She told him she loved him, but it was all a lie. She said she would do anything for him but it wasn't enough. She promised she would never hurt him, but she shredded his heart to pieces. She wrecked him, and he remembered it like it was yesterday.

*Flashback*
He quickly strode towards the small, yet quaint apartment of his girlfriends. They had been blissfully together for a year exactly today. 12 months of love and devotion to a woman who had stolen his heart with one glimpse, one touch. He had never been so committed and so in love as he was with her. Something about her brought out a side of him he never knew existed. She was so carefree and loving, and although most people would never guess, a bit of a wild side to her. He almost never knew what to expect. She was his everything and he was positive she knew it too.
Gently closing the door behind him, he quietly made his way to her room, knowing she was probably in there typing up the thesis for her class she was telling him about. She told him the last time he called that she had been spending most of the weekend slaving away on it, making a few finishing touches on it. The distance between them was almost unbearable, her living in Boston, him in Orlando. They had both met accidentally in the airport. He had found her frantically searching for her bags on the conveyer belt, hoping to catch it in time. When she did, she lifted one of her bags a little too quickly, causing her to stumble into him, where he was planted behind her, looking for his own luggage. He could still remember how embarrassed she had been, and how she tried to help him off the ground unsuccessfully. He was beyond amused and intrigued about this clumsy girl, and the minute she introduced herself with a timid shy, he knew she was different from all the rest.
Shaking his head clear of thoughts, he cleared his thoughts of old memories. They both loved each other too much to throw away a good thing. At least, that's what he thought. Flowers and a small teddy bear in hand, he pushed open the door, a smile adorning his gentle face. His smile slowly faded when the sight infront of him registered in his mind. He numbly dropped the flowers and bear in shock, watching the scene unfold. It was almost as if his feet were planted to the ground, eyes widened in disbelief. His heart constricted painfully, eyes filling up with tears quickly. No....no. He swallowed thickly, his voice coming out hoarse and filled with hurt.
"Nat?" Natalie's head shot up when she heard name, recognizing the voice immediately. It was the voice that she grew accustomed to, the voice that would always comfort and calm her down. The voice that loved her. Pushing the man off her, she leaped from the bed, fear rising in her. "Justin....wh-what are you doing here?" Justin looked from Natalie to the man on the bed. This was too much for him to handle at the moment.
"I...um came to surprise you. It's our...one year anniversary," He closed his eyes tightly, forcing the tears to stay in. He opened them and looked at her shakily. "How could you forget Nat?" His voice sounded so helpless and confused, so lonely. His world was falling so fast that he didn't know how to catch himself. The guy on the bed cautiously rose to his feet, keeping his eyes on Natalie despite the icy glare that he was receiving from the visitor.
"Who's your friend?" he asked curiously, hoping to ease the tension, but only making it worse. Justin stared at Natalie in disbelief. He couldn't believe she was doing this to him. He thought she loved him. He thought he could trust her. He shook his head ruefully, hoping this was all a joke. A prank. But it wasn't. It was real and it was happening. He stared coldly into Natalie's now watery eyes, feeling anger rise within him.
"I'm no one important." He stared into her eyes a little longer, remembering how he used to lose himself countless of times in them. The brown, beautiful orbs. The ones he loved. The ones that left him hypnotized and wanting more. Right now, he wanted to forget them. They didn't hold the same beauty as before. They were filled with guilt. Guilt that she deserved for the rest of her life. "At least not anymore." he finished, walking away from his love and HER lover, not once turning back. His heart churned painfully, hearing her calling out his name hysterically. Goodbye Nat. He left her apartment, along with her life.
*End Flashback*

Sitting on the curb of the darkened street, he crunched the gravel absentmindedly; the noise bringing little enjoyment to him. Not a total loss. He thought bitterly, trying to amuse himself, but failing miserably. Just like he felt. The blackness of the night seemed to fill the air, just like it filled his broken heart. The pain was so excruciating, so horrible. He had been through this once before, but it was never this bad. He felt like someone had repeatedly stabbed his heart. He loved her so much. He STILL loved her. But he was far too hurt to accept her back. He didn't know if he had it in him.
Sighing, Justin stared up silently, staring intently into the sky, as if it held all the answers. He smiled emotionally at the full moon that glistened among all the stars surrounding it, another memory coursing through him.

