“See yah,” I hung up with Dana and went out into the tree house to wait for her. I didn’t know why, but I was more excited to see her than usual.
About three minutes later, Dana climbed up through hole in the floor that served as the door, and I announced my acknowledgement of her presence with a “Hey.”
“Hey,” she answered me.
“Caty, please!” I pleaded. “I don’t feel like it!”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t!”
“Don’t you love me anymore?”
“Of course I still love you! God! I just don’t feel like it!”
She pouted. “Sure. Today you love me but you don’t want to show me, tomorrow you’ll want to show me that you love me, but you really won’t anymore!”
“Yeah. Right.”
She just kept pouting.
Dana and I had been talking for hours, and I was now holding her hand, for a reason that was beyond me. We looked up at each other, and, kissed... It was weird......
“Dana, we shouldn’t be doing this......” I pointed out, tearing myself away from my bestfriend for a moment.
“Yes we should.”
“No we shouldn’t,” I pointed out firmly.
Dana pulled me back to her, and I couldn’t resist any longer.
“What’s wrong?” I pouted.
I still didn’t understand why my boyfriend didn’t want to do it. He always wanted to do it. He wanted to do it more than I did, and now he didn’t want to. This was definitely a first.
“Why not?” I asked him again. “Why is today so different from every other day?”
“You really want to know!?” He screamed, suddenly pissed. He jumped up from the couch and started gesturing wildly with his arms. Suddenly, he ripped his boxers off. (literally)
“That’s why!” he cried. He was completely hairless. He looked clean shaven. This was definitely weird.
“What the fuck happened!?” I asked.
Zac stopped being pissed and simply sat back down on the couch and started to bawl.
Dana was pulling at my solid red boxers. By this point I was clad only in the boxers, and Dana was down to her jeans and bra.
“No,” I objected. “I don’t want our first time to be in a tree house, on a hard wood floor. I want it to be in a nice room, with a nice soft bed.”
“Huh huh,” Dana chuckled, being perverted at the worst possible time. “You said ‘hard wood.’ Huh huh.”
“Damn it, Dana! I’m serious!”
Then after a moment’s reflection, “I did say that, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh huh.”
“But, back on topic: I don’t want to wait.”
“Uh, there’s a bunch of nice rooms, with nice soft beds inside.”
“But Ike’s home.”
“I’ll kick him out.”
“That’s not my point. I’m his girlfriend.”
“Uh, he had some joints. I’m sure he’s high by now. I’ll tell him to go look at some toilet display in Oklahoma City or something.”
“Uh, okay.”
I’d been puffing on this joint for about fifteen minutes now, and I was really starting to feel light headed.
All of a sudden, Tay and his woman walked through the door. Strange, I thought she broke up with him. And I thought she looked different too. Weird.
“Uh, hey Ike!” Taylor yelled to me. “We’re out of food. Go get some food.”
Hmmmmmm, I thought we still had food. Oh well, Taylor probably knows what he’s talking about. I better go buy some more.
“Uh, okay,” I agreed, walking out the door, past my car, and down the street to Drug Mart.
“Whoa, he really was high wasn’t he?” Dana asked one of those questions that you already know the answer to, in wonder.
“Uh, yeah,” I answered her.
“I didn’t know he did any drugs.”
“Uh, he does.”
“So I’ve noticed.”
“Yeah.”
The conversation getting boring, we proceeded upstairs. I ushered her into a bathroom, and knocked on Zac’s door. Mom and Dad would leave him home alone, but not the rest of the kids. So he could be home.
No answer. I swung the door open. Zac was nowhere in sight. And, just being in my brother’s room, and thinking about sex, I decided I had to at least look.
So I stripped the sheets, all of them, off of his bed, and looked at the mattress. Clean. I struggled to flip it over. I looked back down at it. Blood stain the size of a coffee table. Well, now I knew. At least one girl had given it up to Zac in that very room. I left quickly, repulsed, not bothering to put it back.
Well I was on a brotherly privacy invasion spree. I quickly strode into Ike’s room, and stripped his mattress. Clean. I flipped it over. It was unstained, but a bunch of pot was laying there. I thought, Well he’s just an addicted virgin. Well maybe. Girls have beds too. And he has a car. And there’s a couch in the basement. Ewwwwwww, I’ve sat on that couch. Well, never again.
I figured I might as well not waste sheets, so I fixed Ike’s bed, went back into Zac’s room, no longer repulsed, and fixed his bed. Then I walked into my room. I stripped the sheets off my bed, and looked at the mattress. Clean. I flipped it. Also clean. Well, I’m just squeaky clean, aren’t I? Well, at least I know no one’s screwed a virgin in here. Maybe someone else, but.....................ewwwwwww.
“Hey Dana!” I called aloud. She strode out of the bathroom.
“What took you so long?”
“Uh, I, uh, I, uh........”
“Whatever.”
“Zac! That’s not child molesting!” my girlfriend screamed at me after I told her my whole story. “That’s just your brothers removing your pubic hair!”
“It is?” I asked her, confused. “But I could’ve sworn......”
“No, they’re just being mean or something,” she reasoned.
“Oh, I feel better now. Wanna do it?”
“Uh, okay. This’ll probably feel cool.”
Whoa, I thought I’m not a virgin anymore. That’s pretty cool. Now I can put something into all my conversations with my friends.
I heard the oh-so-familiar slam of the door. It wasn’t Ike because he had come home earlier with two grocery bags of sun tan lotion and whipped cream. Now he was sitting in his room twiddling his thumbs and making weird sounds with his lips.
Now I could hear feet running upstairs. My mom walked through the door.
“What the hell?” she asked cheerily.
Now I knew for a fact that my mom would take just about anything I threw at her. “Uh, we were playing one of those, uh, games, you know, uh, self-mutilation or whatever, and, uh, we took off our clothes so we wouldn’t get blood on anything, and, uh, Ike was playing too, but, uh, he lost a little too much blood, so he put his clothes back on and went in his room. Now he’s being weird.”
“Oh, okay,” she said with a shrug. “By the way, thanks for buying the whipped cream and sun tan lotion, we were running low.”
“You’re welcome,” I answered.
Chapter 8 Back to the Chapters
