| Section 2 | Section 3 | Section 4 | Section 5 |
| Section 6 | Section 7 | Section 8 | Section 9 |
| Interlude 2 | Chapter 5 | Epilogue |
Chapter Four
September 7, 1992- June 11, 1993
I.
The first day of his senior dawned bright and fair, and he took a moment to reflect on how far he had come. He remembered how it was in the beginning, all the new sights and sounds, and people.
He remembered the day he first saw Shawna, how he had fallen for her instantly. He thought of how Shawna had gone to Homecoming with him, walking arm in arm, and how he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend this year.
She would say yes, of course. There would be no reason to say no. This would be the beginning of the best time of his life.
He got dressed, ate his lunch, and then went to school.
When he got there, he found Shawna and sat down next to her. "Hey," he said, "how you doin'?"
"I'm okay, how about you?"
"Doing good. Can't complain."
She nodded. "How was your summer?"
"It was good. Got a lot of stuff done. Applied to college, waiting to see if I got accepted."
"Oh? which college?"
He told her.
"Oh, that's good."
He nodded, then took a deep breath.
"Shawna, would you sit down please?"
"What?" She had a look of misunderstanding on her face.
"Sit down. Please."
She sat down, and watched him as he sat down on the other side of the table. He stared at the table for a few seconds.
"You're about to do something really deep aren't you?" she asked him.
He smiled and almost laughed. "Oh you have no idea," he said. There was another pause, in which no one said anything.
"I can't think of any good way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. Shawna, will you be my girlfriend?"
She sucked in a sudden breath, and sat up straight, looking at the ground.
"I... I don't know. Alot has happened over the summer. More then you know, and I'm not sure." She didn't look at him.
"Is it..." he swallowed. "Is it.. someone else?"
"No," she replied immediately. "No, there isn't anyone else. It's just... This is so unexpected. I need time to think about it."
"Hey, I'm willing to give you all the time you need. I don't want to pressure you into it."
She nodded, still looking at the ground, not saying anything.
"I... I really like you, Shawna."
"I know," was all she replied.
There was another awkward pause.
"Well, then. Ummm, I guess I'll leave you to your thoughts then. I'll see ya later."
She didn't reply.
That week passed agonizingly slow for Micah. The days seemed to stretch into weeks, and then years. When it felt like it should have been Friday, it was just Tuesday morning.
To help pass the time, he signed up for the soccer team which met every day after school. He enjoyed himself immensely, playing one of the (in his opinion) truly great games.
It was just before one of these soccer practices that he was changing into his practice clothes. Once he had finished, he loaded his school clothes back into the bag, and walked with it to his car. He opened the trunk, and dumped the stuff in.
He heard someone walking towards him from behind, but didn't look. Instead, he glanced in the window of his car, and saw Shawna's reflection coming toward him.
His heart leaped up into his throat, and all at once, he knew this was it. This was the answer. In the reflection, she drew nearer, and then pulled something out of her bag. He couldn't quite see what it was in the reflection.
She hurried her step, and placed the object down on the the bumper of his car.
"I'm sorry," was all she said. In the reflection, Micah watched her first walk, then run away.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh please God, please God please God, please don't let it say what I think it's going to say. Please, please please please please please please.
He picked up the letter with trembling fingers, opened it, and read it.
And was destroyed by it's contents.
Two days earlier.
She sat on her bed, and glanced at the two pictures on her nightstand. One was a clean cut kid, with a serious look on his face, and the other was an almost-but-not-quite clean cut kid, with a mischievous grin on his face.
Her two men. Today, she had to choose.
Micah had been her friend for a year and a half. She had secretly loved him since the beginning of ninth grade, and that had never wavered, not for an instant. He had asked her to Homecoming twice, choosing her above everyone else, and if that didn't prove to her that he liked her back, what would? Asking her to be his girlfriend had pretty much cemented the fact in, and she had been surprised and honored that he would want to be with her, but there was that one unsettling fact of that phone call she had gotten two months back, just after the beginning of July.
