Part 1
The Gathering

            Tara stared across the back yard of her aunts house, surveying the many familiar faces that were gathered there. Methodically she tried to locate the one person she truly did want to see before she was located by one of the ones she didn’t.

Every few years Tara’s aunt had a family get together to remind everyone of why they did not get together more often. This just so happened to be the fateful year when the gather was to be held and Tara’s only hope of surviving was to locate her cousin Eric, and quickly.

Finally Tara’s eyes settled on what she was looking for; her cousin Eric was sitting in the tree line where he was almost imperceptible. He sat there alone, glowering at all the relatives he did not truly want to see. He made eye contact with Tara and smiled.

Tara made her way over to Eric noting that he looked well, as well as he ever did. Eric was 27, tall with sandy hair he parted and combed over from the left side and very dark and morbid taste. Tara enjoyed being with Eric because she was so very similar in taste and personality that they could understand each other fairly well.

“Hey.” Eric smiled dryly as Tara sat down beside him.

“Hey.” She replied as she settled down.

“So how are you doing?” He asked, turning a little so he could see her.

“As well as can be expected here… you?”

“Same.” Eric shrugged and leaned back on his elbows with his legs out in front of him. Tara pulled her legs up so she was sitting Indian style on the ground.

“I listened to those tapes you gave me. I really like the Bauhaus a lot. Very cool.” Tara said to break the silence.

“Yeah, it’s cool.” He replied. Eric was not usually terribly conversational until he had a little time to warm up. Tara let silence fall for a few minutes while she looked over the family members who had turned out for the event.

“A lot more than I ever think there are.” She shook her head. At 17 Tara had only just begun to become aware of exactly how big her family really was. Most of the people she barely remembered seeing and then only at other reunions.

“Aren’t there always?” He nodded to a middle-aged woman coming up to talk to them.

“Tara? Is that you?” The woman asked. Tara nodded. “How big you’re getting! I remember when I used to change your diapers! How old are you now? How’s school going?”

“I’m 17 now. School is ok. I’m graduating soon.” Tara smiled insincerely.

“That’s wonderful. Oh! Have to go get some salad. I will talk to you more later.” The woman patted Tara on the head and walked away.

“Who was that?” Tara asked. Eric shrugged and looked up through the branches of the trees.

“You want to get out of here for a bit?” He asked her after a few moments. She nodded in agreement and followed him out front to his car.

“Where you going?” Her mother called.

“For a drive.” Eric called back. “I’m going to get her drunk and stoned.” He grinned. Tara’s mother shook her head and went back to talking to some long lost cousin who had turned up.

Eric drove out into a neighboring town which was short on houses and had many back roads of dirt going through it. He pulled up by an old swimming hole which very few people outside the family knew about. Out of his pocket he drew a small joint and a lighter.

“You smoke right?” He asked as he got out of the car.

“Sure… all the time.” Tara lied. Eric eyed her amused. “Ok so I couldn’t afford to even if I wanted to. Shut up and light it.” She pushed him. He laughed.

“There’s a bunch of rocks up here where we can sit down and no one will be able to see us. Come on.” He pointed up ahead.

The sun was shining brightly out and glittered off a waterfall that poured into the swimming hole. Eric lead her to a grouping a mossy rocks which provided privacy if you climbed into the center and sat there. There was just enough room for the two to fit in comfortably.

Eric lit the joint and took a drag off of it before passing it to Tara. She accepted it and took a moderate drag off of it. She didn’t want to cough too much.

“So what is the deal with college anyway?” Eric asked her as he exhaled finally. Tara coughed.

“No one wants me. I don’t have enough math and science to be an art major apparently.” She shrugged.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure.” Eric shrugged. He looked all around himself and took another drag off the joint.

In silence they continued to smoke for a few minutes and them Eric stood.

“It’s hot out. We should go swimming.” He said.

“I don’t have a suit with me.”

“So? You’ve got underwear on right?” He shrugged.

“I’ll get your car seat wet.”

