10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold

9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font

8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling

7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food

6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to abuse@romans.gov

5. Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates

4. The place where the end of the world occurs: finals, not Armageddon

3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes and rollar blades

2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen

1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter