In the first book of the Sword of Truth Series, Terry Goodkind makes a good point. Through his character Zed, we learn alot about life, and living, through the Wizard's rule. One of these rules is Emotion Rules Reason. Another is Everything has a consequence. But Perhaps the most relevant one, at least that I've found, is the Wizard's First Rule: People are Stupid.
I know that that is true. In my line of work, I have met so many idiots. Straight up, knock down, so monumentally ignorant and narrow minded they fly ino the air space of total idiocy, morons. Last night, I just wanted to yell at these people, cause they were being stupid.
My entire day was a repeat of the same thing. Hello, how are you? beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep you're total is whatever.
Oh, do you have a pen?
Yes ma'am. here you go.
Thank you. Another ten minutes is spent writing out the check. Bag the groceries, put them in the cart, finish their order, and repeat ad infinitum. And yesterday, there were items that ring up on discount prices only with a ten dollar purchase. There are signs by everysingle one of these items with disclaimers, circled in red, RIGHT NEXT TO THE ITEM that say 98¢ for a 2 liter coke w/ additional ten dollar purchase, limit 6. It's circled in red, on twelve size font on the sign.
Circled in red. and there people come through the line, and put up one two liter coke, and I have to tell them that it won't ring up at the discount price cause you don't have a ten dollar purchase. They always, ALWAYS look at me with this shocked look, and an "I didn't know that" attitude and they always, ALWAYS reply, "Well, you don't have that back there. There's just a sign that says 98¢ for a two liter. It doesn't say anything about a ten dollar purchase."
Is it too hard to just read the ENTIRE sign? And if you aren't going to read the enitre sign, could you at least read the part CIRCLED IN RED????? Is that just TOO difficult? does it take too much effort to lower your eyes, not even move your neck at all, just lower your eyes 1/8th of an inch down and read one other part on the sign? Does it take too much time? Is their too much effort involved? Oh, God forbid you get eye strain, from reading too much!
It makes me sick how stupid these people can be! How ignorant of others they can be. Especially of the cashiers. These customers think they are so high and mighty, They're not. They're just people, but they treat us like slaves, and not the servants that we are. I'll give you that, we're servants. we are there to serve the people in the store, but when the people start treating us like slaves, that's where I start feeling.... gritty. That's the only word I can think of that properly fits.
These people come through my line thinking that my day has been nifty keen jelly bean, so they feel the need to jerk my chain. Sometimes they don't mean to. Sometimes it all stems from a misunderstanding.
Around Easter, we had bunnies. Stupid bunnies. Dumb, stupid bunnies that would laugh when you push the button in their hands. But actually, it started before that, now that I think about it. It started around Christmas, with the stupid Christmas toys. the Laughing Smurfs, or whatever they were. You push in their belly, and they laugh. This really obnoxious laugh, and then stop, and then start up again, and then stop and say "That tickles." The whole sequence takes about 15 seconds. Which doesn't seem that long a time. The first ten times you hear it.
But when you hear it all through Christmas, in the months following Christmas, then all through spring as Easter kicks up, you begin to get sick of it. Eventually, everyone decides to play around with these things, which are put one at a register. So, here I am, two people come through my line, and both mess with the bunny. By now, I am really sick of hearing and would happily, and with no qualms rip off its ears, yank out its stuffing, and tear the voice box out, and stomp it to pieces.
Along comes another customer, and she, too messes with the bunny, but just once.
Then, comes the dorks.
Two ladies come through my line, and they see the button that says push me! just below the insane smiling face of the bunny. A face that I would gladly tear out and cut to pieces with a rusty knife.
The first lady comes through and pushes the button. The bunny starts its manic giggling, stops, starts again, stops. ÒThat Tickles!Ó
ÒOh! how cute!Ó she proclaims! she pushes it again.
Laugh
Stop
Laugh
Stop. That tickles!
Oh, look at this, she says to her friend. and she pushes the button again. By now, I have her groceries all rang up, and IÕm waiting for her to snap to and pay me, but, of course, she has to marvel over the bunny. Never mind that there are two people in line behind her. Never mind that I am waiting for her to pay. Never mind that her milk is getting warm, she has to play with the bunny.
