Brian and Kevin were greeted at the Orlando Airport by A.J., Nick, and Howie. The guys normally try to stay away from each other when they're not working, but it was important to the boys that they show their support for their band mate. No one had spoken to Brian since he wrote them and they wanted to be there for their friend who was obviously hurting. Kevin and Brian exited the plane to meet everyone and Brian was genuinely touched to see them. They gave each other hand shakes and pats on the back. Brian was unusually cheerful. He made up his mind before he left Kentucky that he didn't want people to worry about him. He knew heart surgery at such a young age was a really big deal and he also knew that everyone would want to go out of their way to give their sympathy and support. Brian didn't want to be responsible for causing anyone grief and he didn't want to have anyone's pity. He just wanted to put the whole thing out of his mind. He had a long talk with his mother before he left Lexington and now he felt drained. He just wanted things back the way they used to be.
The guys were being extra nice to Brian. After they met him at the airport, they took him out to lunch before their band meeting. It was there that Brian would tell the management about his operation and set up a time when he would have the surgery. Brian still couldn't help but feel guilty about inconveniencing everyone.
During lunch, Howie was the first to bring up the surgery and Brian played it up like it was nothing. He said that it was really routine, he briefly explained what they would need to do to repair his heart, and he assured them that he was feeling fine, even though by lunch time he was actually exhausted. He knew the flight took a lot out of him, not to mention the fact that he was under a lot of stress.
He was actually encouraged to act cheerful by the thought that he would see Leighanne tonight. He had been seeing Leighanne Wallace for about three months and had hated to tell her the news. He felt awkward telling a girl he had only recently started dating that he would be having a major operation soon, fearing that she might back away to avoid the stress of dealing with someone who wasn't in good health. He wanted to be honest, however, and told her everything. She did not hesitate to tell him that she would be there with him when he had the surgery. What a sweetheart, Brian thought.
Kevin was unusually quiet: on the flight, at lunch, and in the meeting. Everyone knew how much Kevin worried, especially about his family, and they all let him have his space. He would have to come to terms with this in his own time, and everyone knew he would. Kevin was especially vulnerable since losing his father to cancer 7 years earlier; now he'd have to sit back and pray that Brian would fare better than his father.
Everyone at the meeting was shocked when they heard the news. Brian always was the comedian, the hyper one. Now he was faced with a serious operation which was hard for many to grasp. It just didn't seem real. They all committed their support, of which Brian was appreciative. He, again, seemed like he wasn't bothered by this "little elective heart thing." He joked and made it sound like it wasn't a big deal at all. He wrestled with Nick like he was still an 18 year old kid playing with his adopted "little brother."
Brian and the boys spoke with Donna Wright and Lou Pearlman in a quiet room after the meeting to discuss possible dates for surgery. Donna's struggle to hide her annoyance at the inconvenience troubled the guys. She talked incessantly about the importance of this European tour coming up in January and reluctantly (after calling some record executives earlier) told Brian that the middle of February would be the safest bet.
"I just can't lose you for 6 weeks right now," Donna smiled at Brian, pinching his cheek. Brian didn't respond.
"And we're not playing any shows without Brian," A.J. quickly offered. "It just wouldn't be the Backstreet Boys." The others nodded in agreement.
"Set it up for sometime in middle or late February, and we'll just have to cancel some dates and move around some things." Donna was really pissing the guys off now. Brian suddenly felt even more guilty for letting the group down. He fell silent, folding his hands in his lap.
"You really have perfect timing, Brian," Donna forced a laugh, trying again in vain to hide her emotions.
"I'm sorry," Brian said, looking up to meet Donna's eyes. Donna suddenly felt more sympathetic, looking at Brian, remembering how he made her laugh all of those times and how his mother had always depended on her to take care of her "baby duck" on the road. Donna knew this wasn't Brian's fault, she was simply under a lot of stress and knew this was money that everyone would be losing. She had a lot of work ahead of her now: canceling dates, rescheduling things. She reached over and hugged Brian's neck.
The meeting soon ended and everyone dispersed. A.J. and Kevin didn't speak a word to Donna or Lou. They were too angry to speak at that moment. It was then that all of them realized the true price of stardom.
Brian met his girlfriend Leighanne at the airport after the meeting. She had just flown in from Los Angeles, where she resides, and Brian couldn't wait to see her. Brian thought that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. She had long blond hair, blue eyes, and a great figure. Brian was attracted to her from the moment he first saw her on the set of a video shoot and had vowed to ask her out. He was nervous, but he did finally ask her out and she said "yes." Brian knew the relationship was a longshot. They lived on opposite sides of the country and they were both in show business, so they were always scheduled to be somewhere else. They made time to be together as much as they could, however, and Leighanne always tried to travel with Brian a few nights a week.
