of all, who the hell BUYS it?? Are we really that stupid and willing to grasp at straws? You don?t want carbs? Cut out the pasta and pizza and bread. Simple! People make me so crazy sometimes. All I can do is sadly shake my head and worry that we really are at the beginning of the end.

I went to a yoga class tonight and I loved it. For anyone who has never tried yoga, I highly recommend it. I always leave feeling so rested and calm. Very good stuff, indeed.

Work is still going well. Bitching about my job used to be the meat of this little corner and now that I don?t have that anymore, I feel like I post less often. In fact, get this: today I was out of the office because my boss told me to beef up my wardrobe. That?s right. He told me to go shopping. Life is good.

But it?s bad for the blog. So, I?m going to do my very best to post at least once a day. We?ll see how that goes.

I Hate Tom Cruise
I saw the new Jessica Simpson video this morning?or rather, I saw the first five seconds of it because after that I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a sharp object so instead I just changed the channel. What is it with singers who want to do remakes? Or, if they absolutely HAVE to do a remake, what is it with doing a crap job of it?

I now have a negative connotation associated with that song, which makes me have a negative connotation for Top Gun, which makes me have a negative connotation for Tom Cruise. So basically Jessica Simpson has made me hate Tom Cruise.

Tom, if I were you, I?d sue.

Whaa?
I know I said I?d post something funny today, and I will, but first, for those of you who read the last post and immediately jumped to the conclusion that June 5th would turn into a shot-gun affair, let me say this: No. Way. In. Hell.

Now that that?s taken care of, can I just freak out a little here? We have just about four weeks left and I feel like my head is going to spin right off. There?s still so much to do. I think I?ve finally decided to keep my name but add his to the end of it. That way I can legally use either and that might be important later if I choose to go back to school. To all our friends and fam, though, I?ll go by his last name.

You know what?s so bizarre about this whole thing? In the end, I?m going to have a husband. And even more crazy? I?m gonna be someone?s WIFE.

My head just flew across the room and smashed into a wall. Bye head. Nice knowing you.

Eh.
I finally finished Angels & Demons by Dan Brown and I have say that I didn?t hate it as much as I thought I would. When I finished The Da Vinci Code I wanted to hurl the book across the room because the ending was such crap. With Angels & Demons, though, the ending was just a little weak. The villain wasn?t who I thought it was going to be and the mystery was resolved in a very satisfying way. The two main characters hooked up which was pretty squicky, though. I didn?t find either of them very appealing and so the make-out scenes were a little blech, but other than that, the book was good.

I was going to update yesterday, but I had a breakfast meeting and a dinner event at which I got sick and had to go home. Nothing like ralphing in the bathroom while you?re supposed to be out mixing and mingling. To make matters worse, the event was held at a nearby Indian restaurant and even after my stomach was empty the strong smells of the spices just turned me green. I though it best to leave as opposed to dry heaving at the table.

I?m still loving the new job. Not much else to report. Sorry I'm such a bore today. Tomorrow I'll post something funny. No, really.

Jack & Karen
So I was watching last night and in between bouts of hysterical laughter it hit me. Debra Messing is bringing down this show. Ordinarily it?s only funny because of Jack and Karen. But last night Will was even watchable. The problem? Grace has NEVER been watchable. In every single seen with a punchline you can actually see her trying not to laugh. That?s fine for SNL, but dude, it?s called ACTING. Perhaps you?ve heard of it? It?s when you control your own emotions so that you can then project your character?s emotions.

The continued onslaught of guest stars (J. Lo next week? Can I shoot myself now?) only adds to the craptacularity, but last night it was just Will, Jack and Karen with a smattering of Rosario and I was laughing my ass off.

Maybe someone could knock Debra up mid-season next year, too? Pretty please?

Lil
Heh. I'm glad my pain amuses you so.

Thieving Asshats
I realized last night quite suddenly that I don?t remember unpacking my Bend It Like Beckham DVD. I do, however, remember packing it. I had taken it with me because neither my mom nor my sister had seen it. On both the flight to Minnesota and back to New Jersey we were told not to lock our bags as they were subject to search at any time. When I went to pick up the bag at the carousel in Newark there was a blue tag attached and a little note saying that it had indeed been searched. So I guess whoever went through it decided to help themselves to my movie.

Why do people suck so bad? Wait, I know this one. Because they?re thieving asshats!

Sappy
So now that I?m all settled in again I have to say that it?s nice to be back home with Kevin. Last night we were all huddled up under the duvet and Pumpkin decided to join us. The three of us slept all warm and soft. My little family. It was wonderful.

After-Thought
What is the deal with those airline-shopping magazines? Does anyone really look through it and go, ?Wow, this tan-through swim suit? I?ve gotta have it! Let me whip out my handy cell phone and throw it on the credit card right now!?? Or the lap pillow. That thing is huge. I can understand the appeal, but it?s so freaking big I have to wonder if it would be considered your carry-on item. It certainly wouldn?t fit under the seat in front of you. It?s meant to take up your entire lap. How is it possible that people are allowed on with them??

Home
I?m back at work today, trying to settle back into the grind of life. I had such a great time in Minnesota, though. I arrived on Friday morning at about nine am. The flight was more than half empty and my bag was already at baggage claim when I got there. So I headed for the curb and hadn?t been standing there five minutes when my mom pulled up. From the airport we went to breakfast, then to see my dad and aunt at work, and then we ran errands and shopped all day. I found a pair of slacks (hi, Kim!) at Sears for SIX BUCKS. No hemming required. Awww, yeah.

Friday night I just hung out with the fam and ate great food. Saturday morning I drove down to Red Wing to meet a friend from college (hi, Mike!). We had lunch at Perkins and had a great time catching up. Saturday night was girls night and we went to Buca de Beppo?s for dinner where they embarrassed me thoroughly before heading out for some karaoke. We had a rocking good time.

Sunday was the shower and that was so much fun. I got to see people I haven?t laid eyes on in YEARS! Friends from college and even high school came (hi, Molly and Kristen!), and even a girl I used to baby-sit who is now a Junior in high school (hi, Katie!). I can?t believe how old I am.

That night we celebrated my sister?s birthday (hi, Colleen!) and ate the best pizza in St. Paul. Then it got stormy and I stood out on my parent?s deck and let the rush and roar of the wind hit me. The sky got dark and my brother joined me out there (hi, Michael!) and we had a good talk. When it started raining we went back inside.

Monday morning I got up and my dad made me French toast and sausage with real maple syrup. I gorged myself and then we took a walk up in the woods. Everything smelled damp and earthy and it was wonderful.

After our walk I got my suitcase together and he took me to the airport. I was sad to go, but it?s good to be back in Jersey again. The bustle and the noise and the traffic and the funky smell in the air all say home. Hello funky smell!