I turn to face her, and tell her the total, and notice she is about to push the button for the fourth time. I get her attention very politely, and ask her to please not push the button again. She looks at me very politely, smiles very nicely, and pushes the button.
I could have kicked her teeth in.
Our store is not very busy, so we usually have three cashiers and no baggers during the week. As a result, the cashiers are also the baggers for the most part. Sometimes, the customers will help. Sometimes they won't, but most of the time, if I leave the bags on the counter, they will put the bags into the cart.
Which is fine with me. I can handle that. But there was that one lady, and there is that one lady.
The first one lady, came through my register, put all her groceries up on the belt, i scaned them through, put them in the bags, and took he rmoney. Then, she pushed her cart around to the front of the register, put it in the right place, and stopped there. Then she ÒaskedÓ me to put her bags in the cart. No one before or after has asked me to do that. She looked point blank at me and said ÒYou're gonna put my bags in my cart, right?Ó That was what she said. She didn't even ask. If she had asked, It wouldn't have bugged me, but she commanded. I was very not happy about that.
Is it too much effort to LIFT a grocery bag five inches up, move it a foot- 18 inches to the left, and place it down? are they not strong enough? Are they not smart enough? My guess is tha latter....
The second one lady, is a lady I have seen numerous times. She walks in, takes a cart, and goes up and down every aisle, and fills her cart up to the top. Then, she seeks out MY line, and comes through it.
Every time.
Every single freakin' time.
At which point, she begins to unload. Usually, at some point, she'll be stupid and spill something. Apparently though, she is too inept to clean anything up. Like the spaghetti noodles she spilled once. All over the floor. did she bother to pick them up? Nope.
ÒWhoops! I spilled these. HereÕs the box.Ó She didn't apologize, she didn't clean it up. She just left her cart, sitting there, in the midle of the register aisle, and went and got another box. She didn't finish unloading. She just left. So, I had to go around, and continue unloading her cart until she got back.
So finally, she got back and unloaded her groceries, sticking her huge butt in the air when she had to get her stuff off the bottom. so she finally finishes, and i got her stuff rung up, and into bags, and she just stands there. Does nothing. This, to me, is worse then being commanded to do nothing. She just stood there, and made me put her stuff in her cart.
So this.... person.... spills noodles, wanders off, makes me unload her groceries, makes me bag her groceries, and makes me put her stuff in the cart, all without asking me to, or saying anything to me at all. I was not pleased. I didn't even get the chance to clean the nooldes up for a couple more minutes because of the customers coming through the line.
Oh, you have some noodles spilled here, they would tell me, as if I didn't know.
I swear, this lady has her own schedule.
Every Wednesday, at 4 30. She walks in the door, and takes a cart. then, she proceeds to the ATM and pulls out money. (she always pays in check, so where the money goes, i dont want to know). Then, she wanders off into the store, and an hour later, at 5 30, every singe flippin time, she comes up the frozen food aisle, and gets into MY LINE. Doens't matter how many customers are in front of her, doesn't matter how long the wait, she gets in my line.
I have watched her come up to the registers, and look up and down, until she found me, then came to my line.
One time, she did this while I was bagging, but God forbid she not come into my line, so she came into the line (the one i was bagging for). There were two sets of customers in front of her, but still she waited. One of them was a hundred dollar order, the other was like a bottle of soda or something. so, once i finished with the hundred dollar order, i went to another register, and bagged there, until the lady was gone.
I don't know if she plans to get in my line, or if it's always a coincidence, but if she plans it, i messed her up that time.
Then there was the lady with the barbecue sauce. The one who was afraid of going to jail. Well, maybe not really, but that's the only explanation I can think of for what she did.
She came through my line, and everything went smoothly, for once. Until I got to her dog food. one of my friends was bagging for me, and when she moved it from one cart to the other, she asked for a paper towel. I handed them to her, and she disappeared below the line of the register, and came back up with a nasty smelling paper towel, which i threw out. I asked her what had happened, and she said that there was some stuff (she didn't know what it was) on the dog food bag. I looked to the lady, and the lady explained that she had no idea what it was. Which was fine at the time. I didnÕt care. WasnÕt my stuff.
