Jon Stewart Rules
Until at least 2008. Woo hoo!

Please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please...
According to The Awful Truth, Will & Grace are on the rocks:

Hey, been tryin' to hold back a bit, because having a kid can be hell on the nerves, I know. (Two cats, a dog and myriad dysfunctional man-amigos gives me an inkling of what you're going through.) Here's what I'm hearing (and not from the NBC janitors):

"They are not getting along on the set," sniffed an inside-inside Will veteran, speaking of the four leads: Messing, Eric McCormack, Megan Mullally and Sean Hayes.

"Pray tell, why?" I asked. "Is Eric balking at doing those bum-waxing scenes again?"

"Uh...no," replied my high-level source, as if I were some sort of anally obsessed idiot. "One big reason is about moving the show to New York, which is what Debra wants to do."

Oh, does she? "No, she doesn't," pleasantly piped D.M.'s press repper. "And this stuff about people on the set not getting along is silly. There's no bad blood. Everybody loves each other."

As for Messing wanting to vamos to Manhattan--any truth? "None," came the official reply.

And regardless of whether this set-uprooting notion is what's causing the on-set tsuris, other Will campers claim it's true the key castmembers aren't exactly peachy-poo with Messing right now.

"Basically," a Will-pooper revealed, "the rest of the cast thinks they can do this without Debra. They do not want to move to New York. And nobody's talking to her right now."

~~

Be still my beating heart! Will & Grace without Grace? What would that be again? Ah, yes. PERFECTION! I don't know who Debra's been sleeping with all these years to get ahead but it's ruining my Thursday night viewing pleasure.

Debra! You're not funny! Go home, let the media take pictures of your soon-to-be-messed-up kid, and leave us alone!

Holy Christ.
Excuse me for a moment while I put the world on pause so that I can marvel at the hypocrisy of it all.

One More Nail in the Coffin of Women's Rights
U.S. Pushes U.N. on Abortion Declaration

By EDITH M. LEDERER
The Associated Press
Sunday, February 27, 2005; 4:56 PM

UNITED NATIONS - Ten years after a landmark U.N. conference adopted a platform aimed at global equality for women, the United States is demanding that a declaration issued by a follow-up meeting make clear that women are not guaranteed a right to abortion.

~~

Maybe we should wait to make abortion illegal when it also becomes illegal for men to abandon women and the children they father. Saddling a woman with a kid she can't afford and doesn't want tends to exacerbate most situations, especially if the father decides to split. Just saying.

Oscar Slam 2005
Welcome to Oscar Slam 2005 where each year we take a look at what the celebrities wore last night and then make fun of their bad judgment. Why? Because it makes us cool.

Obviously, I can?t get to everyone, so we?ll just hit the big A-listers (and the seriously fashion-challenged) and then I?ll leave you with a Top Ten Best Dressed List.

Ready? Here we go!

Okay, first off, Hilary Swank. Dude, what the hell? This is awful, just awful. Body hugging does not a sexy dress make. When I look at this all I can think about is Celine Dion?s bizarre backward tuxedo from a few years ago. Burn this dress, Hil. It?s bad.

Kiss of the Spider Lady is one thing, but Kirsten Dunst what were you thinking? This dress does nothing for you but underline how flat chested you are. Blech.

From the neck up Laura Linney looks flawless. Perfect, even. Her hair is gorge, her makeup understated, her jewelry fabulous. But the dress. The dress is a nightmare. What were you thinking when you chose this thing? The diagonal line is one thing, but what?s with the frilly crap hiding your great cleavage? And while we?re at why would you choose a dress the same color as your skin? Have you learned nothing from Jennifer Connolly?

Dear Mom, Remember those curtains we threw out? Well, it looks like Natalie Portman has been digging threw our garbage again. I guess this means she can sew, but Jesus, next time we should add a bedspread or two for her. This dress is bad. Shape, color, line, everything is just BAD.

This is actually not too bad for Salma, but the bows, dear God, the bows! Didn?t you see Sandra Bullocks catastrophe from last year? Never add bows to a perfectly good dress!

Did anyone else notice that when Renee came on stage to present, she waddled to the microphone? Seriously, could this dress be any tighter? I think Renee wants people know that she?s one tough broad and we shouldn?t mess with her. Why else does she always look so rigid and stiff?

