Ask The Evil Farie Of Doom
Have a question? Need some advice? Want an Evil Farie of Doom
to tell you where to stick it?
You have come to the right place! The Evil Farie of Doom will answer all your
questions about life, evil faries, the universe, anything you can think of a
question for! (read disclaimer at bottom of page before posting)
(Updated almost daily)
Dear Evil Farie,
Lately my boyfriend seems to be losing interest in me... what can I do to win
him back?
-Josey in Nevada
Human Slime,
The reason your boyfriends interest in you is waning is the nightly visits I have been
making to him myself. The poor boy is so tied up with me that you should feel
blessed that he has any energy left for you at all. If you really want him to
pine away for you I recommend bathing and surprising him by coming into his
bedroom at night naked. Good luck beating me to it!
-Evil Farie of Doom
Dear Evil farie of doom,
Why, OH why am I sooooooo cool?
~LeeAnn^_^
~LeeAnn^_^,
The answer to this question is that after being dropped on your head repeatedly
as a child you sustained brain damage in the reality perceiving portion of your
tiny human mind. Really you are a complete loser and no one likes you. NO ONE!!!
I believe that there are now medications and therapy groups to help people with
your condition. If nothing else you can always kill yourself:)
-Evil Farie of Doom
How did Edward Scissor hands pee?
Katie B
Katie,
This is one of those mysteries of the universe marveled over for thousands of
years. Even the French poet/novelist Victor Hugo had contemplated this mystery:
"Heureux est l'homme qui découvre comment Edward Scissorhands fait pipi."
(Happy is the man who discovers how Edward Scissorhands pees.). As a young Evil
Farie of Doom I wondered about this many a time. The two complications are,
obviously, that he has scissors for hands which makes undoing buckles impossible
and the act of holding a certain anatomical part potentially lethal. The answer
is much simpler than it has been imagined for generations, he simply went inside
his wonderful fetish outfit. This meant taking many showers a day, but he had
plenty of free time to do this.
-Evil Farie of Doom
What question should I ask you?
Pam
Pam,
I hope something eats you in your sleep and does us all a favor.
-Evil Farie of Doom
Dear Farie,
For years and years I had horrible wrinkles all over my VERY large penis, and
recently I started using the creame. It takes care of the wrinkles, but its been
harder for me to get an erection. Could this be a reaction, and if so, should I
still use it? If I discontinue use, will my wrinkles come back!? OH MY GOD NO!!!
~Kiri
a.k.a. You're lord and saviour
Kiri,
Now would be a good time to remind you A. YOU ARE A GIRL and B. GIRLS DON'T HAVE
THAT PART. Now then, if this problem with the wrinkles persists I would
recommend seeing a doctor. You may want to anyway because large growths like
that are often cancerous and need to be removed as soon as possible. While there
you should have them explain the "little" difference between boys and
girls.
-Evil Farie of Doom
Where, OH where, did you get your clothes?
~Tyler
Dear Tyler,
If I told you that you would steal my look and next thing you know everyone is
walking around like they are an Evil Farie of Doom. Can't have that can I? I can
however tell you where I buy my toothpaste, the cosmetic and hygiene isle at
Market Basket. I hope this has helped you somehow.
-Evil Farie of Doom
would i ever get a page on your uber awesome site?
Lana
PS being evil rocks.
Dear Lana,
Pages are reserved for only the best and brightest of
evil beings in the universe. This is something requiring years of hard work
and dedication... my recommendation is that you create your own evil empire
then file the proper forms with at least five letters
of recommendation from disreputable sources.
-Evil Farie of Doom
Hi
~mina
Hi.
-Evil Farie of Doom
are faries real are you real?
Go down to your local YMCA and ask. They will direct to an
expert in the locker room.
In regard to your second question, I am not real, nor is this site, it is all in
your head you schizophrenic freak.
-Evil Farie of Doom
Which Which bathroom does a hermaphodyte use?
This is a question that has been pondered over for many a century. I remember when I was just a budding evil farie and sat with my siblings at the foot of my evil grandfarie. "Which bathroom does a hermaphodyte use?", one of us invariably asked. With a sigh and a knowing smile my evil grandfarie revealed the secret to us all. "They don't, they use the broom closet at the closest French restaurant." He said. We all smiled and nodded, having also discovered what that odd smell at Mon Crayon Du Framage truly was.
-Evil Farie Of Doom
If you are so evil, why do you write with pink letters?
Dear Human Pestilence,
Do they teach you nothing in your pitiful human schools??? EVERYONE knows that
pink is the color of true evil, besides it contrasts so nicely with the green
tones in my skin. I want you to rethink your position on the purity and
innocence of the color pink next time you are done wrong by some valley girl in
a blindingly electric pink mini skirt. We'll see who's laughing then!
-Evil Farie Of Doom
Dear evil faery of doom,
whatwould you do if yuar head exploded?
Dear Human Pond-scum,
Congratulations! You're bad spelling, and lack of ability with that magical thing we like to call a "space bar" has brought me that one step closer to my head exploding!! I hope that you are satisfied with the mayhem and pain you have caused me.
To answer your question, however, if my head exploded more than likely I would die. If "Yuar" head exploded on the other hand I would throw a huge party.
-Evil Farie of Doom
Is it bad too have an evil farie living in side of you? That tries to make you do evil things that you think are fun???
Dear Weak Willed Mortal,
Contrary to popular belief evil faries do not live inside of stinking flesh piles such as yourself. What you are suffering from is probably pronounced constipation and you should consult a medical doctor about this.
As far as doing evil things that you believe are fun, that is one of the finer joys in life and certainly you should not deny yourself the pleasures to be wrought through only those means. With that said I reccomend that you kill your family and burn down your house.
-Evil Farie Of Doom
Note: by submitting to this site you are giving permission for anything you write to be posted. We reserve the right to not post anything we find to be inappropriate, not funny enough, redundant, etc. Also note you are writing to an EVIL farie and can expect mean answers back.