Anyway, the dog fod bag was on the BOTTOM of the cart, on that shelf betwen the wheels, under the main basket, and she had a full cart.
So, a couple orders later, a customer tells me that there is some sort of spill at the front of my register. I lean over and look down, and sure enough, there is a big brown puddle of something at the front of my register, and there are cart tracks running out from it. I sighed and finished the order.
Then I went and got a mop. I came back, and mopped it up, which is when i noticed the bottle of barbecue sauce. It was sitting there, calmly hiding between the register and the wall, with the neck of it broken off, and the top of it no where to be seen.
I brought it around to the back of my register and pulled the paper towel out of the garbage can and sniffed both. The smell matched. Somehow or other, the barbecue sauce had broken in the cart, spilled on the dog food, the lady had found it, and then lied to me about what it was, and what she knew about it.
Did she think she was going to go to jail? did she think we were going to make her pay for it? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Not another dollar and fifty cents! that will break me!!!!! AAAARRRGGGGHHHH
I did get a small bit of sayisfaction once when i proved a guy wrong. He was one of those morons who doesnÕt read a sign, and he said there was no mention of a ten dollar purchase on the sign. he said he could show me the sign. Ilooked behind him, no customers, and agreed immediately, anxious to prove he was wrong.
We got back to the coke aisle and he showed me the sign. See? 2/$5.00.
I pointed to the part cirlced in red.
W/ addt. 10$ Purchase, limit 2.
The guy was sufficiently humbled, and I felt good about it.
People on phones are idiots too. I swear, this is a conversation I had one day.
Hello Winn Dixie.
Is this Winn Dixie?
Yes sir.
The One on 92?
Yes sir.
How do i get there? (this was a logical question, so I didnÕt feel angry yet.)
Well, it depends, where are you coming from?
575.
575. North or south?
Ummmm North.
So, you're coming north on 575?
Uhhh yeah.
Northbound 575.. lets see...
No no no, I'm southbound. (never mind that he said he northbound)
Southbound 575, okay, you get off at exit 4, and turn left.
Turn left?
Turn left. We are immediately on the left.
Immediately on the left?
Immediately on the left.
How many miles on 92 do i Have to go? (This was the point where I put the phone against my shoulder and took a deep breath. I picked up the phone and answered calmly again.)
We're right on the left there, sir, about 1/2 a mile to a mile.
Oh, okay, thank you. *click*
If he was there in person, I would have kicked him.
Then, there was a second guy, who, i swear, said this. This is also an actual conversation I have had.
Hello Winn Dixie.
Ahh, hello, how do i get to your store?
Where are you coming from?
575.
Okay, you want to take exit 4 on 575, and head east on highway 92.
Okay, i go east?
yup. go east. we are the first thing on the left.
On the right, thanks.
No, no, no, sir, it's the LEFT. first thing on the left.
First thing on the right. thanks.
*click*
Then there are the lost.
These people have no idea where anything is, and refuse to spend any amount of time looking.
They walk in, walk right up to a register, and ask, no matter how busy you are, where the soap is.
Where's the dog food?
Where's the charcoal?
Where's the bread crumbs?
Where is the bakery?
Where is my brain?
It hasn't happened yet, but I'm pretty that at some point, someone is going to hand me their list, and ask me to right down where everything on their list is located.
One of the more annoying things is when people come in, and walk over to the Photo lab. I walk over there, and as them If i can help them.
Yeah, I wanna get a money order.
Usually, i have to restrain myself from giving a flippant answer, and just reply. Well, then, you'll have to go over to Customer service. (you know, the area cut into the side of the wall underneath the BIG BLUE LETTERS THAT READ ÒCUSTOMER SERVICE CENTERÓ not at the place where there are Photo machines, film for sale, prices on pictures, film hanging and waiting to be developed, and pictures and pictures frame strung up all over, you moron!)
One of the quirks of being a cashier is that you receive flak for the prices that ring up wrong.
Ummm NO. You rang that up at 1.60, it's sposed to be 2 for 3 dollars. Like it's my fault. No one tells me the prices. No one tells me what sales are going on. This is not my responsibility.
