The bloopers found below are said to be written by actual students and
are
"genuine, authentic, and unretouched." The spelling is EXACTLY
as
the students wrote. They were compiled by Richard Lederer,
and appear
in the 12/31/95 edition of "National Review" magazine.
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating
the world, so He took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built
and ark, which the
animals came on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had trouble
with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray
by a Jezebel like
Delilah. Sampson slayed the Philistines with
the ax of the apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened
bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
Moses went
up on Mount Cyanide to get
the Ted Amendments.
The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The
Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led
the Hebrews
in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle
in the Bible is when
Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who
lived in Bibical times.
Soloman, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one
to others
before they do one to you. He also explained,
"Man doth not live by
sweat alone."
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St.Matthew who was,
by profession, a taximan.
St.Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is
another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultry.
