THE TAX MAN COMETH
In case you didn't know...
Taxes are due April 15th, the same day the Titanic went down.
Wouldn't it stand to reason that taxes are due in a month that starts with April Fool's Day and ends with May Day?
Who can understand taxes?
With what they leave you, it means that you work like a dog to live like one.
I tried hard to figure my adjusted gross income.
I adjusted it, and it's still gross.
I put all my money into taxes.
They're the only thing that's sure to go up.
I never cheat on my taxes.
I always let someone do it who knows how.
Presidents always promise no new taxes, but they never say anything about not making the old ones bigger.
The Government says we should be proud to be paying taxes to the country. I think I could be just as proud for about a third of the money.
I got in trouble with charitable donations last year. I gave five hundred dollars to the family of the unknown soldier.
It's very hard to make your friends believe you earn as much as you do and the government to believe you make as little as you do.
I feel a fair tax structure is one that allows everybody to cheat evenly.
I discovered a great tax shelter---unemployment.
I also lied on my last year's return. I listed myself as head of the house.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...
A tax is a fine for doing well.
Tax time is when the government of the people, for the people, and by the people sticks it to the people.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
I can't understand it. The dollar is now worth thirty cents, but forty six cents of every dollar goes for taxes.
Trying to make out your own tax return is like a do-it-yourself mugging.
The only things that are certain are death and taxes. Unfortunately, they don't come along in that order.
A bachelor businessman lists a dependent son on his tax forms. The tax man objects and says, "Is this a stenographic error?"
"He certainly was," says the bachelor.
I was having a lot of trouble doing my taxes, so I asked my son to help me, and I promised I'd do his homework. Now I stay after school, and he'll be in jail until 2005.
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