I just ring the stuff up. If something scans wrong, it's because the computer is screwed up, lady, not me. One lady even went so far to accuse me, ACCUSE ME of ringing up the wrong price on purpose.
You rang that up wrong. You're scamming me aren't you? I smiled, thinking she was joking with me, until i saw the seriousness of her gaze.
I had no idea how to reply to that.
I have had ladies argue to get back three cents.
Those eggs rang up at 57¢. They are sposed to be 54¢.
I almost, ALMOST asked if she was serious, but decided not to press the issue.
One other cashier had a guy refuse to pay the discount price because he was "from michigan, and they ALWAYS pay full price up there." Ultimately, this guy refused to buy the item at a discount price.
Then there's the gloaters. I call them the gloaters because they... well.. I don't know if it's really gloating, but they like to rub stuff in.
Check this price, i want to know how much this is.
BEEP. it's 50¢ sir.
I don't want it. Then, smugly, You can get them at Kroger for 4/1.00.
Everytime someone like this comes up, I am tempted, I am so tempted to look them in th eye and say..
If you knew that, then why the blue flippin blazes are you shopping here, dingbat??? DO you think I care what the price is at Kroger? DO you think I take great offense at that? Do you feel that I should take a 50¢Êitem, and sell it to you for 20¢ just to make a sale? No way pal. If you want 25¢ cent cans of tuna fish, then GO. TO. KROGER.
One lady actually apologized it for once.
Oh, those are cheaper at Wal-Mart. I shrugged and replied with my usual reply. "Okay."
She looked at me and said Oh, i guess you don't really wana hear thing slike that do you?
And i got to talk to her about it for a while. She was very understanding.
I hate people who walk in and think they can get a refund or an exchange with out their receipt. Or the item they want to exchange.
This lady came in on a couple nights ago and bought some 12 packs of soda. she then walked out with her groceries, and then ten minutes later, walked back in and asked why they weren't at the sale price. She pointed to our sales papers and said look! they are on sale.
I pointed to the note DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH WHERE SHE WAS POINTING AND READ IT TO HER. 6-pack. Not twelve pack.
So, then she wanted to exchange it.
OKay, that's fine. just bring in the original items, and we'll work it out.
Can i get a refund instead?
Yeah, sure, no problem, just bring in the items.
You can't give me a refund without me bringing in the items? I would really rather not bring them back in.
At this point, i nearly lost it. I almost straight up laughed out loud at the woman.
She wanted a refund without bring the items she wanted refunded back.
At any rate, she finally went back out to bring in her soda, and the Office Closer on Duty came downstairs for a minute. He asked what was going on, and I told him about the lady.
She wanted a refund, but she didn't want to bring in her items, she said.
Well, that's kind of the name of the game...
Yeah, i know, i said. If you want a refund, you give me the items back, moron. I rolled my eyes.
This is what I deal with everyday.
Some of the people I know really well.
Some I'm not happy to see, but some of them are really quite decent people. For instance, the gum guy. he alwasy walks into the store wearing black slacks, a white dress shirt, with the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms. His tie is lossend around his neck, and he walks straight to the aisle between registers five and six, and takes 6 packs of gum. then he walks back to the front of aisle 6 and grabs a tin of tobacco, then checks out.
There's the joke guy. He alwasy comes in, buy his stuff, and asks me for a joke.
There's The nameless guy. he's in almost everynight, and I have no idea what his name is. No one does.
There's Mr Whitehead, who comes in everynight about 11. his name is David, and for some reason, i called him Jonny once. I have no idea why.
There's Mr Davis, who is a fellow Stephen King freak. He comes in, always buys some sort of steak, and a carton of SouthPaw beer, and we talk abotu Stephen King while he is checking out.
There's Chad and Mary Manning. Two of my favorite customers, mainly because Mary is very pretty, and her birthday is the same as my sisters.
There's the Sonny's BBQ girl, who always comes in and pays with WIC. I feel sorry for her. She looks young, but her eyes are old.
