The fact of the matter is that no finale could possibly do justice to the seven deliciously shocking and delightfully silly seasons that preceded. However, Melrose Place’s swan song entertainingly served several purposes. It tied up most of the dangling plot threads and left just enough unanswered questions that a reunion flick is absolutely imperative.
In fact, why not do a feature film? Everyone associated with the show keeps saying how they simply ran out of things to do. Well, move the medium to the theaters, with a bigger budget and an R Rating and let’s just see what kind of mayhem ensues!
Well, lets’ begin our review of MP’s final hour with The Happy Hooker and Ab Boy. I’m gonna really miss Ryan’s constant need to show off his chest. In my opinion, he gets the award for sexiest guy on Melrose. However, now that they’ve achieved their happy ending, Megan and Ryan’s lives will probably grow increasingly dull. I mean, how many titillating storylines would have been possible now with The Bad Seed hanging around. I almost wish that Auntie Dearest had caused the two of them to perish in the car accident. Now that would have screwed up Ryan but good.
I cheered when Megan got to use her Melrose Mutant Power one final time to realize that Jane was hiding something about the pregnancy. Good old Megan was the only character who could see through all the B.S.
Speaking of the pregnancy, I love the fact that Jane and Kyle are going to secretly raise Michael’s baby. Talk about laying the groundwork for the reunion film. I can see it now, Taylor and Jane show up at the same daycare center with matching Mikey Jr’s.
But what of Mikey himself? Sure, he didn’t get Lexi to marry him in the dread pool…but he did acquire the only thing he’ll always be faithful to: POWER! Yup, good old Mikey finally reclaimed the Chief of Staff and landed a cool million in the process. That was much more believable than he and Lexi riding (each other) into the sunset.
And heck, Lexi didn’t make out too poorly for herself either. She managed to land the big Marlin account, destroy Amanda Woodward Advertising AND capture Melrose Place itself. And who can forget Lexi’s final scene as Eve takes Peter’s ashes and tosses them at her cackling, “Lexi, you’ve always wanted Peter all over you!”
Oh, and poor Evie…to have gone through all that trauma and never to have become a photo credited cast member. What a pity! I was truly hoping that she would come to a somewhat more sinister fate. Who knew that she would just wind up tarted up in prison, spouting a really bad take-off on a classic movie line, “I’ve always relied on the kindess of cheerleaders.” I guess that does bring Eve full circle, though, as her first episode was entitled, All About Eve.
And what of that eternal couple, Peter and Amanda? Well, we can all be thankful that they had the good sense to send these two off into the sunset together. The fact of the matter is that this show would never have lasted without Amanda….so, it is therefore fitting that the show end with her departure. Meanwhile, Peter is the only adversary/love interest that ever measured up to this enigmatic and charismatic super vixen.
Amanda Woodward and the revolving cast of characters at Melrose Place changed the way that we look at soap operas and trash tv. They took the romance, infidelity, scheming and heartache that had become so blasé on television and turned up the volume. This was a generation of characters weaned on Dynasty and Knots Landing who already knew every trick in the book. No plot twist was too far fetched and no betrayal too scathing. For seven pulse pounding seasons it was all up for grabs. Anything could happen…and did.
I will certainly feel a pang of regret come the Fall of ’99 with it’s lack of new Melrose Place episodes. However, I can hold onto the hope that someday that blonde bombshell will find a way of clearing her name and will return to the only place that and she alone could truly call home: Melrose Place.
Rating: 
Ally loses it in her season finale.
Rating: TBA