Dear Rachel Griffiths,
I?m a big fan but if the only thing you have at home is your bathrobe, you really don?t have to attend events like this. Really. No, Really.

Do you think this is their patented ?Sluts-R-Us? look?

Talk about Prom Queen Meets Fright Night the morning after. Scarlett, it?s called hair spray. Look into it.

Regina I?ve been a fan for a long time, but it has to be said. What the hell is strapped to your chest? What? And while I?m at it, who told you you look good in this dress? Or maybe you were wearing a corset when they told you? The color is good and your hair and jewelry are fine but the dress is just ick.

Y?all, Melanie Griffith is really old. Or maybe drunk. Or both. Either way, the dress is okay it?s just a leetle too open if you know what I mean. Boobs that old belong with Janet?s pair. Yeah, I said it. No one wants to see that.

Poor Meg Ryan. Someone should tell her that this look was done by Sharon Stone about ten years ago. And about ten times better. Meg, get a new haircut. We?re tired of this one.

Fugly is the best word I can come up with to describe this travesty. Maggie, honey, do you need some money?

She didn?t make the best-dressed list, but I thought I?d pause in my rants to give Helen Mirren mad props on looking so good.

I don?t usually pay much attention to the men because, well, they don?t wear the dresses. However, Ethan Hawke caught my eye because immediately after noticing him I thought to myself, ?Does this man EVER bathe??

And now the moment you?ve all been waiting for. It?s the Top Ten Best Dressed

10. Penelope Cruz Is fantastic in this gold number. It?s a little on the boring side but she?s so beautiful that I don?t think it matters

9. Halle Berry
This isn?t one of my favorites but she?s really working it. If her hair were short she?d be lower on the list.

8. Cate Blanchett
Cate is stunning, as always. The only thing I?m not loving is the red sash. Whut up wit dat, Cate?

7. Charlize Theron
She is absolutely breathtaking in this color and the full skirt really emphasizes her tiny upper body. The only thing I?m not loving is the wispy fabric over her cleavage.

6. Annette Benning
Such a babe ? still! After three kids and umpteen years of marriage to Warren ?The Playah? Beatty she can still turn some heads.

5. Virginia Madsen
What knockout. The hair, jewelry, makeup, dress, all look amazing. Go VA!

4. Sandra Oh
Alexander Payne?s new wife is gorge! Absolutely flawless.

3. Catalina Sandino Moreno
A newcomer, but still this look is perfectly executed. She?s going to have staying power if she?s as good at acting as she is at dressing herself.

2. Drew Barrymore
So glam. My favorite part of this ensemb is the diamond encrusted chain link bracelet. Portia De Rossi wore it last year with a silver dress and I find that it works both ways. Way to go, Drew.

1. Kate Winslet is this year?s best dressed. If this were the Outfit Olympics, she?d be walking away with a gold. The color is perfect for her, the dress itself is simple but luxurious. Her hair is great ? wavy, but not in her face, and her make up is fab. What more could you want?

I will admit to some disappointment over a few of my faves who were not in attendance. Let?s look at who was missing from the crowd this year.

List of MIAs
Sandra Bullock
Julia Roberts (understandable and she showed up later at the Gov?s Ball)
Nicole Kidman
Tom Cruise
Lucy Liu
Cameron Diaz
Tom Hanks/Rita Wilson
Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins
Jennifer Lopez
The Friends
The Pitts (understandable)
Jack Nicholson
Lara Flynn Boyle
Gwen Stefani
Catherine Zeta-Jones/Michael Douglas
Angelina Jolie
Sharon Stone
Uma Thurman
Patricia Clarkson
Holly Hunter
Julianne Moore

A night to remember, yes, but when all is said and done, one thing is clear. These people hate the Oscars.

Women. Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Kill 'Em. Or Can We?
Now Playing: Barenaked Ladies
From the Center for American Progress:
"The attorney general of Kansas, a staunch opponent of women's reproductive rights, "is demanding that two health centers hand over the medical records of about 90 female patients, including minors." Abortion clinics in Kansas have been targeted over the past few years, subjected to picketing and stalking of their employees, and two years ago, the very same attorney general "tried to force medical providers to report any information they had about girls younger than 16 engaging in sexual activity." This latest maneuver, which has surprised both anti-rights and pro-rights advocates, would force the centers, without the knowledge of their patients, to part with "names, as well as [patients'] medical histories, birth control, sexual practices and other personal details." Atty. Gen. Phill Kline is shrouding his inquisition tactic by claiming that it is "part of a criminal investigation into child rape and late-term abortions," but many are seeing it as the "fishing expedition" that it is."

~~

It never fails to amaze me when people assume that making something illegal will stop it from happening.

No matter what your opinion or belief is, should abortion be made illegal, it will not stop. Should it become illegal, women will simply die more often than not as a result of them.

It's very easy to parade around your beliefs without considering the consequences. You think "children" will be saved? Why don't we start with the children who make up half the population living below the poverty line.

You think women have abortions because they're fun? How about it's really fucking expensive to raise a kid in this country and if you happen to be a low-income worker or - Heaven forbid - black, you're pretty much screwed going in.

I'm not even going to go into the rape/incest question except to say that it's pretty much bullshit to expect some poor woman to raise a kid she didn't want and perhaps can't afford just because she was unlucky enough to have been the victim of a sexual crime.

But, hey, fuck women. What have they done for us lately?

Screwing Our Troops Over is Fun!!
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Mandy Patinkin, Oscar & Steve
MILITARY ? FINANCIAL AND MEDICAL 'FRIENDLY FIRE': In yet another "bureaucratic mistake," nearly a thousand Army Reserve and National Guard troops who were hurt in Iraq and Afghanistan "have gone months without pay or medical benefits they were entitled to receive." The problem is that the soldiers are removed from the active duty rolls upon returning home and then face a "convoluted and poorly defined process" to begin receiving their benefits and many just give up. One Army veteran, who suffered injuries to his brain and several other body parts during his tour, said that "it wasn't until he returned home for extended treatment that his 'real troubles began.'" The chairman of the House Government Reform Committee described the situation as "the equivalent of financial and medical 'friendly fire.'" The Government Accountability Office declared that the military has yet to resolve "underlying management control problems," despite these investigations.

Best Man for the Job...
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Barenaked Ladies
From the American Center for Progress:
INTELLIGENCE ? AN UNINTELLIGENT CHOICE: At 10 a.m. this morning, President Bush named John Negroponte as the new director of intelligence of the United States. Who is John Negroponte? You may remember him best as one of the key figures in the Iran-Contra scandal during the Reagan administration. John Negroponte was the ambassador to Honduras from 1981 to 1985. While there, he directed the secret arming of the Contra rebels in Nicaragua to help them overthrow the Sandinista government. At the time, he also was "cozy" with the chief of the Honduran national police force, Gen. Gustavo Alvarez Martinez. Martinez ran the infamous Battalion 316 death squad. Battalion 316 "kidnapped, tortured and murdered" dozens of people while Negroponte was ambassador. Negroponte, however, turned a blind eye to the death squad and ignored the gross human rights abuses so Honduras would allow bases for the U.S.-backed Contras. Negroponte maintained he knew nothing about the abuses, leading to his nickname, "the ostrich ambassador." The abuses, however, were widely chronicled in local papers. That means he either willfully ignored the mass murders and torturing of citizens or he was so out of touch that he didn't see the atrocities going on beneath his very nose. Neither of these scenarios is what the United States needs in a national director of intelligence.

~~

As my husband so eloquently put it, wake up, America! The swaggering son-of-a-bitch who calls himself our commander in chief is running us into the ground, just like he's done with ever other company he's ever been in charge of.

An Open Letter to Michael Jackson
Mood:  cheeky
Dear Michael,

You do realize how guilty and ridiculous you look, right? I mean, flu-like symptoms? Are you serious? How stupid do you think we are? No really, how stupid?

Love, K.C.

Frenched by a Feline
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: God Only Knows, Claudine Longet
So, okay. People do weird things with their animals. Not gross-weird (at least not all of them), but weird-weird. My cat enjoys sniffing the insides of our mouths when we get home at night. I think it?s a sort of way for her to see where we?ve been. Anyway, she and I were lying down last night after I got home and she pushed her face up against my mouth and I opened and she stuck her nose in to sniff like normal and that?s when it happened.

She licked.

The inside.

Of my cheek! Blech!!

So there it is: I?ve been French kissed by my cat. This is truly the life.