There's the Sears Girl, who looks like my friend Sasha from California. She used to come in a lot, but then she quit coming. I've only seen her once since then, and that was for just a second.
There's the russian lady, who always buys a lotto ticket.
There's Ms Wilson who always calls me Sweety-pie (i have no idea why- she does this with everyone).
There's Ken Reaves, who always jokes with me.
There's the biker dude. At first glance, you would think he was mean and surly. He wears blue jeans, biker boots, a leather jacket, and a white t-shirt. he has long hair which is usually tied back in a pony tail. He looks mean, but he's actually rather nice.
I think that's about it for the nice people.
The idiots though....
Lessee....
There's the Lady who buys 200 dollars worth of stuff, and then doesnt help you at all, save to unload the groceries.
There's the black lady (at least i think she's a lady) who has hunched shoulders, a stilted walk, and one eye. She always buys the gnarliest looking banana's, and goes to the nearest line she can find (usually mine).
There's the slave driver. She is a HUGE FAT LADY who walks in with her group of kids, grabs a cart, and then gets about a half cartful, brings it to a register, and then walks away, and sits down on the bench, breathing heavily, and sweating profusely. She makes her kids unload, and pay for it, and bag it, and load it, and walk it out to the car, while she sits around. Which i guess i can understand, but good night, this lady is a flamin' elephant!
There's the hunchback. A lady who comes in and the first thing she does is sit down in the mart cart (which has been broken for at least 4 months) and sees if it works. then, she sits there and waits for someone to notice her. when someone finally does notice her, she asks if it has been fixed yet. No ma'am, it hasn't. you should know this by now, Quasimodo: it will never be fixed. NEVER.
There's the WIC lady. she comes in, and EVERYTHING she buys is WIC. EVERYTHING. Ultimately, it's about 100 dollars worth of milk, cheese, eggs, juice, and cereal. And WICs are complicated things to do.
There are the random people who complain about their cards.
Is your machine broken?
no ma'am, it isn't.
Well, I KNOW the problem isn't my card. it must be your machine.
Well, it could be that your mag strip is dirty.
No, i always keep it clean, see? Then they show me the card. The card looks clean, but you never know.
There's Ms Zaborniak. She always comes in with two little boys. And everytime, she yells at them. And I don't just mean yell, she wails on them. She does everything but spank them in the store.
There's the Slave and the Master. This is a different couple from the Slave Driver. The Slave and the Master, I have not seen in a while, though I have seen the slave aroudn town, usually by himself, which leads me to believe that his wife has died.
They are (were) a very old couple, and the lady would push the cart around. They would come up to the line, and she would tell her husband (who in all the time I saw them, never spoke a word) to unload the groceries. he would do it, and then stand back, always in the same position.
Leaning against the register display on his right hand, left hand on hip, same bland expression on his face.
I would ring up the groceries, the lady would pay by check, and then she would tell him to load the grocery bags in the cart.
Then, they would walk outside, and she would sit in the car while he loaded the groceries in the back. Then he got in, and off they went.
There's the Hispanics. They come in, in a group of about five. They buy two carts full. TWO CARTS FULL OF GROCERIES. Three of them then go outside, and one of them (usually the youngest) bags, but bags REALLY slowly. Perks? thhey always buy the bloodiest, juciest meat they can find, and they make sure the wrapping is loose, so the juice goes EVERYWHERE.
So, this is what I deal with everyday. Idiots come through the line, and idiots go out the line, none the wiser for their meeting with me. Everyday I hope to have an idiot free day, and everyday, some idiot comes through my line.
This is life in a grocery store. I would ask you, Constant Reader, when you become one of those beings known as a customer, to please, read whats circled in red. if something scans wrong, don't blame the cashier. iF there's no baggers, bag for the cashier. the cashier wants to be your friend (especially if you a pretty girl, aged 18-21, with beautiful eyes).
Please be courteous to your cashier, and if you ever speak to someone on the phone, and he says to go left, don't say go right. Don't ask how far you have to go if he says Immediately on the right. Don't tell him your complete life story when you explain why you left your bag of tissue at the register.
Just be nice, and courteous, and the world will be a better place.
just as idiotic, but better.