*Flashback*

The nights sky and the sparkling jewels of the stars stared down at them, completing the moment even more. It seemed as if the night were theirs, made especially for them, and only them. His hands gripped the balcony's rail tightly, insuring the safety of the love of his life that was standing between his arms infront of him. Her angelic face was tilted her hair cascading beautifully down on her gentle face. The moon casted an errie glow on her, intensifying the amazing brown orbs that seemed to light up by the beauty of the moment. He could do nothing but lean back his head and stare at her. It was so unbelievable that she was his. That she was with him. She had so many wonderful qualities, so much passion burning in her that it sometimes made him feel unworthy of her, as poposterous as it may sound. She was too good to be true. She was his.
Natalie's sigh of contentment broke him out of gaze and out of his thoughts. "I've never seen something so....so breathtaking." Justin smiled tenderly at her, bringing his hands up to her shoulders lightly, sliding them slowly down until he reached her hands, threading their fingers together. Natalie shivered at the touch. If he knew the affect he had on her, he never seemed to let on. Just the simplest touch or look made her heart explode and cause trillions of butterflies to swarm around rapidly in her stomach. The softness and tenderness he showed towards her made Natalie feel so appreciated, so loved. She never wanted to let go of that feeling.
She slowly closed her eyes, relinquishing the feel of Justin's lips brushing against her ear as he spoke delicately. "They don't even compare to how breathless you leave me after just walking in a room, or looking at me with those eyes." Natalie exhaled softly, her breath showing up in the coldness of the weather. But the feeling of Justin so close to her almost made her numb to it. She gasped lightly when she felt his hot breath against her neck, making all her senses run wild. That's what she loved most about Justin; he brought out so many different things from her that she never knew she had in her. He kissed her neck daintily as she leaned back more on his toned chest, feeling protected.
"How did I get so lucky?" Natalie wondered aloud, not really expecting a legitimate answer. This wasn't the first time she asked herself that question, and it probably wouldn't be the last.
Justin brought his lips to her rosy cheek, letting them linger there for a second. "You didn't.....I did." Natalie smiled lightly, snuggling deeper into his embrace. After a few minutes, she couldn't surpress the small laugh that was trying to get out any longer. Staring back up at the stars, she could already feel his quizzical gaze studying her. "When did we turn into such big saps?" He laughed heartily, realizing how they must've sounded.
"What can I say, you bring out the best in me." He turned her in his arms, face to face with her. She giggled again, making Justin sigh inwardly at the heavenly sound it was creating. She was pure heaven to him.
"Don't you mean the worst?" Justin smiled down at her, brushing a tendril of hair away from her eyes.
He pretended to contemplate it for a second. "Well....that too." Natalie's jaw dropped and she jokingly slapped his arm. He laughed and tightened his arms around her. "You know I was kidding." She shrugged her shoulders and tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't stop from smiling again. Justin stared at her in wonderment for the umpteenth time that night. Her eyes were twinkling with happiness and he could already feel his heart flutter knowing that he was the cause of it. Natalie's smile faded when she noticed his expression, making her turn serious. She watched him carefully, wondering what was going through his head at that very moment. He caught her gaze, not breaking it as he cupped her cheek in his hand and bent down slowly. Their noses grazed each other, making him nuzzle it lovingly. His eyes softened even more, making him look so vulnerable to Natalie. "I love you Natalie." And he meant it. With every fiber in his body he meant it.
She closed her eyes and leaned ever closer to his lips. "I love you too, Justin. Now and forever." Their lips finally met, emotions pouring out from them like an electrifying current. It expressed how much they meant and truly loved to each other. Their souls were touching along with their hearts. The night was theirs.
*End Flashback*

Those were the moments he missed the most without her. He couldn't remember all the countless times that they just sat their holding each other. It was the stolen moments where time seemed to inevitably stop. The kisses, the tender embraces, the loving looks, even just holding each others hands, they all seemed to be filled with so much love and caringness for one another. So where did they go wrong?