“I don’t care. Just say so if you don’t want to swim. I’m gonna go in.” He pulled off his shirt and set it up on a rock. Quickly he took off his shoes, socks, and pants and jumped into the water. He came up gasping for air.

“How is it?” Tara asked.

“Wonderful.” He grinned. “You should come in.”

“It’s got to be cold.” Tara slipped off one of her sandals and shivered as she tested the water with her toes.

“Oh come on!”

“No.” She shook her head. Eric reached up and grabbed her leg. Before she had the chance to resist he had pulled her off balance and into the water fully clothed. Tara screamed and wiped the water away from her eyes.

“You jerk!” She splashed water at him. Eric was too busy laughing to care about the water. Tara took off her sandals and set them up on the rock.

“You might as well stay in now.” Eric said to her. She nodded and removed her shirt and skirt. She felt a little awkward at first having Eric look at her in her underwear. They weren’t kids anymore and something about the way he looked at her made her feel like he was noticing for the first time that she had grown up.

“I can’t believe you did that to me!” She yelled and splashed him again to break the tension. He laughed and dove under. When he came up he was right next to her and picked her up like he was going to throw her, but stopped. Tara looked into his eyes. The grin on his face disappeared and was replaced by a look she had never seen before. He pushed a lock of hair that had been resting on her cheek back and kissed her.

It took Tara a minute to understand what was happening. Cousins kiss, there is nothing weird about that. Cousins didn’t, however, kiss like that. At least not outside Appalachia. By the time she understood what was going on she was on her own feet again and her arms were around him. She pulled away from his grip quickly and shook her head.

“Wait. Eric, we’re cousins.”

“Step-cousins.” He corrected her. This was true, but still it seemed odd to her.

“I know but…”

“You mean you haven’t wanted this? No one else understands us the same way... I just thought that…” Eric grew pale and he looked ashamed of himself.

“No listen, it isn’t really that. It’s… What is everyone going to say?” She held her hands out to him, palm up.

“They… They aren’t going to know. Not unless we tell them.” He replied. Tara looked down and closer her eyes. She felt Eric lift her and carry her back to the rocks where he set her down on her back. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He kissed her lips and then moved down and kissed the skin just below her breasts. She felt him pull off her soaking panties and heard a slap as he threw them aside.

Tara felt naked and exposed, but she also felt something else that she couldn’t quite describe. Like she had wanted this all along. This was how it was supposed to be somehow, wrong as it was in her mind.

The pain as he entered her was unlike anything she had ever felt before. It hurt her, but it was also a good pain. Tara had always been remotely masochistic and let out a little pleased moan as she arched her back and curled her legs around him.

Tara was fascinated by all the things she had never felt before, by the way they moved together so well, the way even their breath and heartbeats seemed to line up perfectly. How could something wrong feel so good? Then suddenly it was over and Tara was left wondering if there shouldn’t be something more. She still felt empty, hollow inside, and she wanted him to be back in her again to fill up the aching space inside.

“You know that we can’t say anything to anyone right?” He whispered to her as he dressed himself again. She nodded and followed suit. “We better be getting back.” He helped her up.

The car ride back to the reunion seemed to last forever, but was not long enough by a long shot. Tara had so much to sort out in her mind and she wanted to talk to Eric desperately, but he was silent and she somehow felt it would be an invasion to speak to him. He might be trying to work out what had happened in his mind as well. Tara couldn’t get around the fact that deep down she knew that what had happened had been the result of something that had grown between them, not because of smoking a joint, as much as she wanted to write it off as a bad choice under the influence.

Just before they pulled up to her aunts house Eric spoke.

“Remember not a word to anyone. I could get in trouble for this and we don’t want that do we?” He said. He ran his thumb down her lips and smiled. She nodded.

“About that. Is it… are we…” Tara blushed.

“What happened, happened. Think what you want, but remember that you were just as much a part of it as I was. You have as much power to choose and control as I do. Alright?” He glanced over as he pulled into the driveway.

“Yes.” Tara nodded, still feeling very disturbed.