His eyes still glued to my tv set.
"Nick! You know him better then I do..I caught him with a blonde bimbo tonight what should I do?" I asked sitting down in the chair straight across from my bed.
He stopped looking at the tv and looked me straight in the eyes.
"Well in my book kissing a blonde bimbo in front of your future girl isn't right, So I think you should get revenge on him." AJ said getting a mischevious look in his eyes.
"But AJ I don't want to hurt him but I just don't know what to do,I thought we were getting closer." I hung my head.
AJ walked over to me and hugged me.
"Cheer up girlie pie!" He said rubbing my back.
"Hey you want me to talk to him angel?" AJ asked picking my head up so I could look at him.
"Yes AJ would you?" I asked.
I looked down and saw my shirt was soaked with little tears all over.
AJ nodded. 'Yeah girl I'll do it tonight alright?" He told me.
He took his hand and brushed all the little hairs behind my ears.
"Thank you AJ" I got up and hugged him.
"It's late...I better get going,night Ash" AJ said.
He got up and walked to the door.
"Hey cheer up for me can ya do that?" AJ asked me.
He laughed a little.
"Yeah I'll try don't tell him I'm worried about it okay!?" I asked him with pleading eyes.
"Sure thing" He said.
He slowly closed the door. I of course decided to hit the bed. Tomorow was another long day.
"Hey Nick open up man!" AJ told him.
He was banging his fist hard on the door. "What What What!" Nick screamed.
He opened the door wide open, AJ looked over and noticed that a girl was sitting on the bed. It just wasn't any girl it was Johanna. AJ looked back at Nick and gave him a major disapointed look.
"Man nevermind!" I shouted.
I turned around and walked away. Nick of course wasn't wanting to give up so easily, He chased me down.
"Man what's up!" Nick asked getting right in my face.
"Man that's what's wrong ,You know what I'm talking about!" I told him walking farther away from him.
He caught back up though.
"What Johanna?" Nick asked innocently.
"Damn it Nick did you ever once stop to think about Ashley?" I asked him.
I took my sunglasses and looked him in the eyes.
"YES! What do you think,Johanna needs help her parents died and she needs money, I'm not getting back with her man" Nick told me.
I shrugged. "Look man just remember her" I said.
I hit him gently on the chest with my hand, He looked at me.
"Yeah man I will." Nick told me.
I continued to walk away.
"Joe?" I called.
I walked back to my room after having the little argument with AJ. She didn't answer me so I walked in the room. She was gone. I looked on the bed and there was a note.
Nick, You know how much you mean to me. You will always be my first and only love. I see you have moved on in your life and I respect your choices so I too will move on. I took $1000 dollars out of your wallet I sure hope you don't mind. Thank you for everything Nick. I love you with all my heart. Johanna.
I sighed. I realised I was finally losing that part of my life and moving on. Maybe it was time I appoligized to Ashley,Maybe tommorow though.
Tomorow turned into a week and then another.,Ashley would hardly speak to me unless it was nessacary too. I decided it was time to talk to her. I had waited to long. "Ashley come with me" I told her.
I gave her an uneasy look. She turned around and walked outside with me. I stopped and looked at her.
"Ashley I've avoided this for 2 weeks now and it's eating me alive, That night when you saw me and that girl,I want you to know I wasn't the one that kissed her she kissed me. She's one of my first girlfriends her names Johanna you may have heard of her." Ashleys eyes were down.
"Yes I have...I didn't notice it was her Nick" She told me quite plainly.
"Ashley I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry for it,I don't know what I can do to make things better but if there is anything I swear to God I will do it right here and right now" I looked at her with pleading eyes.
"Nick you don't know how bad you hurt me ,I felt like a big knife just came down and stabbed me right in the heart.,I thought maybe there could have been a me and you before that, Now I'm not so sure." She turned away from me.
"Ashley.......please....I want there to be and us" I walked closer to her wrapping my arms around her waist.,p> I could feel her body trembling. I turned my head closer so I could see her.
"Ashley" I said softly looking in her eyes.
I saw solitare tears running down her eyes. I didn't know what to do. I did the only thing in my mind I could think of. I let go of her and got down on one knee before her. I cleared my voice. Then took her hand.
"Open up your heart to me and say what's on your mind I know that we have been through so much pain but I still need you in my life this time. And I need you tonight I need you right now I know deep withen my heart it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right cuz I see heaven in your eyes" I stood there looking at her after I had just got down on my knees and professed how my heart felt for her.
I could see her pain I felt it too,She held it back though. I knew she was trying to be strong but I knew she couldn't hold it for too long.
"Nick.......I ...I ...I don't know what to say" She told me.
I smiled.
"Just tell me that you feel the same way about me...and you understand that I never meant to hurt you." I held her hands a little tighter.
My eyes looked deeper.
"I know Nick.....It's just I cared about you and I thought after all this you cared about me too" She said.
Her head looked down and I could tell tears were in her eyes.,I stood up taking my hand and lifting her head up.
"Ashley don't ever be ashamed to do anything I mean Anything in my presence,I want us to completly trust each other okay?" I told her still looking in her almond brown eyes.
"Okay" She said softly.
"Good....now what?" I asked her kinda giggling.
"Well what are we Nick,thats something I need to know ,Tell me" She said sweetly. I sighed.
"That's a hard one there,I think were somewhere inbetween friends and lovers" I told her.,p> "Me too....I don't think,well I mean you can but I don't know if I am" She said.
She looked so confused.
"What don't you think you are?" I asked her.
I was so worried.
"In love" She said slowly and sofly.
The words hit me hard. My heart started beating faster and I was in a trance.
"Nick?" She asked me after I hadn't replied after awhile.
"Oh God I'm sorry" I told her.
I looked like a complete fool now.
"I think we should wait on that word to Ashley,We have 9 months with each other remember?" I told her.
I just stood there staring at her.
"I feel things for you Nick,there hard to explain...." I listened to her wanting to be with her more and more.
"Well then how about we spend thesse next 8 months figuring out what we are Ashley....I'm in for it if you are" I told her.
"Yes I'm in for it.....Just don't scare me like that again Nick." She said.
She took her hand and hit me playfully on the arm. "I won't Ashley....I won't"
We arrived home 15 hours later. I was so exhausted from the plane ride and jet lag.We got home and I hit the bed. The first thing that came to mind when I woke up was Nick. I wanted to call him so badly.....But I knew only doing this would hurt us both. So I restrained myself. My mother and I went the next day to see how my father was. He had a heart attack ...That was the main reason we had to come home. I cried alot after our visit. My dad was in really bad shape. My mom tried to tell me that everything was going to be alright. I knew better though. I knew everything was totally out of place. I was here instead of in Italy with Nick. My father was sick in the hospital and everything was just a big jumbled up mess. I decided to go home for awhile. We had been at the hospital for a week straight now. I drove home in silence. My mind was on other things. Mostly on the night Nick and I had shared just last week. God it was more then I could have ever dreamed. I sighed.
"Ashley...you know he's going to go find someone else....its over" The words it's over echoed through my mind.
I broke down and cried.,I looked so crazy to everyone driving around town. Here I was sitting in my car driving and crying. How ridiculous. I got home. Unlocked the door. Just as I was opening it the phone started to ring. Ring Ring.
"I'm coming I'm coming" I muttered.
I picked it up.
"Hello?" I asked sadly.
"Ash...It's me Meghan" I dried my tears.
"Girl !! Hey what you calling me for?" I asked her.
"I missed you,it's not the same without you Ash" My friend told me.
"Hows Nick?" I asked.
"He's low girl,He won't talk to anyone at all not even his mom" Meghan told me.
Her tone of voice told me all. Her an Brian had been together for about 5 months now. She had become my best friend over the time we spent together.
"God,Meg,I'm so depressed,I don't know what to do,should I let him go?" I asked quitly.
She was quiet for awhile. "Ashley,thats for you to decide,if you ever think there's a chance for you two then hold onto it if not then let go" Meg was always so good when it came to advice.
"I need to think this over though" I told her.
"Ya you do...I mean you love him he loves you...what's more easier then that" She said.
"God that's not easy thats so hard. I may never see him again Meg ....I might be moving back to Alabama" I told her.
"Why?" Meghan asked me.
Her voice sounded so surprised.
"My dad's family and my mom's is there,They think it would be better if he were at home" I felt the tears coming on again just after I had finished.
"Ash...I'm sorry I didn't know really" She said.
"Yeah I know,When my dad gets better I'm hoping to fly back with you guys....but that may not happen...only God knows what will" I said.
"Yeah...Hey I hate to do this but Brian and I are going out right now...I'll call you next week okay? " Meghan told me.
"Yeah bye Meg....Tell Nick I..." I frozze. "Tell him what?" Meghan asked me.
"Oh nothing....just leave it as it is" I told her.
We hung up and I sprawled out on the couch and cried some more.