I am an angel yet I have these dirty wings
I am your sickness, your lethal disease
Head pounding, eyelids fluttering, feeling this animal rage
You said those words last night, those words I thought you'd never say
A heart so black, a tear so blue
My feelings, these emotions, are sometimes my enemies
They don't know they only say do
Everyone laughed at my dreams, made fun of my desires
Man of mystery walk in darkness and spin your web of deceit
There is a star for all the lives lost
Our words were always filled with love but our thoughts were full of hate
I lie in bed, listening to the soft pitter-patter of the rain
Every step I get further and further away.
There are no more knights in shining armor unless the armor no longer shines.
You imagine yourself in the arms of a woman, one that I'll never be.
Jack was a fighter, a survivor, he was so strong.
He tried so hard to change his past.
Death, I feel it as I walk through these hospital halls.
Soft blue sheets in the crib, the room is decorated in green.
He lies there unconscious in the November snow.
I am a goddess but I do not represent beautiful things
I am a dove yet I do not fly
I am a fairy tale, yet I cannot lie
I am a child but I cannot laugh, I do not grow
I am a river yet I do not flow
I am the grass but I know nothing green
I am the air, there is nothing clean
I am a voice yet I do not speak
I am supposed to be strong but I'm really weak
I am your fears, I am your dreams
I am the reason you cry, the reason you scream
I am a heart yet I do not beat
I am the city yet there are no streets
I am your loneliness
I am your unhappiness
I am your laughter, I am your joy
I am the one you like to control, to treat like a toy
I am your breath, I am your life
I am your pain and I am your strife
I am your love, I am your hope
I am the reason you are angry, the reason you can't cope
I am everything and nothing at once
I am the one you worship, now get on your knees
I am your psychosis, your twisted lies
I'm the addiction, I am your bloodshot eyes
I cause your tears, I will bring you pain
I am your deadly storm I bring the black rain
I am every psychotic thought that drifts in your head
I was the one that laughed when you bled
I make you live just to see you hurt
I am the one who crushes your spirit denies you of your worth
I am the lover that constantly beats you
I tell you pretty lies and you think they're true
I'm the rapist I take your innocence away
I'm your fear, I'm the reason you pray
I am your rage, I'm everything you hate
I am your beginning, your end, your fate
I am your sick lust, the vengeful whore
I keep pushing you when you can't take anymore
I am your suicide take the rope
I smother you in sorrow, take away your hope
I am your dirtiness, you'll never be clean
I am all your worries, every bad dream
Do you want to put an end to this painful life?
Slit your wrists, here's the knife
Or take this gun and blow out your brains
It old you I was your killer, destined to bring torture you and bring you pain
I have a name...Evil
I've been put down, denied, hurt too often, I'm breaking out of this cage
Breathing in the air of freedom at last
Ignoring the looks of bewilderment, pity, and anger cast
No one understands these emotions I have locked within
They know not what beauty lies inside they only see darkness and sin
Only what's wrong, they see not what is right
Are they scared, jealous, am I bad because I am one with the night?
That the moon is my heart and the stars are my eyes
I'm not the one feeding on fear, living off lies
I am me, no one has the right to make me change
I am different, I am unique, I care not if I seem strange
Because there is a great person somewhere inside
But she's afraid to show herself, so she waits, she hides
Too many tears have fell from her eyes, too many secrets kept
No one sees the pain she's felt, the angry tears she's wept
They all look away with eyes full of shame
Yet this outer me looks on with a smile, no one is to blame
She knows that people are hurt too often but why must they continue to be?
Why should I feel the pain, the fury, the fear because I'm me?