Which brought her to thoughts of Jonny. Jonny was a SkyWriter. He was a member of a Gang that was only interested in screwing up the world more then it already is. Their former leader had only wanted to sleep with her, and had made no secret of it. He had been replaced by more or less the same type of person, but one who was trying a different approach. Jonny jjust wanted to sleep with her also. He wanted to corrupt her, as that rule he told her about. He was a SKyWriter, a liar, and probably a jerk. She should have no part of it.
But she wanted to.
She glanced again at the pictures she had on her desk, and pulled out some stationary.
She thought about it for a second. If she wrote what she was planning to write, it would be the final irrevocable step. There would be no going back. Did she want to do this?
She thought about the phone calls. Just after the beginning of July, Jonny had called her. How he had gotten her phone number was not one of the questions that had occured to her. He started talking, and she was trying to hang up on him, trying to stop herself, but she responded, keeping the conversation alive.
She had no idea why she was doing it, just that she wanted to. They talked for about an hour, and then Jonny hung up.
He called again the next week, and they talked for another hour. He kept calling, and though she should have known better, she kept talking to him.
She looked down at her stationary, and her pen in her hand.
"Dear Micah," she began.
" I am extremely sorry to do this to you by letter, but writing is easier then just telling you, because I don't have to look into your pleading puppy dog eyes staring at me, and I can stop and think clearly so I can choose my words carefully.
"To answer your question, I was flattered, but I have to say no. I have a reason, and I will tell it to you.
"I lied to you when you asked me if it was another guy. You see, I am not dating anyone, but I do like someone else,. I am not going to tell you who he is, or if you even know him because I don't want you to kill him. I felt awful as soon as I lied to you, and I hope you can forgive me..."
"...I want to reassure you that I said no, not because of anything anyone said. It was purely my decision. I hope you can forgive me for making you wait so long, and then breaking your heart.
"I hope you will forgive me, and never let this change our friendship. I want you to know that I will always think of you as my big brother, and that that will never change.
"Shawna"
Jared put the note down after reading it.
"Wow. That... ummm... that sucks." Micah lifted his head and looked at him.
"It does? Really? Well thank you so much for your analysis, Sherlock.
Jared folded the note back in half, and put it back in the envelope it had come in. He handed it back to Micah, who dropped into the pocket on his backpack.
Silence ensued for a couple of minutes.
"So... ummm... what are you going to do now?"
Micah stared down at his shoes. These shoes which he had so lightly called his lucky shoes last year, trusting them to bring him luck. They had betrayed him.
"I don't know. Get over her, I guess, though I don't know how long that's going to take."
Jared nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like a logical course of action. So, you have no idea who the guy is?"
Micah shook his head. "Not a clue. I mean, look at all the guys here... who would it be? Who would she hang out with? Who would have asked her to be... Oh no. No no no no, it's not him."
"Who?"
"Who? Him! The only other guy who has even been pretendoing to like her! That's who!"
"You mean Jonny?"
"No, Rob Lowe. Yes Jonny. Sheez." He rolled his eyes.
"But... he's a SkyWriter... she wouldn't go out with him, would she?"
Micah looked at his friend. "I don't know, I'm not her! I mean, how many guys do you know who can comprehend the reasoning of a female mind? I don't know any. You?"
Jared didn't respond.
"Exactly! Man, now I feel really bad. I was dumped for a SkyWriter. What does that mean? Does that mean anything?"
"Well, offhand, it means-"
"I know what it means!" He yelled.
Jonny took a step back. "Okay, okay, sorry. Be cool, it's alright." He looked up behind Micah and gave a nod of greeting to someone behind him.
Micah turned and saw Carla. "Oh, hey Carla," he said. "How're you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
Micah gave a raspberry "thbbbbbb" noise.
"Oh. Shawna, right?"
He looked at her. "How did you know? I just got the letter yesterday. How could you possibly know about it this morning?"
"Sorry. Women's trade secret. Can't tell you."
"Yeah, okay." He turned to Jared. "You know what the worst part of this is?"
"What?"
