Nobody's Perfect
Ah Wellington! I jump out of the small cessna and thank the manager kindly. I feel like my baby will be safe here. I put my bags into the back seat of the black Saturn and put myself in the front. I rev the engine and start out to my house just outside of the busy streets of the bustling, yet quiet, city. Everything is nice and neat in their own perfect place. I throw the bags on the couch and collapse in the comfy chair beside the couch.
The next day i head down to an empty building enclaved by
other shops and boutiques. I inspect it and get to work. By the end of the day
it has gone from a nothing building to a quiet yet rocking cafe. Sponged light
blue walls surround a dark rich wooden floor. Hanging lamps in all obscure
shapes and sizes dimly luminate the ceiling which is mixed with dark blues and
blacks and dotted with celestial moons, suns, and stars. Small tables are
scattered around the shop and surround the couch and few chairs in the center
for reading. I stand on the stage to the front and survey the surroundings and
the bar to the left of me. “Perfect." i breathe, trying not to disturb
the surreal karma in the room. I prepare everything for tomorrow morning's
opening. When everything is unpacked and ready, i take one last look, turn off
the light, and lock the door.
The next day i open up the shop at nine and pray this
flies. People start to venture in and order. I’m thrilled. I see some looking
warily at the ad for weekend band gigs. Some live music wouldn't hurt.
"Hey, what can i get you?" i ask a group of five. "Hi, uh five
coffee's please." says one. I get their order, they pay, and go sit at one
of the tables. The one who ordered keeps glancing over at me. I hear something
and say, "Well hello there," to a little girl with angelic blonde hair
and a grin. "Hi. Your real perty." she says and giggles. I smile.
"Why thank you. Aren’t you sweet. How old are you? What’s your
name?" i ask. She twists here foot and says, "I’m Ally. I’m 7.
What’s your name?" i smile and say, "pleased to meet you Alli, I’m
Kate." she continues to stare at me. Then i realize she's admiring me.
"C 'mere a second Alli." i say. I beckon her to the counter. I hand
her a big cookie and say, "just for you." she squeals with delight
says thank you, and runs off, grinning madly. I smile and go back to work.
I see the man looking at me again. There is something about
the gleam and inexplicability of his eyes that makes me slightly uncomfortable
yet warm inside. I shake my head slightly and go back to work.
Later, when the shop is fairly empty Alli comes back. She is followed closely by
the five that i had served earlier. "Well hello again Alli." i say
cheerfully. “hi Kate." she replies. "Who are your friends?" i
ask kindly. She smiles and says," oh Kate this is my daddy and Uncle
Elijah, Uncle Dom, Uncle Orli and Uncle Billeh. This is Kate daddy. The one that
gave me the cookie." i smile. "I hope that was ok sir." he laughs
lightly. "It’s ok. I’m Sean." i nod and shake his hand. "Nice
to meet you sir. You have a charming daughter. So are you all related?" i
look at them inquisitively. They laugh. "Nay wee lassie. tha' jus' whot she
colls us." says Billeh. i nod and turn to Elijah. "so what do you
think of my shop?" he grins in a childish sort of fashion. "Best
coffee I’ve had in a long time. can't believe I’m saying it but tastes
better than Starbucks." the rest of the group gasps dramatically then busts
out laughing. "thanks. I’ll take that as it rocks." he nods.
"yeah it does."
Coffee shop by day, bar by night. by 8 the place is packed.
a couple ask about the job offerings. days develop into months and Alli’s men
visit everyday. it must be the coffee. they talk to me and keep me company
during the dull bleak days. "ooch man the next coople days are gonna be
orible!" says Billeh one day. "yessum," contemplates Sean,"
and no one to watch the little Ashers here." he takes another sip of his
hazelnut coffee. “what’s up guys?" i ask. "ah we have to head down
to the south island for a bit to shoot Weathertop. we can't exactly take the wee
one either. too much moving around and confusion." replies Sean. "just
perfect. billeh tig." adds Dom. "tag Lij," says Billeh.
"tog," replies Elijah. Dom smirks. "no Elijah ya can't tog on a
tig. now you gatta cross yer eyes for five minutes." Elijah groans.
"stupid game." he mutters and crosses his eyes. i decide not to ask.
