Brian will never forget the day. It was November 21, 1997 when he sat in his cardiologist's office with his mother and heard the news he never thought he'd hear: he had to have open heart surgery. Brian sat on the bed in one of the examining rooms at St. Joseph's Hospital in his home town buttoning his shirt while his mother, Jackie, sat in a chair and waited with him. This was a routine check up. He had been through these check-ups ever since he was five years old and his heart defect was discovered. The congenital hole in his heart had become smaller as he had aged but seeing his cardiologist and going through x-rays and tests was one of the inconveniences people with Ventricular Septal Defect had to undergo yearly. Brian was actually past due for a check-up; since he had joined the Backstreet Boys in 1993, Brian had been extremely busy. He was constantly touring and promoting and recording and rehearsing . It had been two years since he had his last check-up and his mom finally scheduled an appointment with his doctor while he was home visiting after their most recent European tour. Brian hated these check-ups and he hated hospitals, but Jackie had insisted and offered to take him to the hospital and to wait with him during the long afternoon of tests. Brian sighed heavily and was buttoning his last shirt button when his doctor entered the room, chart in hand.
"I've got some bad news," the doctor stated bluntly, looking at Brian and Jackie. "Brian, your heart is the size of a 300 pound line backer." The doctor put up his x-rays so they could see what he meant. He used a "normal" heart x-ray for comparison. "The hole in your heart has enlarged and caused blood to leak, thereby enlarging your heart, makingwork harder."
"What does that mean?" Jackie spoke before Brian could.
"Well, I recommend surgery to repair the hole," the doctor stated bluntly.
"What happens if I don't have the surgery?" Brian asked. He was still in shock.
"Right now, the surgery is elective. That means that you'll still live if you don't have the surgery."
"But..."Jackie interjected.
"With your touring and schedule, it will eventually become mandatory. While you don't have any symptoms now, you'll eventually start feeling tired really easily, you'll be short of breath and become light-headed; chest pains will become more and more frequent."
"So being a Backstreet Boy is what caused this?" Brian could feel a lump rising in his throat and he choked back his tears.
"Your schedule and lifestyle have certainly contributed to your heart condition," the doctor looked Brian in the eyes.
"When will I have to have the surgery? Can it be put off?" Jackie looked at her son as he said this, knowing he would put the group first. She politely let Brian and the doctor talk and made a mental note to discuss this with Brian later.
"The surgery is not urgent, and there is a long recovery time: 6 to 8 weeks. I'm sure your management already has some more touring lined up for you?"
Brian nodded.
"Why don't you discuss this with your group and call me back so we can schedule a time?" The doctor paused and looked at Brian who seemed stunned. "It's really a routine surgery now, Brian. It's not like when you were five. I've done hundreds of these procedures. It's going to be okay." He put his hands on Brian's shoulders. Brian looked away, trying not to cry in front of the doctor and his mother. All he wanted to do now was to get the hell out of there.
Doctor Mitchell treated Brian as a son. He had been his cardiologist ever since Brian was admitted in 1980, when he had a staph infection that had gone straight to his heart. He remembers the scared little five year old boy with blond hair and blue eyes who was brought in because of a bump on his head. Brian wasn't expected to live then; in fact, Dr. Mitchell was so sure that he would die that he asked Jackie to start making funeral arrangements for her youngest son. But, after his heart stopped and he was brought back, Dr. Mitchell watched a miracle. He saw a boy and his family who had such faith and who were not willing to give up that he made a promise to the Littrells: he would never give up on Brian again.
The doctor finished explaining the details of the surgery to Brian and his mother, who listened intently, and left the room, letting Brian and Jackie follow him out. Jackie looked at her son who remained quiet. Dr. Mitchell hugged Brian and then Jackie, reminding them to call soon to schedule a date for the operation. Jackie took a card from the receptionist's desk and walked her son to her car.
Brian didn't want to talk to his mother on the way back. She could tell that he was still trying to absorb the news and that he was also trying to figure out how he would tell the others. She knew her son all too well. Jackie wasn't doing such a good job of keeping her feelings hidden; she cried silently almost the whole way home as she prayed. She had truly believed that she didn't have to worry about her son's heart again.
After they arrived home, Jackie told her husband and then phoned relatives, telling them the bad news. Brian sat on the couch and watched television, listening to his mother cry in the kitchen. He didn't want to talk with anyone, so Jackie told everyone she talked to that Brian was taking a nap. Brian decided to send news to his band mates (Nick, A.J., and Howie) via messenger as he knew they would be gathered at Denise's house for a party. The message Brian sent stated simply this:
Hey Guys:
I just came from the doctor and I have to have heart surgery. It's not an emergency, it can be delayed several months. The hole in my heart has gotten bigger and the doctor thinks it needs to be closed. I haven't scheduled the operation yet. I will see what Donna and the others think. I don't want to mess up the tour for everybody. I'll talk to you next week when I get back home.
Brian
Brian knew the others would be in shock when they heard, but he didn't feel like talking to anyone about it. He was still trying to work out his own feelings. He truly thought that he was over his heart troubles and now they were starting all over again: more days in the hospital. And what if he wasn't lucky this time? What about the fans? What about his future with the Backstreet Boys? He took some aspirin for his splitting headache and closed his eyes, trying to shut out his thoughts on the subject.
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Kevin heard the news from his mother, Brian's aunt. She was one of the many Jackie called and cried to. Kevin was stunned and didn't take the news well. He, too, thought Brian was over his heart trouble and couldn't help but feel a little responsible as he was the one who got Brian into the Backstreet Boys in the first place. Kevin wanted to speak with Brian, but Jackie told him that he was asleep.
The rest of the guys heard via a messenger and were equally as startled. They didn't know much about Brian's heart condition, but thought it was a thing of the past. After all, Brian never complained of any chest pains and he could beat any of them in a game of basketball. It was really hard for any of them to imagine what it must be like to have heart trouble at the age of 22. They were also surprised that Brian sent the news in writing, rather than call or tell them in person. Nick, who knew Brian the best out of all of them, realized that Brian must have been as equally in shock and needed the time to himself. None of them had much of that. They talked to each other, wondering what to do for Brian, speculating what that would mean for the Backstreet Boys as a group as they waited to see Brian again and give him their support. He would need it now more than ever.
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