"She's going out with Jonny. You know how that makes me feel?"
"Jonny? Jonny Levere?" Carla asked.
"Yeah. Can you believe that?"
"Yes, I can." As one, the two guys turned to regard her.
"Say what?" Jared said.
"He can be very... errr.. persuasive, when he has a mind to be."
Micah felt his stomach tie itself into a windsor knot.
"Persuasive."
She nodded.
Jared looked at her eyes briefly. "Did you used to date Jonny? is that how you know?"
She glanced at him, and then down at the ground.
"I... I don't..." She sighed. "I don't want to talk about it, if it's all the same to you."
"Talk about what?" A cheery voice asked, and Micah and Jared turned in time to see Marie come walking over. She stepped up to Jared and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then held his hand.
"Chemistry," Micah replied, at the same time Carla said "Physics."
Marie glanced from one to the other. Micah could tell she was beginning to wonder about something.
"Oh, right. Okay."
There was a moment of awkward silence.
"So," Marie said, "how is everyone today?"
Shawna was at school, but she didn't go over to her normal group. She wouldn't be able to stand seeing Micah. She would have felt horrible. So she sat by herself for a few minutes. Jonny came and sat down next to her, and started talking to her.
"Hey, you alright? You look like you just lost your best friend, or something."
"Yeah, or something."
"What's wrong?"
"I did one of the hardest things I've ever done yesterday."
"Oh. Do you wanna talk about it? We don't have to, but if it'll help..."
"We might as well. It involves you."
Jonny was silent for a moment. Shawna didn't look up to see if it was because he was surprised, or pensive.
"Okay," he said at last. "So, what's wrong?"
"Well, a few days, Micah asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him I would have to think about it, and that I would get back to him. After a few days, I had to tell him no, because... because... because I like someone else."
Jonny nodded. He knew what was coming, but he wanted to hear her say it. "And where do I fit into all this?"
"You're someone else," was all she said.
Jonny sat still for a few minutes, and then put his arms around Shawna. She lowered her head into his shoulders and started to cry. He held her comfortingly, stroking her hair, and patting her back.
After a few minutes, she got control of herself. Class was about to start, and she didn't want to look like she had come to school after a night in a cardboard box or something.
"So..." Jonny said, "you're saying that you chose me over Micah?"
She didn't say anything. Just nodded.
"Well, thank you for the honor, milady. I shall cherish our relationship as long as it may last." He smiled at her, and brushed a tear away with the ball of his thumb. "I understand how hard it must have been to tell Micah something like that. It must have been terrible. But it's over now. It's done with. He'll survive. He's a strong guy, and he's got good friends. He'll be okay. Don't worry about him."
She allowed herself to be soothed by his words.
When she found the strength to look up, and over at her old group- her old group. Had she already decided to no longer be a part of them? Yes, she thought she did- There were four people there, just like there had always been.
There was Jared, and Marie- and there was another thought, what would happen to her and Marie?- just like there had always been, there was Micah, looking a little tired, but none the worse for wear.
Then there was Carla. Shawna didn't like Carla. Never did. Not since that day she had tried to seduce Micah to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. When she came over to join their group, for reasons never fully explained mind you, Shawna had taken offense to it. Why would they allow her to? It made no sense.
But she had, and things had started to become strained in their group, though no one noticed.
Not until after the fact, and she could look back with 20/20 hindsight.
Jared, Marie, Micah and Shawna.
Jared, Marie, Micah and Carla. It was almost like a joke.
She turned her attention away from her old group. She was no longer part of them. For better or for worse, she was part of Jonny's group now.
During the break, Jared and Marie were off doing something, Micah had no idea what, and he was sitting at one of the tables, relaxing, and thinking.
Carla sat down next to him.
"Micah, do you mind if I talk to you?"
He looked up at her surprised. "You don't need to ask. Go right ahead."
"Well, it's... it's kinda personal, and you might not want to hear all of it. It'll probably upset you."
"Well... jeez, I hate when people say that." He took a deep breath, and released it through his nose, "Go ahead and tell me."