"Well i could always leave her with Michelle. no wait she's coming with
us." says Sean. "what about James?" asks Orlando. " no i
don't think so. oh man i didn't think it would be this hard," Sean replies.
he glances lovingly up at the child playing on the stage. "If you want me
to watch her i would love to." i say. "Oh no i couldn't. your so
busy." he replies. "it’s no trouble really. i have great house right
outside the city and a back room she could hang in while i am out here at night.
i would never let her around any......." i falter at the words. "@#%$
blokes who are so monged they can't see themselves?" Elijah inquires,
swerving as he focuses’s back on his eyes. "No! there is no one like that
in my bar. arm cafe," i gasp, " Sean i would love to and it would
really be no trouble." Sean looks at me and says, "well lets see what
she wants." she turns and calls, "Alli c' mere honey." she jumps
off the stage, runs to us, and jumps onto Dom's lap. "oof! wee lass is
getting big." he says. she laughs. "Uncle Dom you’re so silly."
Sean takes her hand and says," Alli i have to go with Uncle Dom and the
gang for a couple days. would you mind staying here with Kate?" she looks
at him and exclaims gleefully, " oh can i daddy? please she's so cool!
please?" he smiles. "would you really like to?" she looks at him.
"Daddy does Sam love Bill the Horse?" everyone laughs. Elijah
uncrosses his eyes finally and says, "i think that's a yes Sean." he
nods. "ok let’s go get your stuff. we'll be back. thank you so
much!" i smile. "no problem. anytime!" i call as he walks out the
door with the skipping child.
So Alli stays with me for five days. I keep her busy by
going to the park, movies and shopping. She was ecstatic to do anything. One day
i ask her, "Hon, do your mommy and daddy live together? Are they
married?" i had never heard of her mother and i didn't know. not that it
was really any of my business. she smiles. "oh yes. Mommy and daddy love
each other very much. they never fight. their best parents ever. mommy just gets
really sad when daddy leave to go make movies." i nod, happy to know she
has such a good family. the gang comes back that Saturday. when they walk in
Alli screams, "Daddy!" and runs to him, open hug ready. “I honey.
how was your stay with Kate?" Sean asks hugging her tightly. "oh it
was great! we went shopping and to the movies and to the park. and she read me a
bedtime story every night!" she replies. i chuckle softly. "so how was
down south boys?" i ask as they sit at the counter. "boring. and no
good coffee." says Orlando. i laugh and make a batch. "sounds like you
had a blast." i say. "Kate, how was Alli. please tell me she was
good." says Sean. i smile. "yes she was sir. i couldn't have asked for
a better house guest. she did everything i asked to when i asked her. Brushing
her teeth, going to bed, eating dinner. she was excellent." he sighs in
relief. "good. thank you again." he says. they get her stuff, their
coffee, and leave. well all except for Elijah. I’m about to ask him what's up
when the phone rings. i go into the back and answer it. 15 minutes later i come
out trying to look as if everything is ok. he's still here, staring into his
coffee cup. "hey bud what's up?" i ask. he shakes his head.
something's not right. i can sense it. "Mr. Wood, what's wrong?" i ask
again furrowing my brow. "well uh.. i, oh..... " he can't find the
words. "dude, just tell me. i can keep a secret. trust me." i say. he
looks up from the cup. i meet his eyes and won't allow the gaze to break.
"I’m sick of it ok! I’m sick of the fame and the attention and the
rumors and the lies! oh and the nicknames! can't forget those can we!" he
says angrily and overwhelmed. "Baby Blue, Lord of our Hearts, Monkey Boy.
Well my mom did used to call me monkey. but I’m sick of it!
the paparazzi, the teenyboppers, everything! ya know before now i was just me.
Elijah Wood. But now, i don't know who I am. Am i really being me now or who
everyone else wants me to be? you probably don't understand." he finishes
with an exasperated sigh and takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from a
pocket of the beaten up corduroy jacket. he lights up in anger. i look at him
sad and a little confused. " "i may not know from experience but i do
understand believe it or not. well here's my advice. do you want it?" i ask
calmly. he looks at me, nods, and takes a long drag. "ok. well it seems as
if life has taken you where you want and don't want. here's what might help. do
you know what you aren't" he gives me a confused look. "what?" he
asks. " what you aren't. you talk about all the lies and everything. if you
know the truths and believe them, then you can just laugh when you see what lies
the news has printed." i say. "yeah i suppose." he replies.
