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Useful Ways to Procrastinate
Ways I've found useful anyway...
WARNING: Do not attempt to try these at home without the supervision of a seasoned professional procrastinator. These may cause bodily, spiritual, facial and GPA harm. The author of this page takes no responsibility for anything that may happen to you if you decide to take matters into your own hands and do any of the following things.
* Sleep until 12:30 or 1:00 in the afternoon on a Sunday, but stay in bed until 2 or 3 so that it will still seem like Saturday night.
* Call people you haven't spoken to in a year because you really "care" about what's happening in their lives and to tell them how much you have been studying so that you will feel better about not studying.
* Instigate sexual conversations with the perverts down the hall just to have someone to talk to.
* Organize your bathroom supplies.
* Wash your plastic, disposeable forks.
* Slap your friends' faces onto various pornographic pictures using Photoshop so that you can see what they look like as women.
* Cry.
* Watch Pocahontas because of the hot indian chicks.
* Cry smo'.
* Find a copy of "Shout" by Tears for Fears on the internet because it's funny to hear that word in a British Accent.
* Laugh hysterically for no apparent reason.
* Hold a lighter up to various objects in your room to see what happens.
* Stare at your uvula in the mirror for an hour while making sounds because it looks funny when you do that.
* Sharpen all of your pencils.
* Organize your sock drawer by scent.
* Watch various documentaries on the Discovery Channel because they're always on.
* Walk across campus for dinner even if you live next door to one of the cafeterias because the weather may be nice for a walk (snowing and cloudy usually).
* Make one of these lists.
* Clip your nails.
* Spray Endust on all your stuff to make it shiny so that you can see your uvula in everything.
* Take a nap from all your hard work.
* Instead of doing your 20 page research paper, read another book for another class... then fall asleep doing it.
* Have a Lucky Strike unfilitered cigarette... you will be teetering for an hour and unable to do work.
* Nurse the Lucky Strike hangover for about 5 hours.
* Sit and try to think of funny ways you haven't procrastinated, but want to try.
* Record yourself saying things into the microphone on your computer and then reverse them because it's fun to do that.
* Philosophize on women, arguing that when women do their nails, put on makeup, do their hair, shave their legs; it's just their way of procrastinating on ovulation and that's why men tend to be so unhygenic.
* Organize your food by flavor.
* Try to balance heavy things on the bridge of your nose.
* Start your own religion based on "gettin' some".
* Make your own headstone.
* Try and see how much of your sleeve you can set on fire without actually melting your clothes to your skin.
* Attempt to make exotic foreign dishes and then eat them.
* Sit in the bathroom for 3 hours digesting the food you just ate (peeeooo!)
* Get your own webpage on the internet and update it every 5 minutes with journal entries about your life to date.
* Try and convince your best friend that you are a member of the opposite sex and have been fooling them for years.
* Try to convince yourself that you are a member of the opposite sex.
* Develop a crush on yourself.
* Break up with yourself.
* Spend at least 3 days in agony because of your broken heart.
* Spend several months losing weight because of all the food you ate after your break-up.
* Try and scroll down to the bottom of this page (it's endless; herein lies the humor).
* Do a rain dance.
* Sacrifice some stuffed animals to the religion you are supposed to be starting (slacker).
* Try to scare your roommate by yelling "boo" when they are in the room.
* Go to college so that all of the things on this list make sense to you.
* Prank call your parents.
* Perform a one-man play starring yourself as the main character and make it up as you go.
* Sing a really annoying song at high volumes so that everyone around you is forced to procrastinate too.
* Sing while looking at your uvula in shiny things.
* Surf the internet trying to find someone else's paper on the same subject as yours.
* Play flag football in the hall using your bookbag.
I'll add more as I think of them... or you could send them to me. After all it would be much easier for me that way since I wouldn't have to do any work.