"Well... it's about Jonny."
He made a pffing sound. "Nothing you could tell me about him could upset me."
"Don't be too sure. Did you know I used to date him?"
"You did?" Micah raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. Just before I joined your group. You didn't know did you?"
"No, I had no idea. I thought Jonny was single, since he was always chasing after Shawna."
"Well, he wasn't. I... I knew he was chasing her while I was going with him, but I didn't bother to do anything about since I was kind of doing the same thing."
Micah nodded slowly. "Okaaayy...."
"Anyway, one night, Jonny and I, we.. went out. We went to a movie, and then dinner at a nice restaurant, and then he took me to this place where you could see the entire town. It was beautiful, especially since you got all the lights above and below the horizon. He kissed me then, and..." She gulped. "And then we... you know... started really kissing if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I have a vague idea. Hey, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to..."
"No, I need to. It has to be done. All the rumors you've heard about me, about how... easy I am? They're all fake."
"Fake? Then why do you always-"
"Because it's fun. Because it's expected. Because it makes guys pay attention to me. I've never had sex before. I never really intended to until I met the guy I was absolutely sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I went out with Jonny, and he... he...." She broke down into a fit of sobbing, and covered her face with her hands.
Micah had no idea what to do, so he put an arm around her, and she cried into his shoulder.
Break ended shortly thereafter, and they went to class. She didn't bring it up again after that, and Micah didn't press for details. He had a vague idea about what had happened, but wasn't sure.
Carla didn't talk to him about it again.
The months passed, in the slow procession of time, and September became October, which in turn became November, and then December.
Once again, Homecoming rolled around, and guys started asking the girls. Jonny wasn't going to go to Homecoming, or so Micah had heard by keeping his ears open in the Locker Room. So that meant Shawna was free, and would probably go with him.
As seemed to be tradition, on the last wednesday before Christmas break, he walked up to her, and asked her to Homecoming. No hesitating, no waiting for her to be alone, he just walked up and asked.
She looked at him, smiled in a strange way, and told him that she would have to say no, but she couldn't tell him why, not right now. She would let him know, though, she promised.
He felt his heart sink. She said no, and this time, it wasn't because of parents, or because of Gutter. It was because she didn't want to go with him.
After answering him, she stepped past him, but he didn't turn to watch her walk away. he simply stared off into space, mind a total blank.
He didn't notice when Carla came over and started talking to him, dropping hints that she was still not going to Homecoming wth anyone. He didn't notice when she stopped, and just stood by him.
Something serious had changed between him and Shawna. Something critical, and he couldn't place it. Something that was not good. Something that might never be fixed.
Christmas break came, and Micah got a letter in the mail. It was hand delivered, as evidenced by lack of return address and stamp, and only one word was scrawled across the front. the script looked vaguely familiar, but he wasn't sure.
It looked like Shawna's, but there were subtle differences in it. It looked... colder. Like she was regressing from the world, turning her back on her friend.
"Micah" the front of the letter said.
He opened it. She had written to tell him that the reason she said no to going to Homcoming with him was because 1, she didn't want to go with him, and give him the slightest glimmer of hope that she might leave Jonny and be with him; and 2, she wanted to go with Jonny, and if he wasn't going, neither was she.
That was all.
She had always signed her letters "Love Always," or "Take Care" or something like that once they had become friends, but now, there was nothing. Not even her name.
Somehow, that hurt more then anything.
Christmas break moved on, and school started up again, and Micah moved on with it. He attended his classes, and he did his work, and he passed his tests, but his mind was always on Shawna, and how much he missed her company.
I gotta get a grip on myself, he told himself more then once. Gotta forget about her. It's over. Let her go. But somehow, he never managed to.
Shawna and Jonny continued to date, and grow close. You couldn't see them at lunch without them touching one another in some way. Holding hands, or perhaps sitting, her leaning her back against his.
She would usually be seen wearing his SkyWriters jacket on cold days, and his class ring would appear around her neck on a golden chain.