"then tell me." i say. "well let’s see. I’m not poor. i have
an education. i have a successful and stable career. i have many people that
love, or at least like, me for me. I have nothing wrong with me. medical wise.
and I’m not gay. not at all." he says. i nod, happy that he has nothing
wrong with him. "well i think everyone doesn't know who they are sometimes.
its human nature i believe. they are so caught up in trying to be whatever
everyone else wants them to be, they forget who they want themselves to
be." i say after some thought. he looks at me. "when you look at me,
who do you see?" he asks, with a rather serious look in his eyes. "
hmmmm.... i see a talented, bright, smart man who has a strong and long career
in front and behind him. he's trying to be whatever others want him to be to
make them happy. but underneath all that glamour and glitz there is a real him
that people might seldom see. it’s a 22 year old who is himself and won't let
anyone change that. he is him, no one else is him. do you know why?" i ask.
he smiles at me. "why?" he asks. i push him lightly from across the
table. "because no one else is him. no matter how hard
someone tries there is no one else like him." he laughs lightly.
"that's right Kate. thank you so much for setting me straight. i smile.
" no problem. you can always come to me to talk. know that right now
Elijah." he nods and turns. "Elijah?!" i say. he turns,
"yes?" i sigh. "who do you see when you look in the mirror?"
he looks at me and says, " i see 22 year old Elijah J. Wood. that is who i
am and if anyone would like it different then they can go jump off a
cliff." i laugh and he joins in and waves, walking out the door. i smile
and reflect on the former conversation for a moment before going back to what
would be work if the coffee shop wasn't empty.
So the next day, the boys come down to the shop only to
find it dark, locked, and empty. "maybe she's just late." says Dom.
they leave and come back the next day, then the next and the next. it’s all
the same. empty, dark, and locked. "something's wrong." say Elijah
worriedly. they find my house and knock. no answer. "Kate? Kate, open up
its us." yells Orlando. "Kate this isn't funny. open up right
now." calls Sean. nothing. "ok this isn't funny anymore. i wonder
what’s wrong." comments Elijah. they go back down to the shop and after
some careful searching, find the key. unlocking the door they look around and
find a note. it says, "hey boys. thought you would find my spare key. I'm
sorry if i have worried you but i had to go back to the states for a bit. i
wouldn't worry at all. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks so not to worry.
can't wait to see ya'll soon. love, Kate." they look at each other
perplexed. "why would she want to go back there and not have the courtesy
to tell us?" says Sean. Billeh is speechless and only shrugs and scratches
his head in confusion. they sigh and head back to the set trying not to worry
too much.
So a couple weeks later, the boys are doing the first of
their five drive bys of my shop. they see it open and Elijah squeals in delight
and jumps out of the car while it’s still moving. he runs in and says, looking
yearningly at the coffee pots, "hi Kate! got any of them coffee pots going
yet?" i turn and laugh saying, "hello to you too Elijah. here." i
slide him a cup and he takes a sip immediately. "ouch! that's hot! but
really good." he turns to the others that have just sat down from parking
the car and i hand them their favorites. "so how have you been?" i ask
cheerfully. "the more important question, love, is are you ok? you don't
seem like the sort of person to just up and leave." asks Orlando, sipping
his Black Dragon. i turn and i lose my cheeriness. "i'm fine. don't worry
about me. now how was everything here. i really missed you guys. did anything
happen?" i turn back to the guys my cheeriness returning. "nope not
really. filmed, got drunk, missed your coffee. all the regular stuff."
answers Dom. "and Ali?" I persist. "Perfect." replies Sean.
"ooch wee lassie, ye' soore ye orkey?" asks Billeh leaning towards me.
"i'm fine. no need to worry about me." i reply. "you know you can
tell us anything." adds Elijah. "yes i know Lij. but trust me, i'm.....
uh fine. now i have to go into the back for a second. please excuse me."
without a reply i rush into the back. i go downstairs and start coughing
sickenly. my eyes cloud over and i try to focus. "three deep breaths. three
deep breaths......" i repeat over and over. i follow my own orders and
return to normal. i walk back upstairs and force on a smile as i walk through
the back room door to my friends. they all smile back at me with happy, gleaming
faces.
