The bout to knock the other guy out...
V.S. 
There can be only one...
Earth vs. Soup was Crow T. Robot's first and most brilliant screenplay. In it's reader's theater stage, the roles were originally:
Joel Robinson as "Sweet Marie."
Tom Servo as "Ben Sweetland."
Crow T. Robot as writer, director, and narrator.
As the final piece, this is the credit list:
A Pearl and Clayton Forrester Production
Produced, Engineered, Catered, and basically taken over by Dr. Clayton Forrester and Ms. Pearl Forrester.
also, stuff done by Crow... or someone.
Sweet Marie: Gypsy
Ben Sweetland: Kevin Bacon
Assistant to Mr. Robot, Judy.
Judy was actually Tom Servo and Kevin Bacon was actually Mike Nelson. This cinematic achievement was released as a trailer and was the uncredited Crow T. Robot's masterpiece. It was meant to capture the essence of those movies where giant creatures threaten Earth. Here is a transcript of the original reader's theater version.
Joel: Wait a minute, go through this again. I'm not getting this...
Crow: Um, well, O.K. The deal is, when we get back to Earth, I want to make a bazillion dollars writing screenplays, y'know, like "Roadhouse" and "Next of Kin" and stuff. So, you two wouldn't mind helpin' me out, we could do sort of a reader's theater, y'know. And uh, we'd read my latest screenplay and then do a kind of note session afterwards, O.K.?
Tom: Y'know, Crow, we're friends and everything, but whenever I perform, I gotta get some kinda compensation, you understand, huh?
Crow: Oh, sure. How about eight bucks?]
Tom: Great. Super. That's all I need.
Crow: Okay. You can invoice me. I'll shoot you out a check.
Tom: Fine.
Joel: Uh, can we get on with this, you guys?
Crow: Uh, oh sure. O.K. It's called "Earth V.S. Soup."
Joel: Why soup?
Crow: What?
Tom: Soup?
Crow: Uh, yeah. I'm capturing that cold war flavor. Y'know, giant ants, giant spiders, giant soup. I was gonna call it "Earth V.S. the Giant Wendy O' Williams," or "Earth V.S. a Muffin," or "Earth V.S. Peter Himmerman..."
Tom: Crow, Crow, why soup?
Crow: Oh, well, read it and see.
Tom: O.K.
Crow: O.K. Here we go-- Earth V.S. Soup by Crow T. Robot. O.K. Scene opens at the local greasy spoon, called "Bennigan T. Puffyranchers." BEN SWEETLAND, the town goat washer, orders his breakfast from SWEET MARIE.
Tom: Oh, oh, oh! I'm Ben Sweetland. I see... Okay *ahem* uh, Uh, y'know, MARIE... Southern accent okay?
Crow: Oh, yeah, it's great.
Tom: I got a big day comin' up. Why don'tcha give me a "Wyatt Earp Six Gun Wagon Wheel Skillet Scrambled Guchundra" with a side of dooky links. Well, say, what's the soup today, SWEET MARIE, my little sock puppet, you?
Joel: Why, BEN, you watch yourself, you little cider-press, you. Tom: CHUCKLES
Joel: I don't think you want the soup today, y'see, SCABBY was mixing up a batch of "Uranium 235" in the same pot as today's soup, which, by the way, is our "California Calico Cornucopia Vegetable Jubilee."
Tom: Well, that don't make no nevermind to me, bring me a bowl of that, my little corn fritter. CHUCKLES
Joel: Okay, but it's your funeral.
Crow: (sings) Dunt Dunt Dunnnnnnn....
Joel: What?!
Crow: Uh, oh. Nothing. Nothing, just go on. Oh! This is the good part! This is the good part. Okay.
Joel: O.K. Hey, SCABBY, I need a "Willy Wonka on the skull cap" with a side of rat tails. Oh, and get me a bucket of slop. SCABBY... SCABBY... Oh no, no! Dear Lord no!!!!! And then it just goes on like that...
Crow: Yeah, c'mon. Read 'em all.
Joel: Oh, O.K. Oh no, no, no!!!! Oh, my heavens! No! No! Oh God! Oh Porgy! Oh my dear heavens, no, no, no, no, no, no, no....
Crow: C'mon, c'mon! Read 'em all!!
Joel: There's six pages of "no's" here, Crow!
Crow: Well, y'think that's enough to convey the raw terror she must feel as a giant bowl of "California Cornucopia Vegetable Jubilee" slithers towards her on all fours, it's hellish maw...
Tom: Wait. Whad'ya mean "all fours?" Soup on all fours?
Crow: Of course, whad'ya think, soup is a biped?
Tom: Well, look, Crow, y'know, although I thought that Sweet Marie was your most richly drawn female character yet, I thought there were flaws in her motivation as she moved through the plot...
Crow: Oh, y'think so?
Tom: Yeah, and what day was this, anyway?
Crow: Uh, well, my backstory says "Monday."
Tom and Crow: MUMBLE
Joel: These two... they can have more fun alone than anybody else I know. Enjoy.
Well, there you have it. Not only did we learn not to order the "California Calico Cornucopia Vegetable Jubilee" at Bennigan T. Puffyranchers, but also that soup is a quardraped. Good night and God bless. Oh bite me, it's fun!!
Go back to Hypno Helio Static Stasis!
Go back to my World of Insanity.