*Flashback*
"Do you miss me?" Justin's eyebrows arched in confusion, still staring at the picture-perfect clouds above in the sky. It was such a beautiful sunny day in Orlando that both Natalie and Justin didn't want to waste it by staying indoors. So they decided to go to a nearby park for a picnic. They just finished eating and were pointing out different funny images the clouds were forming when she blurted out the unexpected question.
"Hmm?"
Natalie turned over onto her belly, smoothing out the classic checkered blanket that was underneath them. She bit her lip shyly before asking again, slightly quieter than the last time. "When I'm gone....do you miss me?" She could feel the red already creeping up in her cheeks, knowing she sounded a little childish. But even so....she wanted to know. Justin finally adverted his gaze when he heard the uncertainty in her voice-something he wasn't used to. She told him that she hated to show others her vulnerability, being hurt so many times before. Even though she knew he would never hurt her intentionally, she still tried to hide it from him. He noticed her cheeks were now a rosy color, her eyes focused on the square patterns of the blanket, tracing it ever so softly with her finger. Even with all of this, he knew she was awaiting an answer.
"There isn't a day..no a second that goes by that I don't miss you. Your a part of me Nat....whenever you leave I feel like that parts being taken away from me. Your too special for me not to miss." He lifted her chin up and he could feel all the love radiating out from her eyes to his. It was such a incredible and uplifting feeling just to know that the feelings were so mutual between the two of them. Just one look in her eyes and he knew. Her smile slowly began forming, the uncertainty she held before fading by the second.
"Really?" Justin chuckled lightly while hoisting himself onto his elbows.
"Really sweetie. Have I ever lied to you?" he questioned.Natalie's smile was now turned into a full out grin, complimenting her tan features beautifully.
"Well.....there was that one time you.." Natalie laughed when she saw the funny expression cross over Justin's face. He quickly recovered from his shockness and rolled over so that his arms were on either side of Natalie.
"I'm hurt Nat. Look at this face,"he paused and made a sad frown, causing Natalie to erupt in more laughter, "It's sad." Natalie scoffed and playfully rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, I bet." Justin stared down at her before shaking his head, almost regretfully. He grabbed ahold of her wrists, making Natalie give him a confused look.
"What are you doing babe? You know I was only kidding." Natalie tried to make amenze with him, but with Justin that's like saying you can walk on water.
"Sorry Nat, but you brought it on yourself. Pay the consequences." Smiling evilly, Justin leaned down towards her stomach and lightly rubbed his nose against it, causing a squeal to come out from Natalie.
"Please Justin, no! You of all people know how much I hate it when you do this!" she pleaded. For as long as she could remember, Justin had been using the this unique technique of tickling her, knowing it irritated her to no end.
Justin looked up at her, giving her a mock sympathetic look. "Aww...you don't want any Nosy Nosy?" He affectionately dubbed it, something that only they would use. Natalie pouted, hoping Justin would relent, but that didn't faze him one bit; it only encouraged it. He continued what he started, rubbing his nose against her stomach. Natalie squirmed, trying to get away from Justin while laughing uncontrollably. She was beginning to look like a big red tomato.
"No...Justin! Stop! I'm sor..sorry!" Justin grinned, but still didn't stop. Some people around them watched in admiration and amusement, noting how much in love the two were with each other. It was almost as if it surrounded them like a cloud of smoke.
Soon, Justin sat up, rubbing his nose gingerly. "I think my nose had enough of a workout for today." Natalie laid back, panting to the lack of breath she had. When she heard Justin say that, all she could do was stare up at him in disbelief.
"Hello? I just got attacked over here! I think I'M the one who had the workout today buddy." Justin grabbed a grape from a nearby plate and popped it in his mouth with a shrug. Natalie sighed tiredly, sitting up next to him. "What am I going to do with you?" Justin grinned slyly, and she knew exactly what he was going to say.
"I can think of a couple of things you could do to me." He wrapped his arms around her waist. drawing her closer to him. Natalie smiled lightly, running a hand absentmindedly through his hair, loving the feel of silkiness tickling her fingers.
"Oh really? Are they legal?" Justin's eyes sparkled with mischief and he kissed the tip of her nose.
"Most of them..." Natalie found herself laughing once again, something she was so used to around Justin. He had so much energy and happiness coming out of him, it was hard not to be in a good mood around him.
"Your too much." Natalie gently placed her hand over Justin's mouth before he had a chance to say anything. "And before you ask me too much of what, let's just say it should be taken as a very good thing." His lips curled into a smile under her hand, placing a delicate kiss on her palm.
Taking her hand gently, he placed sweet, light kisses on her knuckles before flattening her palm against his cheek, holding it there in place. Bringing his other hand to rest on her neck, he slowly pulled her towards him, both of them closing their eyes. Their lips finally joined, both not moving for a few seconds. Soon though they began to deepen it, leaning back together on the blanket. They were so involved in each other that they didn't even care if people saw them. As far as they were concerned, they were the only people in the park, the only people alive. Not breaking the kiss, Natalie leaned on her side, wrapping an arm around his waist, making them even closer. Seconds later, they broke away from each other, breathless. Natalie kissed his cheek before resting her head comfortably on his chest. Instinctively, his arms wrapped around her protectively, kissing her head before looking back up at the clouds. They stayed like that for hours.
*End Flashback*

