Your Homeland Security Horoscope by Tom Ridge ARIES This is no time for a romantic affair. Better scrap those plans for the weekend—and for zodiac's sake don't go near a suspension bridge. Or maybe it's O.K. The omens are ambiguous at best. Just don't get mad at people trying to be helpful. TAURUS That trusting nature of yours could land you in big trouble, because it's about to become explosively clear that certain "friends" of yours aren't such friends after all. In fact, maybe you should avoid their company for a while. On the other hand, it could all be a harmless prank. Your call! GEMINI Public places will be unlucky for the next little while. Heave those meaningful relationships overboard and concentrate on saving your own skin. It can't be emphasized enough that the forces of darkness are gathering, so stay in the light. All a bit hysterical-sounding? Could be. The main thing is don't panic. Still, you could soon be cursing yourself for turning a deaf ear. It's so hard to know such things for sure. CANCER The boss has almost decided to give you a big fat raise, and that special someone is hearing church bells—so no wonder you're feeling pretty good about things these days. Don't be fooled. Grab your life savings and vamoose. And stick to secondary roads...but this is all on the vague side. Without solid evidence, your best move may be to simply go about your life normally. Even if that life suddenly goes up in flames because you just wouldn't listen. LEO If you wake up this morning with a bad case of the jitters, don't say we didn't warn you. The most important thing you'll do today will be to throw all packages you receive in the river, then run like the wind. Don't ask why, just do it, now! False alarm? Happens all the time. VIRGO An exotic vacation spot beckons, and, with your natural exuberance, you're up for a little adventure. But now's exactly the wrong time; you'll be better off curbing your wanderlust and sticking close to home, under the bed—or, better yet, fleeing to a U.S. Army base. Is following this absurd scenario worth the risk of being taken for a nutcase? The laws of probability say no, and so does common sense. But remember, that's what the passengers on the Titanic thought, too. LIBRA Hospitals are going to feature prominently for you in the next few days. Better stock up on your blood type and check your medical-insurance coverage. Do it soon, because all cell-phone service may soon be knocked out. Since you've always been a levelheaded sort who bridles at irresponsible fearmongering, though, make sure to demand proof before going off half-cocked, although even a nutty rumor can have a grain of truth. We'll leave the final judgment up to you. SCORPIO Big changes are in the air, but not the kind you expect. Forget that golf date; now's the perfect time to wrap up your worldly affairs. The old familiar feeling that people are out to get you isn't just paranoia this time, but keeping your guard up will be of no help, because you won't know who your bęte noire is until it's too late. There is an outside chance that somebody's blowing smoke—but are you really confident enough not to heed this warning? The odds are even. Nobody envies you the decision you have to make. SAGITTARIUS You were bound for a downturn after your recent run of amazing success, and this one's a doozy. For once, your famous sang-froid may not be enough to save you. Frankly, nothing short of a miracle could. That's one way of looking at it. Another is to laugh off such cockamamie predictions. Another is to start praying. Who can foretell the future, anyway? CAPRICORN For the next week or so, suspicion will be a virtue and keeping your head down a matter of sheer survival. Thanks but no thanks, you say... I never listen to doubletalk. Good point! What would happen if you paid attention to every groundless claim and counterclaim in today's crazy world? Well, you might live to a ripe old age! It's strictly up to you to decide what's wheat and what's chaff. But don't blame anybody except yourself if your world ends with a bang, not a whimper. AQUARIUS Don't go near the water. Or dive right in. That's the murky choice you're faced with today...best to stay away from dams, in any case. What dams? Why? You ask too many questions—or is it not enough questions? Sorry, there's no crystal ball. And, official warnings or not, nothing's certain in this life but death and taxes. PISCES Your self-satisfied life is about to take a sharp turn. Wear fireproof clothing, stock up on canned goods, wrap all pets in asbestos. That's all we can tell you just now. If that's not enough then go about your business and don't give it another thought. Before doing so, first think: is everybody really out of step but you? Wow, we don't envy you this conundrum one little bit! (Nothing like a lot of positive maybes, are there?) LINKS Taste of Sugar Main Index Page More Fun and Humorous Pages