Yo Momma Jokes
Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!
Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared!
Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!
Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!
Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!
Yo mama's so greasy companies buy their Oil from her!
Yo mama's so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo mama's so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers!
Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning!
Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs!
Yo mama's so bald you can see whats on her mind!
Yo mama's so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people think she is backing up!
Yo mama's so fat people jog around her for exercise!
Yo mama's so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!
Yo mama's so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors!
Yo mama's so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo mama's so fat she lays on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy!
Yo mama's so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint roller!
Yo mama's so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets!
Yo mama's so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave., she landed on 12th!
Yo mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!
Yo mama's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"!
Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please"!
Yo mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued!
Yo mama's so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama's so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama's so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
Yo mama's so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama's so fat she uses entire trees to pick her teeth!
Yo mama's so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles!
Yo mama's so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl!
Yo mama's so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"!
Yo mama's so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama's so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks!
Yo mama's so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Car!
Yo mama's so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama's so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama's so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama's so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!
Yo mama's so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!
Yo mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama's so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo mama's so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama's so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama's so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat sets off car alarms when she runs!
Yo mama's so fat she cant reach her back pocket!
Yo mama's so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama's so ugly people go as her for Halloween!
Yo mama's so ugly she scares the roaches away!
Yo mama's so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama's so ugly that yo daddy first met her at the pound!
Yo mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!
Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Planet of the Apes!
Yo mama's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck!
Yo mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras!
Yo mama's so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama's so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama's so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama's so old she flicked the switch when god said let there be light!
Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was no history class!
Yo mama's so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
Yo mama's so old her birth certificate says expired on it!
Yo mama's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince!
Yo mama's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper!
Yo mama's so old she ran track with dinosaurs!
Yo mama's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals!
Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook!
Yo mama's so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade!
Yo mama's so stupid when she saw the under 17 not admitted sign, she went home and got 16 friends!
Yo mama's so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama's so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama's so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama's so stupid that she sold the car for gas money!
Yo mama's so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911?"!
Yo mama's so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!
Yo mama's so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."!
Yo mama's so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out!
Yo mama's so stupid she stole free bread!
Yo mama's so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl!
Yo mama's so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners!
Yo mama's so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama's so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama's so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama's so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home!
Yo mama's so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead!
Yo mama's so stupid she jumped out the window and went up!
Yo mama's so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund!
Yo mama's so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain!
Yo mama's so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes!
Yo Momma So fat, she tripped overs tops anmd landed right on target.
Your Momma So fat when she went to Toyko all the people ran around and screamed "God-zilla!".
Yo Momma Teeth are so yellow, when she smiles at me it don't know wither to smile back or kick a field goal! )(It's GOOD!)(
Yo Momma Teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter. Yo momma's so big, her belly button's got an echo.
Yo momma's so big, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.
Yo momma's so big, she rollerskates on busses.
Yo momma's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
Yo momma's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.
Yo momma's so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop.
Yo momma's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
Yo momma's so big, she whistles bass.Yo momma's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
Yo momma's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
Yo momma's so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.
Yo momma's so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!
Yo momma's so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.
Yo momma's so big, when she stands up the sun goes out.
Yo momma's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
Yo momma's so fat, when we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas
Yo momma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
Yo momma's so fat, the whale from Free Willy freed her
Yo momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock
Yo momma's so fat, when she bends over we miss 2 days of sunlight
Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate
Yo momma's so fat, at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.
Yo momma's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo momma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
Yo momma's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
Yo momma's so fat, she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.
Yo momma's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
Yo momma's so fat, when she farts the whole planet came out.
Yo momma's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
Yo momma's so fat, her car is made of spandex.
Yo momma's so fat, we're inside her right now.
Yo momma's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo momma's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
Yo momma's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo momma's so fat, if she were an aeroplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.
Yo momma's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
Yo momma's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo momma's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.
Yo momma's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.
Yo mama' so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo momma's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo momma's so fat, she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
Yo momma's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo momma's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo momma's so fat, when she works at the movie theatre, she works as the screen.
Yo momma's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo momma's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo momma's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say:
"Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo momma's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo momma's so fat, instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
Yo momma's so fat, instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo momma's so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
Yo momma's so fat, when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
Yo momma's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo momma's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo momma's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo momma's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo momma's so fat, her picture takes two frames.
Yo momma's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
Yo so fat she could sell shade
Yo momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo momma's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo momma's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo Momma So stupid she thought Taco Bell was the Mexcain Phone Company.
Blondie Jokes
-A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
-How do you kill a blonde?
1.Put them in a round room and find a corner
2.Put a stratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
3.Dye their Hair
-What do you do when a Blonde Throws a Pin at you?
-A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Others
This guy walks into a bar and sits at a counter. A man walks up to him and says, "I'll give you $500 dollars if you make my friend laugh and cry. So the guy took the man's friend into the bathroom. The man heard "HAHA, WaWA." The GUy walks out and askes for his $500 Bucks. The Man says,"First Tell me how you did it,". The Guy says," I told him my Dick was bigger than his and I made him cry by proving it". ()Sorry for any distrubing language.()-Credit goes to DodoBird.
This Guy walks into a department store for a new toilet. So, he askes the lady at the counter for a toilet. And she gives him a wooden one. The next he comes back and returns it 'cause it's giving him slivers. So, she gives him a metal one. The next day he comes back and returns it because it's too cold. So she gives him a singing one. THe next day he comes back and says there's nothing wrong but, one thing. Everytime He sits on it it says,"I bet you, you don't see what I see."-Credit to Fish, Dodobird and Bug. Do you have a good Joke? Well, send it to me. Screen Name at the bottom.