Every weekend, they would go out somewhere: dinner and a movie, dinner or a movie, once they went to a play, and twice they went to the symphony, and all through it, the months passed, January becoming February, and February becoming March.
Then, on March 10, something very bad happened, and Shawna's life, her world, and her feelings for everyone radically shifted, leaving her dazed and disoriented.
After the very bad thing, Micah would see Shawna once, but not know what had happened. After that, he wouldn't see her again until graduation.
After graduation, he wouldn't see her for another six years.
March 10.
She stared up at the hateful face glowering down at her. She was very aware of the chill in the air, and how cold it seemed to be, especially against her almost naked body.
Oh God, she prayed, oh dear God, please, just please get me out of this wth nothing bad happening, and I promise You, I promise that I'll never do anything wrong ever again, please God, please.
That face... that damnable face above her. She wanted to tear his eyes out. She wanted to rip off everything that had gotten her in this position in the first place. The arms holding her back, and holding her down on the ground weren't giving her that chance. How had this happened? How the hell had it come to this? How had it denegrated?
And where had he come from?
The night had started off beautifully. Jonny had come to her door, and rang the doorbell. She had answered it, and with a cheery "Bye mom," tossed over her shoulder, she was out the door.
Jonny took her to a movie, and held her in his arms through the whole thing, though it must have hurt his arms after a while. After the movie, they went out to eat at The Olive Garden.
He had taken her to someplace they had never been before. An overlook that gave them a breathtaking view of their town against the backdrop of the starry sky.
They sat in the car and just looked, holding onto each other. It had been so wonderful, so peaceful.
Then everything turned sour. Things might have gone well, if she had only turned her head slightly to the left and seen the garishly colored orange car a ways off, but there were a number of other cars parked here, and she didn't notice any of them.
Jonny turned her head towards his and kissed her on the lips. She kissed him back, and raised a hand to touch his cheek softly. He moved his hands up around her neck and held her head lightly in his hands as he kissed her.
She slid her arm around his neck and pressed his lips into hers, kissing him deeply. She made an "Mmmming" sound of contentment against his mouth as he slid a hand inside her shirt, and over her back, caressing her with his fingertips.
She shivered, and closed her eyes, and kissed his lips, then his chin, then his neck. She heard him making small moaning sounds of pleasure, and then she kissed his mouth again.
He pulled his hands out of her shirt and caressed her neck again. He kissed her as his hands moved lower, straying to the first button on her shirt, undoing it with practiced ease.
She didn't stop him. His hands moved lower, taking each button in turn, and she let out a little yelp of excitement as his hands brushed the front of her breasts.
He opened her shirt and slid it off her shoulders, and onto the floor of the car. He kissed her lips, and then her neck. She tilted her head back, and he kissed the hollow of her throat.
He continued to kiss lower, moving over her upper chest, and then over the swell of her breasts. She gasped, and then took his head in her hands and pulled him back up. She kissed him on the lips. He pulled back.
"What..." he asked breathlessly, "what's wrong?"
"I... You... Please don't do that anymore..." She kissed his lips again. "At least, not for a few more dates."
"But... don't you like it?"
"Yes.. very much... bu-"
"Then what's the problem?" His hands were moving over her body, caressing her belly, and her back, and front of her bra.
"It's... I mean you're..." she was very distracted by the way he was touching her. "If you keep doing that, we'll do something that I know I'll regret later."
"Would that be so bad though?" He kissed her neck lightly. "I mean, we both care for each other..." He kissed the other side of her neck, "we both want this..."
"No. That's where you're wrong. I don't want to do... that."
"Oh, c'mon baby..."
He slid a hand up, and slipped one of her bra straps off her shoulder.
"No, Jonny. Maybe a while from now, but not tonight." She put the strap back in place.
He kissed her again, and she kissed him back, content that she had won the point.
Then his hand slid back up and pulled on her bra strap again.
She put it back up. "No, Jonny. I said no, and I meant no."
"Oh c'mon... It's not like it's a final commitment to anything. It's just sex! People do it all the time. People younger then us do it. You know you want to..."