"Is everything ok back there Kate? i thought i heard coughing." asks Sean. i shake my head. "nope nothing. maybe it was the fridge downstairs. sometimes it makes strange noises. i wouldn't worry about it." i reply. soon after they pack up and leave saying they will be back tomorrow. i smile. after they leave i say, "i'm fine. i'm not sick and i shouldn't be worried. at least that is what they said. no i AM fine. not going to worry at all." i continue my business and turn on the radio to be greeted by some Smashing Pumpkins. "ooh wonderful." i say, slightly bouncing.
The next couple weeks go as they always did and i was
totally fine. there was nothing wrong with me. or so i thought. i started
feeling weird one day near closing. Elijah, Billeh, Orlando, and Dom discovered
that the drink at night wasn't that bad at my cafe. so they were they one night
as everyone was clearing out from having just been to a small concert by
Aerosmith. "thank you Mr. Tyler." i say when they come over. "no
problem Kate. i wanted to see Liv anyways and it was a joy. anytime." he
replies. i smile. they leave and soon after the boys turn to leave and i say,
"oh uh i won't be open tomorrow. you can stop by my house if you want or
have time. i don't know its up to you." they nod and leave. i collapse in a
faint, but still being conscience. i get up slowly and shake my head. "no
its fine. i just slipped." i said trying to kid myself. "I’ll be
fine. not to worry. really." i give up on cleaning up and just go home.
i open the door and go up to bed. i toss and turn all night, so after 3 hours of
inability to sleep, i get up and turn on the light. i get out my notepad and
start to write. my eyes heaving, i fall to sleep, with pen still in my hand.
The next day, Elijah knocks on the door and looks at Billeh,
Dom, and Orli. "hello??" he calls. he knocks again. nothing. "uh
oh." says Orlando. on the third try, when the door was starting to bend, it
opens. "hi..... uh do we have the right house? does Kate live here?"
standing before them is a girl, looking the same age as Kate only a bit taller.
her eyes are red rimmed and glassy. the guys get a little edgy. "yeah she
does but she's not here right now. i'm Kat, her best friend. or was..... i hope
not." Dom looks at her strangely. "what do you mean was? ok
where is she uh Kat. we're her close friends." he takes a small step
foreword. "she's not here. she - "Kat collapses in tears and can't go
on. she beckons them inside and offers them the couch in the living room. they
wait patiently as she cries. "calm down hon., now can you tell us where
Kate is?" asks Orlando putting his hand on her shoulder. "t-t-the
ho-s-s-" she starts. she doesn’t' need to finish. "THE
HOSPITAL?!" they all exclaim in unison. She nods and follows them as they
sprint out the door, into the car, and rush to the hospital.
Running inside they reach the main desk. “Did a Kate come
in recently?” asks Orlando a nurse urgently. They realize they didn’t even
know her last name. “Yes, one arrived uh…” she looks it up on the computer
screen, “an hour ago.” Elijah looks at Kat. “Can you tell us her room
number?” The nurse checks the
screen again. “Oh she’s still in ER. They may have moved her to OR
though.” She replies. “Can you tell us what happened to her?” asks Dom.
“Well from what we can gather, she has a….. how to put this…… unique
type of pulmonary tuberculosis,” replies the nurse. “Is she going to die?”
asks Billeh fearfully. “No, and that is why it’s unique. She won’t die but
we don’t know where it is in her. Please wait if you want to. We’ll try to
keep you updated,” ends the nurse. They take a seat, away from everyone else.
“It’s all my fault.” Whispers Kat. “No, don’t say that.” says
Orlando. “Yes it is. I should’ve come out here earlier. I’m a doctor. I
would’ve seen it sooner and gotten her better. I don’t want her to die.”
She replies, trying to choke back tears. “How do you know her anyway?” asks
Elijah from under his hands. “We have been best friends since grade school.
Always there for one another. Now the one time I wasn’t, it happened.” She
says. “It wasn’t your fault Kat. It could’ve happened to anyone. She, she
got a call one day, while I was at the shop. She came out looking, frightened
almost.” recalls Elijah. “What can we do now? Call up Peter? No, he
shouldn’t know about this. It’ll be all over the papers. Damn! Why her!!”
