Disclaimer: *Sigh*. If I owned Buffy or Joyce, would the Prom have made me buy out Kleenex? No. Sarah McLachlan (the singer-goddess who will be singing at the Lillith Fair that I am attending [insert gloating] on Wednesday) sings "Angel" (found on 'Surfacing') and "Elsewhere" (found on 'Fumbling Towards Ectasy'). Sheryl Crow sings 'Sweet Child O' Mine' on the Big Daddy Soundtrack.
Distribution: Anyone who wants it. Ask and ye shall reeeceeeive. :-) Feedback: Right here.
Spoilers: The Prom
Thanks: Jenn. Duh. She knows why. I think.
*******************
“Hello, Buffy,” Joyce Summers watched as her daughter waved good-bye to her friends and entered the house.
“Hi, Mom,” Buffy said softly.
“How was the prom? I bet you had a blast.”
“Yeah. A real ball,” Buffy responded flatly.
“Oh? No demons or anything, I hope.” Joyce smiled cheerfully at her daughter.
“Just a little. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”
Joyce looked nervous. “But you had help from your friends, right?”
“What I needed.” Buffy pulled the clip out of her hair and shook her head.
“So it was good old American fun? Dancing with all the boys in your class?”
“Something like that.”
“Did Angel go to the prom with you?” Joyce asked anxiously.
“Some of it,” Buffy responded shortly. “If you don’t mind, I’m kind of tired. I’d like to go to bed.”
“Oh, of course, Buffy.” She kissed her daughter on the cheek. “It’ll all get better, you’ll see.”
Buffy frowned. “Mom, what are you talking about?”
“Nothing, Sweetheart. Go to sleep.”
Buffy shrugged. “Good night, Mom.”
“Good night.” Joyce watched her daughter’s retreating back for a moment before turning to go back to the kitchen.
After fixing herself a late-night peanut butter sandwich, Joyce sat down at the table.
Her daughter’s English notebook was laying on the table. Curious as to how Buffy was doing in class, Joyce opened the notebook.
Near the end of the book was a a song she didn’t recognize that Buffy had copied into her notebook. Joyce got the feeling it was not a school project.
In the arms of the Angel
Fly away from here
From this stark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here
Joyce bit her lip and flipped back a few pages.
With a calligraphy pen, her daughter had written ‘Buffy loves Angel’, and below it, ‘Angel loves Buffy’. The ‘loves’ in the second line had been crossed out.
Joyce felt a sudden rush of sadness for her daughter. She was only 18, she shouldn’t have to go through all of this. Hinting that Angel should leave *had* been the right thing to do ...hadn’t it?
Joyce put her plate in the sink and then quietly ascended the stairs.
What she saw made her heart break all over again- Buffy, curled up on her bed, her prom dress a heap on the floor. Her sobbing was evident.
“Buffy?” Joyce asked tentatively.
Buffy shot up in bed, startled. “Mom!”
“Sweetheart, are you alright?”
Buffy hastily wiped her eyes and sniffled. “I’m fine.”
“You’re crying.”
“Just thinking about how great the prom was.”
“No. You were thinking about how much you’re going to miss Angel.”
Buffy’s eyes flashed with anger, and Joyce immediately realized her mistake. “How did you know about that?”
“Well, uh...” Joyce stumbled over her words. “It was evident...that when...uh, when a girl cries...like that, she, uh...she...”
“Bull. How did you know? Did he tell you? I can’t believe he told you.”
“I told him,” Joyce admitted softly. She didn’t know why she was confessing, but she just couldn’t stand to see her daughter so hurt.
“You told him *what* exactly?”
“I didn’t say it outright...” Joyce took a deep breath. “I sort of...*suggested* he should... uh...give you some space.”
Buffy’s eyes truned to ice, and Joyce immediately wished she had kept her mouth shut.
“You *what*?” Buffy hissed. “How *could* you?”
“Buffy, I know you don’t understand now, but one day you’ll thank me for giving you this opportunity,” Joyce said desperately.
“*What* opportunity? The opportunity to be alone forever?”
“No, Buffy. The opportunity to have the life you can’t have with Angel.”
“Great, here comes the ‘you-deserve-more’ lecture.”
“It’s true, Buffy. Think about everything Angel can’t give you.”