Too much rage I've felt but the sadness is greater still
I am my own butterfly, for no one can I change and I never will
I spin my cocoon, watch myself transform
I am the wind, I am the lighting, I am the storm
Not the destruction just the freedom of my emotions
My mind the river, my soul the stream, but my heart is the ocean
Waves appear wild yet calmer than they seem
Because I am me, I am your nightmare and your dream
I am my own strength
But I was so afraid and confused I just turned my head away
Avoided looking into your eyes, the eyes that used to be my every fantasy
It was just to hard to believe that you were in love with me
After all that time, longing, yearning for you to feel the same
I was the foolish one who took it for a game
Now you look at me, through heartache and pain
You say I once was your sunshine but now I'm only the rain
I want to say I love you, so bad it hurts, but the words I just can't find
You have become such an important part in my life, you take up half of my mind
Yet I can't say "I love you, I need you" it's almost impossible to do
But its just because I'm afraid that someday you'll say it was just a game, and then the
game will be through
I couldn't stand not being near you, not being able to feel your touch
Wanting and needing your arms around me, your soft kisses so much
Please just give me time to say the words I need to say
I never meant to hurt you, I didn't mean to push you away
Love has always been my fear along with heartache
And if you were to leave me it'd be more than I could take
You mean that much to me, so much for you I would die
So when I finally say that I love you it won't be a lie
I would never play with your mind, mess with your heart
Because I know how it feels to be crushed and ripped apart
You are the greatest thing to have ever graced my life
And just knowing that I hurt you is cutting like a knife
The wounds are dark and deep, wounds that may never heal
If you're playing a game, I will love you still
But these emotions are so easy to feel yet so hard to control
Because if I lost you I'd be losing my heart, my mind and my soul
For evertime I've thought it was true
A dream lost, a memory made
An idea will form, a hope will fade
A tree will grow, a flower will die
For all the times I've sat and cried
A bird will sing without an end
For everytime I've lost a friend
A tear will drop for everytime I've paid the cost
Everytime I've been deceived, every lover lost
The sun will shine but there will be rain
For all the times I've felt the pain
Birth will explode, death will creep
Everytime I've lost sleep
The tides will change, the sun shall set
For every kindred spirit that I've met
The sky will be blue, the grass will be green
For every wish I've made, every dream
Some promises will be kept, some broken
For every word left unspoken
Behind winter, spring shall hide
For every dream I've kept locked inside
Nature is inevitable, unstoppable
Feelings can be a blessing or a curse, both unforgettable.
Reaching deep within my soul trying to set free my fantasies
Things I need to keep a secret, things no one should know
But these foes are fighting, I'm struggling, should I let go?
I'm losing this battle, I'm the only soldier in this war
Trying to deny the truth from myself, and hurting worse than before
Needing something, someone but it's impossible to find
I can't keep you from invading my spirit, you're always in my mind
Why, I ask, you don't love me back, it's not me you need
I wish you only knew that I am a person, I laugh, I cry, I bleed
These feelings tearing me, crushing me, tugging at my heart
Having these thoughts that are confusing, lonely, i'm being torn apart
What can I do, I don't know if I'm taking the right path, if I'm going the right way
All I want is for the world to slow down, I want stillness, peace, I need you to stay
What am I gonna do, how do I tell you what I feel
Will you laugh at me and say I don't possibly know love, this isn't real
It is I know that I have something for you, but I don't know what it is or why
But this confusion, this loneliness, desperation, makes me cry
I should've fell in love with someone I didn't know, a complete stranger
But I guess subconsciously I like to play with danger
I can't sort it out, I don't know why I'm hurting, I want it to end
Is this what I get because I'm in love with my friend?
They're happy and in love but this hell I'm still living through
They say I'm young and love is something I cannot know
But don't they see, I had to let him go
I know truth they say it's mere infatuation
But I'm the only one who's sentence to this lonely destination
Am I so innocent that I don't know pain?
Am I too pure to have felt rain?
No love knows no age, I fell victim there was no turning away
All my childhood fantasies disappeared blue was covered by gray
I know heartache and I know how much it hurts to feel
They say I'm just dreaming but how can they judge if its real?
How could they know what emotions I hold in my heart?
They're with the one they love while my life is being torn apart
They know not the coldness, the darkness, and the loneliness of the night
They only know pretty things they do not know the battle I fight
This war against myself, just this soldier, I am alone
Wondering, why I'm in such despair not knowing whats wrong
Longing, wanting, needing his hand
But he is not beside me and they don't understand
Lying in bed, crying, I know that you are gone
Needing to feel your arms around me, but your arms pushed me away
Longing to hear your voice, those three sweet words you used to say
But I'll never hear those words again
Everything we had is gone now, memories in the wind
I know that we both made mistakes but now I'm paying the cost
You didn't give me a ray of hope you said it was all lost
Is there any way around it, a way to make things right?
After you told me you did not love me anymore I've become a close companion with the
night
Throughout the day everyone asks why I look so sick, why tears fell from my eyes
I can only stare back, vacantly, while I cry
They do not know the pain I feel, the hell that I've been through
No one understands this hurt, they were never in love with you
There hearts were never crushed, like mine, their lives never tore apart
What made me so foolish why did I give you my heart?
