AQUARIUS-(January 20-February 18) Your friends love you for your high spirits, uninhibited ways, and the witty messages you leave on their answering machines. Try to remember that your sign is water, not asphalt, so unless you're into knee surgery, stop jogging and start swimming laps.
PISCES-(February 19 - March 20) With water as your element and Neptune as your ruling planet, you are unpredictable, sensitive, and dreamy. A plastic flower on your car antenna could help. This is the year you begin to think of decaf cappuccino as dessert.
ARIES-(March 21 - April 19) You are pure energy and always on the move. With your ruling planet in Mars and your third mortgage in the first house, you are unlikely to retire to the sunbelt and start sending your children boxed fruit anytime soon. Trekking in Nepal is a real possibility for next Spring. So are dental implants.
TAURUS-(April 20 - May 20) You are stubborn, conservative, deliberate and full of it-the last person in your crowd to give up cigarettes and the first to complain about secondary smoke. Still, you're generous to a fault and would give away your frequent flyer points if they let you. Stop buying Series tickets. You hardly ever feel like going.
GEMINI-(May 21 - June 21) You are dangerously overcommitted. No wonder you feel stressed out so much of the time. Stop worrying. Your memories of not having been abused as a child are reliable. Mercury is your ruling planet so it's a good idea to avoid fish and get most of your protein from poultry.
CANCER-(June 22 - July 22) Like your crustacean namesake you are hard on the outside and tender and vulnerable on the inside, which makes you the center of attention at 12-step meetings. You like getting into bed right after dinner, where no one can hurt you. A typical Cancer, you tend to under-utilize your living room.
LEO-(July 23 - August 22) At last you are beginning to mellow. Lower testosterone levels give your loved ones some badly needed relief. With your ruling planet the sun and your element fire, you should wear total sun block, even in Seattle. At your age, you can't be too cautious.
VIRGO-(August 24 - September 22) Years of therapy finally kick in. Your high standards STILL infuriate your friends, but now it's their problem. Yours is lower back pain. It's time to consider a cruise for your next vacation so you won't have to drive or carry luggage. Don't give up on your dream. If anyone can figure out how to fax a pizza, it's you.
LIBRA-(September 23 - October 23) Feelings of anxiety should subside as soon as you make a final decision about a long-distance carrier. By the way, it's not your imagination. The doctor that performed your sigmoidoscopy WAS your paper boy. Pasta turns out to be an excellent source of complex carbohydrates.
SCORPIO-(October 24 - November 21) Your element is water, your planet is Pluto, and your reading glasses are in your jacket pocket. RELAX!! Dementia's not your thing. Kidney stones are. You will pass them. As long as the lines on your thighs and belly fade by morning, and your jeans aren't too tight. It's your skin that's loose.
SAGITARIUS-(November 22 - December 21) You are charming, optimistic, easy-going and affectionate and have a great sense of humor now that your serotonin levels have been chemically elevated. You are inordinately curious about and proud of everything that comes out of your body. Don't be afraid to ask the waiter to repeat the early bird specials.
CAPRICORN-(December 22 - January 19) Stable, mature, and sane from birth, you were born for middle age. You have never had an inner child, a mid-life crisis, or a red car. You are the first in your age group to start commenting on how sloppily dressed and terribly rude young people have become. Winter is getting on your nerves.
