Ever wonder what the greatest movie created is? Well stop thinking and let me tell you what it is because obviously you can’t think on your own. It is the movie Big Trouble in Little China. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, have a fuckin thought sometime. Those of you who have seen it, keep reading. The whole movie is based around people getting their ass kicked by better, cooler people. The movie stars Kurt Russell as Jack Burton. Jack is the cockiest ass kicker on the face of the planet. If you mess with Jack Burton, he’ll punch you in the face and then bust out with some sick ass line like “What the hell?!” Through the whole movie he mainly uses this fake looking knife but that doesn’t matter because he’ll fuck you up using his hick style street fighting moves. Just look at the picture of him. He has a HARLEY DAVIDSON hat on…only hardcore bad asses wear those. He has a little Asian counterpart named Wang Chi who is always busting out with some crazy ass kung fu and messing people up with his extremely flexible action moves. Look at the hat Wang is wearing, it’s so awesome! He’s Asian, but the hat is meant for a white guy but does Wang give a shit?! FUCK NO! The whole movie has all these weird Asian freak people in crazy clothes doing all these sick ass moves. The ass kicking in this movie never stops!! It goes from one scene to the next and you’re left sitting there thinking “OH SHIT!”
Then there is the main bad ass named David Lo Pan and he’s supposed to be dead or some shit like that, but he still manages to kick people’s asses all over china town. He has these three bad ass mother fuckers working for him called the three storms (rain, thunder and lighting)….THREE STORMS MAN!...does it get any more hardcore than that? The guys are full on STORMS! The lighting guy is like Raiden in Mortal Kombat (remember Raiden?...that guy had the cheapest, SICKEST moves…I always used that mother fucker and won! I beat everyone because im the great human being ever created) But they got problems cause little old Eggshen isn’t having any of that SHIT! Eggshen is this little midget Asian magic man with sick ass lines! He always says what you want to hear! You don’t mess with Eggshen cause he has this bag full of Chinese crystal bombs and he goes around blowing shit up (including bad ass Asian gang lords) Just look at the size of Eggshen’s gun!...this midget is running the fuckin SHOW!. Go see Big Trouble in Little China and then go out and beat the shit out of someone cause that’s what Jack Burton would have wanted. Bottom line, your worst than a pile of sloth feces.
