What exactly IS a DOORNAIL? Does a door even HAVE NAILS? Are they FINGERNAILS, or TOENAILS, or some other kind of nails? What about a WINDOWNAIL?

And why is the doornail DEAD? When did it DIE? What was the CAUSE of DEATH? Should I suspect FOUL PLAY? Or was it NATURAL CAUSES? Perhaps doing an AUTOPSY on the doornail will tell us.

How can something be MORE dead than a doornail? Maybe the doornail isn't COMPLETELY DEAD. Maybe it's still PARTIALLY ALIVE. Perhaps it's only in a COMA. Should it be on ARTIFICIAL LIFE SUPPORT? Or should we go ahead and PULL THE PLUG? Now the doornail is just as dead as whatever it was we were talking about in the first place.

What happen to a doornail when it dies? does it have a SOUL? Is there an AFTERLIFE for doornails? Where does it go? Does it go to DOORNAIL HEAVEN? Or does it go to HELL? Can a doornail receive SALVATION while it is still living? I've heard of a SEAT being SAVED, but I've never heard of that being said of a DOORNAIL.