NIXON VS. CLINTON Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs Clinton: Worried about carpet burns Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geek Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: same Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!" Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh Clinton: Took on Ho Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her
A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?" "Okay. But it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?" "Okay. But it won't do you any good." He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay. But it won't do you any good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful Woman I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." She says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."
Air Force OneAir Force One was approaching Washington's airport. The captain came on the intercom and said: "Mr. President, please buckle your seat belt and put the stewardess in an upright position."
A truck driver stopped at a road side diner for lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside. The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down the apple pie. The Truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left. When he was gone, one of the motorcyclists said, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied, "He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
One Sunday morning Bill burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Sue. After dinner, Bill's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Sue is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." Bill was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Bill. I'm awfully sorry about this." Bill was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister." His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."
Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have seperate suites so that the old fellow not over exert himself. After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting - sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action - they unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night. After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action - somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again succesful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more - once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they are laying in afterglow the young bride says to him " I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times - I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one" - the old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says - "Was I already here?"