Leighanne looked gorgeous. She had obviously dressed up for the flight and greeted Brian with a kiss and a big hug. Brian took her to his place where he made her dinner: he grilled some steaks, made baked potatoes, and served potato salad that he had bought at the supermarket on the way home. Leighanne had agreed not to bring up the heart surgery tonight as Brian requested. Brian wanted a night alone with his girlfriend where he didn't have to think about his future or his health. Instead, they talked about music and film, what she had been doing in Los Angeles and even their childhoods. One of the things Brian loved about Leighanne was her ability to make him smile and laugh. She, too, had a sense of humor and they would often spend hours just talking. When she wasn't touring with him, Brian would call and talk to her until two o'clock in the morning just to hear her voice.
After dinner, they watched a movie by the fire, then took a walk. Afterwards, they came home and made love in Brian's waterbed and fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning, Leighanne awoke before Brian to find herself still wrapped in his arms, her head on his chest. She listened to his heart beat and prayed silently that Brian would be okay. His heart sounded fine to her. She couldn't imagine his heart being imperfect and wondered what he must be going through, what he would have to go through. He was being so brave. He slept so peacefully, exhausted from stress and a long day.
Leighanne, careful not to disturb Brian, got up and made him breakfast. She would have brought it in to him, but he snuck up behind her in his robe as she was standing over the stove and startled her. They were so happy; they would be together through Christmas, visiting her parents, then his. Brian kissed her neck, and then helped her fix breakfast for the two of them. It was such a beautiful day outside, warm and sunny, yet Brian knew he had to call and make the appointment for his heart operation and tell his mother about it. He hated the latter most of all.
Jackie had always been extremely protective of her youngest son, especially after his near fatal infection when he was five. Jackie knew that God had given her a gift and she was going to make sure that she would do her best to keep him safe and as healthy as possible. She was always careful about what he ate, what sports he played (no football or soccer), what friends he hung out with. Before he left Kentucky, his mother talked to him about being a Backstreet Boy and how he was more important to her than any amount of fame or money. She cried and tried to talk him into having the surgery now; she even told him to quit the group if they had a problem with it. Brian couldn't do that and Jackie knew it. Brian was extremely loyal to his band mates and he really loved singing and making people happy. He knew it wasn't just the money, it was doing something he loved. Jackie and Harold (Brian's father) didn't approve, but they supported their son's decision to postpone the surgery.
After Brian scheduled the surgery that afternoon, he called his brother, then his mother to tell them that he scheduled the surgery for February 21, a day after his 23rd birthday. He wanted to have one last birthday, he thought, just in case anything happened. Brian tried not to think of morbid thoughts like that, but sometimes it was hard not to. He was terrified, yet he hid his emotions so deep that no one could tell, not even his mother. He called her to tell her he'd scheduled the surgery for February, and she was not happy. Jackie tried not to yell or get mad at her son when he told her that he would have the surgery in three months, but she was certainly short with him. He knew she was only concerned about his health, but it was his life, and he told her that.
After Brian got off the phone with his mother, he immediately felt more guilty. He snapped at his own mother, the one who loved him the most. He didn't realize what it had done to her to see her son being strapped to a hospital bed and have doctors over him trying to shock his weak little heart into beating again. He'd had a fever of 107 and went into cardiac arrest. Leighanne was off shopping at the time and when he got off the phone with his mother, he decided to write. He found his journal and a pen and wrote the following:
It takes a lot to know what is love
It's not the big things but the little things that can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me always to succeed
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan
He worked on the song he titled "The Perfect Fan" until Leighanne came home. He did not show it to her yet; he wanted to wait and give it as a present to his mother, the one who had always been there for him when he needed her most and he knew that she would continue to be with him even now, his darkest time in his life.
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It was hard for Brian not to think of his upcoming surgery throughout the Christmas holidays, be he did his best. He continued to be the comedian, to try and cheer his family up and to reassure Leighanne's family who were also worried. He even put on a facade for Leighanne who worried about him a great deal. Brian put on such a convincing act that he himself almost believed that open heart surgery was no big deal. He relaxed a little, in between the occasional interview and band meeting. He met with Tommy Smith (from their band) and they worked on his song together and cut a demo for "The Perfect Fan".
For Christmas, he bought his mother a grand piano, something she always wanted. She cried when it was delivered and it made Brian's eyes tear up as well to see his mother so happy. He bought Leighanne a pair of diamond earrings. She, too, was choked up by Brian's thoughtfulness. It was a great Christmas, but before Brian knew it, it was back to work.
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