Why did I believe all the pretty things you said
I fed on your fairy tales, let nonsense fill my head
Hope was lost, lies told, dreams remain broken
All the words I want to say will forever remain unspoken
They crushed my hopes, put out my fire
No one saw the tears that fell
As I silently damned them to hell
I was determined to make something of myself, make everyone see
That I could do anything I wanted, be what I wanted to be
I refused to let them crush my spirit, no one was bringing me down
I know what comes around goes around
They could mock me, they could do what they pleased
But I will not give in, I will not accept being teased
My heart they tried to destroy, they wanted it to break
But my mind was stronger than that it was something I would not take
There were times I was so frustrated, that I wanted to fade away
But I knew that if I had faith there would be a better day
I had to live for myself, make my own dreams come true
I knew that I had to be strong or I wouldn't make it through
Because life is about surviving, about fulfilling your destiny
But to do that you have to confront your fears if you want to live your fantasies
I've had my share of smiles and laughter but I've had my share of tears and pain
I know that there would be no good in sunshine unless it had rain
There would be no good in the sky if the stars didn't come out at night
And I know that darkness wouldn't be special if there was never any light
For everything there is an opposite another half to fill
I have my worries, my doubts but my dreams remain still
I know that if I want something bad enough I can get it, if it's meant to be
And what I really want is to prove to myself that there is nothing I can't be
I am my own success
Raping the thoughts of strangers, corrupting the souls of all you meet
Demeaning and belittling, nature's freaks follow you
Needing to fulfill some dream, longing for something true
And I wonder what it feels to have such control
To be loved by many even as you take their souls
I know how it feels to walk in your shadow because I'm one who follows
Sometimes you make me feel loved and accepted when all I'd ever felt was hollow
I have this darkness that rips at my soul
Tearing up my heart, making me lose control
This evil that splits into my brain
At times I just want to stop it all, to end this pain
To ease this aching that is unknown
I just want the world to disappear, this loneliness gone
Everyone's left me now I'm alone and afraid
I wonder how things would've been different if there hadn't been so many mistakes made
I did bad things but at the time I didn't know they were wrong
I just wanted to be loved, I needed to belong
To fulfill some psychotic want, to fill this obsessive need
I used to slash my arms because I wanted to bleed
I thought it would make me pure and rid me of my sins
But then I did those awful things and felt dirty again
I scarred myself up badly from the inside out
But at the time I knew no regrets, I had no doubts
Only this urge to be needed like you
To follow in your footsteps and to finally make it through
All these years of aching, not knowing who I am
When in the end...A Suicidal Dreamer I stand
For all the people that have paid the cost
For all the souls that have been swept away
To all of those whose life changed in one horrible day
We should take time to remember those who've came and went
How much they meant to us, what little time we spent
Normal people who thought there was no danger as they slipped behind the wheel
But tragedy was around the corner, sometimes cars can kill
Never take anything for granted because no one is promised a tomorrow
In one fatal moment all the dreams and wishes that were once so great have turned to
sorrow
Hearts broken, so many tears cried
Mourning and grieving for all the friends that have died
People so young, so innocent that made a fatal mistake
Lives torn apart, shells cracked while hearts break
No one understands and it never seems fair
Always let your friends know that they are loved and that you'll always be there
All things fade away but don't let ignorance turn your life to regret
Do the things you want to do because this is the only chance you get
Make your life your own but take time to think of those who have passed
Those who have been buried because they were drinking or driving too fast
Be careful when you get behind the wheel because you can't always be protected
Just live your life with gratitude and take time for things to be reflected
Too many people have been hurt, at the time no one seems to care
But when you're lying in a pool of blood, you need to know your friends will be there
When you say your prayers take a moment to think of those who have died
All the families that have grieved and cried
Just a moment of your time in dedication of those who have been killed in a car
For every life lost there is a star
Remember those who were lost when you look up into the sky
Growing up you taught us that we had to have respect, we needed to appreciate
There was never time for guidance, I don't think you know how to care
All we wanted was a father to love us, someone to be there
To hug us and soothe us when we thought monsters were beneath the bed
But your punishments were harsh, your intentions cruel, such bitter things you said
I remember wehn I had pneumonia and you made me shovel snow
There are so many times like that I can't let go
Why did you treat me like that, was I so bad?
