Sometimes Love Isn't Enough
by PrincessButtercup
Note: Song is by Depeche Mode "The Sun and the Rainfall" I tried to find a song to fit the story but i think this is a good song..kinda fits kinda doesnt. Also i dont own the chars. That's an obvious fact but it's fun to write about them. PLEASE Read and Review..they always make me happy. Any author knows that :) Also thanks to my Queenie for always believeing in my work although sometimes it stinks. Thanks!! And thanks anyone who reads this and possibly reviews it. :):)
"Someone will call
Something will fall
And smash on the floor
Without reading the text
Know what comes next
Seen it before
And it's painfull"
I hold my desire in my arms. I take in her sweet perfume. Everything about her screams confindence. Everything inside me screams take her she's yours, but she's only mine in small sense. Shes my connection. I feel her writher in my arms nothing I can do to stop the pain that torments her deep inside. I feel so weak compared to her pain. I dont like feeling helpless but I am now. There's nothing i can do as I watch her ride out her vision. I cant imagine the pain my young mortal Seer has to indure. The things she has to witness inside her head are just as bad as the things she see's in front of her own eyes. It's so unfair. Unfair for her she's only around 20 and has probably endured more pain in suffering then one has in 50 years. I just want to hide her from the world keep her away from the horrors but she would never let me. She would think I've lost it. Maybe I have. Sometimes when I lie in bed during the day I think of her. I think of what it would be like if I told her how i feel about her. I mean how i truely feel. Sure she knows that she's important to me but not only because she's my connection to the Powers That Be but she's struck me deeper in my soul then anyone.
"Things must change
We must rearrange them
Or we'll have to estrange them
All that I'm saying
The game's not worth playing
Over and over again"
I love Buffy. There's not doubt about that. I'll always love her. But Cordelia strikes me. She's blunter then anyone i've known when she's got a point she doesnt stutter or stumble to find the right words to sugar coat it she just says it clear as day. That's just an expression or course. She's perfect. From her hair all the way down to her shoes. At least to me she is. Of course I'm sure Gunn and Wesley would love to disagree with me on that one in fact i can here them now. I can hear her whimper into my chest, all I can do is hold her tight to me. To her my embrace is probably of a protector but to me it's more. I hold her like a lover. My arms around her small frame my head resting lightly on hers as I stroke her hair softly cooing, yes cooing, gentle words into her ear. I want so much for her to be free of the pain so bears. The pain she bears for me and for so many others. I know any minute now her small hands are going to be placed on my chest pushing me away,,yep there they are. So I let her go just enough so she's not afraid. Wesley was there quickly with a pen and paper. All of her sudden her vision wasnt important to me. Only her pain. I saw her glazed over brown eyes stare at the paper as her hand went to writing, her writing wasnt anything to praise but it was hers and it was beautiful. I took the paper from her reading what she wrote. She kept her hand to her forehead, they were getting worse. Maybe her human body wasnt able to hold them. Doyle had been half demon. She's all human. I didnt want to leave her. I just watched her. I know how pathetic i must have looked because Wesley kept repeating my name over and shaking me. Plus Cordelia looked at me like I did finally lose it. I just brushed him off. I scooped Cordelia up in my arms I thought she'd protest but she didnt. She just placed her thin arms around my neck, I laid her down gently on the couch and kneeled next to her. Her eyes were closed. I thought of a fairy tale..ya know the one..Sleeping Beauty. I had to do everything in my power not to kiss her. I heard Wesley mumble something about he'd go check it out. I think I nodded to him but I'm not sure. The next I knew I was alone with her and my conflicting feelings. I watched her eyes flutter open as she stared up at me. I saw my world, my life, my soul in her eyes. Everything that was me reflected back at me..
"You're the one I like best
You retain my interest
You're the only one
If it wasn't for you
Don't know what I'd do
Unpredictable like the sun
And the rainfall"
She opened her mouth to speak, I couldnt hold back. I let my lips fall softly on hers, my fingers running through her fine hair. Surprisingly she didnt pull away. I was met with a warm inviting kiss from her sweet lips. They tasted of the sweetest berries, gotta be her lipgloss, her mouth was warm and wet compared to my cold on. It was like a dream. I was afraid to break away fearing that any minute I'd wake up and I's lose the feel of her passion. But I knew if I didnt stop I'd lose something more..my soul. She would be worth that, but not the price she'd pay. I could feel Angelus stirring wanting more then i want to give him. I had to stop..I broke away. I wanted to say something anything but nothing could come out. Our eyes were locked. I've never seen her so intimate so serious. There was so much behind those eyes. So much that I didnt know. I wanted to learn though. I wanted to know it all. I touched her hot flesh with my contrasting hand. Cordelia sighed the coolness must have felt good, dull the pain in her head. I looked away from her. Her eyes were borring into me. I could feel them looking for something. They found it. Love. I felt her hand come up to my cheek she was caressing. With out words she was letting me know her feelings for me. But all good things have to stop in my time. Something bad always happens to the people I lose no matter how brave they are no matter if they want to face the consequences. I cant. I wont let them. It's not worth the destruction and the death I can cause, but someone else loves her too. If you can call it love. Angelus can love but it's a sick love. He feels for Cordelia as well but not the way I do. I cant let her get to close to him or me. Her death would destroy me. I've lost to many people in my life. Not her I cant do it. Neither one of us can. He's to close..
"Things must change
We must rearrange them
Or we'll have to estrange them
All that I'm saying
The game's not worth playing
Over and over again"
Some things have to change the others they must stay the same. If only there was something we could do. Now how to get past this.I love her. She loves me. But is our love worth losing lives over? Releasing a monster? It's a hard question to ask. Love is strong but not that strong. But sometimes Love isnt enough.