"No, I don't..."
Jonny seemed taken aback.
"No...?" It was as if he couldn't understand this concept.
"No."
"No?" More confident now, as if he was beginning to understand.
"What part don't you understand? The N or the O?"
"You don't get it, do you?" He asked. "I took you up here specifically for this. This... this is a special priviledge for you! Not just any girl can make it with me, ya know."
"I don't want to."
"Want it or not, You're going to."
She felt something cold go through her then, and she looked at him. The sweet caring considerate guy she had been going out wth for the past six months was gone. He had been replaced by some sort of crazed monster. She slid a hand back behind and gripped the door handle.
"Take me home, Jonny." She was so intent on watching Jonny, that she didn't notice the man standing ten feet away from her door, watching them. the one leaning against the orange car that she should have noticed earlier.
"Can't do that, sweetcakes. You're in for the duration." He leaned forward and grabbed her roughly. She jerked back, and at the same time opened the door, falling out of the car. She jumped up, and turned to run, not caring about the cold of the night, or how much she was wearing, just needing to get out of there, and away from Jonny.
She turned and took a step, and ran straight into something.
She felt herself grabbed by a pair of arms, whirled around, and then a familiar voice spoke into her ear from behind her. It was whispered, just barely audible, but she knew him for who he was, and she knew immediately what was going to happen as soon as she saw Jonny stepping out of the car.
"Hello, Kitty-Kat," the man behind her whispered.
Jonny stepped forward holding something in his hand.
"Now, if you had just gone along with it, this wouldn't have to happen now. But... you had to go and fight, and If there's one thing I hate, it's you cold bitches who just don't want to put out.
"Ya know, I thought it was just a one time fluke with that damn Wilson bitch. I took her up here, and then she fought back. You damn bitches just don't learn, so it's up to guys like me to teach you."
"What are... what are you going to do with that?" she asked in a breathless, terrified whisper, staring at the object in his hand.
He held it up, and looked at it, glinting in the moonlight. "Not much. Do you like it? it cost me a pretty penny, but I think it's worth it. It's rather sharp. Would you like a demonstration?"
She struggled against Gutter's arms, but he refused to let her go. He had grown stronger since the last time they had met, and she was weak with fear.
Jonny stepped forward and raised the knife, and with one deft swipe, cut open the front of her bra. Her breasts swung free in the moonlight.
Her fear evolved into full blown terror, and then Jonny was tearing off her pants. She swung a foot out, and caught him in the chest. He staggered back, coughing.
"Put that bitch down!" He yelled.
Gutter put her down on the ground, and held her hands up above her head. Shawna was weeping now, begging incoherently for Jonny to stop, please Jonny, stop, don't do this, this isn't you...
Except it was. It was him. She had known it from the start. She had known he only wanted to get into her pants, and now, oh dear God, he was going to, even though she didn't want him to. She was about to be raped.
She stared up at his face. His face that seemed so handsome to her just a few minutes ago. Now, it was twisted and distorted. A monster's face.
She began to pray.
Jonny's knife slashed again, and she felt her final vestige of clothing come off. This was it, it was about to happen.
Her terror was extreme. She looked up and behind her, at Gutter's yellow grin- God, his teeth were yellow even at night with the light shining from behind him- and then up at Jonny who was beginning to unbuckle his belt.
She screamed, Gutter smacked her cheek.
"Shut up you bitch. You had this coming. You've had this coming for a long time, being such a goddamn tease with me, and then with Jonny here. You deserve this, you bitch!"
Her terror, incredibly, went up another three points, and blackness enveloped her as she screamed again.
The scream followed her down into a dreamless sleep.
Two days later, Micah saw Shawna.
He was at school sitting in class. She had been gone for the past two days, and Micah wondered if she was alright. He was looking out the window, and day dreaming. Then he saw her. She was outside talking with their principal.
He wondered what they were talking about. It was something very serious, since she looked on the verge of tears.
