King penguin
I have been asked to make a page explaining why I hate penguins... So here it is.
Physical appearence
Well first let's just look at how they are built. They can't walk on land worth crap. The just sit there and try to walk making a sort of wobbling effect going on there. Think about when you see some ugly dude walking down your street funny, don't you just want to go up and smack him real good?
There is also the color scheme. They are black and white (well in a sterio-typical way, I know they have other colors to a certain degree). Now, maybe this is just me, but when I see black and white things I think of those old movies where the prisoners are dressed in black and white and all have those evil mustaches.
The last physical appearence problem I have is their shape is suppose. Mainly because they remind me of how fat I am. Course by an evolutionary standpoint they need the big coat and stuff to keep warm, but it just ain't right.
The real reason...
To begin, they have ruled mankind for years, once they fell from Eden. Be it kings or Presidents, all were under the control of, or influence of the Penguins. How did this start you might ask? Here ya go:
Well the real reason is that they are really a super-smart race left over from prehistoric times, before god made the planet. The were demons living in the void that earth now fills, and they refused to leave for anyone but the messiah... Which to them wouldn't be Jesus I suppose but a different messiah... a "Demon Messiah" if you will. Well they never left so they claimed land away from the sacrilege that god decided to make to fill the planet and make him feel more important. This land of course is Antarctica. Course back, oh, 7,000 years ago it was in the tropics so it wasn't covered in ice.
Well now, this wouldn't be as bad as all that if they left well enough alone, but of course they didn't. They saw what God's creation was doing to the wealth and abundance God gave them on top of that mountain called "Eden". Well, this didn't sit well with the Penguins, so they decided to make a plan. They used their dark demon powers to transform a volunteer into a snake (which, by the way, never had legs despite popular belief) and infiltrated the mountain calling themselves "Shai'tan" in order to throw mistrust among the angels (Satan being a high ranked angel). They tempted woman into eating the apple showing them their shame. Then man (because women govern men) followed his mates example and ate. Well god, being the guilible guy he was fell right into the penguin's plan. He cast his creation into the harsher parts of the world and also accused Satan of conspiracy. When Satan denied all charges, God cast him out. Satan didn't go quietly, he stirred up his fellows in the army and attacked god to try to make him see reason, but god just kinda snorted and Satan and his "fallen angels" were cast into the negative part of the void (were there is positive: earth, there must be a negative: counter-earth or hell).
The penguins rejoiced in their triumph, but then realised that man would soon discover that they were there, what were they to do? Of course they knew that man was well away from being able to travel across more than a lake, so they once more used their evil demon magic to push their island as far down as they possibly could. Down to the current south pole. They then used their collective dark magic to make the north pole terribly cold (they did this by making the isthmus of panama, changing the mid-atlantic current so that it would go north instead of west; Thus making the north and south pole cold and icy) in order to fool future humans (they call themselves that after god cast them out, means forsaken in the old tongue) into thinking that the two poles are extremely cold.
The only real threat to the penguins were the, as we call them, native americans. They knew very well what the penguins were and where they live. They were building amazing spiritual weapons to use against against the penguins, which they knew would soon be the doom of the human race. The penguins discovered this and sent over europeans filled with a disease they had let loose long ago, and let them kill off the people they were threatened by.
The only real good thing that came from these villianous penguins was the virus called ebola. It killed off a bunch of people, but humans were too clever, they sealed of the diseased area and let the people kill each other off. When the penguins discovered that the virus was contained they let loose another virus called HIV and AIDS. They take longer to diagnose and kill slower, but the penguins are patient. Did I ever mention how they kept the fact that Antarctica isn't frozen? You see, the shift in the current only affected the temperature long enough to let humans get the idea. When it began to wear off they used their Dark psychic powers to convince any human foolish enough to travel down there that it is extremely cold, even if it is only 80 degrees.
So in conclusion, I don't like penguins very much because they framed Satan, they killed off the "Native Americans", and they couldn't think of a better virus than ebola.
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"One By One the Penguins are Stealing my Sanity" -- Bumper Sticker