“Name one thing Angel can’t give me that I *want*.”
“Children.”
“Don’t want ‘em.”
“Oh, but Buffy...you always wanted kids when you were little.”
“I also wanted to be Mailbu Barbie, but you don’t see me complaining on *that* one!”
“Buffy, look how much older he is than you- over 200 years,” Joyce pleaded.
“He was 27 when he was turned.”
“That’s still 9 years. Buffy, you’re 18! He’s been through so much, experienced so much, that you have yet to come to in life. And with him, you might never.”
“I won’t without him, either. Because without Angel, my life is barren.”
“See? See?! You’re too dependent on him!”
“I depend on Angel,” Buffy began calmly, “Because I know I can. Angel would never betray me.”
“But he did!” Joyce responded earnestly, begging her daughter to understand. “He lost his soul, and while you may say you weren’t betrayed, I saw the pain first-hand that I tried to hide.”
“Mom, do you know *why* Angel lost his soul?”
“Because you two had sex,” Joyce responded flatly.
“No. Because we *made love*. It *wasn’t* just a night of lust when our hormones got the better of us. It was love. Pure love. We created something entirely magical that night that I can’t even begin to explain. And I know that we can’t ever have that again. But I also know that I can’t have that with another man.”
“Oh, but Buffy...” Joyce trailed off. “One day, you’ll find the right man for you. Someone who can give you picnics and sunlight. And, when you’re older...can make love to you.”
“What is it about this that is so hard for you to understand?!” Buffy burst out. “I don’t care about freaking picnics! When have I *ever* gone on a picnic? Sunlight? I don’t see it, anyway, between school and slaying! And yes, I wish Angel and I could make love, but, damn it, I’ll take what I can get!”
“That’s the *point* you can’t *get* anything! And what about later? When you’re older and he’s the same age he is now?”
“You just can’t grasp this, can you? It *never* matter to us. The age, the vampire/slayer thing. All that mattered was that we were in love.
“You know what, Mom?” Buffy whispered. “I hope that, one day, you find your soulmate, like I have. I hope you find someone you can love unconditionally, who can make you so happy that you’ll wonder if happiness can kill you. Because that’s what I was wondering that night- if it was possible to die from happiness.
“I found out that it is- Angel paid the ultimate price.”
“Oh, Honey...” Joyce looked at her broken daughter. “I know you love him, I really do.”
“Then *how* could you do this to us?” Buffy choked out.
“Because I love you. You’ll understand...someday.”
“Get out, Mom,” Buffy sobbed. “Please, just get out.”
Joyce watched her daughter turn on the radio to an ear-splitting level to block out any further speech before curling up into a ball on her bed, shaking from sobs.
She turned on her heel and left the room.
*****
Several minutes later, as Joyce lay motionless on her bed, the ear-splitting music changed to a radio announced.
“Joyce, this one’s for you, from your daughter. She knows there’s a reason, but she doesn’t know what it is. And now, here’s ‘Elsewhere’ by Sarah McLachlan.”
I love the time and in between
the calm inside me
in the space where I can breathe
I believe there is a
distance I have wandered
to touch upon the years of
reaching out and reaching in
holding out holding in
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as I can be
left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand
I know this love is passing time
passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire...
but I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near...
I believe...
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand
oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
the mold that clings like desperation
Mother can't you see I've got
to live my life the way I feel is right for me
might not be right for you but it's right for me...
I believe...
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand it
I would like to linger here in silence
if I choose to
would you understand it
would you try to understand...
By the end of the song, Joyce was in tears. Had she inadvertantly ruined her daughter’s life? She recalled what had happened last year when Buffy had lost Angel..
She snatched up the phone and dialed that number that had been broadcasted on the radio.
“June, WKIX FM, you’re live on air.”
“I...uh, I don’t quite know how to do this. Uh, I want to request a song.”
“For whom?”
“Buffy...from Mom. I want...I want to tell her that I love her, and ... I never meant to hurt her. She’s my baby...” Joyce’s voice caught on a sob. “And that it’ll all work out, in the end... it’ll all work out. Thanks.” Joyce was crying outright. Rather than trying to speak, she hung up the phone.
“Well, Buffy, you heard her!” June’s voice blared over the radio. “As for a song...try this.”
He's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see his face
He takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
He's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
His hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine