More Pointing And Laughing
I heard today that Britney Spears called a family meeting because her dog Bit-Bit had gotten pregnant by her brother's bulldog and she was upset because it would be incest.

No, really.

This is according to Brit's publicist.

Another gem from this piece:

"Speaking of People, the mag reports the UPN [reality series] isn't the only one in the works. Federline is also pitching a series of his own that will chronicle his "career." What career, you rightly ask? The one the former backup dancer is working to create with his debut album."

Can't...stop...pointing...and lauging!!!

Hypocrisy
Have you ever wondered why Catholics are leaving the Church in droves? Perhaps it?s because of decisions like this one. Bernard Law, the Cardinal who had to resign because it was proved that he covered up sexual abuse of young boys by Catholic priests is scheduled to lead one of nine memorial masses in Rome.

It?s almost a slap in the face to the victims of that priestly sexual abuse. One could argue that it?s a slap to all victims of sexual abuse, for if the Catholic hierarchy doesn?t care what its own does, how could they possibly care about the deeds of others?

This hypocrisy is exactly the kind of thing that keeps me out of church. Whether it?s human rights abuses in Latin America, turning a blind eye to the Final Solution, or allowing this scandalized Cardinal Law to take part in this final send-off, I find it difficult, if not impossible, to consider myself ?one of them?.

All I Can Do Is Point And Laugh
From the New York Post's Page Six Gossip Column:

MADONNA'S kids, who attend the Lycee Francais school in West London, speak mostly in French now ? and their Detroit-born mom can't understand a word they say. Madonna's father-in-law, John Ritchie, told The Sun in London that Lourdes, 8, and Rocco, 4, "talk to each other in French all day . . . It's very funny. Neither Guy nor Madonna speak a word of the language so they cannot understand anything." Madonna's rep tells us the kids are teaching her French, so all will soon be tres bien.

Bwah!!! Click here for a very scary picture of Madonna, herself. She's gettin old, y'all.

But, seriously, poor Madonna. Trying so hard to be classy after all these years. It almost brings a tear of nostalgia to my eye. Wait. No, that's me trying not to laugh and point.

Good Ole Texas
From the AP:

Gunman Shoots Texas H.S. Football Coach

CANTON, Texas - The father of a high school football player shot and wounded the team's coach with an assault rifle Thursday and fled in a pickup loaded with weapons, claiming to have a hit list, state officials said.

Schools in the district were locked down while police searched for the shooter. Officers had weapons drawn near a truck that was found about two hours after the shooting and apparently belonged to suspect Jeffrey Doyle Robertson.

Police were investigating a possible motive for Robertson, 45, in the shooting of Canton High School football coach Gary Joe Kinne. The coach was shot while on campus.

Police Chief Mike Echols said Robertson had been banned from campus and told not to attend school functions. Authorities had reports that the two had an "altercation" after Kinne took over the football program in 2003, said state Department of Public Safety officer Jasmine Andresen.

The state Office of Homeland Security said Robertson fired an AK-47 at Kinne at the school's field house before driving off. Robertson had said he had a hit list and would not be taken alive, agency spokeswoman Sophie Yanez said.

Kinne was shot in the chest, Echols told The Tyler Morning Telegraph. The coach was airlifted to a hospital in nearby Tyler, officials said. Authorities declined to release information on his condition.

Television footage showed officers with weapons drawn and police cars parked behind the truck near a golf course off Interstate 20 between Tyler and Canton. It was not clear whether anyone was in the truck.

An athlete's father said Robertson had threatened to kill his son last year over an on-field teasing.

"He's a very high-strung, hot-tempered individual," said Steve Smith, a Canton business owner.

Smith told the Tyler newspaper that Robertson's son, then a freshman football player, was walking off the field when some older students "razzed" him.

"This guy blew up," Smith said. "He thought some kids were picking on his son. My son wasn't even the one who said anything. But he threatened to kill him."

Smith said he complained to the school and police. Robertson was never charged.

A local restaurant cashier said Robertson had a reputation in Canton, about 60 miles east of Dallas.

"I wouldn't say he was respected. But he was well-known," said Sister's Cafe cashier Diane Price, who said she has known Robertson for 37 years because he attended high school with her daughter.

Well, this just takes the cake. Florida is trying to expand gun laws and low and behold we have ANOTHER shooting in a school. I have an idea, let's give everyone a gun. Let's make sure that when you turn sixteen and get your driver's license the DMV gives you a starter gun (in case you don't already have one) because they're so useful. You should be able to carry a gun anywhere: purse, pocket, boot, waistband, holster - it'll be just like the old West.