For the life of him, he still didn't see why this had to happen to him- to them. Sure there were moments where they were at each other's throats, but the good times always out numbered the bad. The only thing that stood out was one argument that they had a little over a month before his discovery. He thought nothing of it afterwards, but now, he wasn't so sure.

*Flashback*
"I don't know why your acting like this. You knew from the very beginning this wasn't going to be easy. Nothing ever is." Justin tried to control his voice, but she wasn't making it easy for him. She was taking everything he said the wrong way, and that was beginning to get to him.
"Don't you think I know that by now!? Stop making me out to be the same nieve girl you met almost 2 years ago! I'm much stronger than you think." Natalie clenched her teeth trying to sound as firm as she wanted to be. She was angry on the outside, but on the inside all she wanted was to run to the serenity of Justin's comforting arms. All she wanted was to hurt no more. but that was slowly becoming impossible.
Justin flopped down tiredly on the couch, frustration evident on his face. He had no idea what triggered this sudden argument, but she seemed to want to fight this one to the bone. This was so unlike her, usually she wanted to resolve a problem, not continue it. He could feel their was something she wasn't telling him, but he had no clue. It was written on her face, as much as she tried to hide it. Swallowing hard, trying to bite back the words that would make thing's worse, he looked up to where Natalie was standing defensively, seemingly ready for everything. He knew her too well to actually fall for this new demeanor she was taking on. He could almost see how scared she was, he could feel it.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was patronizing you, but that wasn't my intention. I just don't understand where all of this is coming from. I mean, we've been through this before and it may be hard, but we both decided to make the sacrifice of continuing this relationship because we love each other." He stared into Natalie's hazel eyes and his heart stopped when he thought he saw doubt in them. "Was I...was I wrong?" his voice came out low, barely above a whisper. He prayed that it wasn't true. His life would end if it was. Natalie's eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously.
"How could you even think that Justin? I can't believe you sometimes! We get into ONE argument and you immediately think that!? That shows just how much YOU trust me!" she fumed angrily. Justin was already fed up with her aggressive attitude. He didn't deserve it, and he was going to make her know that. Standing up, he stalked across her living room, fire taking overtaking his usually calm eyes. She saw his anger clearly on his face and tried to leave the room, but he caught her arm, forcing her to look at him.
"What the hell is your problem? First you question are relationship, now my trust in you!? Your the one who's blowing this thing way out of proportion" Natalie glared at him, trying to hide the hurt she was feeling from his angry words. She knew she deserved every last word.
"You....you.." Natalie started but choked on her words. The tears were already starting to forming in her eyes. She quickly looked down, hoping he didn't notice. He didn't. Justin continued to yell at her, oblivious to what it was doing to her.
"You what? Oh, I really want to hear this! What were you going to call me Natalie? Were you going to call me an insensitive jerk who doesn't care!? Reality check sweetie, I'm not the insensitive one who doesn't give a damn about.." Justin stopped abruptly when he caught sight of the tears silently running down her cheeks, her sad eyes pleading for him to stop. His heart lurched in his chest seeing how hurt she was. Even though she was the one who initiated the argument, knowing that he was the one causing her pain made him hurt physically as well as emotionally. "Oh God Nat...I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry..." he trailed off, rubbing his eyes wearily.
Natalie sniffled quietly, shaking her head. "No it was my fault, I deserved it. It...it just hurts Justin." she stopped, holding a hand to her heart for a second while more tears flooded in. Her emotions were on overdrive lately and she couldn't help but feel like everything was crashing down on her shoulders. Her cries began to get slightly louder making Justin reach out for her, bringing Natalie into his arms. The instant she felt them wrap tightly around, she let everything go, sobbing in his chest as he rubbed her back hoping to calm her down.
"Shh sweetie...please stop crying. I hate to see you like this." he kissed her head lightly, swaying back and forth. She was beginning to really scare him. He rarely ever saw her this emotional before. She was never one to bluntly show very emotion she was feeling, especially when it comes to expressing it to family and friends. He was the only that she could completely let everything run wild without feeling pressured into doing so. One thing was on his mind though and it was worrying him. "Baby, please tell me why your hurting," he whispered in her hair, "If you tell me what's hurting you I'll do anything to make it stop." She burrowed her face further into his chest, almost as if trying to escape the world.
"Everything! My life, I have NO clue what I want to do or what's going to happen! Being away from everyone, family, my friends, being away from you! It hurts to know that I can't feel your arms around me every night, I can't see you everyday, and that I can't be with you every second! I love you so much that I don't even know how to just be me anymore!" she took a few deep breaths before continuing, "I can't live without you anymore Justin....I just can't." Justin closed his eyes tightly, feeling tears rise in his own eyes, He couldn't take away all the pain she was feeling, even though he wanted to so badly. The distance and small weekend visits every month was taking it's toll on them, more so for her. She was all alone in Boston, where in Orlando his family and friend's were there. But she refused to move, a reason that was beyond him. Silence rose, neither of them knowing what to say or do to make it any easier. They both searched for comfort in each others arms, and for the first time, they both knew everything wasn't going to be all right. It would only start getting worse, as much as they refused to accept it.
*End Flashback*