They were still talking when the bell to get out of class rang. He stepped outside with the rest of the other students. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she talked, and when he came back from the locker room, they were both gone.
He had just barely missed her. He sighed, and walked to class. ust outside of the classroom, a hand reached out and touched his arm. He stopped and looked at the person who had stopped, and sucked in a deep breath.
It was Shawna.
"Uhh hi," he said rather awkwardly.
"Hi," she said back.
"How are you fine?"
"Alive. At least."
The tone in her voice caused him to worry.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing that can't be fixed. Don't worry about it."
"Well, that's good. Why haven't you been at school?"
She looked away, and bit on a fingernail, something he had never seen her do before.
"I'm leaving the school."
"You're... what? Why?"
She took a deep breath, and seemed to gather herself together.
"Because... there are... certain people here that it's better I not see at all."
Micah wondered what she was talking about, and hoping she wasn't talking about him.
It must have been showing on his face, because the next thing that Shawna said was, "No, don't worry, you're not one of them. You're one of the best friends I've ever had. I'll keep in touch with you, and Jared, and Marie of course. And it's not like I'm moving out of the state. I'll still be around."
"That's good. Maybe you and I will be able to go out sometime then?"
"I... I don't think so. I'm not ready to date again. I don't know if I ever will be."
Micah blinked, but didn't question. Jonny had done something to her, something horrible, something that didn't want to let her date for a long time.
Anger stirred up in him, but he didn't let it show.
"Oh, well.. okay. I'll see you around then?"
"Probably not. Not here anyway."
"I see," said Micah who, matter of fact, didn't.
She looked down at the ground, and then away at the wall. "Well, I'd better get going. I'll miss you Micah."
"I'll miss you too Shawna."
She turned and walked away, and he didn't see her again until graduation.
1.
Micah stepped in time to Pomp and Circumstance as he walked around the auditorium toward the stage where he would be sitting for the next hour and a half.
His thoughts were on the year and what had happened during it. What had happened between him and Shawna, and how much he missed her.
He hadn't seen her since that day in March, and he wished he could have. He tried calling her a few times, but she was never home.
He missed her immensely, and wishes she was here to see him graudate. As he climbed the steps to the stage, he felt tears coming to his eyes, and he prayed he wouldn't cry in front of anyone.
Finally, he made it to his seat, and all the other kids made it to their seats, and then the Principal made the "Be Seated" gesture, and everyone sat down.
His tears abated themselves, and he put thoughts of her out of his head.
He looked out at the audience, hoping we would be able to see her, but of course, he didn't. He sighed.
The principal ran through the year in general, the senior in particular, moved through the senior aspirations, gave the teacher of the year award, then they called the eighth graders up, one by one, and graduated them, then the seniors.
It all passed quickly and smoothly, with no flaws, exactly as they rehearsed it.
"Micah Paul Koch," The principal said. Micah got up, and smiled over at Jared, over to his right, and then at Marie to his left, then went to receive his diploma. As he took it with his right hand, he crossed his left under and shook the Principal's hand. he froze for a moment, smiling out at the audience, as some snapped pictures, and for one second, in the light of a flash, he thought he saw a familiar looking face, but then it was gone.
He sat back down, wondering if he had really seen it, then decided it was just his imagination playing tricks on him.
2.
She stood just inside the doorway. He couldn't see her from here, unless he knew she was here, and that was something she had known he wouldn't know.
She watched him as they mentioned his name in the senior aspirations. She took a few steps forward, past the first few rows of seats to get a better view of him as he took his diploma.
He stepped forward to receive it, and people took the appropriate pictures.
Then a flash right next to her went off as someone took a picture, and something in Micah's face changed. He had seen her. She couldn't allow that. She didn't want him to know she had been there.
He would want to talk to her, and she wouldn't be able to keep herself together if he did, knowing she would never see him again after today.
It wasn't fair. It just wasn't! Life had kept him from her for so long, and then just when she felt she could feel comfortable going out with him, she had to move. All the way across the whole country! It was unbearable. She wanted to scream, she wanted to holler.
