D a m i t o l
=============

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to heck for up to 8 hours.



S t. M o m 's W o r t
=====================

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.



E m p t y N e s t r o g e n
===========================

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.



P e p t o b i m b o
===================

Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.



D u m e r o l
=============

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.



F l i p i t o r
===============

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.



A n t i b o y o t i c s
=======================

When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.



M e n i c i l l i n
===================

Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"



B u y a g r a
=============

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.



E x t r a S t r e n g t h B u y - O n e - A l l
=================================================

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.



J a c k A s s p i r i n
=======================

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.



A n t i-t a l k s i d e n t
===========================

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.



R a g a m e t
=============

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.





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