You expect me to take responsibility for my mistakes, but they were choices I never had
In your eyes I was so flawed, now I'm full of self-hate
I've tried to make things between us right but I know it's too late
You made me afraid of everything I have so many fears
I used to cry so often...until there were no tears
You used to beat us and tell us we were no good
You abused us so many ways (you touched us like no father should)
I hated you so much for hurting me (you took my innocence away)
And then you made it a routine, you'd do it every day
I never told anyone, you said you'd kill me if I did
At the time I didn't know you were wrong, I was just a kid
You made me feel so dirty, I hung my head in shame
And everytime you'd hurt me, you'd say I was to blame
I cannot look someone in the eyes, I hate to be touched
All because you hurt me so much
I hope the fires of hell are hot (just like your touch)
Because You're Going There
Looking out the window, trying to erase all the thoughts from my brain
Wanting to stop this hurting as I look up into the sky
Not knowing what I did wrong as tears stream from my eyes
I think back to a time of happiness as I stare at the stars
I wonder where I'm heading, how I've made it this far
My ears perk up to the music, a feeble attempt to distract my mind
Regretting all I've done, wishing I hadn't been so blind
But blind and stupid I acted like a fool
I shouldn't have listened to my heart, I should've played it cool
Follow your emotions, that's what they always said
But now I realize it was a mistake as I try to empty my head
I try to forget the emptiness that has filled my heart
This sad stabbing that's ripping me apart
I notice there are no clouds out, the clouds are in me
I shouldn't have tried to be someone that I could never be
It was crazy, but I wanted a little love
Someone who would be there for me when the times got rough
I lie here thinking, wondering, feeling confused
Hating myself for not stopping this self-abuse
Why must I carry on, why must I stay?
I wish it would rain forever, I wish the night wouldn't go away
But it does and the rain stops
Stars disappear but not these teardrops
They are eternal, forever scarring, I'm always crying inside
Never understanding why I want to run away from it all, why I want to hide
Feeling tormented, needing to stop the aching, be free from the pain
As I lie in bed listening to the rain
I miss feeling you beside me, just having you near.
Just how the touch of your hand could mean as much as a passionate kiss.
I never thought I could love you so much, I didn't know I would feel like this.
But I do now and I wonder if it's wrong?
To want something so much, to yearn for so long.
I need you like the air I breathe, you have taken over my heart.
Now that you're gone I feel like my world's about to fall apart.
I want to cry everytime someone mentions your name.
I loved you so much but you thought it was a game.
You made me feel so special, so complete.
You'd only look at me and I knew I didn't need to compete.
You made me believe that you loved me, why?
Do you like to hurt me so much, to make me cry?
What made me so stupid so foolish to fall?
Just a few pretty words from you and I was ready to give you my all.
You turned my world upside down, left me by myself.
Did you expect me to sit motionless like a doll on a shelf?
I have feelings in case you didn't know.
I never wanted you to leave, I begged you not to go.
"We can work things out," I said.
While all the flaws of our relationship kept running through my head.
Was I the only one who gave my share.
Did I do all the loving, did you even care?
It doesn't matter now, my eyes are red from tears, I'm so alone.
Broken pieces was all you left and now you're gone.
*You're so unhappy, and you don't know why.
You cry alone and think that no one hears.
*But how can you hide those scarring tears?
You say you were happy a time long before.
*But you don't know happiness anymore.
Before he left, you had such a caring heart.
*But he took it with him and you fell apart.
You don't think I'm looking...but I see you silently cry.
*He walked out, abandoned you, and didn't say goodbye.
You never got a chance to know him, he didn't want to be known.
*He was in and out of your life like the wind had blown.
In his mind he wanted only the best for you.
*You deserved better, he knew it too.
He didn't want you to feel pain, he always hoped you'd understand.
*I know how hard it was for you because Daddy was never there to hold your hand.
It seems more tempting every day.
Drugs and alcohol offer comfort and ease the pain.
But it also dissolves the memories and functions from the brain.
I feel like I'm climbing a mountain and it's only getting steeper.
Or I'm climbing out of a well that's only getting deeper.
I've thrown my life away just to stay high.
They made me another person, I formed a foundation of lies.
It made me look older.
My heart seemed to grow colder.
Looking in the mirror and hating what I see.
This isn't the person I used to be.
My arms are covered with scars and burns.
Looking into the past I took so many wrong turns.
But I continue to move on it's something I am determined to do.
I'm tired of looking into a mirror and seeing what's true.
Please don't tempt me with alcohol or drugs they bring only tears.
I won't put myself through that pain again, it hurts for years.
For so long I've been searching for something I'll never find.
A love that's unconditional, everlasting, a love that could be real.
I thought I wanted some one who could understand me and the way I feel.
I quit searching for rainbows, I only see the rain.
I stop looking for a cure to end this pain.
I stopped trying to find four leaf clovers I'm only picking weeds.
I stop planting flowers nothing sprouted from the seeds.
There's no Prince Charming unless he's out of town.
I've looked everywhere, I've turned the world upside down.
I looked under all the rocks and dated so many of the snakes.
The losers who only brought me pain and heartache.
There is no more love it all turned to lust.
Deceit fills in the empty places where there once was trust.
There are no more true love songs just music in the wind.
No more fantasies and fairy tales, no more pretend.
There are no more real Romeo's just actors recreating the past.
Trying to slow down the inevitable but it's meant to move fast.
Love is all fictional it's not as good as it may seem.
It's all just a hopeful fantasy, a surreal dream.
I have to face it Mr. Right and I will never meet.
I won't be serenaded under the stars or swept off my feet.
Because there are no more knights in shining armor.
The whole time you are thinking about her, you're ignoring me.
My eyes aren't burning blue, my lips aren't full and bright.
I'm not the one on your mind when you go to bed at night.
I'm here when you need me most, I listen to everything you say.
I am with you every hour of the day.
I'll always love you and hold you in my heart.
But this fantasy of yours is tearing me apart.
I could never live up to your expectations and be who you want me to be.
I can only be me.
If I'm not who you want to be with, that's fine.
Just understand that there won't be a next time.
It's now or never you have a decision to make.
Don't worry about how I feel or the hearts you'll break.
Think of what's best for you, it's always been about what you need.
But I want to know now so I can be free.
So I don't have to worry about you and how you feel.
You don't understand that she is fiction and I am REAL.
But it seemed like the world was against him, everything he did seemed wrong.
He lost everything when he was young, as a baby his parents died.
In all the heartache and confusion, Jack forgot how to cry.
For a while he lost all hope, he gave up on life.
He'd seen so much pain, felt isolation, he'd had enough strife.
Jack knew about life, he knew the path he had to take.
Jack had a lot to learn, he had decisions to make.
He worked his whole life, saving for what he did not know.
But obstacles aged Jack, they slowed him down and he was forced to go.
He fell in love but like always fate wasn't his friend.
A baby was expected so for Jack it had to be the end.
He had to leave to sort out the problems that filled his head.
So he left all of his money with an explanation note beside her bed.
Don't hate me, I had to go.
I really do love you, I had to let you know.
Don't shed any tears, please don't cry.
Janie I swear the love I claimed for you wasn't a lie.
It's not that I don't want the baby but I don't want him growing up to be like
me.
Maybe if I'm not around he'll grow up to be the best he can be.
Just give him all my love.
I promise that both of you are all I'm thinking of.
I cannot promise you that I'll come back.
Try to understand, it's for the best, I'm sorry.
I Love You,
Jack
So when he left her, her world fell apart.
Needless to say Janie was so depressed she couldn't care and the baby was lost.
First Jack, now the baby, what would happiness cost?
Janie's mother was the first to find her that cold Saturday.
A few weeks later when Jack called, she didn't know what to say.
"Jack...Janie's dead and the baby too.
"Everyone says it's from a broken heart, but no one blames you."
There was a long silence then the click of the phone.
Before she could say another word, Jack was gone.
Later that night he lay down beside the train tracks and waited for death, the
train.
Thoughts of Janie and the baby had been tormenting his brain.
No one saw the tears that fell from his eyes.
No one heard him sobbing those long, lonesome cries.
They only heard a silence...and then came the train.
I'll never forget when I saw him last.
I'd never seen him like that, so much pain, so many emotions in his face.
But then again he never fit in this place.
He was always striving to belong.
But the way things were it was so hard to stay strong.
He wasn't a man of concrete he was made of flesh and bone.
He looked for some type of love but he was left alone.
No one cared so he went the other way.
He had no more tears to cry, there were no more words to say.
I haven't seen him since, is he okay, is he doing well?
Or did he make the streets his home, is he rotting in a prison cell?
Is he happy, did he ever find what he'd been searching for?
I won't see him any more.
He ran away and now I miss him so much.
He's so far out of reach, so far out of touch.
