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Holocaust . . .1994

"You are . . ."

Verse 1
*******

You come to me
over and over
and bid me
to join
this memory,
You beckon
you cry
you create
an anger
known alone
You are a woman
a mother
a wife
but a woman
and bid me to join
my mind with yours,

Verse 2
********
Over and over
you come unto me
until your dreams
mine too will be
and I see clearly
this anger
known to you alone
and these your thoughts
now mine to be
over and over
as you are . . .

C.J. Ingerson
4/8/94

Mothers Lament

Verse 1
*******

"Quick child!"
Quiet now
hold my hand
not much longer,
head up
shoulders back
don't let them
see you cry,
here lets sing
the song of death
we know it well,
head up
shoulder back
don't let them
see you cry,
that's the furnace
just ahead . . ."

Verse 2
********
"Sob's softly . . .
stroke my being
my baby's
not able to
take of life
we walk
from the platform
to just ahead
a shower they say
but this lie
known long ago,
naked walk I
my baby
on my breast
my child
on my hand,
we walk
toward death
toward an end
to this torment
called life
taken forever
from me . . ."
 		Verse 3
********
"Look now . . ."
They watch us
just staring
not noticing
my privacy
now stripped,
not like earlier
when rounded up
stripped, raped
laughed at
abused as not human,
no that was long ago
maybe years
hard to tell
the pain beyond
feeling
now they just stare,
where are you husband
would I still be pretty
in your memory
not vacant and void
as being seen just now?
 		Verse 4
********

what happened
where did I go
what have I become
not even human
to this staring
naked, led as chattel
from pen to pen
only silence now
only silence now
please smile
say you care
let your eyes
look beyond
see what once was
please smile
say you love me
one more time
beyond this silent
stare of death . . ."
C.J. Ingerson 4/8/94

"You want to know?

Verse 1
*******

It wasn't fair
that you could ask
such a thing,
there is no answer
as to why
we are treated this way,

Verse 2
********
but you pester my past
you know my future
it was yesterday's dream,
I can't answer
for I can't believe
what my mind says,
I can't answer
because I refuse
to accept this as real,
It wasn't fair
for you to ask
me to remember this . . ."
 		Verse 3
********

"And I felt . . .
her hand leave mine
we drifted for awhile
she there
and
me just behind
wondering each year
as we meet
if this will be the last,
not knowing we softly look
at what has been
and what may someday be
afraid to touch
as always
the pain is greatest
when first we meet
and at last we part . . ."

Verse 4
********

"Softly . . .
just before the dawn
I remember his smile
the way he gently
touched then bid goodbye
to each in turn
and then to me,

Verse 5
********

maybe I've heard
it's always when
first we escape
we think first
of the loved ones
left behind
who now we rush
to see, to touch,
awakened at night

Verse 6
********

but the soft sounds
of long ago
that keeps alive
the dreams of tomorrow
soon fade as the reality
of the smells
of the death
that seems
only to beckon
for me to hold,
yet just a little

Verse 7
********

I let myself linger
the beating is worth
the pleasure remembered
before the dawn
when just now
we, you and I
seemed so much alive . . ."
C.J. Ingerson 4/8/94

"The Stench"
Verse 1
*******

It was a smell
we'd grown accustomed
so who was this
not of us
whose odor we knew not?
But whatever
the ability to think
requires effort
beyond belief
and soon
he will be like us
as a smell
we'd grown accustomed,

Verse 2
********

yet now this stench
unknown to us yet
scarce 5-6 years ago
when we too
were first from free
not known
all different
now the same,
unwashed, unclean
unable to provide
for naught
but our meager
saliva
beyond enough
to survive
to again become
all different
all alive . . ."

Verse 3
********

"Courage . . ."
What a monster
word
not a word
but a virtue,
to have the ability
to find a way.
So who was
this man
called Coward?
he came crawling
in, in
while we
all want out,

Verse 4
********

and as a thief
he stole
this virtue
beyond the guards
beyond the wire
to revive
to quicken
us again.
To courage
to courage
to find a way
beyond this
darkness
which binds us
just now . . .
C.J. Ingerson
4/3/94

"Depressed . . ."

Verse 1
*******

My being
grovels
in
sawdust and ash.
My being
reeks of a smell
known only as death.
My being
fails in its functions
to think to be.
My being
escapes from reality
now known false.
My being
disappears from self
to reappear another.
My being
depressed to survive
grovels now
in
sawdust and ash . . ."