Sean’s voice rises dangerously. “What about Alli? Is she ok at home?” asks
Orlando. “Yeah. Christine came today. Better call her and tell her I’ll be
late.” replies Sean, picking up his cell. “Well, looks like all we can do is
wait now. And pray.” sighs Dom.
Slowly each one falls asleep. Sprawled out on a chair, each
head tips back randomly. Kat can’t sleep though. She goes up to the nurse, a
different one this time because of the night shift. “Is Kate Roberts out of
the ER or OR yet?” she asks, glancing back at the five sleeping men. “Let me
check.” Says the nurse, looking to the computer screen. “Are those the guys
from Lord of the Rings?” she adds. “Yeah I think so.” Replies Kat. Kate
always did seem to find the weirdest friends. “Oh she just left it about half
and hour ago. Room number 35.” Says the nurse, glancing at the guys.
“Thanks. Is she able to see visitors?” breaking the nurses glances at the
soft snoring. “Yes, if your quiet.” says the nurse. “Thank you.” says
Kat, wondering if the nurse even heard her. Leaving her to her gawking, Kat
walks a bit, takes an elevator and enters a room around the corner. Knocking she
hears a muffled, “from fin,” and enters.
“Kate? It’s me, Kat.” She calls softly. “Kat? What
are you doing here?” I ask, trying to sit up. “Stay there,” commands Kat.
“Yes Doctor,” is her sarcastic reply. “I found you lying in your kitchen,
half dead. Did you know about this?” asks Kat. “Yes. I went back to the
states for tests and they said I would be fine. But I kept passing out and
whatnot. Guess you came to visit and had a nasty surprise. Did you get my
note?” I ask, reaching for a glass. She gets up and hands it to me, looking
briefly at the contents. “Mountain Dew? They actually let you have it?” she
awes. I grin. “Yeah, took a little contemplating but you know me.” I reply
with a sip. “I was gonna send that to you but I see you got it before. Did you
read it?” I ask again, going back to the letter. “Yes I did and that’s why
I called the hospital. Haven’t been trained in that yet, unfortunately.” She
sighs. I laugh. “Oh and did you get any visitors?” I ask, remembering Elijah
and them. “Actually I did. Some movie star gents came knocking and found me
crying. They’re out in the main lobby, snoring up a storm. Should wake up soon
though.” She replies. “Ok. Did
you give them the other letter? Or Elijah I should say. Fell asleep before I
could write another.” I yawn. “How are you feeling? Are you gonna be ok?”
she asks, remembering that I had just gotten out of ER. “Yeah, I’m feeling
better. They said that they found it in my lower back or something. Want to see
me in like 3 months or something. But they have drugs to give me for the time
being.” I reply with a roll of eyes. Drugs and I aren’t really best friends.
“But you will be ok now right?” persists Kat. “Yes. Don’t worry.” I
reply. I hear a faint clatter of feet and say, “5 bucks says it’s them,”
to Kat. She’s heard it too and replies, “You’re on.” Then with a short
wave she goes out to meet them.
“Kat! Is she ok? Is she awake?” yells Orlando. “Will
you shut up?! People are sleeping!” Hisses Kat. They stop and Orlando blushes.
“Oh yeah, sorry ‘bout that. So is she ok?” he asks again. Kat groans.
“Yes, she’s ok and she’s awake. Her room is down the hall and first one
around the corner.” They are way too much like Kate’s other friends. They
start back up, but Kat catches Elijah. “Hold up,” she says and hands him an
envelope. “Kate wanted you to read this. Probably something in case it went to
the worst.” She adds. He opens it carefully and starts to read quietly to
himself. “Dearest Elijah,” he grumbles a bit thinking that all the niceness
she gave him was just going to come up to, ‘I love you.’ But as he continued
to read it was very obscure. “By the time Kat gets around to giving you this,
which is if she remembers, I will most likely be dead. Don’t think it is your
fault; you are not to blame at all. You’ve most likely learned what is, or
was, wrong with me. Well it’s something that I lived in secrecy with and you
thought me to be fine. I was fine, for a while. But then it got worse. I
didn’t want any or you to know, or expect to understand if you did find out. I
acted as if everything was fine, put on a smile to make al of you happy.
Because, dear Elijah, if you were happy, I was happy. Here is a poem from a book
I read. It’s called “Not Waving but Drowning.”
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