Acceptance. That's something that he was still trying to gain from this horrible experience after almost 3 months. It was pure hell, and he needed to pull himself out of it. He knew that much, but it was hard for him. His wounds of hurt were still fresh, and unlike a cat, he couldn't just lick them and move on. He didn't want to let her go. Natalie was his heart, body, and soul for a year, maybe even longer. She was STILL his heart, body and soul. She was him and he was her. Sighing under the dimly lit street lights and silver-painted moon, he slowly pulled out wallet, opening it like it was his most prized possession. He bit back the tears when he saw her face staring back at him. Her eyes. It was a picture of them happily together. He knew this wasn't helping....but he didn't care. He needed to be able to look at her, even if it was worn photograph. Pulling the small, candid photo from it's confines, he gingerly traced her features, almost as if she was really there. The one he loved was slowly killing him, or whatever was still left of him. He couldn't let her do that. Justin knew he had to do it, and he had to do it now before he lot his nerve. Shakily bringing the photograph up to his face, he placed one last tender kiss on it. Standing to his feet, he glanced up to the sky, seeing the same sparkling jewels from that night shining down on his face gloriously, almost as if encouraging him. Than, with the witness of nobody but the night, he let the photograph slip through his delicate fingers. As he watched the picture descend down, he felt the memories of their happiness together spin though his mind, almost as if it was in slow motion. It finally dropped onto the darkened, cold street, the two smiling faces staring up at his solemn one. He needed to move on, somehow. This was the first step...and the last. Taking one last look at the couple, a tear glided down, landing on her face.
"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be." he murmured, his words drifting quietly through the wind. With one long, deep breath, he turned around, silently saying the final goodbye to the love of his life, not once turning back. Not once thinking of her. A dark figure stepped out from the blackness, watching the young man's retreating form. She watched until he finally rounded the corner, disappearing into the fallen night. Slowly making her way across to where he once sat, her footsteps resonated softly until she stood above the picture of his adorning face. Her fallen angel. Reaching down to the damp picture, she picked it up, studying every aspect of it. Flipping it over, she saw the neatly written message sprawled on the back.
"To my love, my heart, my everything. I love you. ~Nat." Her eyes closed, letting the tears fall, landing sadly on his chiseled face. Opening her eyes slowly, her heart burned with agony, her soul dying. Wiping the tear away from the photo, she tenderly traced his lips. Natalie glanced back at the starry night that was coming to a close. "Maybe your right." she whispered, placing the photograph gently in her bag before walking away, the opposite direction than Justin. One hoping to have the will to move on, the other latching on to old memories. Two different paths, but the same kind of love. The only kind of love.

Email: lady_bass85@yahoo.com