Verse 2
********

"Our spirits . . ."
Damaged
and beaten
we exist
we exist
our spirits lonely
still survive
while about us
others die
languishing
about what might
have been
had we listened
had we been
more forceful
had we, had we
had we what?

Verse 3
********

However,
we had not
and now lowly
in heart
and grieving
for our loved ones
we exist
we exist
our spirits lonely
still survive
yet beaten
and damaged,
while others
languish
and die . . .
C.J. Ingerson
4/3/94

Do You See Me?

Verse 1
*******

"Delve down . . .
here just now
see me?
you don't
want to look.
Delve down,
deep,
into your innermost
self.

Verse 2
********

For I'm there
where I've always been.
You know me well
for years to you
I've come,
to talk and feel
all the joy
and pain
shut out
for years
by those who say
It never happened.'
But you know
it did,
and you feel
what I felt
and my joy
is knowing
now others can know
it really happened . . ."

Verse 3
********

"Dreaming, awake . . ."
Nightmares, thoughts
pain, nothing
now, never
runs together
this ability
to not know
what is real
what is not
what is dream
what is awake
what is today
what is gone
what is good
what is bad
these thoughts
turned nightmare
dreaming, awake . . .
C.J. Ingerson
4/3/94

Forever

Verse 1
*******

"Forever . . .
will I remember
the thought
of where
I was
when inhuman
beyond the grasp
of reality.

Verse 2
********

forever
does my mind
haunt to forget
the recess
where hidden
lies this truth
called lies
by those
who corrupted
humanity
beyond
the ability
to grasp.

Verse 3
********

forever
I slip
and fall
into slumber
afraid to sleep
for the screams
the moans
the hunger
the repulsion
of thought
enter unwanted
from this past.

Verse 4
********

forever
will the night
the single bowl
to eat
then excreta.
to eat
from this
single bowl
which held
both life
and death
in it's
simple grasp . . ."

"Crying . . .

Verse 1
*******

"Crying . . .
ran she forth
to hide the others
to protect her own
from those who sought,
but broken
came her nails,
burned were
her breasts,
beaten
was her person,
she did not talk.
she did not tell
she did not.
she did
become another
even more
lovely
in another's
eyes . . ."
C.J. Ingerson
4/12/94

"From Reflections ..."

Verse 1
*******

The poems are from the past
the tears are from today
and the tomorrow
which was hoped for
that for some never came,

 Verse 2
********

the sadness is from
the memories hoped for
that faded as thunder
in the darkening sky
before the rushing dawn,

Verse 3
********

the loneliness is from
not knowing who I am
and not wanting to know
the who you were or are
and forgetting to become,

 Verse 4
********

the beauty is from
the courage which was shown
and the friendships
endured through nights
of memories of reality,

Verse 5
********

the blood is from
the scars opened
when again and again
is heard the story
of what some say false,

 Verse 6
********

the tears are from
life I've lost
and the who I've become
beyond anything
thought capable of being,

Verse 7
********

the bitterness is from
the cup I've had to drink
when memory reminds
of the inhumanity
and the camps,

 Verse 8
********

the sweetness is from
the joy of freedom
once remembered
as my children's smiles
and the falling rain,

Verse 9
********

the darkness is from
the night never ending
and the day not to come
as beaten and burned
is to survive or die,

 Verse 10
********

the nightmares are from
the sights I've felt
and the pain seen
as mother and child
walk slowly to the showers,

Verse 11
********

the hope is from
the singing I've heard
stilled not by clubs
nor guns, nor threats
final defiance before death,

 Verse 12
********

the shadows are from
the traitors called Kapo's
and the abuse they meted
while they laughed
and were laughed at,

Verse 13
********

the softness is from
the hearing your voice
when the rain falls hard
when all alone is felt
as privacy enjoyed,

 Verse 14
********

the dreams are from
the moments unguarded
when you come to me
and I remember
to survive, to survive,

Verse 15
********

the tatoo is from
the meaning of life
bereft of name
to shame and dishonor
that which could not be had,

 Verse 16
********

the poems are from the past
the memory now preserved
for the tomorrow
which follows
one moment at a time . . .
C.J. Ingerson
4/13/94

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