Guns are great, m'kay?

Ho. Lee. Mother.
President Apologizes for War, Admits 'It Was a Major Mistake...One of Many, I Might Add'
Bush vows to be "more honest" and to "read more."

Terri Schiavo Dies
I?d say thank God except I know better. I know that the politicians and the pundits will continue to use this poor woman?s pathetic excuse for a life (and I say that with all due respect ? her life at the end was a sad and pathetic excuse for a life, nothing I would want for myself or a loved one, certainly) to push their own agendas.

Now comes the hard part, though. The circus has to pack up. The media has to shut the lights off. Michael Schiavo has to somehow move on from all this. What should have been, at best, a gut-wrenching decision to end 16 years of torment turned into a witch-hunt whose only purpose was to burn Michael at the stake. This was a guy who after more than a decade of watching his wife lie in a bed without the use of her brain or body, made a very difficult decision. And was then punished for it.

I?d like to direct your attention to two really good articles by Dr. Arthur Caplan. The first was written a few days ago and the second came out today. And now I?d like to stop, and wait to see what happens next.

Go Home!
Can someone tell me please: who the hell invited Mariah Carey back to the party? And who the hell is responsible for this catastrophe of a dress?

A Ramble Through the Sick Ward
I have always been possessed with a freakish Puritanical Work Ethic (thanks a lot mom and dad). Yesterday I had to leave work early though, because the doctor's office had a 3 o?clock cancellation and I?m sick. Truth be told I?ve been a walking snot-fest since last Thursday.

So I left work at 12 and went home for some rest. I got no sleep the night before last because I was constantly either sneezing or coughing or blowing my nose. The sheer volume of used snot rags spilling over the side of the little wastebasket on my side of the bed is something akin to the snow-topped peaks of Kilimanjaro.

But I digress.

The doctor we see is Dr. Ramos but we refer to her as the Peanut Doctor because she?s so tiny. The peanut doctor is always patient with me even though she only sees me when I?m tired and sick and miserable. She?s the only doctor I?ve ever had as an adult who doesn?t incorrectly alter my first name into a sort of half-nickname.

So the peanut doctor examined me and told me very kindly that I have an upper respiratory infection. Sigh. I really hate being sick. Did I mention that?

After leaving the doctor?s I stopped at CVS to fill my prescription for antibiotics.

While I waited for them to fill it I walked down the street and picked up the dry cleaning. You know you?re an adult when you have a weekly dry cleaning bill. The sick was weighing me down and I felt exhausted, beaten and miserable.

After I?d put the clothes into the car and went back into CVS I felt the misery shift into a kind of hostility. The hostility was directed at the antibiotics and, indirectly, at the peanut doctor. In my head was the irrational thought, ?This had better freaking work because I am damn sick of this!? How original. Sick of being sick.

So I went home, took the first dose of my script and then waited with my ever-growing hostility to feel better. At 5:15 pm I thought, ?Okay I took the pills and hour ago. Exactly when are they supposed to start working?? I had this same conversation with myself at 6:15 too and again at 7. By then, though, I was able to tentatively say that I was starting to feel better. I wasn?t as snot-ridden and my ears were popping the way they should again. There is nothing worse than trying to get your ears to pop when they don?t want to. Okay there are plenty of worse things but you know what I mean.

In any event I spent the hours waiting to feel better by reading Anne Lamott?s new book Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith. I like Anne Lamott?s version of Christianity. She never takes it or herself too seriously and I think that is the great problem with many Christians today.

James Dobson, for instance, strikes me as an unrelenting and very angry man. And smug. If there?s one thing I hate its smugness.

Good thing I?m utter perfection, huh? I must be feeling better if my trademark self-deprecating humor is back. So I?ll leave you with this thought: if it?s only to combat the smugness of the world try not to take yourself too seriously. And stay healthy. This upper respiratory mofo is not to be trifled with.

Jackson Prays With Terri Schiavo's Parents
Now Playing: Tori Amos
I saw this headline and thought, "What the hell is Michael Jackson doing in Florida?"

Of course, this is the wrong Jackson. Is it my imagination, though, or didn't Jesse Jackson step down from public life because he's some baby daddy?

Idiots for Terri
Now Playing: Sheryl Crow
This week's Top Ten Conservative Idiots list is all about Terri Schiavo and the shameless pandering of the Right.

Not only is it heavily documented with all those pesky facts that some Republicans hate so much, but it's also extremley well written, which makes for an entertaining read. Enjoy.