I shouldn't have been so blind, I think I was afraid of what I'd see.
Before I never understood how much he meant to me.
I remember how he was, he always had smiling hazel eyes.
I wish I could've seen deeper, clearer, I should've heard his cries.
I don't recall when it happened but soon his eyes became dark and disturbed he lost his
genuine smile.
I thought maybe it was a phase, I thought it'd only last a while.
He stopped laughing, he stopped caring, within a flash he was gone.
I stood in his room alone.
He had always tried.
He had always held his head up high.
But he was playing a game he'd never win.
He was tired of hurting, not fitting in.
Johnny left, he ran away from home.
Now we were both far away and alone.
Then the sherriff called one day.
"Miss, it's about the young man who ran away...
We found his body yesterday.
Twenty-three years old without a prayer.
We found his things everywhere.
He was hanging out with the wrong crowd.
They lived too fast, partied too loud.
I'm so sorry, Miss.
I hated to be the one who had to tell you this."
Silently I hung up the phone as tears flowed from my eyes.
I couldn't believe it, they had to be lies.
The words formed on my lips and I blinked back tears.
I haven't seen Johnny in years.
And Johnny won't come home any more.
This place is unfeeling, I stare at linoleum floors and sterile white walls.
I see him lying there, hopeless, helpless, in that hospital bed.
Visions of how he used to be keep running through my head.
Two years ago we were much more than friends.
I never thought that his life would come to such a bitter, abrupt end.
He only wanted to have fun, to live life fast.
Now he inhales every breath as if it's his last.
Drugs and sex, he only wanted to fit in.
If he had the chance he'd do it over again.
He said there were too many mistakes that he made.
I took his hand and he sobbed, "I am afraid."
His eyes were too big, transparent they seemed.
This had to be an illusion, a really bad dream.
I had loved him once and he still meant a lot to me.
It wasn't fair, this shouldn't be.
To fit in, he gave his life away.
Thoughts of him float through my mind everyday.
I was there when he took his last breath.
I was holding his hand when he met Death.
Nineteen years old and he was my best friend.
Now his life was at an end.
He took my hand.
At that moment everything made sense, I could understand.
That night so many tears I cried.
"I love you," he said then he closed his eyes and died.
Toys fill the toy box and she stands there as if in a dream.
A smile spreads across her young, innocent face.
She stares down at the crib and runs her fingers along it's lace.
You can barely see the tears that fill her eyes.
It's almost impossible to hear her humming sweet lullabies.
She looks dazed like she's so far away.
She is silently thinking of another day.
Of a time when everything is right.
A time when tears no longer fill her nights.
She thought a baby would fill the empty space in her heart.
She should've seen it was a mistake from the start.
She pushes away the angry voices in her head.
The voices that claim her baby is dead.
She refuses to listen, it can't be true.
It's life had just begun and it was already through.
She must deceive herself or the pain she will be unable to bear.
She thinks things can't happen like this, it isn't fair.
A baby, so sweet and innocent, what had gone wrong?
She was so tired of waiting, she'd waited too long.
Deep within the depths of her mind a fury grew.
Deep within her heart the truth she knew.
Could she live forever alone?
No love, no one to call her own.
Bitterly she thought of broken dreams.
Fantasies that were ripped viciously at the seams.
Empty cradle, broken heart.
Suddenly her world had been torn apart.
She looked sadly into the empty cradle.
Blood frozen on his face, no where to go.
Urine surrounds him while fragments of movies play in his head.
He feels the numbing fire around him, he thinks he's dead.
Every hope he ever had vanished, his dreams have passed him by.
Now he feels nothing, he can't even cry.
Sounds pass vaguely in and out of his mind as he begins to wake.
He tries to move he feels like his legs are about to break.
Eighteen years old and he looks like he's fifty-four.
He's in so much pain he doesn't want to fight anymore.
He's hallucination, he cannot even grasp the concept of what's fiction and what's real.
He only wants something to help him forget how he feels.
Lonely, afraid, depressed, angry, not knowing what awaits.
He is drifting, drowning, sinking there's only one escape.
He sticks the needle in his arm, the warm sweetness flows through his hungry veins.
He smiles there's no more pain.
His heart speeds up, he's sweating, his nose starts to run.
This is not the worst of it, it's just begun.
He felt like he was on top of the world, he thought he was flying.
He was really dying.
Wasting away each time but he'll do it again.
Now he only lives for heroin.