She wanted to hold him. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to let him know that she had been wrong, and that she wanted to be with him.
3.
As Micah moved back to his seat, he didn't turn and look, he simply sat down, and then looked. Down in his seat, the glare wasn't as bad, and he could see almost everyone. He looked where he had seen the face, but there was no one there.
No, wait, there was someone. SHe was sitting in a chair, sitting still as a statue. He wouldn't have noticed her if she hadn't scratched her nose. He watched her, wondering if it really was her.
It looked like her.
It might be. He would have to wait until after the ceremony to find out for sure.
4.
She sat down, hoping she wasn't noticed. She watched him move back to his chair and sit down. He looked all around the auditorium, and then over to where she was. She had moved over a couple of rows, so she didn't think she would be seen.
She scratched her nose. He looked directly at her. She stayed perfectly still, hoping it was a fluke, and that he hadn't seen her. But she knew he had.
She watched him watching her, and nearly cried. Why was she even here, putting herself through this?
Because I love him. That's why. The answer hit her, and she knew it as truth immediately.
That didn't change the fact that she was leaving though. Moving all the way across the country. There was nothing to be done about that.
She watched as the Principal declared the school year at an end, and the graduates graduated. There was applause, and a cheer from the Seniors, who all tossed their hats, and then they stepped down of the stage, and greeted friends and family. She watched him hug Marie and shake hands with Jared, and then she hurried out of the building.
5.
He stepped off the stage, and hugged Marie.
"We're done!" He said. She smiled back.
"We surely are! Isn't it great?"
"Wonderful!"
He turned to Jared and shook his hand. "Man, it's been great. I'm gonna miss you, 'migo."
"I'll miss you too, buddy."
He grinned and looked out at the audeince for his parents. He caught sight of someone hurying out the door. It was her. He turned all the way and rushed down the rapidly filling aisle.
"Excuse me, excuse me please, pardon, scuse me, pardon."
He ran out the doors, and caught sight of her, moving quickly toward the parking lot. He ran after her.
She heard his footsteps and turned. She looked almost ten years older. Whatever Jonny had done to her had taken it's toll, and he felt the old anger rise up in him.
Jonny had disappeared shortly after Shawna left the school, and Nathan had taken over the SkyWriters. Nathan had no real aspirations to do anything big with the SkyWriters, and contented himself with just harassing the younger kids.
That didn't stop Micah from feeling furious toward Jonny. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to pound him to a pulp. He would never get the chance though. Jonny would die just two years later, frozen and alone overseas on a poorly heated military outpost in the middle east.
He came up to her, slowing his run to a walk as he did.
"Shawna?"
She nodded once.
"Why... what are you... where...." Micah had so many questions he didn't know where to start.
"Please," she said, "don't say anything. Don't make this any harder for me then it is. I have been away. I've been here, but not here, if you know what I mean. I've done a lot of thinking, and I've reached several conclusions.
"Number one, and most important is this. Jonny, for all his sweet talk, and good looks is nothing compared to you.
"Number two, I came out here to see you one last time, because I'm moving all the way across the country in two months, and I will more then likely never see you again. I wanted to tell you that even though I may have been mean, and cold to you... I... I always, always loved you.
"I always wondered how things would have been if Jonny hadn't given me his picture, or if I had just thrown it out, or if Jonny and I had never met. I would have been with you, and we would have been happy, and life would have been good, and we would have been together. I love you, and I always will, and I'll never forget you. I hope you will never forget me.
"No, no. Don't say anything. I don't want to hear anything that will make this harder then it is already. You were my first love, and I'll never forget you.
"Goodbye Micah, and God bless you. Maybe someday, though I doubt it, we'll meet again."
Then she turned and walked away.
Micah just stood there, stunned by all he had just heard.
She was nearly inside her car when he called out to her.
"Shawna!" She turned and looked at him.
"I love you too!" he called after her.
She looked at him, and then wiped her eyes. She didn't respond- she didn't need to- and sat down in her car. She started it up, and drove off and out of his life.
He didn't see her again for another six years.
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